3/12/13—Loving the Hard Love

Today's Draw: Ace of Cups in the What to Know position from the Sola Busca Revisited by Elaine Wilkinson and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you know love? Can you feel it for a stranger? Can you feel it for your enemies?

If you took today's cards literally and simply, they'd say "love is what to know". Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking..."phew, I can skip today's post because I know love." 

But don't exit the building just yet, missy. Because I say back to you, "naw, you only know easy love." 

*ducking to evade all the rotten tomatoes being thrown at me by members of the local chapter of Spouses of Difficult Spouses*

Truth is, "easy love" is all that's expected from us in this life. Opening our heart to God or Oprah is easy. Gazing lovingly at our children and pets is easy. And, hard as it may seem sometime, wishing goodwill for our partners is easy. 

What's slightly hard is loving yourself. Harder still is loving a stranger you've never met. But the really hard thing is to look into the eyes who has hurt or harmed you and wish them the same joy you wish for yourself. 

When I pulled today's pair, I immediately thought of the Buddhist practice of loving kindness or metta bhavana. This practice is key to the Buddhist religion and cultivates goodwill for all living beings. For you and me, doing a metta meditation can be a very emotional and enlightening practice.  

The guided meditation from Sharon Salzberg on this page will take you through the steps: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3uLqt69VyI

Basically you visualize different people, open your hearts to them and wish them goodwill and happiness, as you would wish for yourself. It starts out with the easy people...people you already care for. And it gets harder as you move toward people who have hurt you. Ultimately you open your heart in love and goodwill to all beings on earth. 

This meditation can be a good way to let of issues you have with a particular person. It's also a good way to give yourself an attitude adjustment when you hate life. And, done regularly, it can really up the ante on your spiritual practice. Few things compare with the ability to love all sentient beings. 

We're all familiar with the common kinds of love—familial, platonic, romantic, motherly/fatherly, god-centered. These kinds of love flow through us effortlessly and are usually returned. But I think we can't really KNOW love until we know how to love universally and without the kind of payback we're used to receiving. 

When you love everything, most things don't even know you're loving them. So don't expect them to send you flowers. But do expect it to change the way you see your world and what it reflects back at you. 

7/26/12—Remembering Who We Are

Today's Draw: The Dancer/Water from Tarot of the Sidhe from Emily Carding. Do you ever think of yourself as a spirit having a human experience? If so, how much of you is spirit and how much of is human while you're here? And do you think your spirit ever misses being spirit?

So I have this thing where I cry when I'm watching TV. I cry at Secret Millionaire when the millionaire has that moment when they change from "I'm really rich and want to give money to poor people on TV" to "these poor people are better people than me and I'm humbled." I cry on America's Got Talent when someone gives a performance that is clearly channeled from God. I cry on Shark Tank when someone gets a good funding deal for their brilliant invention. I watch every week and cry and cry and cry. 

Introspective person that I am, it drives me crazy WHY I cry. Is it because I'm a sap? I don't really think so. Is it because I sit on my arse watching TV while those people are out there actually doing things? Well, no. I manage to run my own freelance business, teach twice a month, do some professional tarot reading and write books on the side. So it's always vexed me. Why?

Well, today I think I found the answer from a conversation I was having with an old colleague of mine. And also from today's card. The Dancer is connected to the universe. To the sun and moon. To earth, water, air and fire. To the rhythms and cycles of the universe. Like the water from which she arose, her spirit conforms to fit its container. She is in the world, but not of this world. There is more to her universal connection than meets the eye.

Being human means forgetting who you are. We let our bodies define us and our boundaries. We let our minds define what is possible. And we forget that we are spirits having a human experience. We forget that we are spirits, born of the god energy, at one with all that is.

Based on that, I've decided why I cry. I cry because, in those moments, those people are operating as spirit in human form. If even just for that split moment, they've remembered who they are and its as if their body disappears and their spirit comes through. I cry, not so much because they've remembered, though, but because I recognize them. I remember who I am through them. Perhaps not consciously, but on a spirit level.

When we hop into a body with an ego and all of that, we become an individual. We don a personality. And we tell ourselves we are different from the person next to us. But in spirit form, there is only one...we are all part of the one. It's as if we pinch ourselves off from that whole when we become human.

We walk the spiritual path to find our way back. We seek that reunion and catch longer and longer glimpses of it, but we inevitably return back to remembering that we're here to have that human experience, with all the stresses and frustrations and separation that comes with it. The older souls may be able to experience more oneness here on earth, but they're also cursed with the wisdom of knowing that spirit...that connection...is just part of who we are when we're here.

Like the lady in the card, we're spirit, we're human, we're everything at once. That's the part of our journey the cards want us to consider today.

So I'm thinking maybe when I see people having moments where they step into their highest selves, I remember. I recognize them as myself, from when we were the whole. And I miss that iteration of me that didn't have to remember because I was always there.

5/29/12—Depolluting the Spring

Today's Draw: Ace of Water—Spring—from Waking the Wild Spirit by Poppy Palin. What's dragging you down? What steps can you take today to move toward change? How is the health of your aquifer?

The spring is the origin, the place the water comes from to make a stream, then a river, then an ocean. It is the source. For those who drink from it, it is a source of healing and purification. You are drinking of the earth, a water fed by earth and filtered by earth. The whole of the universe exists within each tiny drop.

Each of us holds within it a similar source. But everything from the people around us and the quality of our lives to our own actions and habits can either add to the purity and nutrition of the spring or deplete it. The myriad little choices we make on a daily basis form the bedrock that filters our essence from its pure and godlike state and determines the way it manifests itself in the world and flows out to ocean of the mass consciousness. And since what you put out there determines what you get back, the quality at its origin affects the quality of its return.

We focus a lot on the importance of eating healthy for our overall well-being, and that is, of course, extremely important. But so is relating healthy. And thinking healthy. And making healthy choices. And keeping your energy core healthy. And exercising healthy. Etc and so on.

If I look back on my life, there were certainly healthier times. There were also unhealthier times. But I will say the past year or so has been especially depleting. I took on a lot last summer with reading professionally and working and writing a book. Then I replaced the professional reading part with teaching. Then this past spring I've had personal difficulties with my dog's surgery and my brother's illness and eventual passing. All the while, I've been enjoying a steady stream of work from clients old and new, requiring me to focus on practical matters when I needed to focus on personal ones.

And as I kept being depleted, I realized there weren't adequate or healthy ways for me to feed the spring. There's clutter in my house that's sucking me of my energy. My poor eating and lack of exercise keep me depleted. There are obligations—most of which are self-imposed—that keep sucking away at me. I have a habit of feeding relationships that do not feed me in return. And I never seem to take the vacation time I need to replenish...and between packing and unpacking, hauling the dogs and whatnot, the time I do manage to take, takes a lot of energy. 

So for the past week or so, I've been making a point of going back to the source to examine the health of my aquifer. And I'm kind of excited and energized about some of the choices I've made. There are also some I'm less excited about, but I know they're good for me, so I'm going to do them anyway. 

I've gotten sufficient rest, which is key. I signed up for a class that is totally without purpose, except to make me smile. I've divested myself of some of the clutter that sucks my energy. And, though I'd love to sit around and eat candy for the rest of my life, I've recommitted to low glycemic eating and the nutritionist that got me off carbs the last time. Trust me, that last choice was the hardest of them all! :D

Thing is, most of the decisions I've made were long overdue. And having them hanging over my head just added to the energy drain. Ultimately the very things that were depleting me were what inspired a new determination in me that I wasn't able to muster before. Of course it's just a week...haha. But some of the changes I've made require me to continue the momentum. 

And here's the interesting thing...none of the changes I've made really took a whole lot of energy. An phone call here, a promise to myself there...bada bing, bada boom and crap that had been dogging me for forever was not just a part of my past, but I was already finding new things to fuel me. When I look back on the past week or so, I'm amazed at how much progress I've made with such little effort. We think it's going to take so much to get us moving in the right direction, but it really takes very little. And we don't have to wait for a Monday or a certain birthday or time of the year to do it. We can start now. 

So what's affecting the health and nourishment of your spring? What small change can you make to make it better? Sometimes just doing something goofy can take you out of yourself long enough to feel whole and alive again and get the snowball rolling. So don't overlook things that don't immediately appear goal related. Anything that fuels you is on point. So with the whole world as your oyster, what small change can you make today? And what are you waiting for?

4/30/12—Loving Like You Were Dying

Today's Draw: The One of Water from the Today's Journey Tarot. Who or what do you love unconditionally....meaning no matter what they to to you or others? Do you think unconditional love is something reserved just for family members, or just for certain types of family members? How different would your life be if you were able to open your to more people without condition?

This One of Water (Ace of Cups) depicts an intensity and range of emotions, from calm to chaotic. This card also speaks of unconditional love. 

If you had asked me a year ago what kind of impact the loss of my brother John would have on me, I wouldn't have predicted the way I've been feeling the last five months. 

The first part of our lives, he and I didn't see much of each other. He was just enough older that our paths didn't cross in school or on playgrounds. Then, when I was in college, he was living at home again and we became closer. We were pretty good friends through my 20s. After he started having children, his focus changed and we had less in common again. 

To a sensitive person like myself, his "sense of humor" could be unnecessarily hurtful. On top of that, it seemed like a lot of things got lost in communication between us. I think it's fair to say that neither one of us quite trusted the other. So, for the past 10 years of his life, I didn't seek opportunities to be around him. I never lost sight of how good a father he was, along with other good qualities of his. But I was happy to admire those qualities from afar. 

Pop psychology would say that the reason I've taken this so hard is guilt—guilt over lost opportunities and blah, blah, blah. But that's not the case at all. I don't feel bad or unjustified about any of the choices I made in regard to him. But what I think I didn't realize until I turned over this card today is that, even though it really didn't look that way, there was unconditional love between us. I never would have guessed it, because on the surface I would think all my love with my brothers and sisters was conditional. But now I'm rethinking that. 

My oldest brother, Bob, is someone who emanates unconditional love for his siblings and I always thought he was a bit sappy for it. But today I'm realizing how wise he is. He is a good example of how you surrender to something like that. He'll get mad at you, but he won't hate you. He'll always be gentle with you. He's the one who will always say, "don't say you don't love him. He's your brother." I finally get that.

When John found out he had cancer, all the walls that caused him to say some of the hurtful things he said tumbled down. Actually, he had already been working on it when he got sick because it pushed more than one of us away from him. But when he learned he had cancer, he surrendered. Anything that was in the past was in the past. 

That made an imprint on me, because when you're faced with death, all those other struggles with the ego don't matter. And he got that immediately. I never would have predicted that of him, either. But he got it immediately. Although "grace" was not a word you would normally use in conjunction with him, there became a grace about him. This opened the door for both of us to set bygones aside and let each other know how we felt about each other.

My mother was the same way when she was dying. Both she and my brother made sure nothing was left unsaid. Both found the courage to express themselves in ways they couldn't when they still held the illusion of having limitless time on this earth. They played that song "Live Like You Were Dying" at my brother's funeral. But I wonder how different this world would be if we could all LOVE like we were dying. How different would your life be? 

I've known for a while that I hold on to hurts way too long. Right now there are a few people who have really let me down. One is a family member. When I surrender to the notion that I love him unconditionally, regardless of whether I like him or not, it softens my position. Much of my inner tension regarding this relationship is in trying to convince myself I don't need him or love him. I think if I could believe that was true, then his actions wouldn't hurt so much. But what really causes the pain is fighting against that part of me that can't NOT love him. His thoughts about me still hurt, but there can be less of a struggle around them when I'm not trying so hard to hate him back. He's my brother. I'm stuck loving him. 

There's a part of me that wants to be someone who can open up their heart enough to love everyone unconditionally. I'm nowhere near that, but I've made progress over the years. I may not ever make it to "love", but I'm pretty sure I can make a dent in "accept". My position on this topic has changed considerably over the years. I used to think unconditional love was only for parents and their children (or pets). But now I'm seeing it can be more. Certainly the Dalai Lama has unconditional love for everyone and everything. What do you think about all of this?