10/15/12—Starting Something New and Beautiful in Your Life

Today's Draw: Four of Trees from the New Zealand Naturally Tarot. Do you ever wish the processional of assholes would stop in your life? What would someone who brings beauty into your life look like? Are you looking for that proverbial lover or friend who "completes" you?

The NZ Naturally Tarot is a really cute, colorful deck "celebrating the diversity of flora and fauna within New Zealand". The Four of Trees equates to the Four of Wands. And the paper that came along with the deck says of it, "the mutual grooming of this pair of kakariki represents the start of something new and beautiful."

A lot of times the Four of Wands will be talking about marriage or some other celebration. But it got me thinking of how, when or if we know we've met someone worth investing in in our lives. And it also got me thinking of how to equate the ritual of grooming with human mating and befriending rituals. 

In a way, I think we "groom" everyone we come across. We make some impact on them...give them some opportunity to make their best choices or push their boundaries. Just sitting here thinking about chance encounters with strangers, a couple come to mind. Both of them were comments about my weight at a time when I was thin. And they continue to rub up against me, creating fine etchings into key parts of myself that still need to change. 

One in particular always stands out. See, back in my 30s, I was, sad to admit, nearly half the size I am now. I looked really good. Was in good shape. Nobody would know I'd ever had a weight problem.  So anyway, I went out a lot on the weekends and you tend to come across the same people over and over at local bars. I was out with my female friends one night and we were all sitting around minding our own business when a guy comes up to our table and says, "you used to weigh a lot more, didn't you?" And I said yes, thinking he would say "hey, you look really good. Good for you!"  And instead he says "well keep it up and one day I might even ask you out." Like I still wasn't quite there yet. Like he was something special to aspire to. 

I'm sure he thought it was a compliment, but to me it was just another reminder that, no matter how hard I worked, I would never be good enough as I was.  There were a lot of those people in my life at that time, men in particular. There were teenage boys I remember heckling me as I was power walking one night, calling me fat as all 5'10" of me whisked along the sidewalk in my size 10 jogging suit. There was a boyfriend I had for a year and a half who regularly told me I was fat, when it was bones that were keeping me from getting any smaller. Then there were people on the other side of the fence...afraid I had become anorexic. At the one time of my life that I was eating well and exercising right, I found myself surrounding myself with people who echoed back the one fear I couldn't release. That I, no matter what I did, would ever be enough just the way I was.

Every time I think of that man in that bar, it rubs up against me again, reminding me that this is a wound in my life that I still need to heal. That I still have a tendency to listen to those voices...voices born of THEIR own fears...over the hundreds of other voices that think I'm the bee's knee's just the way I am. This random stranger in a bar...a man who had clearly noticed me when I was heavier to be able to recognize me five sizes smaller...is still making an impression 20 years later. He's still grooming me. Still honing my sense of self, as he will until his voice stops echoing in his head. Which won't happen until the day I accept myself as I am. Because it's not him that causes the wound. It's me. 

I tell you this story because we tend to think of the grooming or mating ritual...the start of something more beautiful...as being between star-crossed lovers that will live happily ever after. I don't think I'm alone in this, but the biggest, most valuable lessons in my life have been the ones in which I've paid the largest price for having learned them. They're the lessons born of pain. The lessons hard-fought to learn. But even love can be a lesson like that, when you're afraid of being hurt. 

Another reason I say this is because our lives are full of major players and bit players...extras who don't even have a name in the movie of our lives, but who nonetheless bring important plot twists along with them. Each person we come in contact with is like a grain of sand rubbing up against the jagged rock of our humanhood, honing it to a fine, smooth finish. They groom us and we groom them. Even when we're the ones playing the part of the asshole in the bar, as we all have, no doubt, in someone's life. 

I guess what I'm getting at is that we have these fairy tale ideas of who is important in our lives and who has made us who we are today. We long for a person to "complete us" when the people who really complete us are the assholes who like to roll around in our wounds and poke the sorest spots. Everyone is our teacher. Everyone is our hero. And everyone has the potential to be the start of something new and good in our lives. 

10/5/12—Building the Life Force

Today's Draw: Umiarkowanie (Temperance) from the Tarot Maroon. Is there someone or some situation in your life that drains you of your life force? What unfinished business keeps that situation in your life? What do you suppose it is healing within you?

I pulled this EXACT card just a little over a month ago. And in that entry I spoke about how my dog, Magick Moonbeam, comes to me to heal her hiccups with my reiki energy. And I spoke about my other dog, Kizzie, is a healing source for me...instantly calming me when I dig into his abundant fur. 

But today I officially became the mommy of a third dog, Mystic, aka Manic Mystic, aka Buckshot Annie. And I wonder which way this will go...will I be healing for her? Or will she be healing for me. 

The truth is, it will probably be a little bit of both. Because that's what Temperance is...a balance. A give and take. The hummingbird in the picture nourishes itself on the nectar of the flower, then flies off with the flower's pollen to pollinate another flower. Both receive life force from the other in one way or another. 

While it's easy to see how a doggie and mommy receive life force from each other, sometimes it's hard to see this at work with the humans in our lives. I mean, it's easy when the relationship is good and healing. And with relationships that aren't, we can easily see how they suck the life force out of us. What we don't easily see is how, even when a relationship is draining, it's pulling us forward and ultimately aiding in our healing. 

It's all in how you look at it. The hummingbird is taking from the flower, draining it of the nectar it has spent a lot of its energy accumulating. But it accumulated the nectar to attract the bird so the bird could spread its seed. We often do that with others. We have them in our lives to serve a certain purpose, even if we can't always see it. Sometimes it's a human, ego-driven purpose and sometimes it's a soul-based spiritual purpose. Then, when the exchange has completed its value, like the flower, it will wither. But it will have created something new in us in the process.

Whether it's a human or a job or some other situation, it's not just there to drain you. It's there to heal you. Viewed through a spiritual lens, EVERYTHING in life is there to nourish or heal you. The mistake we make is standing in its way by whining about it all the time and making it more painful than it needs to be...haha. 

I mean, look back on your life and you'll see where everything has all been a process of growth and renewal that you, eventually, became grateful for. Whatever person or situation you're facing now will be the same. 

9/6/12—Healing the Self

Today's Draw: The Star from the Healing Earth Tarot. Where are you on the path toward self-acceptance? How about self love? What is your inner self reflecting to the outside world about who you are?

Today's card comes subtitled "Healing the Self". So I can't think of a more appropriate card for day four of Healing Thoughts and Practices week. In the book there's all this crap about the card depicting healing waters flowing in and out of the goddess' vagina. *barf* *I mean, really, baarrrrff*

The nice little nugget from the book, though, is that the self is made up of many different inner worlds, each reflecting a different part of us to the outside world. And when we heal one of these inner worlds, we heal that part of our outer world it reflects upon as well. The book goes on to say, "to heal a part of our being means to totally accept or love that part, to bring it back home. Making an enemy on the inside quickly produces an enemy on the outside."

So the Star asks you to look at whatever is inside you that you do not like, to see why it's there and to begin to "relax the tension created by holding it separate". Likewise, I think you can look outside of you and see what you don't like, see what it reflects from within and stop holding that separate from you, too. 

All of this is very relevant and timely for me. I recently had an opportunity to see something from a completely divergent perspective. And in the course of that, I was able to note how I might have handled the same situation 10 years ago or 20 years ago and how much I had changed. How much I had healed. And how much I've incorporated things I may have once felt separate from and brought them home to a place of self acceptance. 

One of my healing sessions I attend each month sometimes asks me to "breathe in divine self acceptance" or "divine self love". I often have trouble with those two things. I'm very hard on myself. I sell myself short. I think most people who know me well would agree about that and have often said as much to me. So sitting well with who I am is difficult. Not that I think I'm a monster, but just that, inevitably, some criticism pops to the fore and stands in the way of me bringing self love and self acceptance home. 

There are times, however, when someone who has a much more dismal view of me than I have of myself comes forward. I know in the past I've always worked hard to defend myself against each and every item on their lists. But now I don't. Something has shifted in me that now allows them their dismal view without trying to convince them otherwise...or allowing it to diminish how I feel about myself. That's huge for me. 

When you're "at home" with your flaws, there's no point left to argue. When someone says things that are untrue, you can readily recognize them as such. It's the things that sting or hurt that you might want to consider before brushing aside. The Star in this deck brings the opportunity to do all three, all in the hopes of making you whole and bringing you home.

9/4/12—Losing Yourself in Something Larger

Today's Draw: The Six of Fire from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert, Part 2. Do you tend to get so caught up in daily life that you lose touch with anything beyond bills, work and caring for family? What kind of activities are guaranteed to make you transcend everyday life and go into that larger place of spirit? How often do find yourself going there...often enough?

I have a tendency to become very single-minded sometimes. For example, when work is busy, I'll go into "work mode" and that's all I'll focus on until the busy patch passes. Somewhere inside my head a switch goes off and says, "you must stand your post until all work is done." So during those periods, it's a miracle if I get out and go grocery shopping, let alone do anything else. 

Really, it's the same thing as saying I get so involved in life that I forget to take care of myself. I'm sure you can relate. And it's not always that I don't have time to do something for myself. Most of the time I do have time. But for one reason or another, I just don't take it. 

So today's idea for Five Healing Thoughts and Practices week is to take the time. And don't just take the time, take it doing something you get lost in. See the way the woman in this card is lost in her ecstatic dance? And the others are lost in drumming? It's about going to a place in our head where clients, kids, bills, schedules, husbands and the other crap we think about the other 24x7x365 doesn't exist. 

For me, this is something I simply cannot do in the home. I work here, do everything here. So I have to get away. Sometimes it works to hang out with a friend, but that doesn't always work. Sometimes that's just getting away in the body, but the mind still churns with work stuff. Really, the best place for me is in nature. I get so lost in the scents and scenery that I lose awareness of all else. 

The other day I arranged my schedule so that I could take the afternoon off. And I scooped up my dogs and took them to the park. This doesn't happen that often when the weather is hot, but it was a nice day with low humidity. And it just so happened that we hit one of our favorite spots at a time when nobody else was there. The path was lined with sweet smelling white flowers. Butterflies were flitting here and there. Birds were chirping. Crickets were singing. A breeze was blowing. And since there was no one else around, I was able to let the dogs off the leash, so I didn't even have to worry about them pulling me through the woods. 

Not too far down the path is a nice little sandy beach on the river with huge driftwood logs you can sit on. This is near a marina and there are a number of boats anchored off shore, so you could hear metal clanking against the sail posts and someone had windchimes on their boat. And I got lost in all that for really just a few moments, but enough to deliver healing. Enough to remind me that the stuff I get bogged down in every day is trivial compared to the larger force that was alive in me that very minute. 

A neat little side story is that, at one point, one of my dogs was sniffing at a shell along the shoreline. So I thought I'd go over and check the shell out. As I got up off the log, I remember thinking "I wonder if there's any beach glass here?" I'm constantly surprised at the things you find along the shore of the river, like the rather large snail shell (or whatever critter was inside) that my dog found. Anyway, as I returned to the log, sitting right next to where my arse was just minutes before, there was a piece of beach glass! I hadn't noticed it before. It was like it appeared out of nowhere, a spontaneous manifestation from the universe!

Anyway, back to the larger force within. Life can confuse us into believing that what happens in the brief phase of time that we're here on earth is real...is what truly is. But when we lose ourselves in that part of us that transcends this existence, we discover what TRULY, truly is. Where our everyday lives can make us feel small and leave us to wonder what it's really about, losing ourselves in that higher place shows us how infinite and integral we are. 

I believe we came here to live the very life we get bogged down in, rather than trying to find a way to always live in the larger place. We have all of eternity to live in that larger place. But taking these respites serves to remind us that this is not all there is. And sometimes we desperately need to know that. We don't even know how desperately until we're there...until we're truly home.   

9/3/12—Being a Force for Healing

Today's Draw: Six of Fire from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert, Part 1. Do you consider yourself a healer? Would you like to be someone who spreads more healing throughout your world (and, in the process, receives more healing in return)? How often do use the words "I love you" to let someone know you love them, rather than just assuming that they know?

Sometimes I feel like I focus too much on the things we do wrong on our paths, rather than the things we do right or CAN do right. That's not really the case, but it is how I feel after the past couple of weeks, which have been kind of rough. So I declare this week to be Five Healing Thoughts or Practices week. 

The Six of Fire talks about generating healing energy with others and being the inspiration of healing and transformation for both yourself and others. Anytime we gather in a group, the energy rises exponentially...to more than the sum of all the individual energies in the group. So if you really want to generate some healing energy, do it in a group. (That's part of the intended meaning for this card, but I see something else in the card. So we'll work with the same card tomorrow, too.)

First let me talk about what "healing" is. It's not just physical, "get well soon" kind of stuff. It's emotional and psychic and social and every which way. So when you spend time with family and friends and feel better when you leave than you did when you arrived, that was a healing. Really, anytime you choose love over some other emotion or act—anger, judgment, gossip, indifference, frustration, convenience ;)—you're putting out healing energies and distributing healing chemicals throughout your body. 

So really just getting friends together for drinks and a gabfest can be a healing. Or you could go farther, by having a group over to celebrate the beauty inside each person in the group. We don't always take the time to tell the people in our lives what makes them so important to us. We actually tend to be more critical of the people we care about than purposely making them aware of their gifts. We assume they know we love them, rather than telling them. 

I remember, when I was a little girl, telling my mother that I didn't think my father loved me. And she said to me "he loves you. He doesn't always show it or say it in ways that make it obvious, but you see it in other ways." So I looked for those other ways. But it was hard, because little girls don't understand things like how hard dads work to support their families and that that's a way they show love. I would have preferred he told me and showed me in ways I could understand. And I'm still like that today. 

I'm not yet 50 and I've been without parents most of my life. I've also already lost a sibling. So me and my brothers and sisters have understood loss for a long time. More than 25 years ago, we began a practice of always saying we love each other at the end of every conversation. I credit my brother Robert for starting it, but who knows who started it. Anyway, it doesn't matter if we butt dial the wrong number, if the conversation goes poorly or what—we always say we love each other before we hang up. 

That's a healing practice we do in our family. We do it because we understand that you can blink and the other person can be gone. And we want our last words to be words of love. But, for me at least, I also do it because I don't want anyone wondering just because I don't say it. I learned a lesson this past spring when my brother died. He and I had issues. But those issues meant nothing when placed beside the reality of death. We healed that before he died, but had he died suddenly, neither of us may have ever realized just how much stronger that bond is than the BS we let stand between us.

Anyway, I'm guessing that most of the people reading this have become a greater force of healing for themselves and those around them over the years. It's valuable to take a moment and reflect on that to see how we've softened our edges and amplified our appreciation of those in our lives. Some of it comes with age, some with spiritual awareness. It doesn't take much more than smiling at someone who looks like they could use a smile, really. That's a very healing act. For both parties. 

So we're all doing it already anyway...spreading our healing energy. And we may even be doing it without realizing it. Just imagine how much more we could do if we became more conscious of it and did it on purpose. Anytime you choose to project love over some other emotion, you're spreading your healing energy. How much love can you spread today?

8/23/12—Knowing Where to Seek Healing

Today's Draw: Umiarkowanie (Temperance) from the Tarot Maroon. Is there someone, someplace or something in the natural world that is undeniably healing for you? Are you the source of anyone's or anything's healing? What stories do you have of natural energetic exchanges that resulted in physical or emotional healing?

I've been dying to tell you the story about Magick Moonbeam, my dog, all week of Energy Week. And, at first blush, this card doesn't *technically* allow me to do it, but I'm going to do it anyway, darnit! I'm going to bend the meaning to suit my purposes! This is my blog! MINE, I say!!!! *collapsing under the stress of holding a good story in too long*

OK. So Temperance is about balance. But it's also the card of alchemy...the blending of one thing into another to create a third thing. When we temper steel, we harden it. As a diabetic, when I temper a measured enjoyment of carbs with high fiber and protein, I sort of stabilize the impact having, say, an ear of corn, will have on my blood sugar. So that, in itself, is an energy exchange...between the fiber and protein and the sugars. 

Anyway, this stabilizing effect is the window through which I'm going to walk to tell the story about my baby girl dog. And it also occurs to me my boy Kizzie plays a role, too. More on that later. 

I know reiki, which is a form of energy medicine. Energy medicine is becoming more and more mainstream as doctors like Dr. Oz speak of it benefits. Basically, a trained practitioner uses their energy to help heal you, either physically or emotionally. I've heard stories over the years of broken bones snapping back into place, cancers being healed and the healing of issues that modern medicine has failed to heal. Personally, I don't think anyone should rely on energy medicine alone. Or modern medicine alone. I think tempering one with the other is your best bet. 

Magick knows where to look for healing.

I'm not a good reiki person. I never practice or try to develop it. But once you have been "attuned" to the energy, it's inside you. Anywho, there is one situation in which I occasionally whip out my reiki skills...when Magick Moonbeam has hiccups. I cure them for her immediately simply by putting my hand on her belly and calling up my reiki energy. She's always very cooperative, but up until the other day, she has always allowed the healing to come to her. 

So the other morning I'm laying in bed, half awake, half asleep. One arm is cuddling Magick while the other is just flopped to the side, palm up. And Magick gets hiccups. Without missing a beat, she stands up, walks to my other hand, positions herself above my palm and squats down so her belly is touching my hand! I couldn't believe it! Like the hummingbird in the card, she knew where her source of sustenance came from and went to it—instead of waiting for it to come to her!

She knows my energy "heals" her. She knows which hand I use. She knows what part of her body I send the energy to. Her ENERGY seeks my ENERGY to heal her. She knows both intellectually and energetically that there is a tempering effect that passes between us. 

Kizzie's healing energy just radiates from his body. 

So that's my story. And now the Kizzie thing. Kizzie is the big furry one. And he has amazing healing energy. I'm sure if you hooked me up to monitors, you'd see many energetic systems in my body—beyond just blood pressure—change significantly for the better when he's in my arms. 

My motto with Kizzie is "a cuddle a day keeps the doctor away". So we schedule the snuggle time. But I also seek it out whenever I'm upset. I can't even describe it, but the effect is instant and entirely energetic. He has an amazing tempering effect on me. And just like Magick knows where to go to heal those hiccups, I know where to go when I'm feeling stressed. 

Someone once gave me a really good example of how living beings, especially humans, are programmed to heal ourselves and others. She said "when you bump yourself or get a scratch, what is your first instinct?" Well, our first instinct is to place our hand on the boo boo until the initial pain goes away. As children, our mother's kiss on a scratch would somehow make it feel better. We are instinctually programmed to use our energy to heal...to heal with touch. 

So what about you? What tempers you? What energy do you seek out as a guaranteed source of healing? If you're not really sure, start observing. It may be an energy exchange between you and nature or the ions in a hot bath with salts. And what are you a source of healing for for others? These energetic connections, while not widely recognized in the mainstream, are nonetheless real and integral to our health. 

8/17/12—Stopping Your World

Today's Draw: Healing (Temperance) from the Threefold Oracle by Tara Cochrane. What do you do each month that is ONLY for you? Do you have a regular healing ritual you do for yourself? Or do you find that there just never seems to be time for stuff like that in your busy life?

First a word about this oracle because it's unique. What Tara Cochrane has done here is interpret the major arcana three different ways for a total of 66 cards. She's used three different mediums: mixed media with watercolor, block printing with watercolor, and pen and watercolor, which is what this card is. But it's not just the mediums that are different. It's also the imagery, her interpretations and the card names. The lwb is a pdf you can request for free from the artist or you can buy in print form. 

That said, the final day Self Care Week is pretty logical. Do something *special* to support your emotional, physical, spiritual healing on a regular basis. Make it an event. One that happens at least once a month. That can be a massage, a healing session, a meditation class, *gentle* yoga, a spa day, sitting silently in a church....whatever. This isn't about going to the mall and, while you're there, buying something for your daughter. It's also not about meeting the girls for drinks and listening to all their problems. This all about you. 

Take time off of work to do it, if you can. And if you can't do that, then let your spouse order Chinese while you're treating yourself. I say this because it makes it more special, imo. It's the difference between finding time in your busy schedule of caring for others and making your schedule of caring for others accommodate you, you know? A final tip—make it an *appointment* that is *non-negotiable*. Like the dentist. Or a mammogram. 

I take the first (sometimes second) Tuesday of every month off. I go to a healing session in the morning, then on the way home, I stop and take myself out for a nice lunch along the river. I buy myself Godivas and maybe even a trinket, if I'm in the mood. The entire day is mine. It happens while everyone else is working. That makes it more sweet. And it's always scheduled a month ahead of time, so I can work around it. I also leave work two hours early one or two Fridays a month, also for healing sessions. Call it a mental health day. 

In the past I also used to have something called Night of Beauty. I did it every Sunday. It would start around 7pm with a candlelit bath and deep conditioning. Then it would lead to chocolate and journaling. I probably kept this appointment with myself regularly for five or six years. It was non-negotiable. All my friends knew better than to try to get me on a Sunday. I also had a couple of years of twice-monthly massages. See how it works?

This is time that is ALL about you. Nobody else. And it's not second or third or when-you-can-get-to-it priority, it's first priority. Once you "make the date" you'll see. Life flows around it. It's not as big a deal as you think it is. And if anyone tries to make you feel guilty about it, don't buckle to their manipulation. 

Clearly it's not an issue for me anymore, but I know there are some of you out there full of reasons why you can't spare the time. I used to have those reasons myself...I've got to be there for my clients when they need me, it's not fair to leave the dogs all day when they're used to having me around, there's so much other stuff I could be doing with that time, it's selfish, blah, blah, blah. 

Trust me Atlas, the world won't stop spinning if you take a couple of hours a month for yourself. Your kids/spouse/boss/parakeet will adjust. And instead of modeling self-sacrifice for them, you'll be modeling self care. The harder it is to break away for something like this, the more you need it. It's time for other things to wait. Your self kindness and care have been waiting long enough. 

4/3/12—Respecting Your God

Today's Draw: Page of Wands from the Mary-El Tarot. Do you think having faith in God makes people stronger and more successful? When you look at your daily behavior, do you treat ALL others as you would have them treat you, or is this a practice reserved only for the few, or only for those who return the favor? Do you think Christ's forgiveness makes it OK for people to ignore his teachings and his examples?

Today's card talks about the power of belief and how faith helps people pursue and achieve their divine purpose in life. No doubt most of us would agree with that statement and each of us would identify our own version of the higher power as the one to believe in and the one to have faith in. I know I did when I first read the statement.

But then, just for kicks, I googled "celebrity atheists" and look at what I found. Richard Branson, Lance Armstrong, Bill Gates, Ricky Gervais, Howard Stern, Julianne Moore, Woody Allen and James Cameron are on the list, to name a few. Those aren't "kind of" successful people. They're not people without a view of their "divine purpose". They're people at the very top of their game. They're philanthropists. And they don't believe in God. Any god. 

I saw a blog today by a Catholic woman who felt her child had been possessed by something.  Turns out her massage therapist received a reiki treatment and infected her child with the devil. A reiki treatment. Given to a massage therapist. Who massaged the mother. Possessed the child with the devil. In the blog comments, others chimed in about the witchcraft performed by healers and the devil-worshiping rituals involved in becoming a reiki healer. 

Ignorance is everywhere. And, in my opinion, people shame themselves and their god when they perpetuate lies out of their own fear of the unfamiliar. 

I'm not writing about reiki today, but I will say this. There is no religion in it, there are no devil-worshiping attunements and the only god I've heard mentioned by a reiki practitioner is Christ and Christ's energy. And angels like Michael. And the white light of heaven. Though not all reiki practitioners are Christian, most have a healthy respect for Christ, his teachings and his healing abilities. Most healers I know give very freely of themselves to help people. To see them characterized in such a way is repulsive to me. It comes from ignorance and fear, not from anything Christ ever said about healers. In fact Christ tells us to "heal the sick" and says that those who believe in him, will do greater things than he did.

That said, what I am writing about today, though, is that it's time for the judgment and stereotyping and hating to end. Really, it is. And if your neighbor isn't willing to be the first or even go along with you, do it anyway. We ALL fancy our beliefs to be the right ones. We ALL think our faith and love gets us ahead in life. We ALL have misconceptions. We ALL judge. But only a few of us will be the leaders who will stop the madness and actually follow the teachings and examples of Christ or Buddha. Why not make yourself one of those leaders?

Here's how you do it. If your god is loving, love. If your god is forgiving, forgive. If your god is accepting, accept. If your god is inclusive, stop rejecting. And if your God is humble, stop acting superior. And if you don't have a god, love, forgive, accept, include and be humble anyway, just because it's a gracious, cooperative and loving way to move through this world. Sure, we'll always disagree on things and have opinions and whatnot, but it's time to stop fighting over god in god's name, and using his teachings to justify fear-based, ignorant, hateful, marginalizing, judgmental, nasty and holier-than-thou behavior. That's just disrespectful.