7/18/14—Touching Eternity

Tonight's post is adapted from one I wrote back in September of 2011. 

One of my best kept secrets is that I'm a ceremony queen. Nay, diva! It's a secret because I only invite a special few to share in my ceremonies. But I make my own incenses and oils. I anoint everything and set up a sacred altar. I come up with elaborate ceremonial rituals for participants, usually involving fire and tiny explosions...haha. 

Everyone is asked to bring something to the ceremony so that, through the planning ahead, their energy arrives before they do. There's often music...I have a few drums and a complete set of crystal singing bowls, along with various chimes and rattles. Or I'll play pre-recorded music. Sometimes crafting is incorporated into the program. I have a laser generated star machine for indoors ceremonies. And typically people end up bearing their souls and making themselves vulnerable to the group in the some way. I'm sure you've all caught on by now that I like to be dramatic. Multiply that by 10 and you've got one of my ceremonies. 

I love to create, so every ceremony is different. I usually begin days before by drafting the "script" and making the incenses and oils. Every detail is thoroughly thought out, all the way down to cheat sheets for participants so they don't forget the order of things during their part of the ritual. I know it sounds anal, but there are a number of steps that usually have to be followed and I can't expect them to memorize those steps when they're busy thinking of what their affirmation will be or what they'll etch on their take-home altar item or whatever...haha. Did I mention I REALLY get into this? Fortunately, everyone enjoys them and can't wait for the next one, so clearly I'm not too overbearing. 

Anyway, the ceremonies might be for finding love, adding something new to your life, getting rid of an old habit, healing, honoring the year's passing, etc. Group ceremonies are made more powerful by the collective energy of the group so, for me, choosing the right dynamic is essential. 

Taking part in ceremony and ritual goes beyond making wishes, saying prayers or even of purifying some part of you that you feel is in need. In fact, it goes beyond the physical body and your current existence to touch something very deep at the soul level. If you believe in souls and reincarnation...and if you believe that the soul and even your DNA carry the code of human life history...then maybe there's a way to retrieve or reawaken some of the early energies. And if a way exists, ceremony and ritual are one of the vehicles to take you there. There's something about smoke and fire that will do that for you.

A part of me deeply connects to that part of us that is the original human. It also deeply connects to what you might consider earth's first witches, the shamans. When I'm deep in the moment, I feel those ancestors, their ancient DNA flowing through me. When I'm preparing for a ceremony, I hear their whispers as they guide me. This is different than meditation or anything else. There's a different reverence, a different feel, a different hand of creation. It's very mystical. Aboriginal. It goes back to the earliest stirrings of man. 

This ancient drive can be found in every religion. Catholics do the body and blood of Christ thing. That's a ritual. Facing east and praying every few hours is a ritual. And the day-long prep for an authentic sweat lodge is too. It's almost instinctual within us and yet is one of the sad losses we've volunteered to take in exchange for modern "rituals" like adhering to schedules or doing things in the same order during our morning routines. These things may bring us comfort and even put us in a "zone", but they don't really touch the same depths. 

So consider adding some sort of ceremony or ritual to your life that does. Something with smoke and fire and and intention and reverence. Something you do uninterrupted and just for your soul self. It can be as easy as sitting in candlelight with some good incense burning and journaling once a week. Or setting an intention by writing it on paper and keeping it someplace special. I do everything first class out of respect for the process...handmade journals, beautiful papers, wax seals, artisan altar items, expensive incense. I like to awaken every sense. This takes things out of the ordinary. 

Over time you can add things to your simple ceremony more complex. Years ago I did an entire evening of beauty every Sunday night. I would take a bath and imagine the waters purifying me. I'd exfoliate the week off of me with a scrubby to prepare for the new. I'd wear something that felt sensual and crawl into bed with my journal and some chocolate, my room lit by candles. Then I would write, imagine, dream. No sound, no interruptions. Just me holding court with me. 

If you put some thought into it, you could come up with something fabulously "you", too. Just sit in silence and ask yourself how you can honor your soul, your higher self, that part of you that is sacred and divine. Then try a few things and see how it goes. There is a part of you that rose from smoke and fire...that worshiped smoke and fire. Touch it and you touch eternity.

7/16/14—Basking in Grace

I have been the beneficiary of grace many times this summer. At times the show of goodwill toward me has brought me to tears. This grace has come in every area of my life, from helping with health and fitness goals to my friendships to my tarot stuff to my career. 

Pardon me while I digress to tell a story relevant to all of this. A couple of weeks ago (through the grace of a business contact) I was put in touch with a prospective client. When I told this person my rates, they said I was outside their budget and asked me to refer them to someone else. When I told them I didn't know any other freelance copywriters to refer them to, they a) seemed to think I was lying and b) tried to convince me by saying, "if you don't refer people, people will never refer you."

I told them that I refer people all the time but that I don't seek out knowledge about other freelance copywriters. Besides, I have never been introduced to another freelance copywriter, I don't come across them in the course of my work, and while I've given advice to budding freelancers over the years, I'm not aware if they're still working or what their rates are. So part of it is just circumstance, but part of it is intentional. And it's intentional because if I knew their names, during the slow times I'd torture and distract myself by looking them up on Facebook, googling them and wondering if they're getting more business than me, instead of doing something about my situation. I don't want to fall into that trap. 

Spiritually, I believe that there is plenty of pie for everyone to have a slice. It's not a competitive thing for me. It's a sanity thing. And I'd rather do what I need to weather the nearly two decades of ups and downs I've had as a freelancer than have a list on hand as a courtesy to people who don't want to hire me anyway. It's hard to weather the changing tides of being a consultant. This is one way I keep my head in the game. 

I tell this story for a reason. And the reason is that the things we do for others are not tit for tat. You don't hold a door for someone so that someone will hold a door for you. You do it because you're nice and trying to help. That attitude will come back to you, but it may come in the form of someone letting you in line in front of them at the grocery store, for example. So there are two things going on here: 1. You do for others out of the kindness of your heart and not because you want something out of it and 2. You will be repaid, but maybe not in the way you think. There's also a third thing. 3. You get to choose how you help. 

So as I was thinking of these moments of grace that had been bestowed upon me, I was wondering what I had done that was worthy? Why were these people reaching out to me so kindly, some of them people who don't know me well. And then I remembered...I do a lot of stuff for others without asking for anything in return. I pay it forward and I do it from a pure place—not a place of hoping it comes back to me. Still, there have been times over the years that I'm exhausted from doing for others and wonder when the energy will flow back my way. I think that's natural, but it's not why I do it. 

Anyway, this summer I feel like I've received more than my share of grace from others. But do you know why more than usual have stepped up the plate? Because I let people know what I was going through. It's that simple. And the ones that could help volunteered without me even having to ask. I recently had dinner with a friend of mine who is one of the most selfless people I know and we were discussing how, when you're an independent person used to doing everything for yourself, it's hard to ask for help. Very hard. Since I left my parent's home 30 years ago, I've never had anyone to help with money, chores, dog rearing or anything else in my life. It doesn't even occur to you to ask for help after all that time. 

But I've found lately that, when I've honestly expressed my fears and needs to people, they're very willing to help. Part of it is that, in recent years, I've purged relationships that were parasitic and replaced them with relationships that are more equitable. But part of it is that so many of us are willing to help if we know help is needed and if the help that's needed is something we can do and something that doesn't end up compromising our own needs. Knowing that people are there to help without you having to outright ask means a great deal. 

So I want to thank the people who have offered to help, those who are helping and those who are helping but think I don't know what they're doing. Your kindness will come back to you. Maybe not from me. Maybe not in the same way. But when it comes, it will be beautiful and you'll be humbled by the generosity. You'll wonder what you've ever done to deserve it. And then, hopefully, you'll remember what you did for me and embrace the breathtaking blessings of your gifts of grace. 

7/14/14—Reclaiming Parts of Myself

A friend of mine spent the weekend backpacking with his dog in the most beautiful spot. The pictures he posted made me want to be fit enough to do it. He said there were nice spots you could drive to, but I like the idea...the romance...of this backpacking thing. 

Of course that doesn't mean I'll ever do it. I've been camping before, but with a blow up mattress and a huge cooler and plenty of clothes. When you have to carry everything you need on your back and sleep on the ground, it's different. Even if I were fit enough to do it, I'm not sure I'd manage very well out in the wilderness alone, even with my three dogs with me. In fact, I'd have to be brave enough for four. Still, my friend's hike is only ranked intermediate, so it's doable. 

Many, many years ago I set out on a difficult-ranked hike on my own. It was March, so some of the rocks were a little icy in the shade. It was grueling, even though I was very fit at the time. The first three miles down the mountain and past all the waterfalls was easy, but it was the part on the way back that was straight up that was hard. There was a boy scout group doing the same hike and we'd pass each other, then rest. Then pass each other, then rest. It was nice knowing they were there in case I hurt myself. It was also nice to see a bunch of boys struggling as much as me. When I was climbing up, I was in shorts, even though it was very cold out. Then when I'd rest, I'd have to cover up or freeze. It was probably the biggest "adventure" of my life. 

I've gone back to that trail since then, but have never done the hard part of the hike...just the mile or so in and back out again. I'll never be 30 again. And I doubt I'll ever do that hike in quite that way again. But I mourn the loss of my fitness, most of which came at the hands of too much food, too little exercise and a lot of depression. 

Sometimes it seems so easy for me to make bad choices. But it isn't really easy. It's hard because bad choices weigh on you. And they're much harder to fix than they are to make. Over the years I've made bad choices with my work, with men and, of course, with my weight. All of them were much harder to fix than make. 

Truth is I've been very complacent about my weight and fitness for a long time now. I'm doing more and more about it, but my progress is slow. I was surprised at how my friend's pictures made me all wistful for hiking again. Usually when I get wistful for physical activity, it's yoga. But I have a tendency to get vertigo these days, which makes yoga classes hard. I seem to find teachers that, even though you tell them you get vertigo, bark at you if you remain on the floor while everyone else has gotten up. I guess they don't understand how vertigo can feel like there's extra gravity on you while your head is spinning. You simply can't get up.

Anyway, it's nice to have a muse that can help you make better choices. Hiking may be that muse for me. When I was younger I would drive to a different place in my Hiking in Virginia guidebook every couple of weeks and explore something new. I may never have the balls to backpack in and do what my friend did over an entire weekend, but I know there are plenty of hikes around here that I could do starting maybe later this fall or next spring. Frankly, there are some easy ones I could do right now, for that matter. But I'm thinking of hikes in maybe the intermediate range...the ones with altitude changes that open up into into striking vistas that make the exertion worthwhile...the ones that aren't so crowded...the ones that go five or six miles, up and down hills or mountains.  

I think I haven't quite realized the price I've paid in terms of my relationship with nature because of my bad choices. Seeing those pictures this weekend really struck me for some reason. For one thing, the terrain is unusual for this part of the country, so I want to see it. But it was as if I was standing in his pics, feeling strong, feeling the breeze on me, having energy, giving my body a nice workout and feeling like an extension of the terrain...that's what I miss. 

I may not be able to get back to my 30 year old body and strength. But I can get back to the trail. And I can reclaim some of the parts of myself I set aside so long ago through my bad choices. 

7/11/14—Getting Real

This woman has surgically and otherwise altered herself
to look like a human Barbie doll. No doubt there's a
good bit of photo manipulation going on here, too.

Some of you may know me to be a night owl. I do like the early am hours. But I rarely ever spend those hours writing. And since I maintain a diversion-free bedroom environment, it’s even more rare for me to write in bed. So tonight I’m breaking all the rules.

It’s an interesting thing when that one thing that calls to you more than anything else is also the way you make your money. For some people those things are separate. For some they’re the same, but the people never recognize it because they never pondered the “what calls to me” question long enough to boil it down to a theme that has been pervasive in their life all along. I’ve had the honor of talking to many such people in the past and, when we light upon that common denominator, a light bulb goes off and they discover that what they’re doing now is fulfilling their mission. They might prefer to do it in a different way, bit it nonetheless supports their calling. I think there are a lot of people who are that way.

But now back to me. :)

I’m someone who has to write. My calling, boiled down, is to “move people with my words.” Professionally, as an advertising copywriter, I move people to buy stuff and visit places and choose certain colleges and subscribe to things. Here on this blog, I hope I move you to consider your personal and spiritual growth in different or deeper ways.

But it’s an interesting thing when this passion of yours becomes a transaction of sorts. In my job as a freelance copywriter, I’m compensated for doing something I truly enjoy—something that makes all my cylinders fire. Even though I don’t make a penny off this blog and it’s what I would consider “writing for enjoyment,” I still see it as a business transaction because it’s informing my budding career as an author. Both of these “transactions” are deadline-based and “my day isn’t over” until my desktop is cleaned off and all the deadlines are met. Yet, I thoroughly enjoy the “doing” of them. Yet, they’re my job. Yet, I feel so fortunate for them. Yet I’m doing my job.

I hear people—usually celebrities—say things like “when you’re doing what you love, it’s not work.” OK. I understand what they’re saying. But I want to call bullshit on it, too. It’s still a job. There are still aspects of it that bite. You still have to be somewhere at a given time each day. There are still difficult people you have to deal with. So this breezy attitude of “it’s not work” is not only inaccurate, but it also sets false expectations that people can never truly meet.

I’ve never come out and said it here before, but I’m not a fan of expectations and ideals that can’t be met. Nobody and no situation is perfect and the projection of that image imprints negatively on the observer when they fall short. It’s the same with airbrushed supermodels, perfect love and shiny little Brady Bunch families. In the shadows lurk cellulite, annoying tics and a neglected middle child who’s just one forgotten birthday away from going postal on society.

Part of it is our tendency to look on the other side of the fence to admire what we’re missing, but part of it is also carefully crafted PR on the part of the observed. And, mind you, we all play the role of observer in this dynamic and we also all play the role of the observed. (Which means there’s someone out there envious of YOU. Yeah. You.)

Somewhere along the line, we all project an image of effortlessness to some observer. And somewhere along the line we all also begin to believe some unattainable thing we observed might be attainable. And we fall short. And we either awaken to the thought that we’re doing this to ourselves and stop buying in to ideals nobody can meet. Or we continue to feel “less than.”

If I told you there’s somewhere in your life where you’re falling short, would you know the issue I’m talking about? Stop for a second and consider that question. What would make you perfect? Is it a short list or a long list?

What if there are some things out there you just simply can’t do better? And what if that’s perfect? What if that’s part of why you’re here…to strive for your best and make peace with your best even when it falls short of someone else’s best?

We waste so much time and energy—and even beat ourselves up—because our body’s not as flawless as Adriana Lima’s, our faith isn’t as strong as the Dalai Lama’s and we’re not as polished and professional as that chick in the office. But you can’t possibly be everybody’s personal best—you can’t embody everyone’s “one thing they came here to be.” Besides, not even Adriana Lima is “Adriana Lima.” Nor is the Dalai Lama the Dalai Lama. Each of them falls short of their own projected image in some way. And each of them falls short of you in some regard that has meaning for you.

Internally we’re all aware of where we fall short, but externally we tend to pretty that up with denials, fancy clothes, a showy lifestyle, strategic omissions or a certain air that makes us seem like we don’t fart or fail. While there’s wisdom to putting our best foot forward, there’s also a price. No one, including ourselves, can live up to the image any of us consciously or unconsciously convey. And, because we greet our inability to live up to those images with shame instead of acceptance—because we measure our worth against the yardstick of others—we limit our evolution as both individuals and a society.

We live in a society where it’s considered arrogant if you a) own your strengths and/or b) don’t own your weaknesses. Society actually supports our feelings of being “less than,” perpetuating a cycle of inadequacy. It’s a cycle that only be broken by getting real, embracing the entirety of who we are and representing the good and the bad honestly.

7/9/14—Letting Go With Sparky & Goddess

Today's post is from our monthly guest bloggers, Sparky & Goddess. I'll be back on Thursday night with Friday's post!

The Sparky & Goddess Evolutionary Love Chronicles 

ON LETTING GO

Part 2

Sparky - It’s been several weeks since our last blog and by now, just the phrase letting go has taken on the vibe of an inside joke - where attraction and repulsion arise together, resonating with both familiar and new twists of insight.  We ended our last blog with four questions and invited readers to join in the inquiries with us.  One result has been that Goddess and I have felt an energized sense of interest, even community, around this Letting Go topic.  

Goddess – Yes, we have, Sparky!  This quest for going into letting go came about in the first place because that’s the number one question that keeps coming up in my practice and in my own life: how do you let go?  I’ve let go of so much in my own life and I have felt my way into approaches that have served me in the past.  The how seems to be a moving target for each circumstance and certainly for each individual.  We ended Part 1 by asking 4 questions as a way for each of us to explore more about our own relationship with letting go.  Today, we thought we’d share one of our reflections from each of these inquiries.  Of course, these are just perspectives and you, the reader, can decide if there’s anything here that adds to yours. 

The first question we asked was, why let go at all?   

Sparky – The first thing that came up for me was, because it’s a pain to lug all this stuff around!  Then I realized that the statement implies that we’re aware of being in motion, which of course we are in motion, but our awareness of being in motion varies with the circumstances and events in our life.  For a while holding on can be a choice, while still in a role we’re taking on in life or part of processing a particular experience...  And at some point, all roles change and the currents of life tug at us to further process and move back into flow.  Hanging onto roles - life stories and events, as a source of personal identity is always the ego.  We have to engage our authentic awareness, or consciousness, just to tweeze these apart and become aware that we even have a choice to let go, or hang on.  

Goddess – So from this perspective letting go is consciously aligning, or resisting the flow of life.  We let go so that we can move along with, rather than being anchored by, our past.  We let go so that we can align to the present by living a more authentic life!  It’s an ongoing process and really, a personal responsibility.   

We feel this in relationships, where egos can produce static, inflexible lines that are not really boundaries but trip-wires around unexamined and closed-off, inner-spaces.  Instead of a line of respectful agreement, we unconsciously protect these lines and crossing them can trigger a reactive, attack/defend response.  Doing the inner-work of letting go lets us clean out these fortresses which then allows for freer, deeper authentic connections.  In relationships, this feels like a gift of ease and spaciousness because it relieves others from the “responsibilities” of accommodating, tolerating and endlessly satiating another’s ego.

Sparky – The next question invites us to investigate by asking, what’s it like to hang on?  

Goddess – My response to that is S.T.U.C.K. 

Sparky – I once knew a teacher who, when asked how he was doing, would reply, “Tired of living and scared of dying.”  That’s a lyric from the song Old Man River, by Oscar Hammerstein, and it sums up the essence of stuck pretty well, for me… And so did the guy!

Goddess – The poor man…  Sounds like he was hanging on to quite a lot!  

When you’re hanging on so long like that, it can be the worst kind of stuck because deep down, we know we’re our own jailer and we know we hold the key.  No matter what else changes around us, we’re stuck to what and where we’re hanging onto until we can consciously let go.  Sometimes we even know what we want to let go of, and we accept that we’re our own jailer, but we still can’t find the darn key!

Sparky – Oh yeah, and then it’s like you’re Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day, where you’re living the same day over and over and you already know what’s going to happen.  

Goddess – It makes you feel disconnected, isolated and bitter… As if life is what everybody else gets to experience while you get something less.  In your example of Groundhog Day, Bill Murray’s character becomes more and more authentic and present, and he begins to interact in ways that create a different result each day.  He becomes engaged in living each moment consciously/authentically, which opens him up and which becomes the necessary processing itself!   

Sparky – Which takes us right into the third question, what’s it like to let go?  

Goddess – What’s it like?  It’s freeing, opening and exhilarating!  But, that’s only after you’ve actually let go.  Just before that it’s uncomfortable, complicated and even scary!  There’s also that eureka moment where you feel that a way has suddenly formed - a way that had not been there just moments before!

Sparky – Yes, a way forward becomes available!  Your last point reminds me that “letting go” isn’t really so much the act of dropping something entirely, but rather re-processing and re-forming how we’re holding things.  In fact for me, the most significant letting go I’ve ever done has had more to do with dropping unwanted attachments, which winds up transforming my experience.

Goddess – That’s absolutely true for me!  For example, I’ve transformed relationships by immersing into the human condition itself and gaining broader insights and understanding around the issues at hand.  By immersing in the universal perspective, I’m free to see how specific dynamics are happening.  When I’m out of my comfort zone and floundering to align, I’m forced to find the courage to go to higher ground.  

Sparky – That higher ground is where acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude and love all become available.  To stand at that higher ground is to stand in your power and it’s where we do the real letting go.  This is the inner change that is primary to manifesting the external change, which is secondary.  

Goddess – And it’s that inner space of naked clarity and authenticity that the Evolutionary Impulse drives us to. It’s where the ‘Impeccable Imperative” arises as both your path and your purpose!     

  

Sparky – In that spirit of path and purpose, our last question was, what’s just one thing to let go of now?  

Goddess – And that question is going to carry us into Part 3 of what is now emerging as a journey with Letting Go!  

7/7/14—Being Receptive to Magic

I wrote a blog post about being in the now and being receptive to magic, but somehow lost all of it. So all you get today is a panoramic picture from my hammock. Sorry. But it is what it is and I'm going with it. :)

7/4/14—Contemplating Freedom

It's the Fourth of July in the US, which means we're celebrating our freedom. But I'll bet most people don't think too much about being free. It's just a given for us...in the sense that the 4th of July is about. But how free are we really? 

I've mentioned here before about the weird experiences I had when I was 3, 4 and 5 in my creepy bedroom in a house about a mile or so from where I live now. Well, one of the things I remember contemplating there was freedom. I think I must have had a past life where I was somehow restricted, because my pre-school mind used to contemplate the notion that nobody can truly imprison you, unless you let them. What I mean by that is that freedom is a concept that resides in the mind. 

Sure, you can restrict someone physically—put them in jail or chain them to a metal stake you had installed in your basement (not that I would know anything about anything like that.) But, without drugs, surgery or electrodes, nobody can touch your mind if you don't let them. As long as you maintain your mind's ability to go places without the limits of body, space and time, you're free. 

Yeah, I know. It's an odd thing for a 3, 4 or 5 year old to contemplate. What's weirder is that I felt I had to be ready to face the eventuality of being able to find my Zen under any conditions. And, with the exception of torturous pain, I probably can. I don't know for how long, but it's odd that I still think of this so many years later. I have no idea why I thought some of the things I did in that house, whether it was my age, my imagination, some sort of spirit thing or what. But I know I had many sleepless hours trapped inside that creepy room to think about all sorts of things. And, for some reason, this was one of them. 

The way in which we lose the most freedom in our mind is by holding on. We grasp onto thoughts and fears and they become our captors. Maybe we're holding on to the need to be right or the need to control something. Maybe we're holding on to regrets or thoughts of the past. Or maybe we've told ourselves some story about the way things are and we refuse to consider other options. All of these are prisons that make unable to be free.

The bad news is that we're conditioned to hold ourselves captive to thoughts and mindsets that distract us from being in the only place freedom exists—in the present moment. The good news is that we're the people most qualified to save ourselves from this conditioning and experience freedom instead. 

Freedom doesn't come from tossing tea into a harbor or slaughtering soldiers in battle. It actually comes from the opposite. It comes from surrender. It comes from giving up the fight against "what is". It comes from letting a higher power take command of the reigns that hold your life together. And it comes from giving yourself over to a world devoid of preconceived notions and filled with infinite possibility. 

While things like hunger, discomfort and torture make it difficult, the mind is strong enough to transcend any restriction you place on the body. There is a place within you that can't be touched by anything you don't allow it to—it's a seed of God...a chunk of the most powerful force in the universe. And you know it's always accessible, because no matter what conditions people face in this world, there are happy people everywhere, people who transcend, people who are free. As the universe expands, so do we. Freedom is about being present to enjoy the ride.