5/10/12—Remembering Grace

Today's Draw: The Empress from Angel Tarot Cards by Doreen Virtue. What is your first memory of a time when you felt truly loved? Who was the person that made you feel that way? And can you still feel the energy and quality of that love today?

Ever since I first started hearing about the movie, The Help, I've been wanting to get the Empress card at a good time to talk about Grace. Not the quality of grace or divine grace, but Grace, the lady who worked in our home doing laundry and ironing and cleaning and taking care of me.

We only lived in Montgomery, Alabama a year or so of my life, but it was a pretty pivotal year. I was three years old. This is where I learned that barefoot was the best way to walk, "y'all" was one of the most used words in the whole, entire dictionary and "ain't" was the kind of word that could get you in trouble with momma...well, if your momma was born speaking the King's English, that is. 

My first memories also came from that time. The first time I remember feeling forgotten and heartbroken was from that time. My daddy had promised he'd take me to the commissary with him. He worked so hard we didn't get to see him much, so this was very special. I think I'll forever have an image seared in my mind of standing at a big window, all dressed up for my "date", screaming and crying while my father pulled out of the driveway without me, oblivious to his promise and to me. 

What I also remember was the lady who pulled me away from that window and comforted me as I cried. Grace. You would imagine a child's first feelings of being wholly and totally loved would come from their mother. But mine came from Grace, the lady who was hired to work in our home. I remember sitting and playing at her feet while she ironed. And I also remember a quality and sweetness of love that I don't think I've felt from another person since. 

Let me be clear that I had a phenomenal mother. She had six children and a husband who worked and traveled hard. I have no idea how she did it. I imagine in Alabama pretty much everyone had someone helping in the home. I imagine it was fairly cheap, too, because we weren't rich. So I'm guessing that—and the fact she was nearly 40 with six kids aged 3-11—precipitated hiring Grace. I don't really have any memories of my mother until the following year when I was four and would stay home with her and we would eat crustless sandwiches and watch Match Game and Hollywood Squares together. I had a crush on Paul Lynde. (Didn't every girl?)  :D

I'll also say I don't have the best memory in the world. What I remember, I remember quite clearly. But you could fit most of the memories of my childhood in a basket compared to the truckloads of memories other people I know seem to have. But there was something about Grace that has stayed with me for 46 years, even though she was only in my life for less than a year. 

The *feeling* of her is something I can't quite describe. It was an unconditional kind of love that I FELT and trusted in a way that I'm not sure I did with my own parents. Logically you would think her love wasn't  unconditional. I was just some kid she had to take care of during the day when the other kids were in school. But the way it imprinted on my memory was an unconditional love that was free of all the complications and ups and downs of a parent-child relationship. 

You know your parents love you unconditionally, but you probably didn't always feel it growing up. My memory of Grace was feeling it. It was a pure thing. Sweet. Safe. Comfortable. And, though fleeting, it lasted inside me for 46 years. And maybe its brevity is why. It was never tested against time. But the incredible thing about our memories is that all I have to do is think of it to feel it again.

I like to think I love my dogs that way. That they are never without the knowledge of their mother's unconditional love. But of course that isn't accurate. There are times they come to get love from me that I don't notice they're there. And there are times I might yell at them for barking or being mean to each other. So it's not like this vein that pumps the experience and feeling of unconditional love between us 24/7. Sure I love them that way 24/7, but they don't always *experience* it that way. 

The gift of my memory of Grace is that the experience of it was always there for me. And I can't tell you how many times I've thought of her over the years and wondered if she ever thought of me. I've also wondered how different my life would have been if I'd had that in my life longer. And I wonder if she could possibly have any clue of how much of an impact that short time in her life had on me. 

I'm not real big on kids, but I do get kind of passionately annoyed by parents who say "they're too young to understand" in order to justify arguing or addiction or other ill behaviors performed within reach of children. My first real memory was the loving energy that emanated from someone who'd been entrusted with my care. It wasn't something I could verbalize or analyze, but it was something I could fully understand. It was a brief experience that helped shape my life. (As was being forgotten by my father. So ferchrissakes, gentlemen, don't break your little girl's heart. She will forever seek love and acceptance from men just like you.)

The Empress is a card about nurturing and loving. So much of life gets in the way of telling our loved ones how we truly feel about them. I like to think I'm good about voicing the things I value to the people I care about. But I'm sure I don't do it enough. So consider that the next time you talk to your mom or sibling or child. Make that an occasion to say out loud what you truly value about them. And while you're at it, sprinkle a little of that love on yourself, too.

5/2/12—Showing Grace

Today's Draw: Bee from the Druid Animal Oracle. How kindly do you treat the Safeway checkers, burrito makers and "grease monkeys" of this world? How do you serve the public? And how quick are you with encouragement or a kind word?

Today's card comes from an oracle deck, so I'm veering off the tarot course, as I do from time to time. The book for this deck says that bee speaks to community, celebration and organization. When I think of bees, though, I usually think of how they can sting you if you swat at them. For most, they're a nuisance. But bees really have a lot to teach us, primarily about service and the value of things we take for granted. 

Probably since my 30s, I've devoted some time to service. Service doesn't have to be volunteerism per se. It can be anything that serves others. For example, I consider the time I spend writing my blogs to be service, because I know they help others. And, like most service, they also help me. We like to think of service as a selfless act, but in my experience it pays back richly.

I spent a number of years as a literacy volunteer. I never actually taught anyone to read, though. One of my students was learning English as a Second Language, and all the rest were preparing for their GEDs. The ladies in the halfway house who were trying to get their GED taught me the most. They were there, not by choice, but by court order. Street people. Crack addicts. We look at them much like we look at bees...they're a nuisance. But what they are is wily enough to survive for years in circumstances we couldn't even bear for a week. Come the apocalypse, they are who you want on your side. 

While service is something humans do in our spare time, it's a 24x7 thing for bees. You never see a bee kicking back, do you? If they're not pollinating crops, they're making honey, generating beeswax or feeding the queen. And to what benefit? Well, they get to live. But it's not like bees get vacations or anything to look forward to. 

One-third of the total human diet is made up of insect-pollinated crops, and bees are the world's pollinators. They work in an organized, cooperative manner. They have a clear purpose in life that they are razor focused upon. They are loyal to their queen. They live their lives to serve. Anyone would be proud to contribute that much to their community. And we swat at them, as though they have no value at all. 

What I learned from my years as a literacy tutor is the same as you can learn from bees. Everyone has their place and value in this life. One of my pet peeves is when someone calls another person stupid. There are many different kinds of smarts in this world. When a lawyer's Mercedes breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they wait two hours for hours because their radiator ran out of Evian, who's smarter...the lawyer or the roadside assistance guy? When an executive goes a day without electricity waiting for the handyman to come and flip the circuit breaker, who's the one who deserves the corner office?

We all make judgments. And we tend to do it as if our way is the better way. But the Safeway checker who takes forever looking up a code may have a much more successful home life than you. The exotic dancer might be studying for their MBA. And the barista at Starbucks might be making ends meet each month with zero debt, while you earn 5x as much and are buried in credit card bills. Meanwhile, without these people, you'd be checking out your own groceries, making your own lattes and twirling your own pasties at your bachelor party. 

Speaking of baristas...a few years back on Christmas day I was out and about for some reason and saw the Starbucks was open. So I stopped in for a chai latte. And I said to the girl behind the counter, "thank you so much for coming in on your Christmas day to serve us. We could have lived without Starbucks today, but I'm glad you're here." She got all emotional and said I was the only one who had said that all day.

You know, we all just want to be appreciated for the role we play. We want to be recognized for our special kind of smarts. We want our place in the world to be acknowledged. We want to know we're valued. We want to be proud of what we do. If you don't know how to serve others, start there. Tell someone what a good job they're doing. Or how much you appreciate that they're there everyday. Or even just smile and say "have a great day". Truth is, you need them to operate in this world. You'd better be grateful.

We all, no matter what we do, fit together like a huge machine that keeps the world going. None is more important than the other, though society tells us that money is the measure of worth. But consider that the real measure of worth is grace in service...no matter what it is you do. See if you can take grace and service into your job today/tomorrow. See if you can recognize it in someone else. And see how it can change your heart, your mind, your judgment, your viewpoint and the way you move in the world.

2/14/12—Leaving Beauty in Your Wake

Today's Draw: The Three of Wands from the Victorian Romantic. What are your gifts? How do you use those gifts to bring beauty into your everyday life? And if you don't see your daily obligations as a opportunity to bring beauty to the world, wouldn't today be a good day to start?

I always get a good feeling from this particular card. I get a sense of daydreaming, confidence and planning for a new journey. And I like the added touch of the lyre in his hand, because he's creative, visionary and out of the box. Plus, he's got a really nice arse. 

I also never miss sight of the swans gliding along the glassy river, their images reflecting back at them. Our loosely robed musician can't see them yet. But they're about to come into his view and perhaps even color the plans he's creating in his head. What will they spark in him? To move forward with grace? To bring along a partner? To proceed slowly and surely and enjoy the scenery?

Today they're saying to me to move forward with that which reflects beauty to you. For this guy, it's music. For you it may be something different. There are people out there who say they're not creative. But they are. "Creative" just means that you're capable of making something. It doesn't have to "art". But it's actually art within the context of your gifts. It's the beauty you're able to make in this world.

So the question is, what beauty do you make? The beauty a personal assistant may make might be to make life easy for their boss so they can glide effortlessly through their day. A lawyer may make beauty in the way they architect their case. And now and then, I'll turn a phrase in a way that makes a client squeal with delight.

Chances are, no matter what you do, you're pretty good at it. And that, in and of itself, is a beautiful thing. You may not see it that way, but today could be the day to start seeing the beauty you reflect in this world.