Today's Draw: Conquistador/Vanity of Victory from the Rock and Roll Oracle in the What's Blocking the Heart of the Matter position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Could the battles you fight in your daily life be distracting you from seeing the war? Could fighting those battles actually end up being a losing proposition? If you pulled back and viewed the greater war, might you then uncover what you're really fighting?
Today I had a particular matter in mind when I chose the cards and when you consider that all these cards were chosen at random...well, that's the magic of cartomancy (or fortune telling by cards.)
So the question was about a recurring interpersonal issue that crops up in my life. And I feel like I've given this issue a lot of thought and tried changing a lot of things—the way I view I situation internally, the boundaries I draw with others, the way I enter into the dynamic, etc. And it just keeps happening. I feel there's improvement in the situation, but I think there's something I'm meant to learn that I'm just not learning yet. I feel that if I tighten my boundaries more or make other further adjustments that I'll just be going too far in the other direction from balance and "healthy".
So I guess I feel I'm a at a point where I've changed my behaviors and attitudes enough. So there's just something I'm not understanding, otherwise these situations would cease to present themselves to me, right? At least that's how I believe spiritually. So having the combo of Blocking or Covering and Heart of the Situation is very appropriate. There's something I'm not seeing past. And this Conquistador card is talking about winning the battle, but losing the war. That's exactly what I feel like is happening!
So getting this card combination has opened up a few more thoughts about the situation to me. The details of the situation don't really matter, because I think the lessons are universal. In my particular recurring "battle"I can see where I'm playing defense...either responding to situations as they present or arranging ways to ensure situations don't present. I'm letting the other team carry the ball, so to speak, and I'm blocking and tackling and whatever else that goes into play defense. But what about my offensive game?
I suppose you could liken it to the polarity of giving and taking...you can't always be giving. And you can't always be taking. You have to know and appreciate both sides. Givers have to allow themselves the pleasure of taking, and to do that, they have to get past the discomfort of taking without giving in return. And takers need to know what it means to give without expecting in return. We need to learn to play both sides of the field. And then we'll find others who know what we know and dynamics will be more balanced. So "learning to play both sides" is one "front" in the bigger war.
Another "front" in my particular war is this. You often hear people say, "I don't care what you say, it's what you do that has meaning to me." I understand that logic. But I think we can all use to pull back a little farther and see beyond the battle of say vs. do. There's a whole other level beyond that—motivation. Why is the individual saying and doing what they're saying and doing?
We can't always know the answer to that. But every action in every situation has a motivation behind it. There are many people out there who say and do all the right things just to get what they want. Maybe they were raised in an addictive, unhealthy or "survival" situation and that's the only way they know. In a situation like that, there's a lot of work that person will have to do before they can be any other way. Or maybe they have an actual pathology around it that will never change.
I'm guessing we can all look back on a friendship with someone who knew what to say and how to act. And maybe we thought to ourselves at some point, "something's off here, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just paranoid." You have nothing other than your intuition to base your opinion on. Some of it may be that you want to believe otherwise because it suits you. And some of it may be second guessing yourself. And some of it may be the cunning of the other person. Regardless, you put both what you see and hear before what you "know"...or think you know...inside. That's another front in MY personal war.
And we also have to ask ourselves, "what's MY motivation?" What do I think I'm getting from this person that keeps me tied to them? Why do I stay when I want to go? Do I have a problem saying "no"? Am I afraid they won't like me anymore? Does it keep me trapped in one of my comfortable, but toxic, cycles? Why do I want to believe that what they say and do is true, over my intuition that it's not?
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that some repeating cycles are harder than others to figure out. And it may be because we're winning battles here and there and not seeing that this recurring cycle and that recurring cycle and the other recurring cycle over there are all part of a much bigger war—a war that's being fought on many different fronts.
So the very reason for each of these smaller repeating cycles—equity in relationships, trusting my inner voice over appearances, and staying in unhealthy dynamics too long, for example—is to lead you to fighting a much larger war called "making yourself and your needs your top priority" or "standing up for yourself" or whatever your particular thing might be. And maybe if we shift our focus to fighting at the level of "the war", all the smaller battles will fight themselves.
Today's Draw: Sun in the House of Child in the Heart of the Situation position from Ryder's Lenormand, the Deck of Lenormand Houses and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. What lesson is lighting up in your life right now? Where are you beginning to see the light? What's the spiritual gold star you want to earn?
This is funny. Ryder's Lenormand was created by an 8-year-old boy—he did it all himself, even created his own (adorable) bags to keep them in. His mom is Rana George, is a legend in the Lenormand world. But he did all the work himself, adorning bags during his spring break. Anyway, the thing that I find funny about this is that one way of reading this combo is "at the heart of the situation is a successful child." And that's Ryder. So congratulations to him for this successful endeavor!
Not having any successful children (or children period) myself, however, I can't write a whole blog post on successful children. Unless, of course, you want to hear me yap on endlessly about the progress Mystic the dog is making with her obsessive licking issues. :D
So another way of seeing Child is as a beginning. The Sun most commonly means success, achievement or even illumination of some sort. So I'm going with "beginning to see the light at the heart of the situation."
That's relevant to me in many ways right now. You know, I believe there's a place in our spiritual journeys where we feel we've done a pretty good job. We're good people. We're aware of many things. And we're comfortable.
But when it comes to my spiritual development, I'm always trying to push myself to over-achieve...haha. If I can. I talk about "doing the hard things" here and I know I'm not alone in doing that because I have a solid audience. There are many people who want to earn a gold star or do extra credit on their path. Although the hard things differ for different people, some of the stuff we all tend to struggle with includes letting go and surrendering fully to the universe, non-judgment and showing grace to others, regardless.
It's easy to do these things under optimal conditions...to trust the universe when things are going well, to not judge when people are doing normal stuff and to show grace to people who show grace to you. But the harder row to hoe is to trust the universe when life to turns to crap, to refrain from judgement when someone offends you and to show grace to even the worst of humanity's lot. That's the gold star stuff, because it's where a lot of people fall apart and slip back into habits of negative thought and action. It's so easy to do. We all indulge in it. And I believe the lure of that comfortable place never leaves.
Some of these "gold star" things hearken to the discipline of Buddhist practice for me. I'm not a Buddhist, but when you see people like Pema Chodron, she didn't get to where she is in her spiritual development and wisdom by staying in the comfortable area. I was talking to a Pema groupie about this tonight, in fact. Pema is a Buddhist nun and teacher. And she's fabulous because you know she's someone who's ahead of you on the path, but she still struggles to maintain her forward motion along that path sometimes. And she's not afraid to share her failings with you. Every once in a while, stuff happens to show her how much farther she still has to go. Just like it does for me and you. The trick is to use it as a springboard, rather than as cement shoes...haha.
When it comes to spirituality, we never get "there". It's not a destination. It's a journey. We just spiral continually higher, coming to new insights and gaining new enlightenment along the way.
The principle that's come back around to me lately is another of those "gold star" things. It's beautifully described in Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom—Don't Take Anything Personally.
That's got to be the hardest thing for a human being to do...haha. We KNOW intellectually that anything another person says or does is about THEM, not YOU. But we each live in worlds that revolve around us, so we naturally assume it's about us. And boy does it push buttons of insecurity and control issues and needing to be right! And that's just the tip of the iceberg. This one, for me, brings up LOTS of stuff.
Another way I've heard it said before is, "another person's opinion of you is none of your business." It literally isn't any of your business. It reflects the way they feel about themselves...their own frustrations and their own struggles with insecurity and control issues, etc.. No matter how much they want to put it on you, so it's not something THEY have to deal with, it's still not about you. You can consider it and see what relevance it has for you...what lesson you can take from it...but it doesn't belong to you.
We all have our paths to walk in life. And when someone is looking over at your path and critiquing the way you're walking, the direction you're moving in and your failure to walk in the "right" direction, then they're not really focused on their own growth, are they? So why would you even listen? It's not. About. You.
It's hard to keep remembering you're OK in the center of that, though. It's hard to keep focused on your path in the center of that. You get caught up in their reality...a reality that has nothing to do with your own. And then you generally get swept down into their energy and whatever it is that's going on within them. And before you know it, you're off your path. Because I haven't been good at this lesson in the past, I've allowed it to deter me and compromise my integrity to my vision. But I'm beginning to see the light.
So if any of that rings true to you...if you think you might be looking at someone else's path, or if you think someone is trying to impose theirs on you...if someone is has a bad opinion of you, or if you have a bad opinion of someone else...if someone acts out against you, or you act out against them....just mind your own business. Let them have their tantrum and remain centered in knowing it has nothing to do with you. Because if you get caught up in the energy of it, you begin to become the very thing you dislike. (That said, this probably has come to you, in particular, for a reason. There are lessons in it, to be sure. But the lessons are yours to determine, not someone else's. It rarely ever has to do with anything they're saying about you or doing to you. That's about them.)
This has always been a difficult thing for me because my ego wants to fight against it...to get involved...to think I must be wrong...to want everyone to like me, etc. and so on. But I'm beginning to see the light of why this is coming around to me again. None of it is any of my business and I'm not going to let it drag me down or deter me from my path as it has in the past. There are gold stars to earn. And I'm going to get one of them, dammit! :D
Today's Draw: Eight of Swords in the Underlying Issues From The Past That Form The Heart Of The Situation position from the Tarot of the Sevenfold Mystery and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you feel trapped? Stuck? Do you feel your options are limited?
Today's draw is different for a couple of reasons. One is that I'm drawing it in advance of meeting up with a friend, thinking this may help her. And another is that it's using an AMAZING technique developed by Lee Bursten, creator of the Gay Tarot, among others. You can read about it on www.1000Spreads.com, but it's basically creating a unique spread position by combining two or more spread positions into one. To my knowledge nothing like this has ever been done before and Lee was inspired by my Deck of 1000 Spreads!
OK. So my friend seems to have been having a difficult time lately. I know nothing about it. That's why we're getting together. But I thought a little tarot insight might help. So I created the Underlying Issues From The Past That Form The Heart Of The Situation position...haha.
Here's what the Eight of Swords is all about. There are times in our lives that we feel trapped and devoid of choices. It can also refer to blocked energy and negativity. Add it all up and it's a big ball of self-induced limitation. We all do it to ourselves at some point. And the biggest culprit is black and white thinking.
What I mean by that is that there's only two choices. Stay or go. Win or lose. Succeed or fail. And when we only allow ourselves options at extreme opposite ends of the spectrum, we up the fear ante on every decision we make because the stakes are absolute. If we do the boss' dirty work as requested, we succeed. If we don't do it, we're doomed to fail. So we do it out of fear of the repercussions of not doing it. But there's a whole array of options in between, ranging from turning your boss in to changing departments to getting another job. And you haven't considered them because you've been blinded by fear.
The Eight of Swords is why people stay in broken relationships. They only see stay or go. Some stay out of fear of not having enough money to be on their own. Some stay because they fear failing the relationship. And some leave because it never occurred to them that there were other options. Like counseling. Or having an open relationship. Or leaving the relationship, but not leaving the home. Or leaving the home, but not leaving the relationship. Or, like the best-selling book The Five Love Languages advises, learning how to speak your partner's language. Personally, I think a lot of relationships can and should be saved. But, because the minute conflict and discord sets in the first thought is "stay or go", none of the options that can save the relationship even get considered. And then it becomes too late.
Beyond the black and white thing, I think in some cases the way we were raised leaves us with only one option. For some that translates as "failure is not an option". For some it's "gay is a disease you can be healed of". For some it's "everyone in our family is a doctor". You get the picture. You get shoehorned into something that doesn't fit and, while you might question it from time to time, you're nonetheless resigned to it. Another trap of the Eight of Swords.
Yet another trap is depression, negative thinking or even mental illness. Depression definitely causes our focus to narrow to the point where we can't see our options. And all those shootings? Those people had convinced themselves there was only one thing they could do.
So if you feel trapped or blocked or stuck right now, move past the fear and the black and white to the gray space in between. And ask yourself, what are REALLY my options. List them all out, including the ones you'd never even consider. And if one of the options is to ask for help, by all means do that. When you see all the options you have, fear will dissipate and may even clear your mind enough to allow a divinely inspired solution to set in.
