6/10/13—Creating Responsibility For Your Life

Today's Draw: Magician from the Dream Raven Tarot in the What to Take From The Past position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. If you created your life, why do you suppose you made the choices you've made? Do you see them as choice or as the whims of a chaotic universe? Are you ready to take responsibility for who and what you are?

The Dream Raven is a deck I had been anticipating for quite some time and it doesn't disappoint. The colors are just gorgeous and the quality is typical Schiffer, which is darned good. I know Beth wasn't thinking of my Deck of 1000 Spreads when she drew this deck, but the colors work together quite well. 

Anyway, the Magician is all about creation and manifestation...the part of life you create. And by "part of life you create", I mean all of your life. Are there aspects of your life highly influenced by others? Yes. And no-ish. Because we choose how to respond and what to absorb. There are things that happen in childhood that can scar us. But each day we have the option of whether or not to heal those scars. 

I'm going to guess that most of the people reading this blog are established adults, aged 30 or over. So we're all grown up enough to decide who we are and who we want to be. We're mature enough to understand that if someone hurts our feelings that we're choosing to hurt over choosing to understand their words are about a pain inside of them and have nothing to do with us. In this way, we create every response, attitude, point of view, belief, etc. in our lives.

Further, we choose who enters our lives and who doesn't. We choose them by the attitudes, beliefs, points of view, etc, we choose to have in our lives. These people mirror things back to us that we've chosen, good and bad. If we choose to be easily hurt, we'll choose people who will hurt us. If we choose to live with loose boundaries, we'll attract people who will overstep them. And if we choose to heal our egos, we'll meet respectful people. Because disrespectful people won't even be an option to us.

Some believe we choose the human we're going to inhabit before we even come to this earth. So if you believe that, then you also have to believe that you chose the circumstances that would come along throughout your life, including your body, your family and all those childhood scars. 

In every second of every day, we're making choices that impact what we will create. And not just the bad things, either. You created the good, too. So think of a situation or circumstance in your life today. If it's something you're unhappy with, see how you chose it and figure out why. And if it's something you're happy about, give yourself credit for all the choices you made to manifest that in your life.

5/29/13—Discovering Your Inner Fuzzvoyant

Today's Draw: Clouds and Letter from the Indigo Payne oracle from Beth Seilonen. Are you getting clearer and clearer messages from spirit and don't know what to do about it? Are you getting messages that you're not sure are messages? What "ghost stories" do you have to tell?

It's rare I open up a deck of cards from the mail and am overcome with emotion. In fact, it pretty much never happens. But today I got a Lenormand oracle I had wanted for a while, not because it was hip or cool, but because of the journey it goes on and the story it tells. 

Beth Seilonen is more than just a highly prolific deck creator (upwards of 80 tarot and Lenormand decks, I'm guessing), she's someone I consider a friend. And last February she lost her stepfather, Ron Hatton, a man she considered to be her father. He was an art buddy and friend to her. So she took his loss hard and coped the only way she knew how. Through art. Within the first 24 or 48 hours after his death, she created this deck in his honor. It is dark,  emotional and moving. 

So it arrived today in a velvety pouch, within a glittery pouch, within a gold box with a lily drawn on it. The deck was hugged, held tight and treated specially, just like Ron was. It came with a notecard depicting a winged fairy in pink. Ron drew the card image as part of challenge Beth gave him in the use of watercolor pencils. It is beautiful...more beautiful for having come with the deck. 

I don't say this lightly, because I'm not one of "those" kinds of new-agey people. But the entire package carried such powerful, mournful, beautiful, raw and profound energy. I'm so glad she decided to share this deck with others and I'm proud to be one of her first customers. My deck is #2 of 60. 

So on to today's reading. This combo speaks of hidden, vague or confusing messages. And that's how our loved ones who pass communicate with us. The letter card, in this case, is literally a letter from Ron to Beth telling her he loves her. You can't see the whole message because the envelope covers it. The influence of the cloud card obscures that message further, keeping us from seeing clearly. The cloud is akin to the veil between the spirit world and our world in my interpretation of this pair...just as a cloud is the barrier between us and the sun/the light, the veil/cloud is the barrier between us and spirit. For some, like Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium, the cloud is light and wispy. For most of us, though it can create quite a barrier. 

But see, this veil...the clouds...aren't nearly as thick as we believe them to be. We make them thick in our heads. By not believing. By not trusting. By second-guessing. Theresa Caputo is very talented and she has a undeniable natural gift. But we all have the capability of doing what she does if we work on it. It might always be easier or clearer for someone like her, but this is a capability we all possess and can develop...like a muscle you exercise with practice. 

So if you ever wonder about your deceased grandmother or spouse or child, chances are great they've been trying to communicate with you for a long time. But your own doubt forms the clouds that muddy the message. Did you find your deceased mother's necklace in a weird place at some point? Chances are she moved it. Do the lights flicker now that your best friend has passed? It's likely it's them. Do you suddenly smell gardenias in your house sometimes? That's grandma coming for a visit. 

They will come to you through all the five senses, and they're usually responsible for odd happenings around the house. My brother was a smoker who died of lung cancer. Ever since he's gone, my fire alarm has been acting up. My sister's has chirped for no reason, too. Around the time of his death, we were all seeing cardinals, even cardinals doing weird things. My brother was a loyal Cardinals fan. 

For years after my father died, I would suddenly smell cigar smoke in my home. All my siblings report this phenomena. I also had a patch where I kept seeing an MGBGT on the street where I now live...a very rare car from the 60s that he used to drive. I haven't seen once since that that one patch of time when I was buying my house in this neighborhood. I've also heard his voice in my ear, predicting something that eventually came to pass. After my mother died, my sister would literally feel my mother sit next to her on the sofa...the cushion would depress and everything. Other than that, I've "felt" the deceased staring at me, "heard" them like a distant cocktail party, felt them tug on my sheets as I'm in bed, "seen" them in the corner of my eye and even saw a cat ghost once, quite clearly. That's just the beginning of ways they make their presence known. 

Can you explain all of this away? Of course you can. And the more you explain it away, the thicker the cloud cover gets. As into this kind of stuff as I am, I'm a lot more skeptical than you would ever think. I question everything. But I'll say this, if we die and that's the end of things, no one will be more surprised than me. I've just had too many experiences, either personally or through mediums, to think any differently anymore. 

The term for someone who sees spirits and communicates with them well is "clairvoyant". It means clear seeing. I often joke that I'm a fuzzyvoyant (clouds + letter = fuzzyvoyant). I'm not remarkably gifted in this way and I have to work at it. But I'm also kind of lazy and not into it, so I've only gotten as far as fuzzy. Which is fine with me. I have other gifts I'm more "clair" with. 

But there are people who approach me now and again who were born "seeing". And, either because of religious reasons or fear, they shoved it down as best they could. The problem is, you can only do this for so long, because these gifts get stronger with age. So, whereas I need to practice and learn in order to see clearly, those people need to practice and learn so they can control their gift (and so their gift doesn't control them). When that happens, I always refer them to my friend Sheila because she teaches development teleclasses and will work with people individually to develop and control their gifts. On these teleclasses, you can be anonymous and learn more about what's going on in your head. 

Anyway, coming full circle, I think part of today's message is that Ron knew I would get a message to Beth that he's around and sending fuzzy messages...haha. But I also think it came for you. What weirdnesses are you explaining away? And what are your stories from the other side?

3/15/13—Asking Yourself Three Questions

Today's Draw: Knight of Masts from Beth Seilonen's Fishy Tarot in the Resolution position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you have a passion for life? What is your life's mission statement? And are you in alignment with it?

The Knight of Masts is a crusader for passion and that which lights a fire in your belly. He may not always get there quickly....he's riding a snail, after all. But he knows he will get there eventually because he is very goal oriented and never loses sight of what's important. 

Would that we could all say the same. 

In one of the books/ebooks I plan to write, Spiritual Self Employment, one of the things I advise self employed people to do is to write a mission statement of what they want to get out of their job. For copywriting, mine includes the idea of writing on a variety of topics that challenge my skill, strategic knowledge and creativity. And also to do it for people who appreciate my effort. 

There have been a couple of times over the past 15 years when I've needed to revisit that mission statement in order to make tough, but healthy changes in my client list. What held me back is that, at times, the clients I was considering walking away from were my biggest ones. Having that mission statement helped, because it says nothing about money and everything about the things that make me happy. All of a sudden, a tough decision becomes simple. Mission statements keep you focused. 

So the Knight of Masts in the position of Resolution is telling us that one of the questions we should ask ourselves when we're struggling over a decision is, "Does this support my passion for life?" The way to resolve any problem is really to hold it up to that question. And because "resolution" has a double meaning, we should resolve to pursue only that which fuels our happiness and passion for life. 

That's sort of a mission statement for life, isn't it? "My mission is to seek and support my passion for life." The way I see it, "passion for life" has three sub-questions to consider: 

• Does it support my comfortable survival? You need water, shelter, food, general health and wellbeing to survive comfortably. If you're short on any one of those things, your focus on the pursuit of passion in your life will be challenged. So by comfortable, I don't mean material comfort in the sense of living plush. I mean the mental and physical ease that comes from having enough to survive. 

• Does is support something I'm passionate about? Lots of people have less than fabulous jobs. But if that job is bankrolling top-of-the-line scrapbooking supplies so you can spend time every day or every week scrapbooking your heart out, then it supports something you're passionate about. If you work too many hours to ever enjoy a minute of scrapbooking, then you need to question why you continue do it. A lesser paying job may give you the time you need to pursue your passion. 

This isn't just about your job, though. When you consider your relationships, commitments and other obligations in life, hold them to this test. And if you hate your career but it supports your passion, stop looking it from the angle of how much you hate it. Look at it from the position of how much it allows you to do. Your thoughts are also subject to this question. If your thoughts don't support your passion for life, then they need to change. 

• Do I do it out of love? Sometimes we do things we're not passionate about and don't support our survival. Speaking to your daughter's class on career day is one of them. Going to Open Mike Night to watch your husband play the same song you've been hearing all week is another. Picketing a local chicken farmer to promote animal rights is another. And, frankly, doing things like working out and eating tofu is another. There are things you do out of love—for someone dear to you, for a cause close to your heart or for yourself. Those things also fuel your passion for life. If you're doing something just because you have to—or if you act obligated even though it's serving a passion—you're not doing anyone any favors. 

One of my passions is something I talk about a lot on this blog. It's about living consciously and responsibly. And what I mean by that is, ask yourself questions. Don't just keep doing something because you did it yesterday. Ask yourself if it's still relevant. Ask yourself if it serves you. Things that are on the way out of relevance in your life will show their face because they will become painful to continue doing. And many of us will continue to do them anyway. If it doesn't fill the three criteria outlined above, it's time for a change. 

And the second part is to live responsibly. Say you've agreed to a career in accounting. And it's not a passion of yours, but it keeps you in kibble and after-hours pursuits, don't whine about it. Refocus and see how it IS serving your passion. And if you choose not to use the financial and time resources it offers you, that's your fault. Not the career's.  

Everything in your life is there because either a) you put it there or b) you choose to keep it there. Everything that's missing in your life is missing because of you, too. So if you're missing something in your life, put the energy that you spend bemoaning its absence into making it real. If you're not happy with something you do have your life, put it to the three questions. If you answer yes to any of them, then take responsibility for the purpose it serves and give it the energy and appreciation it deserves. If you answer no to all three, then take responsibility for that and make a change. If you're not doing it for survival, passion or love, why continue to waste your time?

2/12/13—Walking a New Path

Today's Draw: Stars in the House of Stars in the Action position from Beth Seilonen's Vibrant Night Lenormand and my Deck of Lenormand Houses and Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you feel a little lost on your path right now? Or is there a new path revealing itself that you're not sure how to navigate? Do you even know where you want to go? 

Today's draw is a vision in blue, isn't it? Obviously it wasn't planned to have Stars in the House of Stars. It just happened that way. Stars are about guidance and hope, clarity, wishes and inspiration. They can also light a new path. 

So the way I read Stars in the House of Stars in the position of Action...haha, what a mouthful!...is to just move forward knowing you'll be guided. This is good advice for me personally, because with the imminent release of my new deck (The Deck of 1000 Spreads, in case you somehow missed it ;) ), I'll be entering in a new phase of my life. And it's a phase that brings me some anxiety. 

See, these days my blog is getting more traffic, my deck is hotly anticipated, people are contacting me for interviews and it's only a matter of time before reviews—both good and bad—of my work will hit the scene. So with each passing day I'm more and more "out there." And for a person that has always done a really good job of hiding away, that's a scary thing. 

But there are two sides to me, which anyone who knows me personally will tell you. There's the hermit who's just short of having some kind of social phobia, yes. But there's also the chatty, animated teacher, the seemingly extroverted social companion and someone who relishes being the center of attention. 

The deep-thinking introverted side is the side that writes these blogs, often musing over difficult personal and spiritual insights. And the devil-may-care exhibitionist side is the side that posts them on the World Wide Web for everyone to see—in perpetuity. But most of my days are spent as the introvert. And, to her, this new path full of hope is kind of scary. Stars in the House of Stars in the position of Action says, "move forth confidently, little grasshopper, and the universe will guide you to your destination."

Very comforting to remember during times of hyperventilation...haha. And because so many of you are generous in sharing your "new paths" with me, I think this can provide comfort for you, too. There are those who are newly single and those who wish to be newly single. Those becoming a mom again and those leaving momhood for new horizons. And then there are the legions of those who really aren't sure where they're going, but just know they've got to go. 

There is never a time when God's/Goddess'/The Universe's hand is not gently at our back guiding us forth. And the higher power even gives us a guarantee—that we simply cannot make a mistake along our path...that everything that happens along the way will provide useful information for the path ahead. We often forget that when we're breathing into a paper sack or wandering through life in a fugue state. But it's always there. And today's it's poking us softly on the shoulder to remind us. 

1/19/13-1/20/13—Waiting Out the Storm

Weekend Reading: Tower in the House of Clouds from Beth Seilonen's Magick Lenormand (featuring Magick Moonbeam!) and my Deck of Lenormand Houses. There could be some complications with those in authority, issues between you and some large organization or some gray area of the law showing up this weekend. Or, really, it could be all of the above. It could even be that someone's undermining YOUR authority.  Even on a day when the wind isn't in your favor, clouds pass quickly enough, however. So just get through this phase knowing you'll be back to blue skies soon. To fight against something bigger and better prepared than you, however, could bring on a whole weather system of gloom. So if you get stopped for a ticket, be polite. If you get your paw slapped by your boss, be contrite. And if you get placed on hold forever while some company is looking up your account information over the phone, sing along with the Muzak®. 

8/8/12—Revisiting the Last Turn of the Wheel

Today's Draw: The Wheel from the Celtic Book of the Dead. If you're in a difficult or frustrating situation right now, think back. Have you been in a similar situation before? What did you do then to move beyond? What wisdom from the past can you bring to bear on the present? 

Last week we talked a lot about being in transitions in our lives where we just can't see the forest for the trees...we know we're moving toward something, but we don't know what. Either that, or we're in a holding pattern in which we know where we want to go but, for one reason or another, aren't moving. 

A lot of people seemed to resonate with a need or desire to refocus, reinvigorate or re-something at this time. So one of my readers, prolific deck creator and all around nice gal Beth Seilonen, suggested that's what we address this week. So this week's draws will center around that topic, either advice or wisdom to move us forward...or a message to abide us while we're here. 

Today's draw of The Wheel is, I think, both advice and comfort. The comforting part of The Wheel is that it speaks to cycles, gestation and impermanence. This will pass. In its own time. And before you know it, you'll be so caught up in the next phase that you'll be begging for another holding pattern. Also, those times when we don't seem to be moving forward are sometimes the moments we're working the hardest. 

That's the gestation part. Think about a pregnant woman. She might not even begin to show significantly for six months, but all that time cells have been splitting, hearts and limbs have been forming...a lot of work has been going on that's barely visible. But it's a LOT of work. So while we may be in a phase of apparent stasis, we may nonetheless feel exhausted from all the work that's going on outside of our immediate consciousness.

The advice piece, though, is a nuance of The Wheel that I don't know I've ever considered in this way before—what have you learned in the past that can help this moment? Where have you seen this situation in the past? After all, the wheel has a tendency to spin lessons and   experiences around to us again and again to bring deeper understanding at each new turn. 

A lot of times we'll look at the recent events that led us to where we are...the relationship that failed, the job change we just made, the frustrations that led to our desire to change. That's not the past I'm talking about coming back around to. All of that happened on this turn of the wheel. The past I'm talking about the relationship BEFORE this that failed...the LAST life change we made. The last turn of the wheel. We have to move beyond the clutter of this current situation to see beyond it. 

One thing that keeps coming up for me...and may be a card that comes up later this week...is surrender. Things don't usually move or progress while I'm all tense about them, pushing against them, trying to steer them, control them or otherwise supervise them. But when I just "let go and let God", things seem to fall into place. Beautifully.

Surrender works for me. But what wisdom from your past could be applied to your current situation? What do you know about yourself that helps here? And what are you willing to share to help others learn from you? ;)

5/12/12-5/13/12—Moving Toward the Light

Weekend Reading: The Devil from the Tierney's Delight tarot by Beth Seilonen. What is holding you back from flying large and free? We all have some sort of unhealthy behavior lurking in the wings. Maybe it's a relationship that's run its course. Or a set of beliefs. A bad habit or behavior. Or a flat out addiction. You may not acknowledge it to others, but you can't escape it in your head. It mocks you. It never goes away. And you never get around to doing anything about it. As a person who smoked for 26 years (and has been quit for 8), this much I know for sure—there will never be a "good time" to quit drinking, leave your boyfriend, change a bad habit, step away from something you no longer believe, etc. So since there's never going to be a good time, you may as well do something now. The first step is to identify and acknowledge that thing inside your head that is telling you to move in another direction. If you haven't done that yet, do that this weekend and start thinking about your plan for change. And if you've already done that, make one step toward change—seek out a 12-step program, buy an exercise ball, check out a new apartment, investigate other churches in your area...whatever makes sense to your issue. It doesn't have to be big. It just has to be enough to show the universe you want change. Every day you don't do this, the calendar turns another page. Your stash of pages is limited. Don't waste another day in breaking free of the chains that bind you. Move toward the light!

And, hey....check out the tarot deck named after ME at http://www.catseyeart.com/catalog/i80.html

5/11/12—Letting The Sun Shine In

Today's Draw: The Sun from Dylan's Tarot by Dylan Guthrie. What has brought you joy today? What is your best, guaranteed, sure-fire way to raise your spirits when you're down? And what can you do to bring a little joy into someone else's heart today?

I received two tarot decks in the mail today. One is called Tierney's Delight, the latest major's only deck by Beth Seilonen. It's Number 1 of 50, which is an absolute honor. And it came with a note from the artist thanking me for my inspiration. As you can imagine, all of that gave me quite a smile. I mean, how many tarot enthusiasts have a deck named after them AND have the honor of getting the first copy?

But you know what gave me a bigger smile? The note that came with the second deck, Dylan's Tarot. Mine is Number 8 of 25, which was, interestingly enough, Dylan's age at the time of the deck's creation in 2008-2009. At 8, Dylan Guthrie was possibly the youngest tarot artist in the world, making his limited-edition deck a must for any collector. He is the son of Beth Seilonen, creator of Tarot Leaves, my favorite Fishy Tarot and, of course, my new favorite Tierney's Delight.

The note came on a card with a lighthouse on it, illustrated by his mom. It was written in the artist's own hand and it said, "Thank you for buying Dylan's Tarot. It has been a long time since I have had a sale! Sincerely, Dylan." He signed the card in cursive and accompanied the signature by a neatly printed version of his name so I would know it was him.

Clearly there has been an egregious oversight in the tarot community if I was able to snag copy #8 of 25 of this delightful major's only deck. Few decks reflect the whimsy and innocence—not to mention the fresh eye—of this heavily researched, year-long labor of love. Had I chosen Justice, I might delve further into the INjustice of this deck having not already gone out of print! 

But I won't go there, because today I chose the Sun card, which is about happiness. And Dylan's deck and his note brought me a sweet dose of that today. 

While still adhering to the traditional, many cards are visually reinterpreted in surprising and symbolic ways. For example, the shadow cast from the Devil while being lit by the flames of hell makes me think of how much bigger our personal challenges and shadow selves can appear to us, making them that much harder for us to overcome.

The Death card evokes the Ten of Swords to me in the sense that it shows someone utterly defeated, but with the sun rising in the background, suggesting the dawn of a new day. Also the three bees or dragonflies intrigue me...perhaps a new resourcefulness rising up from the defeat? A trinity of transformation in body, mind and soul?

And the Hanged Man also stands out because the man is displaying a different posture from the traditional card and he hangs over water, which is suggestive of emotion. Since the traditional meaning of this card is finding a new point of view or taking a pause in the action, it seems to call on us to take a more measured look at the emotions of whatever situation we're in...or that perhaps the solution we speak is in suspending ourselves in or near our emotions before we can acquire the grounding we seek. 

But perhaps the masterwork of this deck is the card I chose today, The Sun. It has a lot of traditional symbolism in it with the sunflowers and the horse and the bright, happy sun shining down. Everyone in this card—the bird, the horse, the child—is stopping to smell the flowers. Even the sun seems to be wanting to catch a whiff. And that's where happiness lies, isn't it? In immersing yourself in the beauty of this very moment. And even at the age of 8, Dylan knows that beauty is all around us. We just have to open our awareness long enough to look. 

Dylan's Tarot comes in a black velvet-y bag, snuggled within a one-of-a-kind illustrated box that bears the numbered copy of the deck. It is a small deck, perhaps a bit smaller than a deck of playing cards. It is a BARGAIN at any price, but at the time of this publication was available at a reduced price of $25...for a limited edition deck! That took a year to research and create! Outrageous! I'm guessing Dylan is 11 or 12 now and could buy some wicked video games or boy gear with the proceeds he could earn from his remaining decks. Just sayin'.

Today's entry was more like a deck review than my usual thing. But it also illustrates how the simplest things, like a note from a child, an exploration of a new deck or one of the countless flowers that's blooming at this time of year can bring joy. We just have to clear our daily haze long enough to experience it. What has brought you joy today? And if you haven't yet found it, what can you do to make it happen?

4/18/12—Scoring the Cherry Lifesaver

Today's Draw: The Nine of Pentacles from the Fishy Tarot. Are you proud of what you've built in your life? If you could change something, what would it be? What if you found out the secret to success, fulfillment and happiness was as simple as changing your vision of what they are?

The Nine of Pentacles is, first and foremost, a card about prosperity and expansion. But I often like to see it also as a card representing all you've built in the world. All YOU have built. When you move to the Ten, you can consider it more of what you've built along with your family or tribe. But this is all about you. 

And, when you think of it, it's all about you anyway. After all, you built the tribe or family that brings stability and security in the Ten, just as you brought the growth and abundance in the Nine. I think we never truly own our power and responsibility in the world until we realize that every choice we make—and don't make—goes into building what we have in this very moment. 

At this point people tend to ask, "what about the things that happen to you that you can't control? The layoffs, car accidents and muggings of life?" These aren't things you asked for, but they are things you have to answer for. And the choice comes in how you end up doing that. Whether or not you allow it to hold you back, spur you on or utterly defeat you. We've all seen stories of people who've suffered fates far greater than we'll ever know...disfiguring accidents, death camps, unspeakable abuse...and they still find purpose, passion, joy and love in their lives.

The thing that usually trips people up is thinking everything is black and white. Remember Five Flavor Lifesavers? If you were like me, you hoped beyond hope that the next one would be cherry. Because yummy Lifesavers were red and all the others colors were second-class flavors. 

Reality was that all the flavors were good except the HORRIFIC pineapple (have you EVER tasted a pineapple remotely flavored like that?). But there I was merely tolerating lemon, lime and orange in hopes that the next one would be cherry. My vision of what the best "next flavor" was was so unyielding and absolute that I cheated myself out of enjoying the other flavors. I CHOSE to disappoint myself 4 out of 5 times in every roll. In fact, had I been in advertising back then, that's the headline I would have written—"Disappointment in Every Roll." 

Ironically, I could have chosen to win the "Five Flavor challenge" every single time by buying a roll of Cherry Lifesavers. Or I could have had variety AND a surplus of cherry at the same time by getting two rolls. But it never occurred to me that I had way more options than I thought.

We do this more often than we realize in our lives. Our vision of what success, achievement, abundance, prosperity and happiness look like is so narrow and absolute that we cheat ourselves out of experiencing the multi-flavored goodness that life puts in front of us every day. If there is something you want to achieve and you hit up against a wall, I guarantee you there is another way. The road there and the final destination may not look the way you imagined, but if you want what you want, achievement can be as easy as changing the picture in your mind. 

You either choose to achieve the things you want in life or you don't. It's like that saying, "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" If you'd rather receive your happiness the "right" way—the way it appears in movies and books and other dramas that dance in your brain—then you choose the disappointments that come when it arrives in a different package. But if you choose to be happy regardless of how you get that way, chances are you'll get there faster, revisit more often and reside there longer.

4/13/12—Canceling the Pity Party

Today's Draw: The Five of Pearls (Pentacles) from the Fishy Tarot by Beth Seilonen. Is there something—love, money, appreciation, etc.—you seem to be in short supply of these days? Do you feel cheated by life because of it? Where is the flow of abundance being blocked in your life?

You all probably know Beth Seilonen as the big-time, fancy tarot artist that released Tarot Leaves a few months back and is now in great demand to produce ever more elaborate and complex decks. But it wasn't that long ago that she was chained up in a New England basement, slaving over her color printer, laminater and corner rounder, producing small-run, limited-edition, "boutique" decks to feed the insatiable tarot-making beast inside her. She's incredibly prolific. She never runs out of ideas for new decks. I have no idea how many decks (mostly majors-only) she has created over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if it were 100. It's gotta be at least 50. All of them are sold in limited edition releases of maybe 10 to 150 decks, so if you have one of her decks, you're one of the very few in the world that does.

The Fishy Tarot is one of those decks, offered in a limited run of 125. It's one of just a few 78-card decks she's made. It comes wrapped in silk in a hand-illustrated box. I remember the first time I looked at the deck I thought the cards were pretty simple. But it isn't until you sit down and really look at what she's done that you see how deceptive that thought is. This Five of Pearls is the perfect illustration of that.

Just look at this pathetic little fish. There he is all glum at the bottom of the ocean, hanging out all by himself, while above him there's practically a conga line of joy and action, not to mention a fresh stash of pearls. But he's convinced himself that the high life upon the rock is not for him. For some reason, he doesn't deserve...isn't worthy of...or has somehow been cast aside by....the world of happiness and plenty. While everyone else is dining on plentiful seaweed tonight, he's doomed to eat sand. And like it. 

This is the card of what I like to call "the poverty mentality". It's a mindset that, at its core, is based on the belief that there is a limited amount of resources in the universe. The resources in question might be money, love, friendship, ideas...anything of personal or social value. It's a sort of mini story that runs through the Pentacles in the tarot. Basically you work hard to build something in the Ace through Three of Pentacles. Then in the Four, you start thinking, "what if I lose it?" So you hold on too tight. 

Then the fear overtakes you in the Five. Whether real or imagined, you feel left out of the abundance of the universe. And, quite frankly, you're no fun to be around. So you and society become separated, deepening your doldrums. At this point, you no longer believe the universe holds infinite abundance and there is plenty for everyone to be taken care of. You are one of the "have nots". And, because you believe this, you pinch off the outflow of resources, thereby disconnecting the flow of abundance in your life. The universe, seeing you've closed off the flow of abundance, tries its best to supply you with what you need, but it's like a clogged artery...the flow can't go through. You feel even less abundant. You become less abundant. And even though you might still have everything you need, you certainly don't see it that way. All you see is that you've been handed the short end of the stick. And it smells like butt. 

This is the poverty mentality. It has nothing to do with reality. And it's not even about money. The fish in this card looks like he feels like he has no friends. But they're up there, happy to welcome him in. In fact, it seems to me like one fish is looking for him and the other two fish are talking about how they haven't seen him around lately. The poverty mentality is all in the mind. And the longer it stays in the mind, the more you focus on lack. And the more you focus on lack, the more the universe thinks you're into receiving lack. And the more lack you get. 

The way out is in the Six of Pentacles. It's to re-open the flow of abundance by allowing resources to flow out of you. To give to others the very thing you think you lack. When you realize you have enough to give to others, you see you're not really lacking like you thought. Then you begin to see how infinitely the universe funds you...how infinitely the universe funds everyone. When you have that mindset, the flow increases in your life. You begin to see how rich you are. And by the time you reach the 10 of Pentacles, lack is a distant memory and you have the stability and security you've always wanted. 

It really is all in your head. There is no lack of resources in the universe. Did Beth Seilonen say, after creating her 37th deck, "I've run out of ideas and ways to interpret the tarot?" No! She keeps creating and finding layer after layer of nuance, because THERE IS NO LACK. The only lack is in your ability to believe you're worthy of receiving what you want or need. The only lack is in your connection to the cosmic flow of abundance—a connection entirely within your power to create. The universe doesn't even ask you to work hard to get what you want. It just asks that you stop believing and acting as if there's a lack. Regardless of what you're lacking. And we're all lacking something. 

So take a look at where the flow is working in your life and see if it isn't true...you have what you need because you give and are open to receiving and have healthy beliefs around the cycle of abundance in that particular area. Now take a look at where abundance isn't flowing and see where the flow of abundance is breaking down. Then fix it, fercryinoutloud! Yeesh!

2/6/12—Unbagging Our Baggage

Today's Draw: The World from Beth Seilonen's Awaken deck. Were you ever told to leave things from the past in the past? Have you packed all your baggage away and said good riddance to it once and for all? Or are you proud of surviving the stupid and the horrible and don't care who knows about it?

Beth Seilonen is probably the most prolific deck artist out there. She creates mostly small-quantity, limited edition, majors only decks. This Awaken deck is only 1 of 13. It is a companion to her Awareness deck, that I also have. If you visit her etsy shop, you can snag a copy of her Fishy Tarot, which is a full 78-card deck. I have that one and love it. She has also recently published a mass-market 78-card deck called Tarot Leaves.

The World card is about a successful completion of a cycle. But something Beth said in her interpretation of this card makes me think about how each of us is the sum total of everything we've ever done. So you are not your most recent failure or success. You're not your career. Or your state of parenthood. Or that jail term you served back in the '80s. Nor are you merely the "saved" person you've become. You're all of it, good and bad, shameful and triumphant.

Sometimes we tend to look at ourselves—or present ourselves—through a particular lens. Some of us still carry the characterizations that were placed on us as children when we've completely changed that part of ourselves. Some may re-write history, preferring not to own the mistakes we've made in the past. Some dwell on a mistake they made 20 years ago as if it's all they are. 

We talk about our "baggage" like it's something unmentionable when, in fact, it's our personal history and every bit a part of who we are today as anything else that's happened in our lives. It shouldn't define us. Nor should it be shoved aside.

Most, if not all of us, have experienced some sort of trauma in our lives. At the time of our trauma, it became who we were at that time. Then people got tired of us being that way and we were sent off to deal with any lingering issues by ourselves. Over time, that became part of our baggage and we were told not to bring it up if we wanted to keep a lover, for example. So we bury these little bundles of shame further and further back in our psyche in an effort to forget it ever happened, because that's what makes the people around us feel more comfortable. And when we think about that stuff today, we feel bad, like we should be over it already.

But here's the thing, as long as we view these events as something "bad" or to be kept in silence, we allow them to hold power over us...to hold us hostage. When we deny something in our shadow, we deny the lessons, the experience, the influence and the gift it offered to our lives. As long as we hold it at arm's length—whether our excuse is that we should be over it or we don't want to give it power—we allow it to hold us down. We're fighting against it instead of accepting it. Healing and integration happen in cycles and layers just like everything else. So it's normal it would come up for review now and again. It's normal that things we see or do would trigger its memories within us. 

And if we never share our baggage with a lover or a friend, for example, then we're really holding intimacy at bay. We're saying, "love me for what I choose to show you", rather than "love me for who really I am". We never get the kind of understanding and acceptance we're really looking for in life. 

So consider what you may be denying in your life. What fears are you running away from? 

What gifts have you refused to accept? If you're always looking at your life through a lens of your shortcomings, how can you expect to find self love? And if you're always looking at your life through a lens of your triumphs, then you'll always be chased by the demons of your shortcomings. Only when we integrate all that we are, without shame or denial, can we truly shed the things that hold us back and move forward in the confidence of our true selves.