11/12/12—Distrusting Yourself

Today's Draw: Island of the Giant Cattle from the Celtic Book of the Dead oracle. Is there a situation in your life right now that you feel a need to exert control over? Is there one where you really just don't trust another person to do their job? Can you look beyond those issues to see where they are generated by your own fears and lack of self trust?

Also known as Island of the Beefy Nekkid Dude, the Island of the Giant Cattle is a card that talks about a couple of different concepts that are intertwined. The first is that, no matter how hard you try, there will always be some things that defeat you. And the second is that an inability to trust those who may know better, could be one of those things defeating you right now. And a third that I'm adding from my own head is that an inability to trust yourself could be what's really at the root of all that. 

As a nicely compensated consultant, I'm always surprised at the clients who don't trust your recommendations and/or actually stand in the way of doing your best work because they don't trust you to know your business. What it really comes down to is a fear...that if they don't exert control over every phase, that the project will most surely fail. Ultimately it's not me they don't trust, it's themselves, in one way or another. 

So they will hire me to write a website, for example, then they'll change so much of what I write that the content ends up sounding just like the last website they had...the one they wanted to change...the one they wanted to sound different from. And the reason it sounds like the last one, is because they did the same thing last time to some other copywriter who now won't take their calls. They don't trust themselves to make the right hiring and management decisions to set the stage for success, perhaps because they've never managed a project like this before or maybe they've been unsuccessful in the past. So they end up carefully shaping the very thing they fear—defeat—into reality. 

Just for the record, the people I maintain as clients aren't like that. I've said before and I'll say it again, I have the world's best clients...people who see my value and truly appreciate the work I do for them. Many of them have been working with me for 10-15 years. They put their trust in me and that's how I like to work. It makes me want to aspire to my best. 

So, when I'm so "strict" about letting the professionals do what they know how to do, how come I find myself ignoring advice I get from professionals who know better than me? I certainly don't do this all the time. Most of the time I trust. But I can see in two places of my life where I'm feeling "defeat", that I'm also not doing what the professionals I've hired are telling me to do. 

What could appear like overconfidence, an inflated sense of self importance or control issues to the professional whose advice is being ignored, is, in my case, my own self-trust issues. In one case I have so little trust in myself based on choices I've made in the past, that I'm just plain afraid to do what it takes to change. It's a very complex bundle of emotions with that particular issue. But in the end, I'm both afraid of failure and untrusting of myself. And the end result is a cycle of failure, the very thing I'm afraid of. 

In the other case, it appears more like I just don't trust life to take its own natural course. Because it's something that just needs time to work itself out. But underneath the difficulty in just surrendering to time and the process, is a lack of trust in my own ability to happily adapt to any eventuality. It isn't until I remind myself that I'm really good at doing that, that the stress and worry that causes the mistrust melts away. 

So you see how it works? Sometimes it's hard to see how your mistrust of others is actually mistrust of self. But it's there. What does all of this evoke in you?

8/8/12—Revisiting the Last Turn of the Wheel

Today's Draw: The Wheel from the Celtic Book of the Dead. If you're in a difficult or frustrating situation right now, think back. Have you been in a similar situation before? What did you do then to move beyond? What wisdom from the past can you bring to bear on the present? 

Last week we talked a lot about being in transitions in our lives where we just can't see the forest for the trees...we know we're moving toward something, but we don't know what. Either that, or we're in a holding pattern in which we know where we want to go but, for one reason or another, aren't moving. 

A lot of people seemed to resonate with a need or desire to refocus, reinvigorate or re-something at this time. So one of my readers, prolific deck creator and all around nice gal Beth Seilonen, suggested that's what we address this week. So this week's draws will center around that topic, either advice or wisdom to move us forward...or a message to abide us while we're here. 

Today's draw of The Wheel is, I think, both advice and comfort. The comforting part of The Wheel is that it speaks to cycles, gestation and impermanence. This will pass. In its own time. And before you know it, you'll be so caught up in the next phase that you'll be begging for another holding pattern. Also, those times when we don't seem to be moving forward are sometimes the moments we're working the hardest. 

That's the gestation part. Think about a pregnant woman. She might not even begin to show significantly for six months, but all that time cells have been splitting, hearts and limbs have been forming...a lot of work has been going on that's barely visible. But it's a LOT of work. So while we may be in a phase of apparent stasis, we may nonetheless feel exhausted from all the work that's going on outside of our immediate consciousness.

The advice piece, though, is a nuance of The Wheel that I don't know I've ever considered in this way before—what have you learned in the past that can help this moment? Where have you seen this situation in the past? After all, the wheel has a tendency to spin lessons and   experiences around to us again and again to bring deeper understanding at each new turn. 

A lot of times we'll look at the recent events that led us to where we are...the relationship that failed, the job change we just made, the frustrations that led to our desire to change. That's not the past I'm talking about coming back around to. All of that happened on this turn of the wheel. The past I'm talking about the relationship BEFORE this that failed...the LAST life change we made. The last turn of the wheel. We have to move beyond the clutter of this current situation to see beyond it. 

One thing that keeps coming up for me...and may be a card that comes up later this week...is surrender. Things don't usually move or progress while I'm all tense about them, pushing against them, trying to steer them, control them or otherwise supervise them. But when I just "let go and let God", things seem to fall into place. Beautifully.

Surrender works for me. But what wisdom from your past could be applied to your current situation? What do you know about yourself that helps here? And what are you willing to share to help others learn from you? ;)

7/25/12—Coming Home

Today's Draw: Island of the Falcon from the Celtic Book of the Dead. When you've been away on a trip, what do you see, smell, hear or sense on the return trip that tells you "home is near"? Do you feel like you energetically connect to your home before you arrive there? And what about your soul's home...what do you suppose it sees when it's time to return to the place from whence it came?

The Celtic Book of the Dead is a story about a hero's oceanic quest in search of the otherworld. Through his journey, he encounters 33 islands, each of which delivers a lesson through mystical creatures and experiences. As the hero approaches the Island of the Falcon, he sees a familiar creature—an Irish falcon—giving him comfort that he is nearing home. Indeed, the Island of the Falcon is the last island on the trip. 

The story of the Island of the Falcon comes to tell us that whenever we've been on a mystical or spiritual trip, it's important to reground ourselves back in our everyday existence and reconnect with our purpose on the way back home, otherwise we may fall prey to cruel reality when arrive. The book says all journeys ends are marked by some landmark or familiar symbol to help us do just that. It's also a way of assimilating all we've experienced during our time away. 

In human terms, this is like when I come home from the mountains. I'm out in the country and I don't have to work. I don't have to be anywhere or do anything. Everything moves slowly. I live a different version of my life for a short time. Somewhere along my trip home, usually when I hit the first major highway (and nearly get sideswiped by a car doing 95 in the slow lane), I start "coming home" in my body, mind and soul. 

When I've just been gone for a few hours, there's a layer of "arrival" I experience when I get within a mile or so of my home. That's when I tune into my waiting dogs and get anxious to see them. Anytime I'm away from my physical home, I feel an urging to get back. Since I work at home, leaving the nest isn't an everyday thing, so I'm very connected to the comfort of this space.

The phenomena works the same in the opposite direction. On my way out to the mountains, for example, I leave my everyday world and feel the energy shift when I exit from the major highway and hit the one-lane roads. There's an imaginary line you cross when you leave the dense energy of the metropolitan area and start hitting the lighter energy of the countryside. It's something you can feel physically, psychically, emotionally...every which way.

I'm guessing we all know what I'm talking about and all know that landmark or symbol that "brings us home". But since we're talking about bigger journeys this week, so I'm about to get all heavy on you. What do you suppose is the first thing you see when your soul makes its journey home after you die? Most people report a white light or tunnel. Do you think that's the landmark or symbol your soul recognizes as a cue to reground itself in spirit energy? Or do you think it's something else?

What might be even a harder question, though, is what do you suppose your soul saw on the way to inhabit your body before you came here? What might it have seen, felt or experienced to say "OK, it's time to ground myself in earth energy and be a human again"? And what if your soul has never been to earth before? What might be a more universal symbol that gave it the cue to prepare to take form?

The book for this oracle says the landmarks of your physical home are also the landmarks of your spiritual home. So what might those landmarks be?

7/9/12—Feeling the Love

Today's Draw: The Hazel-nut from the Celtic Book of the Dead. Do you get enough love? Would you like to feel more? What is the best kind of love to have in your life?

The topic I've chosen for this week is "how to feel more love in your life". I worded this "how to FEEL more love in your life" as opposed to "how to GET more love in your life" for a couple of reasons. One is that I think we all have more love in our lives than we realize, we just don't notice or appreciate it. The other reason is that feeling more love will naturally attract more love into our lives. 

I think love is the key to more than we consciously admit it is. When we feel love—are able to give and receive it freely, without fear—we fill that hole in our lives that we otherwise fill with drugs, drama, judgment...all sorts of things. Think of it. When you're in love, you feel kinder toward the world. More forgiving. You want to treat yourself well. You're content. 

The problem is, people tend to place the lion's share of importance on romantic love, so if our romantic life isn't feeling lovey, we don't feel loved. We convince ourselves that there many kinds of love, all existing on a hierarchy and some kinds are better than others. Because of this, many people will snatch up any romantic opportunity rather than feel like a "loser". Which often ends them up in loveless relationships. Go figure. But the thing is, love is love. Sure, you share different expressions of it with your children than you do your husband. But love is love. 

Anywho, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm doing all this yapping before I've even chosen a card! *shuffling deck and pulling the Hazel-nut card* So today's way to feel more love is to first become conscious of feeling it. The Hazel-nut card tells us to test the situation before us with all of our senses. It's a card of gleaning wisdom, counsel and inspiration from within. 

What an amazing answer! Because most of the time we trudge through life unconscious of what's in front of us. Since I live alone and work alone and am generally unattached, you'd think I'd have a hard time feeling lots of love in my life. And I did. Until I started looking around me and saw and felt the love on offer. I have friends and family members who float a lot of love my way. And instead of taking it for granted, I stop and feel it sometimes. Their love helps me feel more self love which, let's face it, is the necessary foundation for feeling any love at all.

How they cram so much love into something so small, I'll never know.

But my MAJOR source of love is my two dogs. I mean, really, what's better than rolling around in a bottomless pit of unconditional love and adoration? Really! Where else will you find creatures that want to be right next to you 24/7/365? And if you leave for even as much as two seconds, they're pining for you. I mean, really, what is better than that?!

It's so easy to overlook the source of love our pets give. Or that we get from our family. We come to expect that love and dismiss it. Like there's some better kind of love out there that's eluding us. Or like it doesn't count. Instead of feeling it multiple times a day, every day, we slough it off and only feel it on anniversaries when someone has gone out of their way for us, as though that's the only kind of love that counts. Humans tend to always seek better than we have...better cars, better clothing, better homes...when, for most of us, we already have everything we want and need. The only things we DON'T have are gratitude and appreciation. So we walk around unsatisfied. And that's how we'll always be, because that's all we ever allow ourselves to be.

I honestly can't tell you how many women I know (myself included at one point) who have poo-pooed the love of their family and pets because "it's not the same as having a man love me! Waaahhhhh!" So they walked around miserable and needy until some man came along. And it was usually a man incapable of satisfying the "need", because no matter how much love was floated their way, it was never enough, the right kind or timed correctly. Sorry to be blunt, but if you don't have enough love in your life, it's not the world that's broken. It's your ability to accept and feel love.

So the lesson of the Hazel-nut is to bring the consciousness of your senses into your relationships. When your husband hugs you, feel the love in it. Become conscious of the energy flowing from his heart to yours. Allow yourself to love back. That man could be living a completely different life without you. Appreciate the fact that he's chosen to be there, with you, in this moment, holding you. That alone is a huge expression of love. Forget for just a minute that you sometimes feel like you're drifting apart. Forget that he left his towel on the bathroom floor. Feel the reason why he's still there...feel his love. 

Maybe your daughter is a teenager and tells you she hates you. Feel the love in that! Remember when you were 16? You didn't really mean it. You just wanted more power in your life and your mother got in the way. Feel the love that's REALLY there. And if you can't feel that, feel the love you feel for her. Love is just as good when you're giving it as it is when you're receiving it. What the receiver does with it doesn't matter. Feel how you feel giving it....how you feel opening your heart and letting love flow unconditionally.

Not a day goes by that I don't take time out to consciously hold my dogs and love on them...and allow them to love me back. In fact, every morning we have a "mommy's awake!" celebration with kisses and adoration and wagging tails. They both patiently wait until I've checked my mail and am ready to receive them, then they can't get to me fast enough. 

They also have things they particularly like to do with me that I indulge, like sitting outside at night and just sitting. With me. And then they like to climb up on the sofa and rest their heads on me. And it's so easy to not notice or to dismiss those moments, but I've made a conscious habit of seeing them as what they are...expressions of love...and I drink them in. If you have a pet, start noticing and participating in the many shows of love they offer each day. And, when you can, stop what you're doing. Make it a priority.

One of the things that breaks my heart is that my girl, Magick, sometimes brings toys over to me to play with. She does this most frequently when I'm on the phone or loving on her brother or watching TV...when she feels jealous or neglected. Anyway, sometimes I'll get really lost in work or whatever. Then I'll look up from what I'm doing and see five toys at my feet. And I didn't even notice that she'd come to me! She wanted us to share lovey times and I didn't even look up!

How many times do you do that, whether literally or symbolically, with the people in your life? With family and friends? How much love are you too busy doing stupid stuff to receive...and give? How much love do you turn away? I'll bet if you started becoming conscious of all that's around you and really feeling it, you'd be overwhelmed by love...the way you've always wanted to be...the way we all should be.

6/25/12—Taking Control of Shapshifting Emotions

Today's Draw: Island of the Revolving Beast from the Celtic Book of the Dead oracle. Are you quick to anger? Do you often find that something comes along to ruin a perfectly good day? Do you have a hard time maintaining a sense of peace in your life?

As it turns out, last week's readings were all focused on creating change in our lives. And many weeks, come Wednesday or Thursday, I'll notice that the cards are following one theme or another. So this week I thought I'd make that intentional and, each day, ask how we can create more peace in our lives. 

A "Book of the Dead" is a funerary text to help ease the transition of a dead or dying person as they prepare for the otherworld. It contains prayers, as well as details the states we encounter after death. Perhaps originated by a shaman, priest or some other traveller into the other realms, these ancient texts were subject to great interpretation as they were often part of an oral tradition or had multiple versions preserved on scrolls or papyrus.

In the Celtic culture, the Book of the Dead is told in Immrama, or poems about a hero's oceanic quest in search of the otherworld. I was surprised to find that these poems are Christian in nature, not pagan as we're used to finding with the Celts. Certainly today "Irish Catholic" are two words that are inextricably intertwined, but in the world of mysticism and tarot, the Celts are all about paganism (earth-centered or polytheistic types of religion.) In a way, this deck pulls together the mythic nature of Celtic paganism with the ideas of paradise and transformation in Celtic Christianity.

So, with the intention of creating more peace in our lives, I chose the Island of the Revolving Beast. On the hero's quest for the underworld, they land upon 33 islands. And on this island, they are greeted by an angry beast who changed shape "quicker than thought". Does that sound like anyone you know...perhaps even yourself?

We all have a tendency to respond to things "quicker than thought". We can be fine one minute, but if our no-whip soy Caramel Macchiatto is made incorrectly—or takes too long to make—all bets are off. In any given day, we may shapeshift dozens of times. Most of the time we won't even notice it. The more we sit within our ego, the more often this will happen. And by ego I mean that part of us that walks within our own head, instead of inside the universe's head. The difference between the two is the difference between the experiencer and the observer....between the participator and the detached. 

When we're inside the head of the experiencer, we have no choice but to react. We have no choice to but to see the impact the situation is having on us in the moment. When we're inside the head of the observer, we simply see a situation....or the situation as it fits into the continuum of life. We come out of ourselves and see a truer version of what is going in...not just how something impacts us, but how the something fits into a larger pattern. We're more able to see the basic nature of ourselves, others and life. In the head of the ego, peace is fleeting and controlled by outside forces. In the head of the detached, peace becomes more of a constant and is less vulnerable to attack. 

One way to come out of the ego is to retrain yourself to pause before reacting. Reaction really is a habit you can break. Sure, you're going to still have moments when something pokes you when your guard is down. But most of the time you're able to take a moment before you respond and, in that moment, you can breathe, detach and remind yourself it's not all about you. There's something bigger going on. It's not an attack on you. Even when things sound and look like an attack on you, they're usually about the other person and a million other things, too. 

Another way to come out of the ego is to learn to trust that everything happens for reason. Everything is part of a much bigger pattern you don't have all of the pieces of yet. Again, it's not all about you. And another thing you can do is to play it like a game. What would this situation be like if I floated out of my body and saw it from the outside? What are the intentions of the players? What is really going on underneath the facade of their words and actions? Look at things clinically, like a doctor. Detach from what feels personal...because it's probably not. 

When it comes down to it, peace comes from a place of centeredness within. And you are in control of what disturbs that peace. You can point to outside forces as the cause of that disturbance ("I was having a pleasant drive until some asshole cut me off in traffic") but the real cause of the disturbance is the shapeshifting nature of your own ego—something you have complete control over.

Part of what I ask of my readers, when they're ready, is to do the tough work. To take personal responsibility for their lives. And one of those tough things is to move away from victimhood and realize there are no assholes and no people out to get you. The assholes and people who are out to get you are people who haven't yet healed something within them. And they come into your life to show you where you haven't yet healed yourself. They don't do this to show you're just like them. A mirror reflects back a mirror image, not the image a camera, for example, sees. So others don't mirror back to us in kind, they mirror back to us where our vulnerabilities are so we can heal them. 

When you're walking in the ego, you're just going to react and never see what's being mirrored back. It's not until you can step out of the ego, see why this situation is coming to you and see what it's triggering in you, that you'll be able to see the path toward healing it—the path toward replacing anger, frustration, annoyance, sadness and despair with peace.