4/8/2013—Letting Your Goal Control Itself

Today's Draw: The Emperor from the Tarot of the Sidhe in the What's Working Against Your Goal position from Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you have control issues? Is there a certain way you want things done and no other way can compare? Is there only one outcome to your goal that will satisfy?

When I first starting doing this blog, my hope/goal was that I would write forever without repeating myself. Inevitably after 700+ blogs, though, I do. I really don't like to do it, though. And I'm on the verge of doing it again. And, in a way, that's what today's card combo is all about. 

Crowning Influences are major, kind of obvious influences on something, like a goal, as we have in today's reading. And the Crossing card is something that gets in the way of those influences on our goal...something that works against all the work we do, in a way of speaking. 

So the Emperor is what's working against the work we do. The Emperor is very yang. On the plus side, he's a leader and strategist. On the negative side, he can be very controlling. 

So by trying to control how repetitive this blog is or is not, I'm working against myself. It's like I assume all of you are like my sister, reading all 700 blogs in order (it's actually more than that, because I did this for six months on Facebook before I started my official blog), and committing each to memory (which I doubt she does...haha). It's as if I think everyone only needs to hear something once—and in one way—to get the message. 

Thinking too hard and trying to control what comes up is working against me....and has been for the past six months or so as I've felt I've started touching on some of the same "fine points" more than once. 

Sometimes we can be our own worst nemesis. 

Because also in that six months, I've come up with a couple of thoughts that I could really do something with if I wanted to write a book or ebook or something. So if I packed it in, I wouldn't have had those insights. Also, it's ludicrous to think any other than a small handful of people read every day or have been following me for all three years. So it's best to just let go and trust the right message is hitting the blogosphere at the right time, regardless if it's something I've talked about before. 

So here's the message FOR YOU—let go. Let chaos have its equal time. Embrace the random. Last week in the Lucky Like a Fox post, I talked about detachment, which is letting go of outcomes. Certainly when you have a goal, you have an outcome in mind. But resist the urge to have every little detail spelled out. Leave room for miracles. 

One thing I know for sure...god and the universe have a much bigger imagination and creative capability than you or I. Make room for them to meet you halfway and serve you something you could have never imagined on your own. Whether you have irrational control issues (like me) or are married to a certain specific outcome, loosen up and let the wind guide you to your goal. 

5/1/12—Walking Someone Else's Path

Today's Draw: Control (Chariot) from the Today's Journey Tarot. Consider the situations in your life...is there one you're trying to exert control over? What is your desire to control the situation mirroring back to you? What is it keeping from addressing in your own self? And what awful calamity might befall you if you just let go?

Usually when I do these things, I'm pretty strict about drawing one card and writing about it come hell or high water. I can probably count the number of times I've strayed from that on one hand. Today is one of those days. In fact, today I went through at least a dozen cards from three different decks. I decided to stop looking when I got the message "control". As in "you control freak, choose a frickin' card, fercryinoutloud!"

We all do it. Being controlling is when you try to exert your influence over something that is not within your control. That could be another person or a situation. Control is different from collaboration or compromise. Control is about pushing beyond boundaries and comfort zones. It's about making everything "your way", according to your agenda. It's about trying to elicit a desired response.

Here's the thing about control, though....you can only steer one ship at a time. So people who habitually try to control others are people who are out of control of themselves. In fact, it is often from the fear of being out of control that we try to control others. 

There is a person I know who likes to lecture people about their issues. So-and-so drinks too much. They're not making anything out of their lives. Their god doesn't have the right name. And they should be ashamed of themselves, at this age, not having their stuff together. Meanwhile, the person making these judgments and trying to elicit shame and change in others, has been homeless for years, has substance abuse issues and can't manage to stay in a shelter long without getting thrown out.

So our desire to control others can often be a mirror into ourselves. It's so much easier seeing the flaws in someone else than to see them in yourself. It's easier the steer the ship of someone else than it is to steer yourself. But that example is dramatic and obvious. There are many more subtle ways we do it on a daily basis we may not even be aware of. 

Maybe we say that one extra thing to try to make someone feel guilty about something. Or we "rescue" someone, then tell them exactly how they should be from here on in. Or we tell someone the consequences they'll pay for not believing as we do. Or we push our agenda so strongly and loudly that others give in. Or we compliment something to get on someone's good side. We twist words to support our arguments. Shun those who don't act the way we like. Try to talk someone out of something they want to do. Tell people what they're thinking or feeling. Deny responsibility for things we've done. Create problems or dramas with others. Don't support others' dreams. Or are overly generous with gifts.

Like I said, we're not always aware that that's what we're doing, but we all do it from time to time—we try to "push" a situation, bring others in alignment with our agenda or elicit a desired response/reaction from others. We tell ourselves it's for their own good or they "should" be doing things this way, but the truth is, we have no idea what their own good is. We're not even sure what our own path is half the time, how can we know someone else's? Besides, if we're focused on walking someone else's path for them, then we're not making much progress on our own path. And many times that's the point.

Chances are there is some situation in your life right now that you are trying to control or fighting back the urge to control. What is it telling you? Why do you really want what you're trying to get? What are you reactions trying to make someone else do or feel? What do you want someone to realize? And, if you believe in God, why might you be usurping his will by not just "letting go and letting God"?