2/7/13—Living Happily Ever After

Today's Draw Classic*: Knight of Cups from the Infinite Visions. Do you believe in love at first sight? What about "happily ever after"? Is there some part of you that believes fairy tales are possible?

The book for this deck says "you may fall in love at first sight. Relish the feeling. It is probably temporary." Reading that made me laugh, mostly because it's so true. 

We've all "fallen in love" at first sight with the wrong person, right? Or even if it was the right person, we soon learned it wasn't all rainbows and unicorns. There are five words that either literally or figuratively appear at the end of every love story that have totally screwed society because they are simply not true—"they lived happily ever after."

Those five words are the expectation of nearly every mutual attraction that has ever occurred. And they're the same five words that have delivered pretty much every divorce that ever occurred. This is what we've been brainwashed into expecting and when we don't get it, we're disappointed. Some choose to look for it elsewhere. Others just wallow in their bitterness. And still, it rarely occurs to any bride or groom who walks down the aisle that just it ain't gonna happen. There's no such thing as happily ever after, yet everyone believes their love will emulate the fairy tale.

Under no circumstances—married, coupled or single—do any of us live happily ever after. Even the Dalai Lama has bad days. Relationships take work. Just imagine if the fairy tales had told the truth...how much better off we'd all be if they had just said "and they struggled forth together, finding happiness in fits and spurts along the way." That's not so bad, is it? Reality isn't so awful. What's awful is placing the burden of "happily ever after" on someone you love. 

Another thing I thought of when I saw the Knight of Cups and the book's description is how I feel sometimes when I buy something. Like I'll be all whipped up in a romantic frenzy with some "treasure" I've found online and when it finally arrives in the mail, it's like "what possessed me to buy this turkey?" (Which I'm sure is what women say about their husbands at times...haha). 

So this leads me to two rules I've set for myself. The first is to be suspect of all "love at first sight" and "soul mate" BS with men. Sure, it turns out successfully sometimes...some rare times. But most of the time you're attracted to someone for reasons you cannot know and when you try to wedge it into a love mold, everyone loses. Either that or you're attracted to the one person who will drive you insane so that you'll learn a certain life lesson from them. That's the reality. So no sense in diving into some fantasy that no man, living or dead or fictional, could possibly live up to. The fastest way to choke out any chance of love—love that deepens and grows over time—is to jump into a relationship too quickly because it's "love at first sight". If it's really love, it can wait for 2nd sight and 10th and 20th sight before you decide he's the one. 

And the same thing goes for online purchases...haha. That's my second rule. If I see something I like, I earmark it and, if it's still calling out desperately to me after 24 hours, I can take a second look, with "sober" eyes, and see if I want to buy it. No more sudden and desperate urges for juicers I have no counter space for or dresses my body can't pull off and I'll never wear anyway because I don't wear dresses. Sure, it's fun to go with the thrill every now and then. But if it's happiness you're looking for, it will wait until you can see the path more clearly.

*Repeat of a post made on 2/22/12

9/24/12—Thinking Like a Romantic

Today's Draw: Knight of Cups from the Infinite Visions tarot. Do you consider yourself romantic? What are some of the romantic things you've been known to do? And what are some romantic things others have done for you?

Tarot's knights are the crusaders of the deck. They're on a mission. And the Knight of Cups is on a mission for love. He's the deck's romantic. 

I have to admit I'm not terribly romantic myself. Or I should say I'm not prone to acting in romantic ways. I mean, in certain moods, I can talk some good romance. But even me saying that in that way kind of indicates that I'm not terribly romantic. :D

When I was trying to think of romantic things men have done for me, the first two that popped into my head were related to food. I had a boyfriend who would eat around the almonds in the Vanilla Swiss Almond, then pass the pint to me to eat the almonds he'd excavated. We'd pass back and forth like that until the pint was gone. That was romantic to me because I'm not terribly fond of vanilla ice cream, but I do like me some Swiss almonds. 

The other romantic food thing was a man who didn't like the skin on Peking Duck. Every woman should have a man like that...haha. Anyway, on Valentine's Day one year we ordered Peking Duck in and he made me my pancakes...heavy on the skin. It was very sweet. 

There have been many romantic things men have done that I haven't seen as such. I mean other women would find them romantic, but they go right over my head. Many women find it romantic when men do things for them...like open car doors or fix things around the house. I'm so self sufficient that it's hard for a man to reach me that way. It's hard for them to do anything I can't—and probably already haven't—done for myself. 

When it comes down to it, I'm really pretty much of a loner in life. I'm not in relationships frequently. I prefer being alone most of the time. Being that way makes me less willing to buy into the whole "falling in love with love" thing, primarily because I'm never quite convinced I want to be in a relationship in the first place. Then when I get in one, I'm so disoriented that I'm not even thinking of little extra things to make someone smile. 

So what's your romance story? What's the most romantic thing someone has done for you? What romantic things have you done for your partner? And if you're in a long-term relationship, has the romance died or is it still alive?

9/21/12—Romancing Your Relationships

Today's Draw: The Knight of Cups from the Lenormand Tarot. When was the last time you told a friend, partner or colleague something you really appreciate about them? When was the last time someone did that for you? Are you keeping the "romance" alive in your relationships?

The Knight of Cups is the tarot's romantic...the one who rides in on his white horse and sweeps you off his feet. 

This week is about relationships and so the way I'm going to interpret this one is fairly quick (this week has been exhausting!). Here it goes: Say something nice to someone you care about. 

Really. Think about it. When do you tell a friend how much you appreciate them or how neat they are? Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we forget to just "romance" our friends. Or our mate. Or our children. Sure we do stuff and assume they know we appreciate them, but how often do you say something like, "the way you xyz'd the other day really meant a lot to me"? When do you single out the LITTLE things?

And I'm also not talking about saying "I love you." That's one of those automatic things that rolls off the lips. No, I'm talking about noticing one of the many little things they do every day to support the relationship. Or pointing out something they did without thinking—because that's who they are—that made a difference to you. 

The funny thing is that I did this twice today before I ever pulled this card. I told one friend, who is also a colleague, how frickin' awesome she is and how much I respect her as a professional and not just as a friend. And I thanked another person today for something they did without even thinking...something that was profoundly meaningful to me. It was one of those things that I could have so easily let pass—to her it was nothing. But then she never would have known what a difference she makes in the lives of others. 

Somewhere in your world someone has done something to pick you up when you were down. Or maybe it's something that they just do because they're them. Give them the gift of letting them know. Out loud. Let them see on your face how much they mean to you. And if you're on the receiving en, don't just brush it off. Take it in and hold it precious, because it is.

5/22/12—Removing Your Armor

Today's Draw Classic*: Knight of Cups from the Victorian Romantic. What kind of armor do you wear as you walk through this world? What might you miss out on because of this? And what are you afraid might happen if you were fully exposed to those around around you?

The Knight of Cups is the ultimate romantic. A dreamy sort of fellow who often lives in a world of his own. This particular knight represents Parsifal, one of the Grail Knights of Arthurian Legend. All these nekkid sirens surround him, trying to distract him from his quest. But he sees nothing but the vision of the grail.

One thing I've always found interesting about this depiction is how shiny his armor is. It reflects everything around him, yet doesn't give us a clue as to what's underneath it all. We've all known people like him, right? Always doing and saying what they're supposed to. Always reflecting back to the world what the world wants to see..or what they want the world to see. But inside, it seems, nobody's home. Or, if someone is home, they've been playing a role for so long they don't even know where the facade ends and the real person inside begins anymore. 

Another thing that stands out is how all encompassing the armor is. Maybe you have someone in your life that only lets you in so much. Or erects so many boundaries that others can't in. Or sets up their lives to keep others at arm's distance at all times, only peeking out on their agenda or when things feel safe. In armor like this, little flows out and little flows in.

The armor the knight in the card wears is quite constricting. It puts a cold, hard layer between him and the rest of the world. He's so caught up in his own world and his own mission that he doesn't even see all the nekkid babes around him.

Armor isn't just something "they" wear, it's something we all don at times. And the more of it we wear, the less we allow ourselves to connect, feel and offer to others. Armor is made of many different materials. An alcoholic holds people at arm's length with their substance abuse. People use technology and its conveniences to avoid dealing with others face to face. A friend who always invites you out to see a movie could be using a setting where discussion is discouraged to keep you at arm's length, as well as to limit their time with you. Being "too busy" all the time protects you from ever stopping and connecting with another. A friend who is a great listener, may actually listen so they never have to share.

Armor manifests itself in many ways and, from time to time, we all wear more or less of it to protect our time, emotions or energy. The problem comes when people get so comfortable in that land of theirs that they can't even see how much their ability to feel, empathize and relate to others has atrophied.

The interesting thing I've learned about armor from my own use of it, is that no matter how much of it you wear or what it's made of, there is nothing on earth that will protect you from pain and heartache. In fact, it's surprising just how much pain the armor itself can cause not just to yourself, but to the people in your lives. Sometimes the armor causes the exact thing you're protecting yourself from.

What kind of armor might you be wearing? Is the armor working or causing problems of its own? What is it keeping you from in your life?

*This entry was adapted from one written last year.

5/16/12—Experiencing Love's Young Dream

Today's Draw: Knight of Cups from the Art of Life Tarot. Do you consider yourself a romantic? Do you like to fall madly, wonderfully in love? Or do you think that's the perfect recipe for heartbreak?

I chose the Art of Life Tarot again today partly because I'm really digging it, and partly because I'm so crazy busy right now that I don't have time to think. And it's sitting right here. The painting is called "The Lovers" and it's by Pal Szinyei Merse. The Thomas Moore quote reads, "There's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young dream."

*barf*

*popping a breath mint*

OK. So I'm not "a romantic". But it's more than that. I interpret "love's young dream" as being that time in the beginning of a relationship where everything is hunky dory and you're certain you've met the one for you. Thomas Moore is smart enough that if he meant "young love's dream", he would have said that. If he'd said that, I wouldn't have barfed, because that kind of innocence is sweet. But he said "love's young dream" and I think I'm way too cynical and old to experience THAT ever again.

They say humans have pretty crappy memories of pain. Which is why we're able to give birth over and over again. Because if we remembered how painful it was, we wouldn't do it again. Now, I know nothing of childbirth (thank god), but I'm thinking I might have a better memory of pain than most people. Because I experienced "love's young dream" once or twice, felt the ensuing pain as the dream crumbled to ash, and then I got wise.

Two people meet and things are going great. After a week or so, each thinks the other is the one they've been seeking all their lives. It's love at first sight! It's soul mates! It's happily ever after! Finally! I'm saved!

We create this fantasy inside our heads that sets our new-found love up for nothing but failure and disappointment. What man can live up to the fantasies we create during the "love's young dream" stage? What woman can? What relationship can?

Then, as we get to know the person and tarnish starts to build up, we wonder what happened to that great guy/gal we met? How come now that I love her/him, she's turned into a total beyotch/lazy-arsed bastard? HOW COME THIS KEEPS HAPPENING TO ME??

"Love's young dream" is why it keeps happening to you. You fell in love with a dream. You let your fantasies run away from you again. And now it's time to wake up and smell the toilet seat he forgot to put back down. Again.

Like I said, I think maybe I have a better pain memory than most. Sure, it's nice to get all giddy and feel the rush while it lasts. But if you're caught up in the adrenaline of that feeling, then you're not being pragmatic about this person you're with. And if you're not being realistic, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Why not just skip right to the disappointment? That way you don't resent him/her for not being your dream for the rest of your life.

I know I'm in the minority here. People would rather feel the rush, because it feels so good. But I'd rather be objective enough to know what I'm dealing with before I declare my forever love. Holding on to objectivity might be less fun in the short term, but serves you better in the long run. At least that's what I think. I'm the kind of person that would rather be alone than be with someone who "once felt right, but proved to be otherwise, but may still be right again, so I'll keep him just in case." Maybe that's the difference between me and someone more "romantic". Maybe they don't remember the pain as much, so they're willing to take chances I'm not. What do you think about all this?

2/24/12—2/26/12—Feeding Your Inner Artist

Weekend Reading: Dancer Prince from Tarot of the Sidhe. This is the weekend to feed your inner tortured artist. Get out your gouache. Pen some poetry. Twinkle your toes. Come out from behind your safe stick in the mud and create like nobody's watching. It really doesn't matter whether you do it "good" or "right", what matters is the healing, revitalizing energies that move through you when you do it. Think of it as spring cleaning for the soul! Blow out the gunk and funk of winter and come alive with creativity!




NOTE: The Dancer Prince is the same as the Knight of Cups we had day before yesterday. Just for funsies, take a look at this card vs. that card. Both are the soul of the romantic, but in different ways.

2/22/12—Living Happily Ever After

Today's Draw: Knight of Cups from the Infinite Visions. Do you believe in love at first sight? What about "happily ever after"? Is there some part of you that believes fairy tales are possible?

The book for this deck says "you may fall in love at first sight. Relish the feeling. It is probably temporary." Reading that made me laugh, mostly because it's so true. 

We've all "fallen in love" at first sight with the wrong person, right? Or even if it was the right person, we soon learned it wasn't all rainbows and unicorns. There are five words that either literally or figuratively appear at the end of every love story that have totally screwed society because they are simply not true—"they lived happily ever after."

Those five words are the expectation of nearly every mutual attraction that has ever occurred. And they're the same five words that have delivered pretty much every divorce that ever occurred. This is what we've been brainwashed into expecting and when we don't get it, we're disappointed. Some choose to look for it elsewhere. Others just wallow in their bitterness. And still, it rarely occurs to any bride or groom who walks down the aisle that just it ain't gonna happen. There's no such thing as happily ever after, yet everyone believes their love will emulate the fairy tale.

Under no circumstances—married, coupled or single—do any of us live happily ever after. Even the Dalai Lama has bad days. Relationships take work. Just imagine if the fairy tales had told the truth...how much better off we'd all be if they had just said "and they struggled forth together, finding happiness in fits and spurts along the way." That's not so bad, is it? Reality isn't so awful. What's awful is placing the burden of "happily ever after" on someone you love. 

Another thing I thought of when I saw the Knight of Cups and the book's description is how I feel sometimes when I buy something. Like I'll be all whipped up in a romantic frenzy with some "treasure" I've found online and when it finally arrives in the mail, it's like "what possessed me to buy this turkey?" (Which I'm sure is what women say about their husbands at times...haha). 

So this leads me to two rules I've set for myself. The first is to be suspect of all "love at first sight" and "soul mate" BS with men. Sure, it turns out successfully sometimes...some rare times. But most of the time you're attracted to someone for reasons you cannot know and when you try to wedge it into a love mold, everyone loses. Either that or you're attracted to the one person who will drive you insane so that you'll learn a certain life lesson from them. That's the reality. So no sense in diving into some fantasy that no man, living or dead or fictional, could possibly live up to. The fastest way to choke out any chance of love—love that deepens and grows over time—is to jump into a relationship too quickly because it's "love at first sight". If it's really love, it can wait for 2nd sight and 10th and 20th sight before you decide he's the one. 

And the same thing goes for online purchases...haha. That's my second rule. If I see something I like, I earmark it and, if it's still calling out desperately to me after 24 hours, I can take a second look, with "sober" eyes, and see if I want to buy it. No more sudden and desperate urges for juicers I have no counter space for or dresses my body can't pull off and I'll never wear anyway because I don't wear dresses. Sure, it's fun to go with the thrill every now and then. But if it's happiness you're looking for, it will wait until you can see the path more clearly.