5/25/11—Connecting With The Divine

Today's Draw: Five of Vessels/Ecstasy from the Wildwood. How do you connect with the divine? Do you ever let go of all control, release concerns about what you look like or what others will think, and surrender body and soul to divine communion?

Traditionally the Fives in tarot are about instability, loss and struggle on some level. So the Five of Cups...or Vessels...would be about loss in the area of love. Maybe a breakup or a disturbing discovery about your loved one. But the Wildwood has a different take on the idea of loss and love. It's about losing yourself to divine connection. Indeed, the card comes with the word Ecstasy on it.

I live in Washington, DC, which is probably one of the country's most conservative, image-conscious, career-driven cities. People here are very concerned about how everything appears. Being sort of Bohemian and eccentric in this city puts me in the vast minority, whereas in someplace like LA or Seattle, I'd totally fit in. For some reason, though I'm very insecure about certain aspects of who I am, I've never been afraid to be me, as far as my personality and spirituality are concerned. Drive down my street and look at the houses and you'll see taupe, cream, white, eggshell, beige, bright blue and yellow, cream, eggshell, taupe...not hard to guess where I live. 

About a year ago, I went to a kirtan with a friend of mine. A kirtan is like a concert, but all the singing is in sanskrit. And the singer sings a line of the song and the audience sings it back to them. For the purposes of understanding the kind of song, think of the Hare Krishna song most people have heard of...repetitive and growing in intensity as the repetition increases. The performers were two of the most famous chantmasters in the world, Krishna Das and Deva Premal. The whole idea of a concert like this is to lose yourself in the chant. The audience is expected to sing as loud as they like and break into ecstatic dance in the aisles at will. The performers encourage it. But a good one-third to half of the DC audience, who bought tickets presumably knowing what they were doing, sat in their seats, lips zipped, with their hands in their laps. 

Perhaps that's how they enjoy sacred chant. But as I noticed this, I thought, "maybe they want to participate, but just can't let go". You know, we see evangelical Christians dancing with snakes and speaking in tongues and think it's weird. But it's the same principle as what I've just described. These are people giving themselves over, body and mind, to the divine. And why? Well, for one thing, it's a way of expressing love for the divine. But for another, it feels good. Going to this kirtan and letting go for a few hours resulted in days of amazing bliss in my life. It moved the energy within me and totally transformed me. You know how you have to drive your car around a bit to blow the gunk out before taking an emissions test? That's what it does for your body and mind. It blows the gunk out. 

And it doesn't have to be chanting. Some people lose themselves in whatever kind of music they love and move around their house unencumbered by what it may it look like. Others will work up a frenzy painting on a canvas. Or go deep into meditation. Even sex can elevate you to this state. And there are many levels of it. When I'm meditating, that's a more quiet approach and the effects are just as blissful, but they don't last as long. At least not for me. But it does move beyond kneeling at the side of your bed and reciting "Now I lay me down to sleep...". It goes to a place of surrender, a place where you leave this earth and your spirit merges with the divine. It can happen spontaneously or it can happen through practice, like through learning how to meditate. 

Drugs can simulate this kind of thing. And in the shamanic practice, for example, they are sometimes used. But you don't need drugs to surrender. And they can just as often get in the way of surrender, not to mention make it hard to remember what happened afterward. Besides, if you're going to meet God, do you really want to hang out with him when you're stoned?

Anywho, I'm going to another kirtan soon with a friend. And one of my FBFs is going, too, and bringing her friends with her. This will be a first time for her and her friends. That road is not for everyone. But everyone does have an avenue and it's up to you to find what it is for you. For me, chanting and meditating work. Shamans usually use rhythmic drumming to induce the state. For some, saying prayers, like doing a rosary, helps. Repetitive stuff seems to work and the cool thing about rosaries is that you don't have to keep count. Malas do the same thing in Eastern traditions. They have 108 beads, twice that of a rosary. For other people it's more physical and they lose themselves in movement or some other extreme exertion. One of my FBFs does moving meditations in the Eastern tradition because he's hyper and can't sit still for meditation. At the very least, I think we all owe it to ourselves to experience who we are...or aren't...when we slip into the timeless euphoria of an ecstatic state. 

We've been conditioned to believe that life is all about looking good to others and being better than them. But it's not, imo. Instead it's about learning and growing and becoming more of our divine selves. It's hard not to care what other people think. But why deny yourself bliss because of that? You can do this in the privacy of your home. No one needs to know. But it's worthwhile to experiment with ways to connect more profoundly with whatever it is you believe in. 

5/24/11—Waking Up To Love

Today's Draw: Ace of Cups from the Touchstone Tarot. How much love passes through your life unnoticed? How much beauty goes by unappreciated? What could bring you joy today if you just stopped and looked?

The Ace of Cups is a card signifying profound contentment, joy and abundance. It often signals something new in the heart, whether it be a new love or a new creative project. 

An interesting note about this card is that I drew it from the mass market edition, but the image I found must be from the limited edition. The only difference between the two cards is that, in the edition I drew from, the woman is looking at us. And in the edition I used as today's image, she's looking at the cup...the love, the emotion. Prior to finding this image, I had already decided the topic of today's entry, so it's really kind of synchronistic that the image I found had that one little difference that aligned with my entry.

Every morning when I wake up I have a particular routine before I even get out of bed. I reach for my iPod Touch and check emails and Facebook. Usually, the second I reach for the iPod, Magick moves from the foot of the bed to up near my head for some morning love. Then, like a Pavlovian response, the second I click the iPod off, Kizzie arrives next to the bed for his morning pets and to give me my one kiss of the day. Then Magick gets jealous and crowds me for more love. 

At a different time of my life, when I was more rushed for time in the morning, I might shoo them out of the way. I can totally see a grumpy waker being annoyed by them being under foot first thing in the morning. But instead, every morning I feel and give the love. It is easily one of the two the best parts of my day, the other being our outdoor snuggles prior to bedtime. I begin and end the day with love. And this morning, something else special happened. As I was outside getting ready to write this, Magick came up to me, her head covered in the Forget Me Nots I had planted when my old dog, Passion, died. It's also interesting to note that my sister's mother-in-law died today, as well. A message from those above that they were with me and sharing the love, too. 

Now, from a different perspective, I could say "every morning my dogs wake me by demanding attention and this morning Magick got into my flowers and the evidence was all over her head." Same story, different choice of how to see it. 

There is love and beauty all around us, if we would just stop to notice. As I was writing this, a black bird was feeding in my back yard and he had the most beautiful blue cast to the back of his neck. I watched him in awe. But I would have missed that moment if I were so busy serving a hundred thousand purposes that I didn't take the time to notice. At some point, especially as we get older, we have to ask ourselves what are we really here for? To run errands and polish our chrome fixtures at home (which I understand is some people's idea of beauty and that's cool)? Are we here to maintain things between the big moments in life? Or are we here to bask in the abundance of the little moments along the way?

It's so easy to get caught up in the details of daily life that we don't stop to be conscious. But it's also easy to retrain our habits so that we do. Today when your child or pet enters the room, stop what you're doing and take them in with your undivided attention. On your way to the car, take a moment to look around at the community of squirrels and birds and flora around you. Literally stop and smell the roses. As you're sitting in your home, allow your eyes to rest on a favorite piece of art. Or catch your own eye in that shiny chrome of yours and smile. It just takes a few seconds to see the love, beauty and abundance all around you.

5/23/11—Discarding the Eight-Track Tapes That Play in Your Head

Today's Draw: The Nine of Wands from Kitty Kahane. What outdated armor are you wearing? What security blankets do you cling to? Are you ready to do some decluttering in your mind?

The Nine of Wands traditionally speaks of heroism, renewed determination and digging in for that last battle. But Kitty Kahane's Nine has a different take. He is faced toward the past, but all the wands have shadows pointing to the future. And behind him, a Tower-like building is surely destined to fall. It's time to leave the past in the past and, with it, the doubts and suspicions you held about people...the walls you put up to protect yourself. You don't have to watch your back anymore. It's time to let go. 

Looking in Kahane's lwb (little white book, aka companion book) this morning, the interpretation hit me right between the eyes. For one thing, a person has been trying to friend me (and another close friend of mine) for a while now and I keep ignoring her requests. I know nothing about her, except that she's quite chatty with someone who hurt both me and my friend and, since that person is blocked from seeing me on Facebook, I'm suspicious of her intentions. My instincts tell me my private stuff wouldn't stay private between her and my former friend. Anyway, I drew this card immediately after I ignored her second friend request. I probably won't friend her, but the card gave me food for thought. 

And the reason it has me thinking is because it takes a long time for me to let down my guard when it comes to people who have "wronged" me in the past. But it is also hard for me to trust in general. And I tend to be paranoid in general. Although rationally I can see where my fears hold friendships at arm's length, emotionally I just feel safer that way. I have often felt used by friends in the past. But when I really look back and say "who used me and when?", it becomes clear to me that's an outdated belief. And yet I transfer that energy to others in my sphere and, though a million examples of fair and generous friendship may pass between us, the one time I feel used will be held up in my mind and given inordinate attention. I know I'm not alone in this. I've been on the receiving end of this a bazillion times. And I see a number of people in my sphere who are far more "careful" than I in their relationships. 

It's like that saying "once burned, twice shy". Well, "twice shy" becomes a habit within us and all the "twice shys" from all the burns over a lifetime build up. And though we let go of many of them, there are those that remain that we never go back and question...the ones that become automatic or habit. But here's the rub...in many ways, I'm unrecognizable from the person I was 10 years ago. Or even five years ago. And in many ways again, I'm different from the person I was last fall. So certain inner beliefs about who I was then and precautions I took to protect that person could do well to be reviewed. I could stand to be more conscious of my defense mechanisms. Now, many individuals who have violated my trust or have been hurtful will probably not make their way back into my life. But the behaviors and attitudes and defense mechanisms I installed to protect myself from "people like them" may be able to be dismantled. 

Beyond all of this "junk" between me and other people, there's also all the junk between me and myself. The old images we have of ourselves that are no longer relevant...the ones that have been seared in our minds since we were in elementary school. The ones that are held over from things we did in early adulthood. And even the ones that we observed from a year ago. While we consciously know we're always changing and always becoming "better" people, we still classify ourselves with old labels that are no longer accurate. 

So the Nine of Wands comes today to ask us to be conscious of these kinds of behaviors—paranoias and concerns about people in our lives and judgmental attitudes toward ourselves. It's time to take our one good eye (like the guy in the card) off the past, waiting for something to leap out of the shadows. It's time to recognize our behaviors and attitudes and discard the ones that are no longer needed, because moving forward without our security blankets is part of growth, too. And looking for the troubles of the past to revisit us is energetically like an invitation for them to do just that. So what can you let go of today?

5/21/11-5/22/11—Ratcheting Up The Bliss

Weekend Reading: Ten of Water from Tarot de Paris. Take the opportunity this weekend to focus on all that is going right in your life. When you do, you'll see that joy is easy to find all around you. And when you get together with those you love and share your joy with them, it multiplies. You can't overestimate the power you have to raise others up simply by standing in your own happiness. When your light shines, it illuminates all within your presence. Use that power freely and generously with loved ones and strangers alike. Then take the time to observe how each interaction ratchets your bliss up even higher. Make a game of it. See how happy you can get.

5/20/11—Finding the Secret to Success

Today's Draw: King of Pentacles from Vampires Tarot of the Eternal Night. What do you believe about how success is made? How do you feel about people around you that seem to be successful? And how do you even define success?

The King of Pentacles indicates a successful man who has earned his wealth and respect. And this particular King is, despite his pallor, quite warm, putting relationships ahead of business. In fact, the quality of his relationships help fuel his success. His competence, determination and interactions have determined his destiny.

It's interesting that I drew this card today because just last night I was talking to a friend about a couple of different aspects relevant to this card. The first has to do with a couple of women I know who are relentless networkers. But much of their networking is done in a "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" kind of way. There is nothing beyond the surface. The friendships they share are friendships of convenience that shift with the tides of power. And they are very concerned about being proper and professional.

As a result, they've always had little use for me. The investments I made in our relationships did not yield friendships, nor any other lingering connections, despite the fact that I've known them for years and was involved with them in a spiritually intimate capacity. Bottom line—I have nothing to offer them, so there is no point in wasting their time on me. This hurt my feelings at one time, because the secrets we shared drew me closer to them. But they have a different definition of what friends are about and, ultimately, I'm fortunate to have not fallen into their "tribe".

In contrast, I don't really "work" my network. I could care less if my business contacts are ever able to help me in my career. Instead, they're people I like and respect. People who make me laugh. And I'm not the most proper professional in the world. I often say the wrong things and dress more casually than I should. Yet, oddly, I don't seem to struggle as much with my business as they do with theirs.  I have a strong stream of referrals and, while not by any means "well off", I manage to pay my mortgage and support my deck collecting habit.

Which brings me to my next point. Someone once told me that I'm very lucky to have been able to be self-employed for so many years doing what many consider to be a fun job. And my reply is "lucky my ass!" I'm the kind of person who takes full responsibility for my mistakes and flaws. And I'm also the kind of person that takes responsibility for my successes. If my failures are not "unlucky", then my successes are not "lucky". And while it's considered arrogant to say so, I've earned every aspect of my life, good and bad.

It wasn't luck that I quit my job and took a risk 15 years ago. It wasn't luck that I devoted time to making cold calls, sending out letters and creating mailers to promote my business. And it's not luck that clients have followed me for the past decade and half as they move from job to job. It's not luck that they like me. And it's not luck that they know they can count on me to do good work.

Years ago I heard a saying that I think is very true—the people who have what you want, have it because they were willing to do what you weren't willing to do to get it. When we write things off to luck—or even God's grace—we take our personal responsibility out of the equation. We become victims to whichever way the breezes blow.

The King of Pentacles paves his path, rather than waiting for something else to clear the way before him. But he paves it thoughtfully, kindly, without stepping on the many other travelers along the way. He uses respect, rather than force. His intentions are to benefit all, rather than just himself. And, this is key, instead of filling his mind with strategies for manipulation, he keeps it clear to receive intuitions about which way to proceed next.

We have this notion that, to be successful, we have to claw our way to the top. But our friend Oprah is a good example of a billionaire who did it intentionally, with kindness and respect. She's also an example of someone who would say "lucky my ass" if it were suggested that she got to where she is via the route of luck. Which is different from feeling fortunate and having gratitude, mind you. She clearly feels those things. But she paved every step along her path with the quality of her work, her intuitions, her relationships and her intentions. And I don't choose Oprah as an example of success merely because she's a billionaire. That's one measure, yes. But look at her partnership with Stedman and her friendship with Gayle...the respect she gets from her colleagues and those who work for her. Success isn't a number, it's the feeling of knowing you've gotten wherever you are with a clean conscience.

So this is a long one today. And thank you for indulging me in it. But I think these are very important considerations. We can get the things we want by usury and manipulation. Or we can get them by genuinely inspiring people and situations to cooperate. As we move forward in our evolution as human beings, these are the things we must consider along the way.

5/19/11—Reuniting with Your Lost Self

Today's Draw: Six of Vessels from the Wildwood. Reunion. Is there something you're currently being reunited with? Is it a happy reunion? And what part of your "self" is it returning to you?

The Six of Vessels/Cups traditionally speaks to some sort of nostalgia and usually has a childlike feel to it, as if you're being reminded of something from childhood. But the Wildwood takes that concept further. It speaks of the reunion of souls from other lives, for example, in the form of soul mates. The reunion of a clan or tribe. The reunion of different parts of your "self" or a part of your history. Although the traditional thrust of this card is that it's usually a sweet reunion, the Wildwood points out that it could be a rocky one, but with the intention of giving you a chance to heal and integrate that part of yourself that you're reuniting with.

The moment I pulled this card this morning, I was greeted with a happy feeling, though. There's just so much cooperation, symbiosis and beauty in this card. And whether it's from the moment you reunite or by the time the reunion is through, this is where you're being led. To a place of integration where all parts of you feed all parts of you. Even if the thing you're reuniting with is another person. 

There is a perspective in the spiritual world that everyone you encounter is an angel. If you believe you come from light and return to light, you can see how this is true. The concept is hard to apply to someone who annoys you or angers you. But in this context, they are some of your kindest angels, because they came into your life, knowing you'd hate them, just so you could learn. Who could love you more than them, that they would be willing to feel the pain of your rejection just to help you out in this world?

Recently I feel I've been reunited with a passion and ambition that has been gone in my life for quite some time. Hopefully I will have matured in my handling of that energy when all is said and done. I'm finding that part of myself that moves through the world with trust and faith, that part that leaps and trusts the net will be there to catch me. Fear has kept me from it for a long time. I feel my journey in all of this will be a positive, happy one, rather than a painful one. 

Something larger is happening in my life right now and I'm going with it. The last time it happened on a big scale was back when I became a freelancer and, during that time, I experienced one of the happiest stretches of my life, both literally and figuratively. So, fingers crossed, I'm being reunited with all of that, rather than with lessons that have to be hard or painfully won.

What are you reuniting with these days? And I challenge my 10 million high school friends to find something more abstract than our upcoming reunion, which, of course, is a legitimate reply. But what else is going on? What lost part of your self are you joining with? Or is there actually an unexpected reunion with someone in your past in the offing? And if so, what do you think that came here to teach you?

5/18/11—Earning What You're Worth

Today's Draw: Two of Pentacles from Infinite Visions. How do you feel about your job? Do you feel you have an equitable relationship with your employer? Is your work/life balance in balance?

The Two of Pentacles is about balance in earthly matters, whether that be your career, your home life or your finances. In this card, two people come together and each can help the other. Perhaps she can trade one of her chickens for a trinket. Or buy one outright. They may even be a good match romantically...equitable partners who can support each other. 

This is really all we want, right? What's fair? But often we allow employers to take advantage of us. Or we seethe about people who earn a nice paycheck despite their incompetence. Or we fail to appreciate the dozens of different ways our employers compensate us. If most of us really examined ourselves, we wouldn't want to be either over compensated or under compensated. We really just want what's fair. 

As a self-employed person, I've put a lot of thought into "what's fair". Some would say my rates are too high. Some would say they're too low. Without naming numbers, they're at the low end of the high end of the spectrum. As a good, strong writer with 25 years of experience and offering value-added consultative skills, I think my clients get a fair return...and good value...for what they pay. And that's how I like it. Because it puts me in a position of having a good flow of business and the power to pick and choose who I will work for. 

I perceive that a higher rate may make me have to make concessions I'm not willing to make. At the rate I charge, I tend to attract clients who want an experienced writer who is also consultative as to overall creative direction and marketing. At a higher rate, I feel I become less of a partner, more of luxury and, frankly, less appreciated. I believe the same is true working for a lower rate. Now these are all my perceptions and may have nothing to do with reality. But what has proven true to me so far is that my low-end-of-the-high-end rate buys me a client who appreciates and values me and visa versa.

For those of you who are my Facebook friends, you've probably heard me talk about how much I appreciate my clients in the past. And it's not BS. They pay in a timely manner. They give me feedback. They thank me for my work. And they let me know how much my work contributes to their clients' happiness with them. I could say I'm lucky, but the truth of the matter is that I've created this dynamic. I've "fired" a number of my biggest clients in the past for a) the way they handle their accounts payable and b) the way they treat me. So luck has little to do with it. These are the conditions under which I work and I've had the integrity and balls to stand by that for my 15 years as a consultant. 

Which leads to the real point of today's discussion, compensation is about more than money and benefits. It's in the way you're treated, the way you feel, the balance you have between work and life, and numerous other factors that have nothing to do with money, such as your commute, how you feel morally about your employer, etc. Whether you're an employer or employee, consider this today. Are you being fair in your dealings? Are you receiving fair value? Because if you're anywhere out of balance, you may be paying a price that is too high in areas other than compensation. When we measure compensation totally in terms of dollars and cents, we do ourselves a disservice. And when we fail to examine and exercise our options in terms of earning what we're worth, we do ourselves the greatest disservice of all.

Just an addendum for those who are wondering how to price themselves hourly...Someone once gave me a rule of thumb that I think is pretty good. A freelancer, in my business at least, can realistically expect to average 20 hours a week or 1000 hours a year. So decide how much you want to earn in a year (such as $45K) and take the "K" off the end. That should be your hourly rate—$45/hour. Also keep in mind that you WILL be paying your own insurance and you may not be commuting or putting up with other stresses of a full-time job. Of course different businesses work differently. But this works well for people who are doing small project work like advertising people or tarot readers.