Friday, April 12, 2013

4/13/13-4/14/14—Coming Back to Neutral

Weekend Reading: Temperance from the Peaceful Path Tarot in the Goal position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. This weekend those of us in the Northern hemisphere will be likely doing yard work or spring cleaning. In the US, many will be finishing up their taxes. And I'm sure all my readers from Down Under have plenty on their plate as they head toward winter. Regardless of where we live, weekends are usually the time we get our home lives in order so we're ready to face the week. I know that often my weekends can be as exhausting—if not more so—than my weekdays. So Temperance comes to tell us that of all the goals we have set for the 60 hours or so before we begin another work week, our #1 goal should be balance. After all, when else will you get around to THAT? It's crucial to our health and emotional wellbeing to reset on a regular basis and come back to neutral. So if you have to put sweeping the patio off for another week in order to make balance happen, do it. The hamster wheel has to stop sometime. 

Thursday, April 11, 2013

4/12/13—Letting Go And Accepting Help

Today's Draw: The Seven of Energy from the Snowland Deck in the What to Let Go of In The Future position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are you getting what you need from your relationships? From life? Could it be that, before you can grab what you want, you have to let go of your own stubbornness and fear so you have a hand free to accept it?

Sometimes the tarot is funny. Like a card with a guy hanging on to a cliff in the What to Let Go Of position. When stuff like that happens, you forget about what a card's supposed to mean and you ask, "what does it mean to me?" So while this card is intended to mean surprise assistance or accepting help...things you wouldn't want to let go my case this combo is saying just the opposite. What to let go of is the cliff, so that you CAN be helped.  In order to accept the Yeti's help, the camper has to let go of trying to save himself!

Before I get too far into today's writing, I want to say that I've watched this deck come together for a really long time now. See, I like snow and cold. So a winter themed deck was welcome to me, not to mention unique. While Ron Boyer, the artist, isn't a tarot freak, his wife Janet is, so this is a true collaboration between the two. Their son even created one of the cards, so it was a family thing. I like the thought of that...the sweat of an entire family unit coming together to produce something for others to enjoy. 

And it's a lovely deck—non traditional with some interesting visual interpretations. That kind of creative thought is what I look for in a deck. And it's even lovelier, because it arrived at my house on a day of record high heat—93 effing degrees in early April. So just as I was whining about being robbed of spring and my beloved cooler temperatures, a little piece of winter hit my mailbox. :)

Now back to the reading. I have a really hard time letting others help me. Included in that sentence is that I have a really hard time letting go of control so that others CAN help me. I've been learning more about how to do this, but it's hard for me. 

In deconstructing one of my romantic relationships many years ago I discovered how unhealthy it can be, too. I mean, you'd think it would be OK to be self sufficient. And it is. I like being self sufficient. But when you're a woman and you give your man no opportunity to make himself of value to you outside know...then it sends a message that doesn't reflect the way you really sets up an unhealthy dynamic.  

There's a bestselling book out there called The Five Love Languages. It's written for love relationships, but really there's wisdom in there for everyone. Well, I haven't actually read the book, but I saw the guy on Oprah...haha. And his message was the same as what I figured out on my own a long time ago when assessing this relationship—we all need to be needed in different ways. 

My boyfriend showed love by doing things for me. But I wouldn't let him. I showed love through words and physical expressions...touching his hand and whatnot. Those things meant little to him because he was a "don't tell me, show me" person. 

So, technically, we were made for each other—so we could learn to give and accept love in the ways our partner needed to give and accept love. But we didn't learn. And the relationship ended. Like most relationships do...not because we didn't want to love the other person, and not because we didn't try, but really because we didn't know how. Ultimately each of us ended up in an unhealthy relationship where we didn't feel loved. Sound familiar?

So the advice of today's duo is to think about letting go of the cliff so you actually get what you need. Let others do for you. Some need that in order to express the way they feel. And, more importantly, learn to see when people are loving you in the only way they know how. At the very least, be aware of what your partner's currency is—and what your own currency is—in your relationship. 

Beyond that, for me, it also means to just stop trying to do everything for yourself. I have a hard front yard to mow...hilly and dippy and exhausting. A few years ago I finally let go enough to hire someone to mow it for me. Today was mowing day and when I came home from having lunch with a friend, my grass was cut, my walk was trimmed and the place looked great! Letting go and letting others do for you can actually feel good... if you let it. :)

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

4/11/13—Journeying To A Past Life

Today's Draw Classic*: Judgment/Petrified Wood in the 12th House from Rachel Mann's Arcana Stones. Have you ever had a past-life regression? Assuming you believe, have you ever daydreamed about what one of your past lives might have been? What are some of the interests you have in your current life that might shed clues as to a past one?

Petrified wood is a compelling stone to me. "Petrified" comes from the Greek petro, meaning stone. So "petrified wood" literally means "rock turned to stone". Over time the cellulose in the rock breaks down and gets replaced by minerals such as quartz, while still retaining its look. If you were to hold the piece to the right in my picture in your hand, it would be a precise representation of what it looked like when it was wood. Only now it's stone. And heavier.

But that's not what fascinates me about petrified wood. See that oval shape at the lower middle of the sphere? That's called a window or a portal. And if you meditate on it, you might get swept down the long tunnel into a past life. If you believe in that sort of thing, that is.

Petrified Wood corresponds to the Judgment card in this oracle and the Judgment card is about rebirth. So that fits into the past-life theme. As does the 12th House, which is the last house before you get born again. 

Many years ago I attended a past life regression with a woman who is known for regressing Civil War reenactor types. See, sometimes our hobbies and interests are this-life clues to our past lives. Other clues might be a style of music you like, a style of clothing, a period, place or art, architecture or literature...any fascination or odd connection with another era.

Anyway, this past life regression woman would often guide these guys through their past lives to come up with names. Then they would research those names and what do you know? They find the soldier they once were!

So the night before the regression with this woman I thought of all the possibilities and eras. And what happened the next day surprised me. In the lifetime I visualized, it turned out I was a sheriff in a Wild West town who got shot in a duel. This immediately set my bullshit meter off. I mean, how many people actually got shot in duels? To be clear, the hypnotist didn't tell me I was in the Wild West...that's what came up in my head. But was I making this up? It certainly seemed very detailed, as if I were watching a movie. 

The regression took me through all areas of the sheriff's life...his home life and professional life, his hobbies and, finally, his death. Let's just say he thought a lot of himself, was not well liked and his funeral was not well attended. Then we followed his soul as it went up into the ethers to meet his guides and ask what lessons he was supposed to learn and they said, "Let. Love. Live." So he needed to learn to "let" or allow because he was too controlling. He needed to love because he was too self-centered and dispassionate. And he needed to live because he just had too many rules for his life.

Like I said, this was a long time ago, back near the beginning of my spiritual journey. So I didn't know what to make of this. Was it real? Or not? Finally, I decided it really didn't matter. Whether it was real or a dream-like metaphor, the message was still profound. Chances are I've had a couple of lives between then and now, but I see how those three things are things I'm still working on. And, really, it's a universal message we can all learn from. I can't tell you how many times in the past, say, 25 years I've thought of that lesson.

Since then, I've done other past-life regressions and Akashic records (entire soul history, past and future) meditations, spirit guide meditations, shamanic name it. And each time I've emerged with highly relevant and revealing insights. I do believe we've had past lives and I do believe they are recorded in our soul memories.

I'm still not sure about being that sheriff, but other journeys I have been on since feel more correct to me...some sort of priestess in ancient Rome, an early man who died of starvation, a woods-dwelling woman with way too many children. And we don't always come to this earth or take human form. I imagine in the spaceless, timeless world of the soul, we could even live parallel lives on other planes. There are many ways to reincarnate. So it's interesting to think about, no? And even if it's not real, the choices the subconscious makes in concocting these visions are very revealing—even healing in terms of understanding phobias and bad habits, etc.

If you ever have a chance to do this kind of journeying, I recommend it. Basically you just go through a guided meditation and visualize your past life. Maybe you're accessing your timeless self, maybe you're using your imagination, who knows? It really doesn't matter. It's the insights that come from it that are important. If your mind is making it up, then that reveals something in and of itself.

Assuming you're mentally healthy, you can buy CDs on Amazon. You don't have to spend the money to go to a professional, though you may have a stronger journey. The professional is there to help manage your experience in case you have a particularly bad past-life journey. And some people find it easier to slip into a subconscious state in a clinical setting. Many past-life regressions will have you witness your past-life death, too, so some may find that disturbing. But my experiences have not been disturbing at all.

Or, if you prefer, you could always choose a shamanic journey where you meet your power animal or a journey to meet your angels or spirit guides. Our subconscious holds so many clues to the things that dog us throughout our lives. Why not get swept down its long tunnel and see what it holds?

*Adapted from a post on 7/27/12

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

4/10/13—Shedding Our Antlers

Today's Draw: Son of Pentacles from the Wild Unknown in the Present Hopes and Fears position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are at one hopeful and afraid of a change you want to make in your life? Are you ready to throw caution to the wind? And what if you left this life without doing it...would you be ok with that?

Sons, or Knights as they're usually called, are the crusaders of the tarot. They're on a quest. They're old enough to carry out that quest and make their own decisions, and young enough to take chances without fearing loss. 

There's a magic to that time in life when we have so few responsibilities that we can just throw caution to the wind. It is the Knight's greatest strength, but one that can lead to his downfall. I like that this Knight or Son is a young buck, because bucks carry that magic in my mind. I have a special relationship with bucks, going so far as to having shared a mystical experience with one a number of years back. 

It always amazes me that deer shed their antlers every year. So you see these 8 point bucks and all of that was grown within a year. You'd think forests and woods would be littered with shed antlers, but have you ever seen one? I haven't. I guess it's all part of the magic. 

The suit of Pentacles is an odd duck. It covers money, career and material concerns. But it's also about health. And family life. And so when we talk about "present hopes and fears" with the Knight, we could be talking about new quests in any of those areas. ("Present" is superfluous in this card combo, btw. In tarot everything is read to cover the present, unless specifically deemed otherwise with a Past or Future card.)

So I hope to branch out in a new career as an author. I mean, I already am one, but I hope to make it my career one day. But it also scares me because it's unknown. Best-selling authors in the mainstream media earn big chunks of cash. And I'd like to write spiritual books that are more mainstream. But what if I fail? What if I can't cut it? 

If I were a Knight, I'd sell my home and live off the equity I have and spend all my time writing. It's certainly something that's occurred to me. And I've been known to take risks. But that's one I think I fear too much. 

On the other hand, I also fear NOT doing it. I really do enjoy my present career. I have plenty of opportunity to be creative and I write every day. But I really like having something that I can "own" as my own thing, like the Deck of 1000 Spreads. 

So that's how the Hopes and Fears card works. It's a little of both things...hopes and fears. And with the Son of Pentacles, it could be about a health initiative you're undertaking or a family change you're thinking of making, too. 

I often think that we can spend all our time in thinking and debating the hopes and fears that we never end up moving forward. I know I've spent a lot of time doing that myself. I've always imagined it like skydiving or bungee jumping...that you'd sit up there and noodle it until some second of time comes when you throw caution to the wind and just jump. Although I'd be too scared to do EITHER of those get the drift. 

But I also think that if I went all the way up in the air to skydive and then chickened out, I'd never quite forgive myself, you know? So I think there comes a time when we just have to throw caution to the wind and shed those antlers we've been carrying around all these years. Or forever wish we'd had. 

We all know what wishing and hoping feels like. Are we prepared to do that for the rest of our lives? I don't think I am. Because then I'd never know if this thing inside that tells me I MUST do this...I'm destined to do this...was right. I mean, what if we never managed to do something we came here to do? That's why we all have to eventually. Just. Jump. 

Monday, April 8, 2013

4/9/2013—Waiting the Process Out

Today's Draw: Heart from Paris DeBono's Gypsy Tattoo Oracle in the House of Lily from the Deck of Lenormand Houses. Are you a raging hormonal lunatic? Has menopause driven you to the brink? And are you feeling bad about it?

The Gypsy Tattoo Oracle isn't a Lenormand deck, but I just received it today and decided to use it like one. The Heart card is about love and emotions. And the House of Lily is about wisdom and maturity, sensuality and serenity. So I could go a couple of ways...I could talk about sensual love relationships. Or I could talk about "maturing emotions" aka my raging menopausal hormones. 

Unfortunately you're going to hear about the latter. 

You know, for all you men and younger ladies out there, I'll tell you this—you cannot possibly fathom the insane and dramatic mood shifts that can happen during menopause until you actually experience them. Most women (and men) know about PMS. PMS is child's play compared to the more "mature" experience of menopausal hormonal rage. 

Not following my own advice from yesterday, I got too bogged down in the details of something—trying to control the uncontrollable—and went off on a customer service person over the phone. F-bomb action. Screaming action. I'm sure anyone within a square block radius heard me. I have a voice that carries. God bless her soul, it was so insane and out of proportion that the customer service rep was trying hard not to laugh. 

This isn't the first time, either. It's happened a few times in the past couple of years. The first time took me by surprise. It was fueled by paranoia and, even while I accusing the other person of stuff, there was a sane person inside my head asking "why are you doing this? You don't believe this." But I couldn't stop myself. I really felt like I was loosing my mind. 

See, I don't want to take bio-identical hormones and pharmaceuticals. It just doesn't feel right to me. It feels like what Monsanto does to corn. So I'm looking into more natural things. And, mostly, I'm just hoping to wait it out. In a year or two this whole menopause thing will be done with. Maybe even in less than a year if my ovaries play their cards right. And I'll settle into a new normal that I can deal with. 

But in the meantime, I've had maybe three big incidents in two years and one of them was today. And I hate being that person! 

Why am I sharing this with you? Because back in our mother's time, we were told we were imagining things. Even now, this is something we don't talk about. It's a "secret shame" we hold...because we "lost it" on someone. And it's scary when it happens. We can talk some about night sweats and insomnia and memory lapses and some of the other symptoms, but when it comes to emotional meltdowns, who likes to admit to THAT? Women were sent to sanitoriums over stuff like THAT. 

And if you have a male doctor, like I do, really how much can he understand? I've almost always had male doctors, so I'm not being sexist. I'd say the same about a female doctor in her 30s, quite frankly. You only have observation at that point. You have NO IDEA of what it feels like to have one of these meltdowns inside and how out of control you feel. It's like a violence within. And it's scary that you can turn on a dime like that. Until you experience it yourself, it sounds like someone's being dramatic. And while I'll cop to being dramatic, I'm not being dramatic about this. 

So anyway, I wanted to share for all the other women out there going through this or about to go through or who have made it to the other side. We've been given this miracle process in our bodies that allows us to have children and connects us to the human lifecycle in amazing ways. And when it starts breaking down, it takes a toll—physically, emotionally and mentally. 

It's an honor and a curse to be a woman. And the things we experience because of it are real. It's not a reflection on you when you go balls-to-the-wall crazy on someone...haha. It's the way we were built and part of our path. And we—I—just have to remember to be easy on and kind to ourselves until this process is through. 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

4/8/2013—Letting Your Goal Control Itself

Today's Draw: The Emperor from the Tarot of the Sidhe in the What's Working Against Your Goal position from Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you have control issues? Is there a certain way you want things done and no other way can compare? Is there only one outcome to your goal that will satisfy?

When I first starting doing this blog, my hope/goal was that I would write forever without repeating myself. Inevitably after 700+ blogs, though, I do. I really don't like to do it, though. And I'm on the verge of doing it again. And, in a way, that's what today's card combo is all about. 

Crowning Influences are major, kind of obvious influences on something, like a goal, as we have in today's reading. And the Crossing card is something that gets in the way of those influences on our goal...something that works against all the work we do, in a way of speaking. 

So the Emperor is what's working against the work we do. The Emperor is very yang. On the plus side, he's a leader and strategist. On the negative side, he can be very controlling. 

So by trying to control how repetitive this blog is or is not, I'm working against myself. It's like I assume all of you are like my sister, reading all 700 blogs in order (it's actually more than that, because I did this for six months on Facebook before I started my official blog), and committing each to memory (which I doubt she does...haha). It's as if I think everyone only needs to hear something once—and in one way—to get the message. 

Thinking too hard and trying to control what comes up is working against me....and has been for the past six months or so as I've felt I've started touching on some of the same "fine points" more than once. 

Sometimes we can be our own worst nemesis. 

Because also in that six months, I've come up with a couple of thoughts that I could really do something with if I wanted to write a book or ebook or something. So if I packed it in, I wouldn't have had those insights. Also, it's ludicrous to think any other than a small handful of people read every day or have been following me for all three years. So it's best to just let go and trust the right message is hitting the blogosphere at the right time, regardless if it's something I've talked about before. 

So here's the message FOR YOU—let go. Let chaos have its equal time. Embrace the random. Last week in the Lucky Like a Fox post, I talked about detachment, which is letting go of outcomes. Certainly when you have a goal, you have an outcome in mind. But resist the urge to have every little detail spelled out. Leave room for miracles

One thing I know for sure...god and the universe have a much bigger imagination and creative capability than you or I. Make room for them to meet you halfway and serve you something you could have never imagined on your own. Whether you have irrational control issues (like me) or are married to a certain specific outcome, loosen up and let the wind guide you to your goal.