Thursday, April 11, 2013

4/12/13—Letting Go And Accepting Help

Today's Draw: The Seven of Energy from the Snowland Deck in the What to Let Go of In The Future position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are you getting what you need from your relationships? From life? Could it be that, before you can grab what you want, you have to let go of your own stubbornness and fear so you have a hand free to accept it?

Sometimes the tarot is funny. Like a card with a guy hanging on to a cliff in the What to Let Go Of position. When stuff like that happens, you forget about what a card's supposed to mean and you ask, "what does it mean to me?" So while this card is intended to mean surprise assistance or accepting help...things you wouldn't want to let go my case this combo is saying just the opposite. What to let go of is the cliff, so that you CAN be helped.  In order to accept the Yeti's help, the camper has to let go of trying to save himself!

Before I get too far into today's writing, I want to say that I've watched this deck come together for a really long time now. See, I like snow and cold. So a winter themed deck was welcome to me, not to mention unique. While Ron Boyer, the artist, isn't a tarot freak, his wife Janet is, so this is a true collaboration between the two. Their son even created one of the cards, so it was a family thing. I like the thought of that...the sweat of an entire family unit coming together to produce something for others to enjoy. 

And it's a lovely deck—non traditional with some interesting visual interpretations. That kind of creative thought is what I look for in a deck. And it's even lovelier, because it arrived at my house on a day of record high heat—93 effing degrees in early April. So just as I was whining about being robbed of spring and my beloved cooler temperatures, a little piece of winter hit my mailbox. :)

Now back to the reading. I have a really hard time letting others help me. Included in that sentence is that I have a really hard time letting go of control so that others CAN help me. I've been learning more about how to do this, but it's hard for me. 

In deconstructing one of my romantic relationships many years ago I discovered how unhealthy it can be, too. I mean, you'd think it would be OK to be self sufficient. And it is. I like being self sufficient. But when you're a woman and you give your man no opportunity to make himself of value to you outside know...then it sends a message that doesn't reflect the way you really sets up an unhealthy dynamic.  

There's a bestselling book out there called The Five Love Languages. It's written for love relationships, but really there's wisdom in there for everyone. Well, I haven't actually read the book, but I saw the guy on Oprah...haha. And his message was the same as what I figured out on my own a long time ago when assessing this relationship—we all need to be needed in different ways. 

My boyfriend showed love by doing things for me. But I wouldn't let him. I showed love through words and physical expressions...touching his hand and whatnot. Those things meant little to him because he was a "don't tell me, show me" person. 

So, technically, we were made for each other—so we could learn to give and accept love in the ways our partner needed to give and accept love. But we didn't learn. And the relationship ended. Like most relationships do...not because we didn't want to love the other person, and not because we didn't try, but really because we didn't know how. Ultimately each of us ended up in an unhealthy relationship where we didn't feel loved. Sound familiar?

So the advice of today's duo is to think about letting go of the cliff so you actually get what you need. Let others do for you. Some need that in order to express the way they feel. And, more importantly, learn to see when people are loving you in the only way they know how. At the very least, be aware of what your partner's currency is—and what your own currency is—in your relationship. 

Beyond that, for me, it also means to just stop trying to do everything for yourself. I have a hard front yard to mow...hilly and dippy and exhausting. A few years ago I finally let go enough to hire someone to mow it for me. Today was mowing day and when I came home from having lunch with a friend, my grass was cut, my walk was trimmed and the place looked great! Letting go and letting others do for you can actually feel good... if you let it. :)

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