Thursday, June 27, 2013

6/28/13—Letting Go of Good and Bad

Today's Draw: Wheel of Fortune from the Wild Unknown in the What to Avoid position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Did you learn NOTHING from my post day before yesterday? Are you still thinking in dualities? Why do you suppose this message has come to us twice?

Today's pair circles right back around to the post from two days ago. So clearly SOME OF YOU need to be told twice.

Or maybe I do.

But this combo clearly tells us to avoid Wheel of Fortune thinking, in that sometimes you're in favor at the top of the wheel and sometimes you're out of favor at the bottom.

It's time for us to at least consider that everything happens to our benefit. Everything fuels our growth. Nothing ever goes wrong. Therefore there is no "in" or "out" of favor. We just always have favor. 

See? If you believe everything happens for a reason, and if you trust that God acts in our best interests, then there simply can't be a "bad" or a "wrong". Either that, or you don't really believe that God watches over you and acts in your best interests on good days, bad days and in-between days, too. And if you think he's so moody that he likes you some days and not the next, then you're creating a god in man's image, not one with infinite love and wisdom and foresight and power.

When we resort to this dualistic judgment of the things in our life—in/out, good/bad, favorable/unfavorable—we agree to live life on a rollercoaster ride of being up and down, loved and unloved, in favor and out of favor. We agree to be bipolar, in a sense, rather than balanced in the trust that everything is there as a gift or opportunity.

So put some more thought into this and see if you can catch your self in the act of thinking this way. Ask yourself how it really serves you to think you're sometimes in favor and sometimes not. And if it doesn't serve, ask yourself why you do it. And what does it say when things are just so-so in your life. Does your God love you then?

The more I think of all of this stuff, it just doesn't make sense to continue of in a good/bad mindset. How about you?

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

6/27/13—Rising Above the Gossip

Today's Draw: Birds and Children from Kendra's Vintage Petite Lenormand. Do you ever gossip? What payoff do get from it? And how much do you actually believe some of the stories you end up  hearing?

Remember yesterday when I spoke of my streak of "good luck"? Well, one of the things that happened is that I won a huge pot of Lenormand prizes in a contest online. Some were things I already owned, so I turned them back into the pot so more people could win. But this Lenormand deck is one of the ones I didn't have and it was the first item of my winnings to arrive.

Hooray for me!!

These two cards, when read together, say "childish gossip" to me. We've all been the subject of gossip and I've never met anyone so far who hasn't spread it. Some people have inventive ways of wording what they do, but when you talk about another person, especially when your "facts" are not confirmed, it's gossip. Even if the "facts" are *likely true*, it's gossip. We're all guilty.

We don't always know when it's happening. But I happen to know of some gossip being spread about me right now that's completely manufactured and paints me to be the opposite of who I work so hard to be. It hurts. Because invariably, some people will believe it and think less of me.

This presents less of a struggle for me than it has in the past. But it still pokes at that place in me that wants to prove myself to be who I claim to be. As I've learned, that just makes you look desperate and pathetic, though. And making a big deal out of it just calls attention to the issue, making people choose sides. And none of that really gets at the heart of the issue, which is "how confident are you a) in yourself as a person and b) in how life works?"

If you're a secure person and have people in your life that believe in you, that's all that really matters. And the way life works, you can either drop to their level or continue flying above. If you drop to their level, you're not secure. If you fly above, you're secure enough to know that people who feel a need to make shit up about you are wallowing in some pretty deep pain of their own. And the more you rise above the childish chatter, the more you'll attract people who also rise above.

Another thing I've learned over the years, primarily from my own bad behavior, is that the things you accuse others of say more about you than the other person. Say you've decided that Suzie has somehow tapped into your emails and is writing to business contacts of yours posing as you without you knowing it to get vengeance for that time you drank her diet soda in the fridge. And that's why your colleagues seem stand-offish lately. So you've decided to tip everyone off to mean, mean Suzie so they won't fall prey to her email hacking ways.

Who is the person with the devious mind in this equation, you or Suzie? That's a pretty unlikely story you've cooked up. And is it possible that your colleagues are stand-offish because you're paranoid and a gossip? Sure, some people might believe the stories about Suzie. She is a little snappish, after all. But sooner or later you'll be seen for who you are.

When we engage in this kind of behavior—and I admit my own guilt in this too—we enter into ugly waters. Sure, there's a payoff or thrill you can get from talking about others and spreading their stuff, true or not. But consider the price you pay by splashing your own soul in the others see you for doing it...and how much you hold back your own growth by doing so. Is the cost really worth it? And might there be a bigger payoff when you decide, once and for all, to just rise above?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

6/26/13—Being Guided on Your Journey

Today's Draw: Stars in the House of the Ship from the BYO Lenormand from Jera Babylon Rootweaver. Do you feel guided by the hand of God or kindred spirits? Do you perceive them being there sometimes and leaving you to flail at other times? What helps you steer your ship?

Before I begin, I'd like to say that every once in a while I say something nice about a deck on my blog. And just for the record, I purchase all these decks myself. I don't get stuff sent to me for free. So when I recommend a deck, there's no ulterior motive. Just my honest appreciation. And I honestly appreciate Jera's Decks. I own both of them and she's working on a third that I'm anxious to buy. This BYO or Build Your Own Lenormand is unique in that you get to choose from five options for each of the 36 cards in the deck, so yours is truly unique. Give it a look, because it's fun to buy and own. 

So today we have Stars in the House of the Ship. You can see that as some sort of shift or movement happening in the way you receive guidance. Another way of seeing it could be spirit guidance, or guidance that comes from afar. Ships are often navigated by the stars, so to me, both the cards in this pair are hinting at some force that helps guide you on your journey. 

I've hit a patch of either extra good manifestation energy or luck recently. I can't say which because I'm not sure I manifested all of it consciously, though I know I did do it consciously for some things. Regardless, I feel like I'm in a groove. More importantly, all this good stuff came to show me something quite Zen...there is no good fortune or bad fortune, there is just fortune. So this "extra good patch" I mention is just a perception.

Distinguishing between dualities puts us on a rollercoaster ride. To explain what I mean, one of my "lucky breaks" happened when I got pulled over by the police on Saturday. I was doing 38 in a 25, I didn't have current registration, my license plate was askew from having only one screw in it, and I didn't come to a proper stop at a light. I never drive that car, but since my "main car" had no AC, I decided to drive the little car out of the blue. I do believe there's a reason for everything, so the lesson I learned must have been why I drove that car that day. 

As the officer was listing out one infraction after another, I (rudely) looked up at him and said, "just give me my ticket." So I didn't deserve any breaks. But in the end, he only cited me for the license plate, informing me that if I showed a picture of it fixed to the judge, that he'd probably throw it out. And he reduced my speeding ticket—a ticket that could have been about $150 all by itself—to "failure to obey a street sign," a minor infraction. Everything else he tossed out. So I not only saved about $200, but I didn't get any points against my license. 

So as I drove off, I thought to myself, "ok, was it good fortune that I got off so easily?" "Or is it bad fortune because I got pulled over in the first place?" And the answer that came to me was that there was a flaw in me even thinking in those terms. Because if you speed, you're going to get pulled over...haha. Bad crap is going to happen to all of us. And so will good crap. It's all just...

wait for it....


It's not good fortune or bad fortune. It's life. Today I brought my *other* car into the shop and got a SHOCKING estimate for how much it was going to cost to fix the AC. It wasn't "the end to my lucky streak" or "bad luck" or "karma coming to kick me in the ass for all the great stuff that's happened lately". It wasn't any of that. It was just the lifecycle of my car's AC. And I own a car with a really hard to access AC so the labor to fix it is really high. I was able to talk the shop down about 20%. The price was still shocking. But it is what it is. 

What I realized when I was driving away from the police officer is that, while I think there is a reason for everything, this thinking in terms of "good" and "bad" is something that stands between me and higher guidance, as well as manifestation. Buddhists have a simple word for it—judgment. I'm judging one moment against another to see where I stand with spirit and the universe! That's not exactly the unconditional trust I preach or believe unblocks the channels to manifestation.

And while I intellectually know better, don't we all do this to a degree? Don't we all walk around like a champ on "good luck days" and like a loser on "bad luck days"? Ultimately, we're placing our worth and happiness on something outside of us. Both of those car experiences of mine are things I could either be sullen or happy about. Should I let the experience choose which? Or should I let my spirit choose which? Because my spirit tells me there's never a moment that the universe isn't on my side. And if I choose to see the world in that way, that's how it is. So why wouldn't I choose to see the world through the eyes of an always loving and generous universe? Why wouldn't you?

We get to choose which star we focus on while on our journey through life and whether we choose to be guided by either beneficial forces, or fickle forces that are sometimes beneficial and sometimes seem to abandon us. Really, the only thing that stands between us and a life magically guided and protected from above is us and our need to judge. 

Monday, June 24, 2013

6/25/13—Being Happily Alone

Today's Draw: Two of Pentacles from the Fairy Lights Tarot in the Surprise position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are you trying to both hide from the world and engage with it at the same time? Is your life, single or coupled, rife with yearning? Are you living full out?

I saw the following quote on Facebook earlier today:

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ~ Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP

Anyway, I found that quote very thought provoking, but even more so when I chose today's cards. In the little white book for the Fairy Lights Tarot, it says "you cannot both hide from the world and engage with it. Choose your path and commit to it."

I guess the surprise is how the two just kind of dovetail together to tell the story of my life...haha. I have to say, though, that my life of solitude does NOT make me yearn or keep me from loving or feeling. But it does keep me from learning and sharing with another in the way you do in an intimate relationship. So it's missing that path of growth and learning. But being coupled misses the path of learning and growing that feeling full in your own company has. Neither path is more noble, but society does push for coupledom.  

It's a fallacy that people who live alone are lonely or unhappy. Many of us might feel that way occasionally, but people who live in highly populated homes occasionally feel unhappy and lonely, too. So I just want to put that out there. If you have a friend or loved one who chooses choice...stop worrying about them and stop trying to bring more people into their lives. I have enough friends, enough dogs, enough love, enough company....I am fulfilled in my life to the point that I have no need to seek more or different types of relationships to round out my life. But thank you for thinking of me. :)

That said, I think that part of the reason I chose to live alone in the first place WAS to protect myself, or at least have more control over my environment. And I found that the above quote was true. Life finds you no matter what. But solitude is my nature. So I found ways to risk my heart. And I found ways to share my life with others without actually having them live with me. 

While hiding from the world is an attractive notion, I have found you can't have it both ways. So all of this has relevance to me. But I think the life of the loner is misunderstood. I'm someone who often feels drained by being around others. I have low tolerances for the public at large. And while I love to teach, for example, I often need a lot of time to myself in between teaching. 

But I don't get bored. I have many things going work, my dogs, taking care of my home, visiting friends, and just living a life. When you live alone, everything is your responsbility—nobody helps earn money, take out the trash, mow the lawn. So there's plenty to keep you busy and your imagination flickering. 

I say all of this because that quote above was wonderful. But it assumed that solitude implied yearning and a lack of heart risk. I can't think of any relationship that risks the heart more than a relationship with a pet. It's the only unconditional relationship you willingly enter into that also requires you to witness the death of that which you love most. That may happen by circumstance in all kinds of human relationships, but it's not usually the choice you make going in. 

When I first started writing this post, I thought it would lead somewhere else...haha. But it leads right someone who has chosen a largely single life, no longer out of fear as I once did, but now out of choice. Someone who gets plenty of heartbreak and disappointments...haha...and understands my solitude won't save me from it. And someone who could easily choose to be more social and suffer all the same risks, but chooses solitude because it suits me. 

The surprise of today's draw is that it has helped me realize where I am. I'm not living alone secretly hoping for my life to change. I'm not "choosing" solitude because it's my only choice. I'm not living halfway in one world and halfway in another. And I'm not pretending I prefer to be single over being coupled. I'm living fully in a world that affords all the same options and risks of everyone else's. I know the reality of a romantic relationship and, currently, am happier without one. I'm choosing my life not out of bitterness, a lack of opportunity or naivety, but out of knowing what brings me the most joy. 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

6/24/13—Speaking Your Truth

Today's Draw: Woman of Swords in the Card of the Day position from the New Earth Tarot and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you often find yourself suppressing your truth so as not to offend others? Where is the line between being honest and vocal about your feelings and being hurtful? Are you holding on to unsatisfactory relationships or situations because it's "easier" than rocking the boat?

The Woman of Swords speaks her truth in a way that is considerate to others. This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. 

It seems like this year has brought a significant shift in me in this regard, as well as in related regards. In the past, I would normally hold my tongue in certain cases to keep from being mean to others. Then over a while, I'll build up so much frustration over holding my tongue that some random person bears the wrath of my tongue, usually unfairly in relation to the situation. 

I don't think I'd ever voiced it this way before, but over time I came to realize that holding your tongue to protect someone else's feelings is abusive to yourself. We need to enforce our boundaries in order for others to respect them. And we need to be true to ourselves in order to respect ourselves. 

In the past, I've not only held my tongue to save the feelings of others, but I also haven't made my own needs known. I've also put up with a lot of BS, overlooked a lot of lies, maintained a lot of soul sucking friendships and allowed myself to compromise my own comfort for the comfort of others. And you know what? Fuck that. I'm done. 

But the thing is, we're also not respecting ourselves or others if we use our truth as a way of hurting others. Sometimes, though, a person is going to get hurt. Who wouldn't get hurt about "I no longer want to be your friend" or "I don't feel I can trust you"? If that's your truth there's no kinder way of saying it unless you blow all sorts of crap up their butt that you don't really feel. What's not kind is "I never really liked you anyway, you bitch" or "you are a sociopathic liar."

So I've found myself more and more speaking my truth and rearranging things in my life to live both my truth and my happiness in the past year or so. Sometimes I may still feel more comfortable choosing silence over speaking my truth or letting things slide, but it won't be from suppressing my voice out of some form of consideration for the other person. It will be out of consideration of me.