Sunday, September 23, 2018

9/24/18—Dreaming Bigger

I have a secret shame. 

I like to look at the real estate listings that pop up on my social media feeds. In fact, I often go on Zillow and check out homes in cities I will never even visit. I'm not in the market for a home. I just like to look at the pictures and poke my nose into other peoples' houses. 

Is there some feature I envy about the home? Do I like the way the kitchen looks? What does the back yard look like? Is there a big, stone fireplace? Do I suspect it's haunted? Can I imagine living there?

But that is not my secret shame. My secret shame is that I'll only look at houses I can afford. Intellectually, I realize how ridiculous that is. As long as I'm just playing around, why limit myself to a particular price range? But I do. 

I've recognized this before, but basically what this is is restricting my dreams based on a rule or limitation I make up in my head. It's like I'm only allowed to daydream realistically. Which is fine. But if I believe I can only achieve what I'm willing to believe, I'm limiting myself. And while I'm not consciously closing myself off to more, I'm not keeping my mind open to the miracles the universe routinely performs. The "order" I'm placing in the universe through my thoughts is narrow and limiting. So the results I get are narrow and limiting, too. 

And here's the thing...I consider myself a powerful manifester. The life I live now was (more or less) once a conscious or unconscious dream of mine. Twenty years ago I lived in a tiny efficiency apartment and decided I wanted dogs, so I manifested a different home for myself and a different lifestyle fell into place naturally. So why aren't I doing a better job of that now?

Fear. Insecurity. Breeding...haha. Growing up, I somehow learned that if you don't ask for anything too big (such as a pony) you're likey to get it (and by "it", that might mean a bicycle). If I don't want for more than my parents can afford, then I will never be disappointed and I will get everything I want. This was a practicality that was innate in me. I was born fiscally practical, with a dash of impractical purchasing thrown in...but just a dash. My mother was the same way. And since the main breadwinner in the family, my father, was on a fairly limited career path (military) most of my life, we knew our means and kept to them. 

Somehow all of this crept into my daydreaming and placed limitations on me. (It also benefited me in that I believe I can get anything I want. I just have to learn it's ok to want more.) Which makes wonder where else am I limiting myself? Romantically? Socially? Career-wise? Physically? Where else do deeply ingrained beliefs and habits serve to limit what is possible for me in the universe? Maybe it's not such a silly belief as "I can only enjoy dreaming of houses I can afford." Maybe it's not as "obvious" as that.

I know some people believe there are limited resources in the universe and they don't want to take more than their "share". Some women believe all the good men are already taken. Some may believe they're not smart enough or special enough to have the things they want. And some, like me, could just, plain dream bigger. <--- If you follow that link there, you'll see this is not the first time I've gotten this message. 

These things work like the proverbial layers of an onion. Once you learn to dream bigger in one regard, you discover another place where you're holding yourself back. For me, at least, I'm going to start browsing real estate that is beyond my means, but not so opulent it makes me want to barf. And I'm going to envision a maid and caretaker, too, while I'm at it. :D  What simple little change can you make in your life to dream bigger?