Saturday, November 12, 2011

11/12/11-11/13/11—Feeling the Love

Weekend Reading: Two of Cups from the Tarot of the Holy Light. This weekend grab ahold of someone who complements you. When those of complementary gifts come together, great things can happen. If you're coupled, acknowledge and honor those parts of each of you that are unlike your partner. If you're single, keep an eye out for someone who complements you. The focus is on love this weekend...finding it, keeping it and making it.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

11/11/11—Coming Clean About My Tarot Addiction

Today's Draw: Seven of Disks from the Tarot of the Holy Light. Do you have something you collect? Do you feel a to collecting these things? And do you have any intention of stopping anytime soon?

This is my third draw this week from a brand new tarot deck. You might surmise I have an issue. Me likey collecting tarot decks. And you know what the Seven of Disks says? It says it's OK. The things I collect are the rewards of my labor and I deserve them. 

Sweet little Seven of Disks. *stroking card lovingly*

See, I work at home, so I don't buy tons of nice clothes. I don't travel to exotic places. I drive old cars. I eat at home a lot. I live in a modest house. I don't rush out for the latest technology and, in fact, don't buy anything new along those lines until the old one is broken. I don't now, nor have I ever, lived beyond my means. But there *are* a few things I spend money on. Tarot is one of them. And at about $20 a deck (on average), they're not that expensive of a habit.

Of course that doesn't mean I don't still have an issue. I certainly do. I have more decks than I care to admit or even know of. Certainly over 200. Easily. I have never actually counted because I'm afraid of being mortified by the actual number (unlike my friend R. who inventories hers and carries a list with her everywhere she goes. It's nice having friends like R. that you can point at and say "she's sicker than I am.") 

Even though I have all my decks concentrated in six strategic touch points across my home so that I'm never more than two steps away from a deck, I still can't seem to locate some of them and I don't know why (has anyone seen my Fishy Tarot or my Alchemical Renewed?) And sometimes I suffer the secret shame of purchasing a deck that I already own. That's the worst. It doesn't get much lower than that. 

The truly sad part is that I've joined a group called Tarotholics Anonymous. Do you know what they do there? They talk about tarot and how great it is. And then they brag about the latest and greatest deck they just purchased, inciting the rest of us to run off and snatch up a copy for ourselves before they're all gone. So much for support groups.

Then there's something called the Limited Edition, Self-Published deck. Those are made just for people like me. Only maybe 1000 copies exist in the entire world and I must have one of them. They don't cost $20. Not even close. Some cost more than 10x that much. But one day they're going to be worth MUCH more than I paid for them. Maybe. That's, of course, if I could ever part with one. (Tarot addicts around the globe are snorting milk out their noses right now at the ridiculous notion that someone would actually part with a LE HTF OOP deck willingly.) (For the neophytes, that's Limited Edition, Hard To Find, Out Of Print. *exaggerated sigh* *eye roll* Newbies!)

And then there are some decks that sell out within seconds. I do not own a Russian edition of the Victorian Romantic and it KILLS me. It would go nicely with my LE Gold Victorian Romantic and my two regular HTF OOP editions. Because of this ONE deck, my Baba Prague (the deck creator) collection is incomplete. But what are you going to do? Damn scalpers beat me out every time a small batch of 50 or so were released. Seconds, people! That's how fast these things sold out! That's what I get for not sitting at home and obsessively refreshing my email so I could be first in line. Clearly I didn't want it ENOUGH.

For the casual tarot readers and non-tarot folk reading it, I'm sure all this sounds insane. I could cite a number of my Facebook friends who have similar afflictions for the things they collect. Sure, it's different when it's YOU and your [insert material object here] lust we're talking about. But tarot decks? Whatever. 

My name is Tierney and I'm a tarotholic. Who are you?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

11/10/11—Contemplating Closure

Today's Draw: Oracle of Visions #15. Are you someone who needs closure? What do you think closure is? Do you think revenge ever brings closure?

The keywords for this oracle card are farewell, goodbyes and closure. This woman is either sending or receiving some sort of a Dear John letter and it clearly weighs heavily on her mind. We actually had this card once before, back in June. Back then we used it as an opportunity to discuss letting go and the limitations of holding on. This time that word "closure" is popping out at me.

I like the circle to be closed on things. When things don't come to a full conclusion, it bugs my head and sometimes I'll even make something up just to stop thinking about it. 

But, as much as I like closure, sometimes you can never get it. Some things just don't make sense and you will never have the answers. I remember one time I saw something online where someone's child had died and they wanted everyone to pray for a guilty verdict for the murderer "because then they'd have closure." In another situation, there was a family who opted to witness the execution of someone who had killed a family member, again because they thought it would give them closure. 

Having experienced a similar situation in my own life, I feel comfortable saying these people will never have closure. You think you will. But no act—conviction, execution, public stoning—will ever close the circle in your mind. Nothing will ever make it make sense. There will always be questions that will go unanswered. There will always be what feels like a lack of justice. 

If you want closure, you have to find it within yourself. And it takes two things, which some might consider one and the same—forgiveness and letting go. As far as letting go, it's not just letting go of the anger, it's also letting go of the hope that things could, in some way, be different. You have to just accept that what is, is. Whatever the situation is. Because this isn't in your hands. And the same could be said about any trying experience in your life. 

This is also making me think of girls who get revenge on a man that breaks up with them. They think it will bring them closure, but after the revenge they're still dumped. They still have to face the reality of the situation. But now they have to face it with the shame of how far they stooped to get revenge. I had a friend once who thought revenge was funny. That's just not how my mind works. When I "lose", I just move on. And it's not like I've never dated a shit. I have. I just don't see the point.

There just is no full circle when something that can't be replaced is taken from you. A grandma dies of old age and that's one thing. But when it comes to having a pet murdered, watching someone you love suffering from cancer or having a child kidnapped...the higher the stakes, the bigger the gap that will never be closed. The closest you'll ever get to closure is healing.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

11/9/11—Taking the Wiggly Path

Today's Draw: Knight of Vessels from the Wildwood Tarot. Are you on a quest for personal improvement? Are there things you do sometimes that you feel are inconsistent with the person you've become? How do you feel about that?

In a traditional deck, the Knight of Vessels (Cups) would be a warrior for romance and love. But in this deck, it's symbolized by an eel and is more closely defined as a warrior for wisdom, maturity and personal revelation. As the eel cuts through water, the knight cuts through emotion and deception by using his powers of expression, honesty and discernment. 

Most of the people who read these daily draws are like the eel—on a quest for their personal truths. For some, it's an integral part of their spirituality. Others may be on a pursuit of self knowledge and betterment independent of their spiritual beliefs. And still others are curious about philosophical musings and the self-learning is a by-product.

It seems almost like a universal pursuit of humanity to try to be a better person. I wonder why that is...whether we're programmed that way genetically or if it's a habit set in our school and learning years? Of course, some people don't do a very good job at it. And some of us are so broken we no longer care. But I think most people, at heart, want to improve themselves.

This eel isn't taking the fastest, straightest path. He's all wiggly, here and there. Partly because he's an eel and that's how they roll. But I think also partly because we're not always straight on course ourselves. 

I'm more forgiving of my "flaws" than I once was. These days I'm more willing to accept that I am where I am. But I do get bothered by behaviors that aren't genuine to the person I feel I am and the person I want to become. One of these inconsistencies is that sometimes I'll gossip or talk about others. Whenever I do that, I end up feeling bad because whatever I get from it is momentary and not worth the guilt feelings it causes me. Like the eel, I'm wiggly. The path to our higher selves is not always straight and logical. Do you have something like that? What does it involve?

Monday, November 7, 2011

11/8/11—Making What You Want Out Of Life

Today's Draw: The Seven of Coins from the Dracula Tarot. How do you view the ups and downs of life? Do you label them as good or bad? Or are they all part of the rich mosaic of life?

Traditionally the Seven of Coins is about reward and recognition. Hooray! But not in this deck. In this deck it's about taking a hard blow or the failure of a project.

We have a tendency to categorize events in our lives as good or bad. Positive or negative. But the option to do that is entirely up to us. Like the Buddhists, we can choose to see everything as just simply "being". No judgment of good and bad. Everything just "is". We can also choose to see everything like the Negative Nellies—that all of life's triumphs just mean something bad is about to happen. Or we can choose to see things like the Tierneys (haha)—that everything holds the seed of something positive. 

When I look back on my life, a lot of "bad" things happened to me. But there wasn't one of them that didn't turn into something good and of value in my life. There wasn't one of them I didn't need in order to be where I am today. And I like being where I am today. 

Sure, difficult things still suck in the moment. But I'm pretty quick to look for the lesson in the situation or to find the silver lining. Because there's always one there. And I would go so far as to say "bad" things are actually gifts we haven't formed the patience to view as such yet. Because they always turn to good in time. 

The older I get and the further I travel along my path, the more I seem to see how our thoughts and emotions shape our reality. For those whose motto is "life sucks and then you die," that's probably how things are going to pan out. And for those who believe life is beautiful, that's what they'll get. And, according to studies about the link between happiness and longevity, the "life is beautiful" people will also get a few extra years of life to enjoy. 

So just like the Seven of Coins has different meanings depending on how you interpret it, so does life. It really is what you make of it.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

11/7/11—Honoring Passages in Your Life

Today's Draw: The World from the Fantasyland Tarot. What phase—big or small—has recently come to an end in your life? Do generally recognize and acknowledge the passages in your life? Are you missing a chance to celebrate?

Today's adorable tarot comes compliments of my buddy Stephen Winick. He brought me back this majors-only deck from Taiwan so I could have something nobody else had. Now THAT's love. (Though I can't help but think he was trying to tell me something with the deck's name—Fantasyland.)

The World is about successful completion. It could indicate a moment in your life when you feel like everything has fallen into place. It could be the completion of a project or matter that's occupied your time. Or it could be the end of a larger cycle in your life, like childhood. I kind of view it like a pause between inhale and exhale—in this brief moment, you've reached a point of achievement. The world stops spinning momentarily so you can enjoy this moment of fulfillment...the moment before you step out of completion and into a new beginning. You're both the old you and the new you in the same moment.

Most people who know me would agree that I'm a capable, confident, independent woman. I've carved my path without a alone, live alone, that kind of thing. And it works for me. I wouldn't have it any other way. But it can be both a blessing and a curse. Because if I can't do it myself, it has a tendency to never get done. And by "it", I mean fixing a drippy faucet, that kind of thing. So if it's not an all-out emergency, I'll just live with the drip, drip until I can't take it anymore. Or I'll devise a work-around that I can justify. When my dishwasher broke, I hand washed dishes for quite some time, telling myself I was saving energy and enjoying the meditative therapy of washing dishes by hand...haha.

I was raised by a man who could fix EVERYTHING, so I never learned to call for help. I don't think there was ever an outside repair person in our house. Obviously, you just pick up the phone and call someone....haha. But inside me, a whole "issue" happens. I have to research the options. I have to think on it. I have to avoid it and hide from it. And, ultimately, I have to be so sick of living without the broken thing that I finally pick up the phone and make the dreaded call. Such a simple thing, but it gets me every time. Like many or most "independent women", I don't know how to ask for help or admit to needing it.

So, while I have no issues making big, bold moves in my career and my life, the stupidest, easiest things tend to trip me up. One of them, as some of you know, is a mental block around my dogs. Kizzie is 7 and he was a puppy the last time I left my dogs in someone else's care overnight. For a while it was because I really just didn't want to be without them. Then it became about how they're so un-used to being without me, seeing as how we're together 24/7. Then it became about the same insanity that drives my avoidance of calling repairmen. And, well, long story short, that cycle came to an end yesterday. At least regarding my dogs.

See the two babies in the card? The one with the colorful mane around his neck is Kizzie and the one with the mischievous horns is Magick. And I'm the lady in the skirt who has fallen away out of the picture. And Keith, my doggie babysitter, is the angel who is whisking them away for a non-mommy experience...kind of like having a social life all their own.

Over the years, there have been things I've wanted to do, but didn't because I didn't want to leave the dogs for one reason or another. The solutions always existed and were always available to me, but I wasn't ready to seek them. I could always justify that I'd rather spend time with them. And while I'll always rather spend time with them, now I have more flexibility to do things I've always wanted to do. This solution is better for everyone involved. And now I've made the step, I'll be able to make it again. 

So it's the end of certain limitations—and excuses—in my life. And the beginning of new options. We easily have hundreds of these moments over the course of a lifetime. I could probably think of more than a dozen passages from old ways to new ways in this year alone. Big ones and small ones, important ones and goofy ones. And the bulk of them went by unnoticed and unacknowledged. This World card comes to tell us to sit up and take notice, because each is not just a celebration, but also a sacred moment in our soul's journey. So what such moment have you experienced lately?