11/10/11—Contemplating Closure

Today's Draw: Oracle of Visions #15. Are you someone who needs closure? What do you think closure is? Do you think revenge ever brings closure?

The keywords for this oracle card are farewell, goodbyes and closure. This woman is either sending or receiving some sort of a Dear John letter and it clearly weighs heavily on her mind. We actually had this card once before, back in June. Back then we used it as an opportunity to discuss letting go and the limitations of holding on. This time that word "closure" is popping out at me.

I like the circle to be closed on things. When things don't come to a full conclusion, it bugs my head and sometimes I'll even make something up just to stop thinking about it. 

But, as much as I like closure, sometimes you can never get it. Some things just don't make sense and you will never have the answers. I remember one time I saw something online where someone's child had died and they wanted everyone to pray for a guilty verdict for the murderer "because then they'd have closure." In another situation, there was a family who opted to witness the execution of someone who had killed a family member, again because they thought it would give them closure. 

Having experienced a similar situation in my own life, I feel comfortable saying these people will never have closure. You think you will. But no act—conviction, execution, public stoning—will ever close the circle in your mind. Nothing will ever make it make sense. There will always be questions that will go unanswered. There will always be what feels like a lack of justice. 

If you want closure, you have to find it within yourself. And it takes two things, which some might consider one and the same—forgiveness and letting go. As far as letting go, it's not just letting go of the anger, it's also letting go of the hope that things could, in some way, be different. You have to just accept that what is, is. Whatever the situation is. Because this isn't in your hands. And the same could be said about any trying experience in your life. 

This is also making me think of girls who get revenge on a man that breaks up with them. They think it will bring them closure, but after the revenge they're still dumped. They still have to face the reality of the situation. But now they have to face it with the shame of how far they stooped to get revenge. I had a friend once who thought revenge was funny. That's just not how my mind works. When I "lose", I just move on. And it's not like I've never dated a shit. I have. I just don't see the point.

There just is no full circle when something that can't be replaced is taken from you. A grandma dies of old age and that's one thing. But when it comes to having a pet murdered, watching someone you love suffering from cancer or having a child kidnapped...the higher the stakes, the bigger the gap that will never be closed. The closest you'll ever get to closure is healing.