It seems like this year has brought a significant shift in me in this regard, as well as in related regards. In the past, I would normally hold my tongue in certain cases to keep from being mean to others. Then over a while, I'll build up so much frustration over holding my tongue that some random person bears the wrath of my tongue, usually unfairly in relation to the situation.
I don't think I'd ever voiced it this way before, but over time I came to realize that holding your tongue to protect someone else's feelings is abusive to yourself. We need to enforce our boundaries in order for others to respect them. And we need to be true to ourselves in order to respect ourselves.
In the past, I've not only held my tongue to save the feelings of others, but I also haven't made my own needs known. I've also put up with a lot of BS, overlooked a lot of lies, maintained a lot of soul sucking friendships and allowed myself to compromise my own comfort for the comfort of others. And you know what? Fuck that. I'm done.
But the thing is, we're also not respecting ourselves or others if we use our truth as a way of hurting others. Sometimes, though, a person is going to get hurt. Who wouldn't get hurt about "I no longer want to be your friend" or "I don't feel I can trust you"? If that's your truth there's no kinder way of saying it unless you blow all sorts of crap up their butt that you don't really feel. What's not kind is "I never really liked you anyway, you bitch" or "you are a sociopathic liar."
So I've found myself more and more speaking my truth and rearranging things in my life to live both my truth and my happiness in the past year or so. Sometimes I may still feel more comfortable choosing silence over speaking my truth or letting things slide, but it won't be from suppressing my voice out of some form of consideration for the other person. It will be out of consideration of me.
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