4/8/2013—Letting Your Goal Control Itself

Today's Draw: The Emperor from the Tarot of the Sidhe in the What's Working Against Your Goal position from Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you have control issues? Is there a certain way you want things done and no other way can compare? Is there only one outcome to your goal that will satisfy?

When I first starting doing this blog, my hope/goal was that I would write forever without repeating myself. Inevitably after 700+ blogs, though, I do. I really don't like to do it, though. And I'm on the verge of doing it again. And, in a way, that's what today's card combo is all about. 

Crowning Influences are major, kind of obvious influences on something, like a goal, as we have in today's reading. And the Crossing card is something that gets in the way of those influences on our goal...something that works against all the work we do, in a way of speaking. 

So the Emperor is what's working against the work we do. The Emperor is very yang. On the plus side, he's a leader and strategist. On the negative side, he can be very controlling. 

So by trying to control how repetitive this blog is or is not, I'm working against myself. It's like I assume all of you are like my sister, reading all 700 blogs in order (it's actually more than that, because I did this for six months on Facebook before I started my official blog), and committing each to memory (which I doubt she does...haha). It's as if I think everyone only needs to hear something once—and in one way—to get the message. 

Thinking too hard and trying to control what comes up is working against me....and has been for the past six months or so as I've felt I've started touching on some of the same "fine points" more than once. 

Sometimes we can be our own worst nemesis. 

Because also in that six months, I've come up with a couple of thoughts that I could really do something with if I wanted to write a book or ebook or something. So if I packed it in, I wouldn't have had those insights. Also, it's ludicrous to think any other than a small handful of people read every day or have been following me for all three years. So it's best to just let go and trust the right message is hitting the blogosphere at the right time, regardless if it's something I've talked about before. 

So here's the message FOR YOU—let go. Let chaos have its equal time. Embrace the random. Last week in the Lucky Like a Fox post, I talked about detachment, which is letting go of outcomes. Certainly when you have a goal, you have an outcome in mind. But resist the urge to have every little detail spelled out. Leave room for miracles. 

One thing I know for sure...god and the universe have a much bigger imagination and creative capability than you or I. Make room for them to meet you halfway and serve you something you could have never imagined on your own. Whether you have irrational control issues (like me) or are married to a certain specific outcome, loosen up and let the wind guide you to your goal. 

2/28/13—Celebrating Your Successes

Today's Draw: The World in the What to Do Next in Regards to My Goal position from the Tarot of the Sidhe and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you feel you fully celebrate your successes? Or are they just a blip on the radar of your busy life? Do you ever just stop and give yourself a good old pat on the back?

So today I used the same Deck of 1000 Spreads technique of creating custom spread positions that I used yesterday. But I also did something I'm not sure I've done intentionally in the nearly three years I've been writing my daily posts: I drew a card specifically for me to explore what to do next now that my deck is out. 

See, the Deck of 1000 Spreads wasn't a destination for me. It was never been intended to be one. The "destination", as many of you know from reading this blog, is to be a spiritual/self-help type of writer, dispensing the kind of insights I deliver here each day. While on that road I got this phenomenal idea for a product serving the tarot world and I HAD to do it. And doing it was divinely inspired, not only because it has been such a gift for me so far, what with all the positive feedback and the things people are doing with it. But also because of something that became clearer to me just the other day. 

OK. I'm going to brag. Facebook people are probably sick of hearing this...haha. But I haven't told the people who just know me from my blog. For the past week or so, the Deck of 1000 Spreads has been a best seller in the Fortune Telling category on Amazon. It's been anywhere from #1 to #7 when I've checked. It moves around a lot. At the time of this writing, I'm #1 in Fortune Telling, #4 in Tarot, #15 in Divination and I'm really nowhere near the Top 100 in the New Age category (the next level up). Yet. Haha. But I'll tell you this much—none of this was on my radar a month ago. These rankings never occurred to me. 

Now that I've seen them and the little outline that goes along with the photo here, it occurs to me that I'm already writing in the category I want to: Religion & Spirituality. I'm a few levels deep into it, but I'm already in it. And this fills me with hope that I will be able to achieve my dream of being a mainstream spiritual author and helping and healing people with my words. I think I do that now here and feel very blessed by it. 

Do you know I've been operating this site for more than two years and this summer will mark three years of daily posts I've been making and I've never once heard a negative word about what I do? I mean, there are critics everywhere in life, but I've been so blessed to hear only words of support from you. I'm getting all emotional just writing this. But this has been such a gift because I get such great feedback. AND I share some stuff that makes me uncomfortable admitting from time to time, and it's such a safe place. On my blog and on Facebook, this post has been a safe place for anyone who has ventured in. 

Anyway, to get to the actual reading we're doing today, the rest of my week is slow in my actual job. So I have a couple of days of lull before I get busy again next week. And I want to continue this momentum that seems to be building over my deck and ride it into my next project, which I'm thinking right now might be a few ebooks adapted from this blog. Over the years people have asked me to put it in ebook form, but I can't take the tarot with me in ebook form, primarily for copyright purposes...I can't print cards from all these different decks in a money-making venture without getting permission.

So anyway, that's what today's draw is all about. What should I do next to reach my goal? And The World is telling me to tie up loose ends first. To integrate the experience I've been having. My deck has been out in the world for, like, two weeks...haha. I can keep enjoying this fun for a little while longer. Like, I haven't even drunk a toast to this release or had a "me" day to celebrate. And that's so typical of me. I'll wallow for weeks in my failures...haha...but I feel bad bathing in my successes. And, when you think of it, that's just not the way to live. We should forgive our failures and celebrate our successes, instead if the other way around. So I think The World is telling me to do just that...to do something to synthesize this moment it before I take the next step. 

And the next step is? Well the next step is The Fool. I begin the cycle again. I make the leap into the unknown and start out on another journey. But for now...for maybe another week or so...I get to stand atop the World...or atop the Fool's cliff...and enjoy the view. :)

8/13/12–Laying Back into the Arms of What Is

Today's Draw: Dreamer Four from Tarot of the Sidhe by Emily Carding. Do you hold yourself up to some version of what and who you should be? Do you find yourself fighting things like aging and life changes, only to find you're fighting an unconquerable beast? Do you give yourself permission to be who and where you are in this very moment?

Self care has been on my mind a lot lately and today's card is prompting me to do an entire week of talk about it. So welcome to Self Care Week!

I don't think I've ever said this here before, but this is the lowest point in my life health wise. It's all my fault. I have nothing wrong with me that I didn't do to myself. It began when I nearly doubled in size, like a yeasty dough, about a decade ago. It was the combination of a number of things. A change in lifestyle from the city to the suburbs...a dog who went lame and couldn't go on walks...depression in the wake of 9/11 and the DC sniper. I just stopped caring. 

I remember one day I was holding something I shouldn't eat in my hand and I looked at it said "if I don't stop myself this time, there's no going back." And I didn't stop. Prior to that, I was fit, actively engaged in life, healthy...I got things done. I can't say I was any happier than I am today. I was happier with the way I looked, but I wasn't as connected to my spiritual side. I did a reading a few years back about the spiritual reason as to why I gained weight and I concluded that there were lessons I couldn't have learned as the person I was before. I needed the weight to take me out of the more superficial head I was in at the time. 

Anyway, to shorten a story I could go on and on about and get all weepy over—it really does cause me great emotional pain—part of all that extra weight is that I developed sleep apnea. I haven't had a good night's sleep in years. That, combined with its follow-on issues—exhaustion, diabetes, shortness of breath—makes it hard to get through a day, much less go for jaunty hike. So I'm caught in a murky cycle of sleep deprivation and beating myself up over the ensuing depression and difficulty in losing weight and exercising. 

And while I view myself as sitting here doing nothing all the time, I still manage to create and teach three classes every month, do all my professional work to my clients' delight, work on a book and write this blog six days a week. When I look at it from that perspective, I'm doing well. But after all that's done, I'm too exhausted to move. 

Which leads to today's card—Restoration. For a while, I was beating myself up over taking my daytime naps. It didn't matter that I was only getting a few hours of interrupted sleep each night, I still felt like a bad person for taking a nap when I could be productive. But there comes a time of the day I can't even keep my eyes open anymore. About a year ago, though, I gave myself permission to nap guilt-free. I have plenty of days where I don't nap at all, but most days I do. Recently I consulted a medical intuitive (I have a traditional doctor, too) who said I should nap THREE times a day! Haha. She means 20 minute naps, but it was nice to get the affirmation that I, indeed, needed these naps. 

And yes, so I've seen a medical intuitive and am on her program right now to clear out things that are dragging me down. I already feel a little better from that. Good enough that I'm ready to commit the sleep study I've been reluctant to take in order to get this sleep apnea problem taken care of. And maybe from there, I can start to exercise again and lose weight. 

We have these images of the way we're supposed to be. And the way we want to be. And the way we should be. And of who we are when we fall terribly short of the mark of all three. I admit that I fall in the trap of all four on a physical level (I should note that I think I'm pretty neat on other other levels) and each of them is like an anvil holding me firmly in place where I am. 

Sometimes we just have to accept where we are and work with it before we can move forward. Sometimes we need to be less than we want to be in order to heal or regenerate. When I look at all the energy I've spent beating myself up and feeling guilty—all energy I could have invested back into my own self care—I regret it. I've fought against accepting what is and have paid the price of that in terms of digging myself further into the hole. 

While my situation may be different than your own, the same concept works for aging, recovering from surgery, adjusting to new conditions like diabetes or whatever. It also applies to other issues like divorce, job loss, making life changes. All these things can make you struggle with who you want to be, versus who you are in this moment. Beating ourselves up just makes it worse. It won't be until we lay back into the arms of what is and begin to restore ourselves at that level, that we'll gain the strength, will and perspective to begin to see our way out. 

7/26/12—Remembering Who We Are

Today's Draw: The Dancer/Water from Tarot of the Sidhe from Emily Carding. Do you ever think of yourself as a spirit having a human experience? If so, how much of you is spirit and how much of is human while you're here? And do you think your spirit ever misses being spirit?

So I have this thing where I cry when I'm watching TV. I cry at Secret Millionaire when the millionaire has that moment when they change from "I'm really rich and want to give money to poor people on TV" to "these poor people are better people than me and I'm humbled." I cry on America's Got Talent when someone gives a performance that is clearly channeled from God. I cry on Shark Tank when someone gets a good funding deal for their brilliant invention. I watch every week and cry and cry and cry. 

Introspective person that I am, it drives me crazy WHY I cry. Is it because I'm a sap? I don't really think so. Is it because I sit on my arse watching TV while those people are out there actually doing things? Well, no. I manage to run my own freelance business, teach twice a month, do some professional tarot reading and write books on the side. So it's always vexed me. Why?

Well, today I think I found the answer from a conversation I was having with an old colleague of mine. And also from today's card. The Dancer is connected to the universe. To the sun and moon. To earth, water, air and fire. To the rhythms and cycles of the universe. Like the water from which she arose, her spirit conforms to fit its container. She is in the world, but not of this world. There is more to her universal connection than meets the eye.

Being human means forgetting who you are. We let our bodies define us and our boundaries. We let our minds define what is possible. And we forget that we are spirits having a human experience. We forget that we are spirits, born of the god energy, at one with all that is.

Based on that, I've decided why I cry. I cry because, in those moments, those people are operating as spirit in human form. If even just for that split moment, they've remembered who they are and its as if their body disappears and their spirit comes through. I cry, not so much because they've remembered, though, but because I recognize them. I remember who I am through them. Perhaps not consciously, but on a spirit level.

When we hop into a body with an ego and all of that, we become an individual. We don a personality. And we tell ourselves we are different from the person next to us. But in spirit form, there is only one...we are all part of the one. It's as if we pinch ourselves off from that whole when we become human.

We walk the spiritual path to find our way back. We seek that reunion and catch longer and longer glimpses of it, but we inevitably return back to remembering that we're here to have that human experience, with all the stresses and frustrations and separation that comes with it. The older souls may be able to experience more oneness here on earth, but they're also cursed with the wisdom of knowing that spirit...that connection...is just part of who we are when we're here.

Like the lady in the card, we're spirit, we're human, we're everything at once. That's the part of our journey the cards want us to consider today.

So I'm thinking maybe when I see people having moments where they step into their highest selves, I remember. I recognize them as myself, from when we were the whole. And I miss that iteration of me that didn't have to remember because I was always there.

4/25/12—Getting Help When You Need It

Today's Draw: Dreamer Five from Tarot of the Sidhe—Hope Discarded. Are you thinking of making a choice that you KNOW is bad for you? Does it seem like there's always a black cloud hanging over your head? Are you just "not yourself" anymore?

Well, here's a bleak little draw for your humpday musings. The figure in the card has cut her cords of attachment—to hope, to humanity, to source—and she unceremoniously tosses her blade aside. Hope hasn't abandoned her. She has abandoned hope. The blood of her detachment taints the landscape around her. All that is left for her are feelings of negativity, defeat and powerlessness. 

The end. 

So have a nice Wednesday, readers!

Ha! You knew I wouldn't abandon you. Nor would I abandon hope. But sometimes I might forget it. 

I'm like a balanced/depressive. That's different from a manic depressive in that I never get manic...haha. At no time do I ever have crazy unbridled energy. The bipolar people I've known seem to like their manic phases because they get so much done. So I must admit I feel a little cheated. I'm either depressed or normal/balanced. From the depressed times, I know what it's like to forget about hope. And I also know what it's like to just let go and spiral downward as a choice, like this lady has done here. 

And I hate to say what I'm about to say because it makes me feel like every pushy religious zealot I hate, but God is the answer. And drugs. Drugs help, too. Antidepressants, not self medication, mind you. Because when your hormones are out of whack, Prozac will get you back.™ (Lines like these are why I earn the big bucks in advertising.)

I say God is the answer, too. And by that I mean that having faith and a regular spiritual practice that includes meditation or time with your higher power helps a lot. It especially helps keep you centered so you don't get down in the first place. But it's not the only answer and if you really are chemically depressed, your results may be quicker and better with modern medicine.

If you need help, there's no shame in seeking it. I've seen therapists at three different times in my life. And when the mood swings of menopause hit, I finally decided to take an antidepressant. I thought it would make me happy go lucky. Instead it just keeps me balanced. (Foiled again!) So if you're like me and pride has stood in your way, talk to your doctor. You don't have to feel this way. 

One of the things I've learned from the ups and downs of my life is that depression doesn't always look or feel like depression. Sometimes it looks and feels like making choices you know are bad for you, but you make them anyway. Sometimes it looks and feels like staying with someone who makes you feel "less than". Sometimes it looks and feels like a drug or alcohol problem. Sometimes it feels like nobody cares, so eff them all! Sometimes it looks and feels like life sucks and then you die. Sometimes it feels like chronic anger. Desperation. Negativity. Defeat. Powerlessness. All of those things, if they've caught you in their grips, are things your doctor should know about. Even if it feels like you don't feel like telling him. 

The thing about depression is that you usually don't know how bad it got until you're out of it. Sometimes you don't even know you're in it until you're out. When I look back on my life, I'm embarrassed to say I've had periods of YEARS in depression...where depression was my norm. I can even pinpoint times when I was so defeated that a thin line stood between pulling myself back out and cutting myself off from hope. In retrospect, I can see those times as foolish gambles. Because when you're that far gone...when you're feeling powerless...you effectively are. In reality you always have the power, but sometimes you don't care enough to use it. And it's easy to cross the line.

So if you're feeling low or self-loathing/self-destructive and it doesn't look like things are heading up, talk to your doctor. It may not even be depression. Hey, I was severely anemic for two years of my life and that caused a lack of energy and doldrums. Sleep problems can cause emotional strain. Wheat allergies can lower your energy. And sometimes you just make idiotic decisions. There are any number of things that could be going on. And maybe they'll get better on their own. Maybe they won't. 

If you're within the reach of my words, I know for a FACT that you deserve to feel better. In fact, you wouldn't be reading my stuff if you weren't interested in improving yourself and your connection to source, because it's all I ever talk about. So if you're "not yourself" and haven't been for a while, you deserve to know why. Even if it means dragging your ass to the doctor. And if they tell you they don't have an appointment anytime soon, start crying and tell them you're afraid you don't have that long (even if you're just being dramatic). The first step toward feeling better is letting someone know who can help. YOU deserve that.

4/19/12—Getting to the Truth

Today's Draw Classic*: Justice (Major Arcana VIII) from Tarot of the Sidhe. Do you know what is true? Can you attest to anything with absolute and universal certainty? What does it annoy you that people are always getting wrong?

Justice is a card of balance...of weighing options and finding that sweet spot in the center that is the sum of all things good and bad. Emily Carding, the creator of this deck, sees it as the all-seeing karmic law that none can escape. It is cosmic law and universal truth, balancing on the all-seeing, dispassionate eye of God.

As ego-driven humans we are certain we hold that truth. We know when someone is wrong. We see injustice. We're certain we know the truth. But do we? Do we ever?

We're constantly making judgments of right and wrong, as though our keen eye knows all. When we're with our partner, we know we love them. But after the relationship dissolves, we wonder if we ever really did. Was that love? 

When someone zooms into our spot in a parking lot, we know the bitch saw us and willfully stole our space. But how do we know she was even paying attention? How do we know she wasn't on automatic or in that zone we all go into where the outside world doesn't exist?

We say the sky is blue. To a color blind man, who knows? We say it's 4pm. Someone else's watch says 3:58. We're certain it's 2011, but what does that even mean? Tell a Buddhist it's 2011 years after Christ and it means nothing. We say our arm hurts and someone comes along and tells us we don't know pain. Pain is having your eyes gouged out by a crow...haha. So where is the truth in all that?

Emily Carding wrote a certain truth about this card she created. And I have my own...haha. That is the way of tarot. It can be perfectly spelled out by the creator of the deck, but each reader will always see what they want to want to see. And when I see this card tomorrow, I will see something different. The dancer balances perfectly between her conscious (the sun) and her subconscious (the moon). But she must constantly adjust that balance. And when we're talking the conscious, we can count on more stable "truths". But when the unconscious comes into play, all bets are off. So the truth is constantly shifting and is very unique to the individual...and may even be comprised of things the individual isn't aware of.

What I see in this card that wasn't intended (or at least didn't appear in the artist's notes) is that the eyes of sun and moon and the sharpness of the entire balancing image in the center, form the face of an owl. The face of wisdom. And wisdom is knowing that the "truth" is an individual and constantly shifting thing. It exists not in black and white, but in shades of gray. The only thing I can think of that defies this dynamic nature is unconditional love...truly unconditional love. 

It is the ego mind that thinks it knows the truth. But the only seer of the truth is the higher power. That's the only "one" with the omniscience to get the entire picture. For every truth you have, there is an individual who thinks and sees otherwise. And every time we press our truth with insistence, or vengeance or some other form of "certainty", we bear the karma of that false belief. So consider this as you go through your day and make your arguments and take your stands. Truth is one of the great illusions of life...a fleeting snapshot of the human inside us and not representative of the god within.

*Today's draw was adapted from an entry made on 4/25/11.

4/14/12-4/15/12—Living Your Truth

Weekend Reading: The Tower from Tarot of the Sidhe. Strip away illusion this weekend and see things as they really are—not just in others, but in yourself as well. We all wear masks. We all suppress certain aspects of ourselves. We all say yes when we want to say no. Somewhere, in some aspect of yourself, you're not being true to yourself. We do it to protect our ego or to keep our fears from becoming reality. But by being false with others or untrue to ourselves, we also weigh ourselves down and limit the freedom and joy we can experience. So step back and observe yourself with others this weekend, as well in your own private thoughts. Identify those areas of untruth and really measure the service they perform against the way they hold you back. This is the weekend to break through to your truth and take flight!

2/24/12—2/26/12—Feeding Your Inner Artist

Weekend Reading: Dancer Prince from Tarot of the Sidhe. This is the weekend to feed your inner tortured artist. Get out your gouache. Pen some poetry. Twinkle your toes. Come out from behind your safe stick in the mud and create like nobody's watching. It really doesn't matter whether you do it "good" or "right", what matters is the healing, revitalizing energies that move through you when you do it. Think of it as spring cleaning for the soul! Blow out the gunk and funk of winter and come alive with creativity!




NOTE: The Dancer Prince is the same as the Knight of Cups we had day before yesterday. Just for funsies, take a look at this card vs. that card. Both are the soul of the romantic, but in different ways.

1/31/12—Healing With Energy

Today's Draw: The World from Tarot of the Sidhe. Have you ever had an energy healing session? Do you believe that humans can transmit universal healing energy to each other? Would you be surprised to learn that 15% of hospitals in the US offer reiki and Dr. Oz says it's his favorite alternative medicine?

The World card is about completion and wholeness...the ending of a successful journey. In this particular one, Emily Carding's image evokes the perfection and wholeness of God, nature and the universe. It speaks to a divine force or power that has come to you as a result of your spiritual journey. 

The spiral that overprints the tree in this image gave me an immediate impression of something. The same spiral is on the backs of her cards and, even though it's upside down and has more turns, it's very evocative of Cho Ku Rei, which is a symbol used in Reiki. 

Reiki (RAY•key) is a form of energy healing that channels universal life force and concentrates it for use on healing others. While this may sound like BS to some of you, it's becoming more and more accepted by the mainstream medical community. Dr. Mehmet Oz is probably the most well-known proponent of reiki and one source I found said it's now being offered in about 15 percent of hospitals nationwide, including the Cleveland Clinic, Children's Hospital in Boston and Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. Some of you may know the phenomenon better as "laying on of hands". Reiki is similar, but without all the drama.

Whether your issue is physical or emotional, reiki can be used to help heal it. Before anyone gets their panties in a knot, no responsible reiki practitioner or doctor would recommend you stop traditional care in favor of reiki. Reiki is usually used as a supplement to medical care. 

Reiki symbol Cho Ku Rei.

In a typical reiki session, you would visit a practitioner in their home or office, lay down on a massage table, then the practitioner would move their hands over parts of your body (usually not touching you) and send you the healing energy through their hands. What you would feel would most likely be intense heat wherever their hands were. An interesting note to reiki is that it works whether you're in the same room with the practitioner or not, so it can be transmitted over distance.

You become a reiki practitioner by being "attuned", which just means that a reiki master gives you the energy. There are three levels of reiki attunement, Reiki 1, Reiki 2 and Reiki Master. It is a skill/ability that is passed down, person by person, and there is great reverence and ceremony in the passing down. It doesn't belong to any religion, but it can be considered a spiritual practice. It is certainly always approached with that sort of reverence and respect.  

So, back to Cho Ku Rei. There are many symbols reiki practitioners use, whether they picture them in their head or draw them on their hand with their finger, to address different circumstances. And the Cho Ku Rei symbol is like the light switch that turns the power on. 

There are many different kinds of energy medicine other than reiki. Each month I receive two energy healings, each of which is intended to help me maintain an emotional and spiritual balance...like recharging my spirit. One session is a form of reiki and I get that over the phone, the other is a form of music energy healing I receive in person. No matter how I feel entering these sessions, I feel much better upon leaving them. They do shift my moods. And the one I do over the phone....she used to live locally, but moved. There is no difference in the effect now that we do it over the phone.

Magick Moonbeam swears by reiki for curing hiccups.

I've never used energy healing for a physical issue, but I once took a class from a man who had his own form of energy healing that he taught. I was more skeptical back then, so I asked him to do something I could feel. He put one hand behind me at my ribs and when he put his other hand in front of me, I SWEAR it was like he threw a baseball through my gut. I didn't imagine it. He sent a ball of energy through me so intense I could not only feel it, but I could tell you its size and shape. It made me catch my breath. Since then I've become attuned to reiki and have taken a few other energy healing classes. 

Anyway, in this past weekend's post, I said that once you create a space within you to allow for new possibilities, you begin to see and recognize things you didn't know were possible before. If you're not familiar with energy healing, maybe this is a good time to consider it, along with other alternative healing methods like acupuncture, guided imagery, meditation or therapeutic massage. If you're not getting the results you want from traditional medicine or treatment alone, it may be worth the try.