5/30/14—Being Guided on Your Journey

I don't know what's wrong with me this week, but I am incredibly uninspired. I have ideas for new posts, but none of them are calling to me. In nearly four years of doing this, I've never been so bereft of insight. So you get a classic post. I will say, though, I think about the story below where I got pulled over often and I still can't figure out why I didn't get a ticket! :) Here's the post...

I've hit a patch of either extra good manifestation energy or luck recently. I can't say which because I'm not sure I manifested all of it consciously. Regardless, I feel like I'm in a groove. More importantly, all this good stuff came to show me something quite Zen...there is no good fortune or bad fortune, there is just fortune. So this "extra good patch" I mention is just a perception.

Distinguishing between dualities puts us on a rollercoaster ride. To explain what I mean, one of my "lucky breaks" happened when I got pulled over by the police on Saturday. I was doing 38 in a 25, I didn't have current registration, my license plate was askew from having only one screw in it, and I didn't come to a proper stop at a light. I never drive that car, but since my "main car" had no AC, I decided to drive the little car out of the blue. I do believe there's a reason for everything, though. 

As the officer was listing out one infraction after another, I (rudely) looked up at him and said, "just give me my ticket." So I didn't deserve any breaks. But in the end, he only cited me for the license plate, informing me that if I showed a picture of it fixed to the judge, that he'd probably throw it out. And he reduced my speeding ticket—a ticket that could have been about $150 all by itself—to "failure to obey a street sign," a minor infraction. He tossed out everything else. So I not only saved about $200, but I didn't get any points against my license. 

So as I drove off, I thought to myself, "ok, was it good fortune that I got off so easily?" "Or is it bad fortune because I got pulled over in the first place?" And the answer that came to me was that there was a flaw in me even thinking in those terms. Because if you speed, you're going to get pulled over...haha. Bad crap is going to happen to all of us. And so will good crap. It's all just...

wait for it....

Life. 

It's not good fortune or bad fortune. It's life. Today I brought my *other* car into the shop and got a SHOCKING estimate for how much it was going to cost to fix the AC. It wasn't "the end to my lucky streak" or "bad luck" or "karma coming to kick me in the ass for all the great stuff that's happened lately". It wasn't any of that. It was just the lifecycle of my car's AC. And I own a car with a really hard to access AC so the labor to fix it is really high. I was able to talk the shop down about 20%. The price was still shocking. But it is what it is. 

What I realized when I was driving away from the police officer is that, while I think there is a reason for everything, this thinking in terms of "good" and "bad" is something that stands between me and higher guidance, as well as manifestation. Buddhists have a simple word for it—judgment. I'm judging one moment against another to see where I stand with spirit and the universe! That's not exactly the unconditional trust that I preach and believe unblocks the channels to manifestation.

And while I intellectually know better, don't we all do this to a degree? Don't we all walk around like a champ on "good luck days" and like a loser on "bad luck days"? Ultimately, we're placing our worth and happiness on something outside of us. Both of those car experiences of mine are things I could either be sullen or happy about. Should I let the experience choose which? Or should I let my spirit choose which? Because my spirit tells me there's never a moment that the universe isn't on my side. And if I choose to see the world in that way, that's how it is. So why wouldn't I choose to see the world through the eyes of an always loving and generous universe? Why wouldn't you?

We get to choose which star we focus on while on our journey through life and whether we choose to be guided by perpetually beneficial forces....or fickle forces that are sometimes beneficial and sometimes seem to abandon us. Really, the only thing that stands between us and a life magically guided and protected from above is us and our need to judge. 

5/28/14—Bringing Deeper Meaning to Life

I now have a Twitter account. If you're on Twitter, please follow me @tierneysadler. Also check out the radio show I share with two other wise ladies at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/3muses. We address a different spiritual topic each time. :) Now on to today's post....

I think we all would like a career and life filled with deeper meaning and value. But many years ago, during a life slump, I learned that you don't need to change jobs or your life in order to get that.

Deeper meaning and value come from service—to your higher power, mankind, your ideals, whatever. And everything we do is service. Or it can be, depending on the way you do it. 

The way society thinks, we think service is about WHAT you do. Being in the military, working as a social worker or volunteering are service, for example, because they directly serve others or some ideal. But being a computer programmer, advertising executive or bus driver are not. Those are just jobs. 

While the idea of service can sometimes be built into your job, service isn't a job. It's an attitude. Take the military for example. It's literally called "the service". But if you sell secrets, avoid assignments, undermine your team, complain all the time, etc....it's not service. The military tends not to admit many people like that, thankfully. They tend to admit people with a deep passion for what they do, a desire to protect our country, a strong work ethic and courageous follow-through. It's not the job that's service. It's the way the job is seen by the people who do it and the way they get it done. 

Many years back when I was still starting on my spiritual journey, it bothered me that, although I really enjoyed my career, it didn't really serve anyone or anything. Like so many other jobs, it was just part of capitalism...part of making money for "the man." But then it hit me that I help smaller businesses succeed. I offer the same (or better) level of thought and creativity that they'd get at an advertising agency at less than half the cost. And if a smaller business can get noticed as well as a large business, that keeps the bigger businesses from getting all the money and building monopolies. Meanwhile, I'm helping consumers find other options to consider—usually more innovative, service-oriented options. 

Let's face it, people and businesses need "stuff". And you can't find the "stuff" if you don't know it exists. Being someone who helps you discover your options is service. Helping smaller businesses succeed is service. Making senior-level thinking available at affordable prices is service. And the more I consider my job service—as a needed part of keeping society healthy, happy and moving forward—the more reverence I tend to put into it. The more passion I have for it. The better my attitude. The more of a "mission" I feel I'm on. The better the energy I can wrap it all up in. 

Everything you do, whether you're an accountant, administrative person or CEO is service. The only differences between a job and service is a) seeing how what you do serves and b) treating what you do with service and reverence. And this extends beyond your job to running errands that keep the household going, planting flowers in your garden to make the neighborhood pretty—even just sitting on your front stoop and smiling at passersby is service. 

We have the potential to make everything we do service, to treat everything we do as sacred and to move through life in reverence. There doesn't have to be a special time or special circumstances. Right now and right here work just fine. You don't have to search for ways to add deeper meaning to your life. You don't even have to change anything you're already doing. You just have to change the way you see what you're doing. Once you see how important everything in your life is to the greater good, you'll just naturally serve. 

5/26/14—Smudging Your Home

I didn't have much to say today, so I dug up a popular post from the past. It's about smudge and smudging your house.

Smudge is, at its most basic, just dried sage that you burn to purify your home or items, such as things you might buy from a second-hand store. You can buy it loose or tied up in a little bundle like in the picture. The kind you use to purify things is not the kind you have in your spice cabinet. Many different kinds can be used, but most prefer white sage, which is what's pictured. You can usually get white sage bundles at Whole Foods or any kind of metaphysical store. Otherwise, there are tons of online sources to use. One thing to know is that many say burning sage smells like marijuana, so you might not want to smudge just before you go out the door to visit the local police station.

Sage is one of four sacred Native American herbs used for ceremony, purification and healing. The others are cedar, sweetgrass and tobacco (or, alternately, lavender). Often you can find bundles with more than one of these herbs included. 

What kinds of things might you "smudge" or "sage" or purify with sacred smoke? You might smudge a house you're trying to sell or a previously owned item you've received to release the energies of the previous owner. If you buy crystals or other metaphysical items, you might want to smudge them to clear any energy that gathered before you bought them. You might smudge yourself as part of a healing ritual. And if you're taking part in a spiritual ceremony, the facilitator might smudge you upon arrival. Most likely, though, you'll probably be smudging your own home to release negative vibes, ease a change or transition, clear out stale energy or as part of a regular energy cleansing of your home. 

How do you smudge? It depends on what you're smudging. If it's an object, just light the sage until it catches fire. Then blow the flame out and let it smoulder. Then just run the object through the smoke, like you're bathing it in the smoke. That's it. The sage will probably go out on its own, but if you have a stick, you can douse it in sand or earth.

Sweetgrass puts out less smoke than sage and needs to be re-lit more often.

The braids are usually a couple of feet long. I keep a sweetgrass braid in my

car as an air freshener. It has a sweet, fresh, vanilla-like scent. 

If you want to get fancier, then it's good to know what each of the herbs does. Sage and cedar remove negativity, heal and purify. Sweetgrass and lavender draw in positive vibes. You'll find a lot of different thoughts on what I've just said and that's OK. Really, any of the herbs can be used to cleanse. Sometimes cedar is used on the heels of sage to purify after negativity is removed. And sometimes lavender is used to call in beneficial spirits. What's most important is the intention you place behind the smudging.

To smudge a home for any of the reasons mentioned above (though for harmful ghosts, you will probably want a professional's help), light the sage stick on fire and blow out the flame. You will probably have to re-light the sage several times during this process, so bring your lighter with you. Start at the North end of your home on the lowest floor and "bathe" the space, following inner perimeter of your home in a counter-clockwise direction (in other words, move from north to west to south to east). By bathing the space, I mean blow the smoke toward your walls and into corners, wave the stick up and down and make sure the smoke gets everywhere, including in the middle of the room and in closets. All the time you're doing this, you can repeat your intention, such as "this sacred smoke cleanses and removes all negativity from this space."

Once you're done with the lowest floor, then move up to the next floor and the next until you've cleansed all levels of your home, moving in a counter-clockwise direction, starting on each floor on the North wall and repeating your intention throughout. Then you can open your windows long enough to air out your home, if you like. Or you can just let the smoke settle in there. It depends on your tolerance and preference for that sort of thing. 

Most won't have to go far to find a some cedar to burn. It's always nice

to use homegrown ingredients when you can.

You can stop there and that's cool. You'll probably notice your home feels more lighter and more open. Your house should now have neutral energy. But if you'd like, you can repeat the process IN REVERSE with sweetgrass to draw positive energies in. So in this case, you start in the North on the top floor moving clockwise (or north to east to south to west.) Then work your way down from the top level of your home, all the while repeating your intention, such as "I fill this space with light and positive energy." As an FYI, sweetgrass has to be lit more often than sage, so don't be discouraged if it's more difficult to work with. 

Now, as I said before, you can buy smudge bundles with multiple herbs in them. If that's the case, then I would just follow the instructions above for sage. Personally I prefer doing the separate thing. And my habit is to add the sweetgrass step maybe every other time I sage. If you google "smudging ceremonies" along with the  specific purpose you want to smudge for, you should find tons of information to help you accomplish your goals. Mine is just one way to do it. Again, the intention behind it is more important than the steps you take. 

Whether you believe the smoke has any "power" or not, sometimes just the ritual of doing something like this can help release emotional things we're holding on to. Even when done symbolically, it could be just thing you need to draw a line in the sand between yesterday and a new tomorrow.

5/23/14—Being the Turtle

I saw a post on Facebook today with a picture of a turtle and the message read, "help a turtle cross the road, but don't try to relocate him or steer him away from the direction he's going. Helping him find a "better place" could endanger his life." I've never seen a turtle cross the road in my life, so I thought "OK" and went on with my day. 

Not a half hour later, I left to run some errands and guess what I saw? A turtle crossing the road! I pulled my car over and tried to deflect traffic. It was a pretty sleepy road, but I'm standing in the middle of the road, waving my arms and pointing and some dude just aims his car right at the turtle! The turtle's pace quickened and the car's tires ended up straddling him. I screamed and covered my eyes, but the turtle was safe. He made it across the rest of the way without incident. A couple of ladies who had witnessed everything helped the turtle up on the curb and it went on its merry way. 

I believe everything happens for a reason and I tend to pay attention to intuition, synchronicities and the messages we receive along the way. The more you pay attention to things people call "coincidence", the more of those "coincidences" you see and the less likely it is that they can possibly be coincidences because they happen so frequently. 

God, Spirit, the Universe—whatever—speaks to us in that way multiple times a day. Sometimes the message is one that is beneficial to you. And sometimes you get the message to benefit another. Today I was given the message to help the little turtle dude. And I spread that message to people driving by and to observers today. There's no telling how many turtles might be saved. 

But let's not forget about the turtle's role. His job was just to go about his day and trust his instincts....the instincts that told him to cross when and where he did, the instincts that told him to quicken his pace at just the right time and the instincts that told him he'd be ok if he just stayed the course. 

Spiritually speaking, life is a dance of listening and trust. We live consciously, paying attention to the signposts along the way. We trust our intuition. We trust we're being watched over. And we listen for clues on how to course correct along the way, if needed. If we manage to live within this recipe of ease, like my turtle friend does, then miracles will pop up to ensure the safety of your course. 

The turtle seemed to know where he was going, but that's not always the case in life. Again, listening and trust are your best allies. If you stay the course, the right pathways will open at the right time. 

For the curious, I learned a little about the Eastern Box Turtle today, which is the guy pictured above and the same turtle I help across the road today. To give you an idea of size, he was about the size of a half cantaloupe. Apparently turtles commonly live in water and tortoises are land animals. But the Eastern Box Turtle is a land animal. Virginia has no native tortoises. 

The reason you don't want to divert them is because they have a very small territory they consider "home". If you drive them 5 miles down the road, they will relentlessly search to find their "home" and will face greater dangers finding their way back. (Wincing as I remember a massive, 10-15 lb turtle I found in my back yard once. I drove it to the creek, thinking that's where he wandered from. Some kid there who had a pond in his back yard wanted it as a pet. He'd had turtles before, so I handed it to him. That was pretty ignorant of me. I've thought of that turtle many times since.)

Another turtle thing I didn't realize (I clearly know nothing about turtles) is that they hibernate  until early May, then they go out searching for a mate and places to lay their eggs. So it's an active time for them, which is why you'll see more this time of year. Likewise, late summer to fall is also active as they go about readying for hibernation. I got much of this information from the Wildlife Center of Virginia. 

Just one more quick thing. The picture represents the guy I saw well, but he was so much more magnificent in person. His quick little shuffle when he was about to get run over was the only thing that broke a profound stillness in him. That's what listening and trust does...it quiets the fears and debates in the head and makes the head more accessible to instinct and listening and trust. The more you practice it, the stronger you get! While I've gotten a lot of mileage in my career for helping originate and shape the "Fear The Turtle" campaign for the University of Maryland, today I'm changing my tune. BE the Turtle, my friends, and you will have nothing to fear.  

(Edited to Add: Another "coincidence"...if you're reading this on Friday, May 23rd, it's World Turtle Day. So I somehow unknowingly scheduled this post to mail on World Turtle Day!)

5/21/14—Crossing the Chasm

By means of celebration and patting myself on the back, this is my 1000th blog post. That's a whole lot. And I wrote them all in the past four years or so. Thank you for being here for that. And I'm glad this is the 1000th because I didn't realize until after I wrote it and it's something important to me in my journey as a spiritual "teacher"...helping people make bigger leaps. So without further ado...

I have a friend I lunch with every few months or so. Our lunches easily last four hours or more. We have a lot we can talk to each other about—personally, professionally, philosophically. And even though we talk for hours on end, I always think, "oh, we should have talked about X, Y and Z, but didn't." There's always more to say. 

Today was one of those lunches. 

Early on in our conversation, we were talking about something in her life and she said "of course I know that in my head, but not..." and she motioned to her heart...her soul...her being. I knew exactly what she was talking about because I've been thinking a lot about the stuff we know in our head, but don't incorporate into our being myself lately. 

I think there are times in our personal or spiritual development when we have to take a leap between what we know intellectually and what we embody as a human being. If we don't take the leap, we remain stagnant, forever in a cycle of knowing something intellectually, but somehow being able to incorporate it into our lives. If we do take the leap, we have to leave something—sometimes something we consider valuable—on the other side of the chasm. That's why we often don't take the leap. But if we do take the leap, we can end up with a whole other level of growth compared to some of the baby steps we make. 

Let's use forgiveness as an example. Intellectually you know that holding a grudge is toxic. You know your anger isn't doing anything to elicit regret from the other party. You fully agree with the saying "holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." But you Just. Can't. Let. Go. 

Part of your inability to let go stems from not acknowledging whatever role you played in the situation (and I'm not talking about people being mugged or raped in regard to taking responsibility, but everything needs to be forgiven if you want to be free of it.) In order to hold on to the anger, it has to be their fault and you have to be the victim. So in order to forgive, you have to let go of the anger, acknowledge the role you played in the development of the situation, and let go of your victimhood. You have to lay all that down and walk away from it. In return, you gain enormous freedom. 

But most of us do forgiveness on a case-by-case basis, right? We can forgive our child's rudeness, but can't forgive a friend's rudeness. Or we can forgive that lying, cheating, arse of a husband, but we can't forgive the checker at the Safeway for giving us the wrong change...haha. So letting go of an individual situation is a baby step along the way to forgiveness. But the big leap comes when you stop withholding forgiveness altogether....when you adopt a forgiveness mindset. 

This is where people become stuck in their spiritual and personal journeys. They adopt a practice, but only conditionally. And most of us are content to stay there. I mean, why not? We've done most of the work, right? The thing is that the only way to silence the recurring, "I know it intellectually, but can't incorporate it into my heart" frustration that we all feel when we hang on to stuff too long is to let go entirely. To just give up the fight altogether, leave our need for victimhood, our need to be right, our need for an apology, our need to be angry....leave it all on side of the chasm and make the leap, never to encounter it again. Everyone and everything is forgiven before it ever enters your life. 

We like to consider ourselves as forgiving people, but the truth is we're people who are capable of forgiving. A forgiving person does it unconditionally. And I think many people WANT to be forgiving, but don't want to lay down their arms and move forward in the "vulnerable" state of forgiveness. I put "vulnerable" in quotes, because forgiveness is really the power position. As long as you fail to forgive, the other person or situation holds the power in your head. 

Forgiveness is just one spiritual lesson that requires a leap. In reality, they all do—faith, trust, acceptance, unconditional love, oneness, personal responsibility, conscious action—all of them. And most of us are probably at 50% to 90% completion of any spiritual lesson at any given time, meaning we can forgive half the time. Or 3/4 of the time. Or most of the time. But not all the time. So have we really learned that lesson? Or just part of it? 

The leaps come when we abandon our ego needs and leave them across the chasm. Which doesn't mean that things won't still come up. But as West Side Story puts it, "when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way, from your first cigarette to your last dying day." You surrender to the lesson. And it is HARD. Because when you surrender to the lesson, your life changes. The people around you change. The circumstances that come into your life change. You have to be prepared to leave all of that on the other side. 

Say, for example, that you surrender to divine trust. You're probably going to look like a fool to the people you care about, because you take chances with blind faith that you will land on your feet. And to some, that looks reckless. And immature. You're no longer able to wallow in fear or put things off because of it. People might reject you as a flake...or they might reject you because you're less easy to manipulate. But when you leap to divine trust, you leave doubt and fear behind. And you'll eventually meet people who really dig your ability to trust and who don't take advantage of it. That's a pretty good payoff. 

There are a lot of spiritual hobbyists out there. There are a lot of spiritual pursuers out there. But only a spiritual warrior is capable of making these leaps from 90% to 100%. At one time or another we may be faced with situations where we see all we have to lose in order to make a leap and we choose to stay put. The same person may come across another opportunity to leap in a different area of their life and make the leap. We're all snowflakes in that regard. And nobody makes every leap, except maybe the Dalai Lama. Who knows?

I write about this today because I think a lot of people, myself included, feel like we've done our work and still eat crap sandwiches in our lives. Not even the Dalai Lama's life is without crap sandwiches...it's not like his country has been taken away from him, his people savagely killed and he's been forced into exile or anything. ;) But the thing is, when you've really done your work and made the leaps, crap sandwiches no longer have power over you. They don't muddle your head. They don't control your mind. They don't compromise your happiness. You think clearer and see life above the din. And you learn things about life and yourself that you can't learn or embody until you make the leap. 

So I encourage you and I encourage me to look for places where we can cross a chasm and be done with a certain lesson forever. We see the toxicity of the lesson. We see the role we've played in it. And we've laid down our need for whatever payoff comes from it. Once across the chasm, you need only remind yourself that you've crossed the chasm and can't go back. In fact, you won't even have to look for an opportunity to do this. Chances are you were faced with one today. Or this week. Put it to bed once and for all. 

5/19/14—Realizing You're Special

When my niece was young—I'm going to say around the age of 9-11—she asked me to take her around the neighborhood in my convertible.

She had a very set course in mind. There was a boy, you see. And she wanted him to see her riding in a convertible. She was probably going to marry him.

I'll be the first to tell you I suck as an aunt. I'm just not interested in kids and I can't fake it. I was born without whatever gene that takes. They're cute in short doses while they're being cute, but then I lose interest. It's not a flattering admission, but it's true.

Anyway, on this occasion, I really enjoyed doing laps around the neighborhood so that this boy could see my adorable little pistol of a niece looking cute and carefree in a convertible. And I'll never forget asking her during this ride what she wanted to be when she grew up. Her answer, to this day, is the one of the funniest things I've ever heard. She said that when she grew up, she wanted to be popular.

For years,  I've thought about her answer. There's a certain honesty to it. A certain shallowness to it. And a definite sense of humor to it. But more recently, I've begun to see the utter wisdom in it. When I grew up, I wanted to be a veterinarian. An actress. A writer. Famous. But beneath the careers and labels, what I really wanted to be was special. I think if most of us looked inside, we'd find something similar. Popular. Special. Famous. To somehow stand out. To matter. To be something worth remembering.

Intellectually I already know I'm special. You know you're special, too. Each of us has a combination of gifts that others admire in us. Maybe you're extra pretty. Or extra smart. Or a talented artist. Or gifted mathematically. And there are the capabilities that make us notable. Maybe you can roll your tongue. Move one eye separately from the other. Speak multiple languages. Talk to the dead. Or like one reader here, make a menacing fist out of your toes. :D When you add up all the gifts, skills, limitations and oddities—physical, mental, emotional or otherwise—there is nobody else with the combination of traits you have. And that's pretty much the definition of special. It also makes you uniquely qualified for your life and your journey here.

In one way or another, we all think we're special *enough*....special enough to fall in love, get married, be a parent, get promoted at work, hone our skills. I had to think I was a "special enough" writer to do it as a freelancer, for example. And that's not just saying that I had to think I had talent worthy of a high hourly rate, but I also had to believe I was special enough in the right ways to deal with the other 5000 challenges of being self employed. So we all have to believe we're special enough in whatever ways to be where we are in life, wherever that is. But there's a whole greater level of specialness we have to believe in to attain our full potential.

I mean, you and I have no idea of what Oprah's private life is like...what goes in on her private mind. But there's an element of "who the hell am I to have fame, an extraordinary career, billions of dollars, the world's best best friend and a long-term relationship with a handsome man who, despite his own successes, is not crushed by the idea that he'll never be Oprah?"...there's an element of that that can cripple you. Unless you have the esteem to say, "who the hell am I to NOT have those things?" Not to go off on an Oprah love rant, but she never seems to let fear of failure or inadequacy hold her back. She knows she's "special enough". Despite her upbringing. Despite racism. Despite her weight issues.  And that's just it.

We have a thing in society where we don't want anyone thinking they're too special. People who think they're special are egocentric and full of themselves. We consider it a bad thing. In fact, pride is one of the seven deadly sins, right? So all around us we get messages not to think too much of ourselves. Don't go thinking you're too special....especially if you're short. Or unattractive. Or not book smart. Conversely, we're often reminded to remember our limitations. And that serves to keep us down. So we're socialized, in many ways, to view our strengths through the lens of our weakest link. Oprah has even talked about the times her weight *almost* held her back, but she pushed on despite it. I'm just projecting here, but I believe that's because something inside her knew she was special.

Like I said before, we're all special. We should all have that thing inside us that makes us apply our strengths and abilities with such determination and vigor that we utilize the full breadth of our possibility in this world. But most of us don't. Most of us are either happy enough feeling "special enough" that we don't dare aspire to more. Or we suspect we have so much more to give, but who are we to think that when we can't even balance a budget, lose weight, etc.? Maybe what Oprah realized early on is that her shortcomings have absolutely no bearing on whether or not she can interview people...or if they do have a bearing, they can be used to interview with compassion, for example.

I've been thinking a lot about this, lately. Somehow, I got to be 50-freaking-1 years of age and I'm having some health struggles right now. It has hit me that, regardless of how I feel inside, I'm not in my 30s anymore. And most of my life, something inside me knew, at the very least, I *could* be special...that there was more specialness inside me than I put out into the world. And while, in my case, that might translate to reaching more people with my words, it doesn't have to be about that. It could really just be about being a kinder, more thoughtful person, creating more art...whatever it is that keeps you from being the person you always suspected you could be.

And it's not something anyone else can do for you. I get so much encouragement to write books and take my show on the road. But I continue to hesitate. You have to believe within yourself that you're worthy of whatever level it is that you hope to attain. I have to believe I'm special enough to make a difference in peoples' lives on a large scale. I know there are many out there who need to believe they're special enough to have a man love them despite figure flaws or whatever. And the thing is, we all ARE. We just have to get all the voices inside our head out of the way, whether they stem from our insecurities or from society or from someone important who didn't believe in us long ago.

Anyway, long story short, I've been feeling more special lately. Maybe that's the gift of 51. I do think if I died tomorrow, I could do so without regrets. I've done a lot with my life. But I do feel the desire to do more. I wouldn't regret not doing more, because I know I did all I was capable of. But I'm getting more and more motivated and excited about stepping into my "extra special" suit in the coming years. There's a saying, "it's never too late to become who you might have been." The quote is attributed to George Eliot, a woman who knew she was special enough to write fiction that mattered, even if she had to take a male pen name to do it.

So that's today's story. I'm special. You're special. Where are we falling short of fully expressing that? And what is it that needs to shift within us in order for us to do something about it? The answer will be different for each of us. All of us reach a point where we just have to put our insecurities and the voices of society and others down and say "I've lived for you long enough. Now it's time to live for what's beautiful and unique about me." Either that or we die without ever known what we're capable of being. I think 2014 and my 51st year is my year to finally get it. I think I'm ready lay down the fears and insecurities I've been dragging around for so long. Or at least transmute some of them into something helpful. They're just too exhausting. They no longer make sense in the context of my bigger plan. It's time.

I'd be remiss not to mention that my niece is now in college. She hasn't married that boy from the neighborhood. But she is popular. She's special that way. She's also smart and funny and thoughtful and a bunch of things she might not even realize yet. My hope for her and all of you is that she's not afraid to claim all that's special about her and that she navigates through life through the lens of her gifts.

5/16/14—Loving The Haters

My greatest inspiration and motivation in my journey of personal and spiritual growth has come from the people who dislike me the most. 

It's true. The crushing insults and lies of a bunch of online bullies a dozen years ago caused me to shore up insecurities and dive deeper into my spiritual journey. An accusation from a family member about how I never do anything to help others (which was untrue anyway, because I have been volunteering my time in one way or another for half my life) inspired me to start this blog, which if I can believe y'all's input, has helped a lot of people. And the thoughtless treatment I received at the hands of people I thought were my friends at various times in my life have nonetheless spurred greater growth in my life. 

I could go on and on with such examples, including more recent ones that have really defined who I am, what I stand for and the message I want to carry in my life. But the point is I get all riled up inside when people paint me in an unfavorable light. First it hurts a lot and makes me cry. Then my inner warrior comes out to smash their hateful notions of me all to hell. :D

Adversity can either crush us or make us stronger. It has certainly done both in my life, depending on the area of my life in which it rears its ugly head. But mostly, even my most heinous detractors have been a force for good in my life. Sometimes it's an instantaneous transformation. Sometimes these people and situations hold enough truth that they make you work through your stuff. And sometimes, like I said, these incidents can cripple you for a long time.

I've noticed that the older I get and the more experience I have with these situations, the faster the growth and reward. And then the more I grow, the less of a negative impact they have on me and the better person I become as a result. It has gotten to the point for me that the time between the stress these situations cause and the good I'm able to create from it is negligible. Which isn't to say I don't still get stuck on stuff. I do. It's just not very common. I'm even beginning to giggle with anticipation and delight when struck with one of these situations. Well, maybe not quite. But the day is coming. I can feel it. :)

I remember maybe a decade or more ago struggling with the notion of our worst enemies being our best angels. I understood it intellectually, but couldn't quite let go of the victimization and drama that felt so comfortable around situations like that. But as drama slips off me more and more like eggs from teflon these days, I really do see the haters as an amazing gift. In fact, it's completely changing the way I deal with conflict and fear and all the other stuff such situations dredge up. Everything—positive and negative—is energy. You can choose to channel that energy as a force for growth in your life or as a source of stagnation. It's up to you.

One more thing I'm noticing lately is that I have tended to weigh more heavily the opinions of haters than the opinions of those who support me in my life. Dr. Phil has a saying that "it takes 1000 'atta boys' to make up for one 'you're worthless and no good.'" In other words, we replay our criticisms over and over in our heads while we let the praise fall to the wayside. It's human nature. But what I've noticed is that the more I've seen my detractors as angels and the more I channel that energy into positive stuff in my life, the more the complimentary things people say are also inspiring positive changes in me. 

It's like a Two For One Sale on personal growth! And it all began with opening my mind to the notion that the haters might actually be doing me a solid. The fact that they're not trying to benefit you doesn't matter. It's all in how you use the energy they send your way. 

They say living well is the best revenge. That's a bit too materialistic sounding for me. Happiness, peace and fulfillment are my best "revenge." As long as we channel the words and actions of detractors into pain and stagnation in our lives, they remain as ever-present spectres, poking holes in our spirit. But once we channel that energy into internal good, the haters not only disappear, but our spirit learns to soar. It doesn't work if you're just doing it to spite them. But if you focus on your own learning and growth and see the situations as the gifts they are, your genuine happiness and peace will cause their negativity to echo back to them, where it belongs.