Wednesday, August 24, 2011

8/25/11—Defending Your Position

Today's Draw: Seven of Wands from the Tarot Maroon. How confident are you in your opinions and positions? Confident enough to defend them? Or so confident you don't feel a need to defend them at all?

The Seven of Wands is about taking a stand or being in a defensible position. You might get this if, say, you lost face and had to regain your standing. Or if you took an unpopular, yet defensible position, like that Christian candidate that believes in evolution. In most decks, there are six "opposers" threatening the central figure from below, their wands coming up about waist high. 

But in this deck, the opposition's wands don't even reach to toe level. They're in a pit and really don't even pose a threat to the central figure. And you can tell he doesn't feel threatened because his wand isn't held in a defense position. He's just standing confidently and firmly in his position, hearing their cries of protest, but without feeling a need to defend himself. He may stand alone, but he stands firm. 

Boy has this been a hard lesson for me to learn in my life! I don't know that I've yet fully learned it. Many years back I found myself surrounded by what I can only describe as a bunch of unhappy, unethical bullies. It was during a vulnerable time in my life when I wasn't quite the goddess you know me as today. ;) Anyway, you'd think a pack of wolves stumbled upon a fresh, meaty deer carcass for the way they fed on me.

Someone with self confidence and esteem would have just walked away and found nicer playmates. But I held on, desperately trying to convince them I was infinitely likable, and not at all the things they accused me of. Instead of just standing there above the noise, certain within myself, I swung my wand about wildly, even though they were in a pit at toe level and could really do me no harm. And in doing so, I gave some of my strength, integrity and self assuredness over to them. I reached down toward their level so that they *could* get to me.

What they say is true...people can only hurt you if you let them. Back then I was vulnerable to an abusive dynamic and one found me. Now? Not so much. But there are still times I feel a need to defend myself against others. Moreover, there are still times I want to fit in with or be accepted by people who aren't "my kind". And by "my kind" I don't mean better or worse, I just mean people who don't operate in the world the same way I do...or who aren't compatible with me emotionally, socially or whatever which way. 

Some of it may be a leftover desire to fit in with "the popular kids", however that may be defined. The ones who appear to be having fun. Consciously, intellectually, I know that's just appearances. Emotionally I still want to be accepted. That's one of the base needs we all have, after all. Being accepted. And the thing is, ask anybody who is "my kind"...I'm wildly popular...haha. And we have a lot of fun. Gah! But still there's this habit of wanting to be agreed with, accepted....heard. 

Mind you, I'm not a huge debater of my stance anymore. I've come a LONG way. But I still haven't gotten to the point where I can stand fully firm within myself, certain of my position at all times. I may have stopped swinging the wand in the physical sense, but I'll continue the debate in my mind, for example. And I may have stopped stooping to fit in, but I sometimes still feel the tug to want to. Where are you in this process? Can you stand as confidently, wand planted in the ground as the man in this card? Or is your hand still twitching on that stick, ready to do battle if need be?

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