Wednesday, September 25, 2013

9/26/13—Surrendering to Harmony

Today's Draw: Empress in the Relationship position from the Clover Tarot and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you have any relationships that are perpetually harmonic? Or do you find that harmony waxes and wanes? Do you know how to get more harmony in your life?

This is the kind of combo everyone wants to see in a reading. Simply put, it means harmony in a relationship. And that's what everyone wants, right?

I have harmonic relationships. Until they're not, that is. What I've never had is a relationship that is unceasingly harmonic throughout its entire course. The closest I've ever gotten with my dogs. Those relationships always start out unharmonically, as we two critters get used to each other. Then once that phase is over, it's pretty much harmonic until the end of their life. 

I used to think I just didn't know how to do relationships, but have since come to realize that nobody has unceasingly harmonic relationships. Unless you fall in love with someone and they die before they get a chance to annoy you, that is. I know couples who put off the appearance of total harmony. But my experience is that the ones who show their occasional annoyance freely usually have the strongest relationships. The ones who appear perfect are usually hiding something. At least that's my experience. 

Being a "confirmed bachelorette" who doesn't believe in marriage, I don't believe "happily ever after" or 30-year relationships is the norm. I imagine statistics will back me up on this. I think there is a minority who is graced with the tools and love to pull off a forever relationship. And I'm fortunate enough to know some of them. But I think it's human nature to grow and change. And to do that and still be relevant to the same person in a committed relationship for 30 or 40 years is the exception, rather than the rule. 

That said, anyone can MAKE anything work. I know my parents weren't always on the same page, but they were deeply in love with each other when death parted them after 36 years of marriage. Family lore says there were times it almost fell apart. But they stuck together and worked through it. And my success in loving my dogs and living in harmony with them until death gives me a clue as to what the secret is—letting go. 

I think it's the same with any permanent change we make in our lives, whether it's coupling with another or quitting smoking. You have to resign yourself to the commitment. If that's marriage, then divorce isn't an option. You take the necessary precautions to stay together—you talk about things before they fester, you have open and compassionate discourse, you make your relationship a priority and you choose to be happy rather than right. 

My first dog, Passion, was as stubborn as I am. She and I locked horns a number of times when she was a puppy. And I remember one day saying to myself, "I can allow this frustration to continue to eat at me or I can surrender to unconditional love". And I surrendered. Which meant that, no matter what she did or how our lives changed, I would love her. So when she got older, even more surly and became somewhat incontinent, there was never an angry thought or action. I hugged her anyway. I cleaned her pee off the sofa. She was never told she was bad for these things. I loved her unconditionally. 

Just the act of surrender alone can render most of the stuff that annoys you irrelevant. Pretty much every lingering interpersonal issue I have stems from wanting the other being to be different from who they are and pushing up against whatever that is. When you surrender to what is and commit to unconditional love (or love that exempts extreme conditions like abuse) most of your problems go away. And by commit, I don't mean until the going gets tough. I mean forever. This works for situations, too, and not just souls. I quit smoking 10 years and it was all about surrendering to "forever, no matter what."

Surrender and letting go aren't easy. But they make everything in their wake easier. What could benefit from your surrender right now? And if it's not worth surrender, why are you still holding on?

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