5/17/11—Finding Responsibility Within

Today's Draw: The High Priestess/Seeker from the Medicine Woman Tarot. What is your current state of being trying to tell you? What do your attitudes and resentments reflect from within? How big an effect do you allow your outside world to have on your inner life?

The High Priestess is usually pictured as a formal spiritual authority and an oracle. But here we see her as an everyday woman, not dressed in robes, but vulnerable to the world. She is not looking out for the answers to her questions and issue, rather she is looking within. She is taking personal responsibility for her situation in life, whatever it might be. 

There isn't one among us who hasn't said "I did X because so-and-so did Y" or "I'm feeling X because so-and-so said Y". We put our responses and actions in the context of something outside of us. And though nobody likes this word or wants to admit to this word, we play the victim. And we frequently forget that being a victim is a choice...a choice usually made to mask a real issue beneath. 

But you say, "what about someone who gets mugged on the street? They're a victim." They're a victim only if they choose to be. Certainly there will be psychological repercussions. Some fear in the wake of the event. But whether or not they become a victim of all of that is their choice. We can see things as an excuse to become emotionally disabled or as an excuse to become further empowered. The choice is ours. 

Everything from "my husband had an affair on me" to "I can't lose weight because my kids bring so much junk food into the house" is more an issue of taking personal responsibility for your choices than it is a matter of victimization. If you married a cad, you need to take responsibility for that. If he strayed because he wasn't getting the attention he needed, you need to take responsibility for that. His actions didn't happen in a vacuum. Men cheat for two reasons...because they have a problem with fidelity or because they're seeking some sort of attention they're not getting at home. And people get fat, not because of anything that happens in their environment, but because of things happening within. 

Whether it's the idiot supermarket checker that made you late to a meeting or the dog that escapes every time you open the door, the responsibility for your situation starts within. You can't blame anything on your parents, your partner or the guy who dumped you a month ago. Nothing in your life is there because you were bullied as a child or made to dress like a boy when you were actually a girl. Certainly those things influence your responses. But your responses are always your choice. The tools for healing and surpassing are always within your grasp. If you choose not to heal, if you choose to allow anything to take away from you, that is your choice.

It's very easy for us to see the victim inside others, but much harder to see it in ourselves. But it does exist. And once you open your eyes to it, it becomes harder and harder to play the victim unwittingly. I'm someone who, I believe, takes on more personal responsibility than the average bear. But I see myself saying and doing things all the time that are automatic responses to what's going on outside of me, rather than conscious responses that are aligned with my personal integrity and responsibility. I may do it, but am rarely ever blind to it anymore. I've even seen where I've been the victim of my own personal responsibility taking...haha. 

Pulling back to the big picture, outside of living in your integrity, taking personal responsibility delivers many gifts. Since our tendencies to blame this and that on others comes from one of the many fears, pains and insecurities within, it gives a big red arrow leading to those things so we can heal them. And many of those things also manifest as physical pain or other physical states, which means we can heal physical issues by excavating emotional ones. So choosing to walk the path of personal responsibility and conscious choice-making delivers many benefits. Even if you don't use it as an opportunity to excavate to the root issues, it at least makes you more aware of the personal power you have in your life. And the less you live as a victim, the more you live as the conscious creator of your own life.

5/16/11—Practicing Omniscience

Today's Draw: Mother of Feathers from the Margarete Petersen. Do you want to come up with a million dollar idea? Do you wish you could get to the truth of a nagging issue? Could you use a fresh way of seeing an old pattern?

The Mother of Feathers, or Queen of Swords, rules over the clarity, birth and ultimate truth of our thoughts and ideas. She is the divine feminine of that realm, the mother and the nurturer. This card is dominated by the iris in the middle of the picture, birds in flight and the color blue. Blue corresponds to the throat chakra and relates to voicing and living our truth. Though the iris...perception...is bound in the multi-layered box, she sees beyond its bounds. She sees into realms beyond her own. She cannot be contained or limited because she is omniscient. How can you contain something that is everywhere and sees everything?

Here in our human form, we tend to forget...or not even realize...that we are also omniscient. We also tend to think that certain types of ideas and thoughts come to us, when what is equally true is that we come to the thoughts and ideas. The secret to both is simply giving things a space in which to grow. 

A good part of what I'm hired for is to generate ideas. Lots of them. From many different perspectives. You could say I have a talent for it, yes. But what is perhaps more true is that I know the skill of it. And the skill of generating original ideas is to sit down and think. To focus on idea generation. To go to the ideas instead of waiting for them to come to you. This is something we're often not willing or anxious to do. Because it requires allowing the space for thoughts to form. And many will avoid this either because they're not used to the process or because that empty space in the head can be scary for those uninitiated to its wonders. So if you ever wonder what the difference is between you and inventors or people with million dollar ideas, it's because you're standing in a field waiting for lightning to strike you at random and others are in the same field holding lightning rods. Certainly ideas come at random all the time. But generating them ups your chances at hitting on a winner. 

As for the all-seeing in a broader sense...seeing outside of the box in which we live...that takes the same sort of easy effort. And some practice. This weekend at my ladies retreat, I led a seance. I asked the lady who owns the B&B if she would like us to contact anyone for her. She said she had a nephew that died recently and wanted to know how he was. That's all she told us. During the seance, a red headed, fair skinned man with freckles came to us (in our mind's eye...not everyone "saw" him, but nearly everyone had some experience with him). A couple of us felt breathing issues and discomfort down the center of our chest. And a couple heard the messages that he was ok and "tell them to let go because I have". We had no idea of the significance of all of that. But every single one of the, say eight or so, bits of information that came to us were 100% correct. He was indeed fair and freckled and red haired. He had cancer of the esophagus. And there was an aspect of the relationship that the B&B owner felt guilty about...something he had let go of that she needed to let go of, too. 

We "saw" into another realm. We received messages about things we couldn't have known about. And we weren't poking around in the dark...every single thing we experienced turned out to be true. The sight was clear....clairvoyant. The sensations were clear...clairsentient. And the words were clearly heard...clairaudient. 

What I'm getting at is this: Our minds are capable of coming up with anything we want, whether it's a million dollar idea, a visit to the other side, a journey into other worlds or a fresh way of moving through life. But if you sit around waiting for it to happen to you, you might wait an entire lifetime. You have to at least try to meet it halfway. And you must persist if it doesn't happen the first time you try or even the fifth. It is not as much a talent as a skill. And skills take practice. EVERYONE can generate new ideas for their life. EVERYONE can create new realities. And EVERYONE can go places that push against the bounds of  belief and return with information that is incontrovertible. So what will you give space and mind to today?

5/14/11-5/15/11—Honoring the Moment

Weekend Reading: The World from the Victorian Romantic. Good or bad, accept the moment this weekend and understand that everything cycles. If you're in a good place this weekend, celebrate the moment, knowing that it is just that: a moment. If you're in a bad place, accept where you are and know this moment shall pass. And if you're somewhere in between, enjoy your balance. We can neither live in joy or misery forever. Nor would want to, lest joy become mundane and misery a way of life. So honor the cycles this weekend knowing that wherever you are, it is fleeting.

5/13/11—Creating Regardless of Your Ability

Today's Draw: Ace of Wands from the Parrott Tarot.  Is some new creative path or project calling to you? Has it been too long since the last time you expressed yourself artistically? If you knew you could do it well, what would you create?

(Sorry this is late. The site was down half the day.)

Rounding out our Wands-a-thon for the week is the Ace of Wands. It tells us of new passion and creativity bursting forth from within. Some creative pursuit wants to be birthed. The Ace of Wands says it's time. You have the passion and energy to do so…or you will if you just get your hands dirty.*** So let your ideas flow.

Many years ago I learned a couple of valuable lessons about creating art. And by art, I don't necessarily mean a painting. It can be creative writing. Or cooking. Or music. Or anything else that triggers the right side of the brain. I've always been very creative. I cook. I sew. I write. I craft. I make jewelry. But for the life of me, I cannot draw. I've taken classes. But I'm just not good at it. That doesn't keep me from painting, though. And it doesn't keep me from designing my own stained glass pieces. Nor does it keep me from doing a number of other things that could easily benefit from the ability to draw.

Painting, especially was hard for me. And when I design a piece of stained glass, it takes me FOREVER to get what's in my head on paper. The path between what I see in my head and what comes out of my hand is very convoluted and blocked. But what I learned early on in trying is this: Do it anyway. Art doesn't have to be for anyone but you. There is joy in the process. And I'm a process kind of girl. Once something is done, even with my writing, I'm done with it. The fun came in the doing. I did hang one of my paintings in my living room for a while. Some people liked it. Some mocked it. But it didn't matter. It wasn't for them.

So not being good at something isn't an excuse not to create. And the second lesson is, if you don't know where to start or what to do, just start. Just start scribbling. Or embroidering. Or cooking. You'll figure it out. Again, it's not about being perfect, it's about enjoying the process. So just start anywhere.

I liken this to a lesson I learned in my "psychic" training. If you don't know what to say or how to interpret something, just start talking. If you can't readily find the words, the words will find you. It works every time. To illustrate my point, go back up to the three asterisks. I had no idea what I was going to write about today until that sentence. I just started writing. And the idea found me.

There is no such thing as someone without any creative spark. You may have told yourself this over and over. And you may believe it. But more than likely, you're just afraid to not do it well enough. And seeing as how that's not the point, just go for it. Whatever it is that you'd do if you knew you could do it well, go to the store and get supplies and just play with it this weekend. You don't have to show anyone. You don't even have to like the finished product yourself. The joy is in the doing.

5/12/11—Enjoying the Fruits of LIfe

Today's Draw: The Four of Wands from the Oracle Tarot by Lucy Cavendish. You work, you take care of your responsibilities, but do you ever stop long enough to just enjoy life? Do you ever, on a beautiful spring day, just sit in the hammock and do nothing? If you could be doing anything else right this moment, what would that be?

The Four of Wands is traditionally about celebration or some sacred or happy event. Usually there has been an initial victory or win of some sort. We know more work is on the way, but now is a time to honor that win. This card holds true to that meaning, but also adds a different flavor to it. Lucy Cavendish calls it "Recharge Your Hopes". As you reach a goal or end of a life stage, your instinct may be to move on to the next thing. But this cards tells you to take time to honor what you've accomplished, instead. And while you're taking the time, use it rest and reinvigorate, too. Celebrate. And relax. You can think of your next goals when you return. Now is the time to recharge your hopes.

Somewhere along the line we got this idea that we always have to be doing or producing. We become so caught up in our day to day lives that we totally neglect the sweet nectar we work so hard to enjoy. We spend Sundays worrying about Monday. We go on vacations and cram them full of a "to do" list. Or we go get a massage and, while laying there, tick off all the other things we have to accomplish that day. We lose ourselves in work five days a week....for what? Yeah, yeah...possessions are nice. But when do we ever lose ourselves in relaxation and enjoyment? When do we ever let go enough to be right in the present moment?

I had a yoga teacher many years ago who would start each class by saying "put your to-do list and worries aside. For the next hour, there's nothing you can do about them anyway. They will be waiting for you when you leave. But this time is just for yoga." What he was saying was to be in the moment. Because that's the only place where rejuvenation begins. So many people *think* they live in the moment because they're doing a million things at once. But if you're thinking of the next thing you need to do or your child's science project that's due next week or something someone said to you yesterday, you're not in the moment. You'll know you're in the moment when you're absorbed by the task at hand. If you're in a car, that means all you're focused on is driving (imagine that!). 

Being in the moment while picking up a prescription at the drug store can feel like a vacation in itself, compared to the usual clusterfarq we usually have going on in our mind. But what if...and I know this is a stretch...what if we were actually in the moment when we were doing something we LOVE? Every once in a while I have to stop myself and say "what do you do all this for anyway?" When we did we become worker ants instead of queen bees? Is it a holdover from the days we had to hunt and forage and scrape for survival? What is the point of the lovely house, the weekend getaway and all the stuff if we are never "present" to enjoy it?

I'm getting together with an amazing group of ladies this weekend, all of whom share my loves of tarot and the outdoors. Our big plan? To giggle. Nothing more. Well, we're going to do a ceremony. But mostly, I think, we'll giggle. Whether it's for an hour or the entire weekend, what do you have planned where you can just relax, enjoy and be in the moment? And don't say "an hour? What do you think I am, a princess?" Trust me, the dusting can wait another week. Really, it can. Instead, what can you do to relax, clear your mind and just....enjoy?

5/11/11—Doing What You Love

Today's Draw: The Nine of Wands from the Silver Era Tarot. Are you frustrated because there's a snag in your plans? Do you feel like it's a sign to jump ship? Or are you determined to see things through?

The Nine of Wands is a card of the determined, but road weary, warrior. Along the path of our plans, we've had victories and setbacks and here we are near the end, determined to move on, but wary of how many more setbacks we can manage.

I think one of the hardest things about pursing a new course is staying motivated when things don't go our way…when we get that rejection letter or a promising prospect drops out of sight. Personally I believe that if you feel you're swimming upstream all the time, that it's time to get out. That the universe doesn't make things that hard for us.

But there are two codicils to that. One is that there's a HUGE gray area between smooth sailing and swimming upstream. And it's sometimes very difficult to determine where you are in all of that. And the second codicil is that your attitude plays a role. Some people see every bump in the road as a gaping pothole, while others barely notice. So it's difficult to be objective when you're talking about something that means a lot to you.

But here's a solution that kicks any bump or pothole in the arse—only do what you love and only do it for the love of it. That doesn't mean you won't be disappointed, but it does mean you'll always have a payoff. Sure, it's hard when you're hoping to turn this love into a career and you don't end up making money off it. But make money off something else. When you take something you love and make your satisfaction dependent on its ability to perform financially, then you've essentially transformed it into a chore. You've choked the joy out of it.

Many people love to write, for example. I'm one of them, of course. And for the past 25 years I've carved a nice life out of my writing. I had the gift of knowing what I wanted to do long before college and being naïve enough to pursue it as if I could make money out of it. For the first couple of years of my career in advertising, I didn't even write. I worked as a support person in a creative department. I received many rejections during that time and when I finally did get a job as a writer, it was a sucky job…haha.

I was 7 years into my career before I got a writing job in an advertising agency. I was underpaid every step of the way. And at the ten-year mark of my career, I was feeling the love sucked out of my love by the spinnings of corporate wheels, so I made a radical decision to become a freelancer. Not for money. But because I loved this career so much and wasn't getting what I wanted from it. I expected, actually, to take a pay cut. But that wasn't the case.  It took me 10 years of hard work to get to a "good place" in my career. And I can say, looking back, it didn't feel like 10 years and even though I suffered many rejections and inequities during that time, I was never daunted. Most people who, after a decade in a career, were still just scraping to get by would give up. It never occurred to me. And all the stumbling blocks led me to my true calling as a consultant.

The point is that if it were ever about money, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'd be working, possibly as an account executive or a marketing director and writing as a hobby. Or maybe I'd be bitter about the sucky writer on my team and take it out on them by editing their work heavily…haha. But the point is, if I had judged my career based on what it was paying off in dollars, I never would have made it through that first 10 years. And there were times in that 10 years that I was strictly limited by my budget, having no discretionary income to speak of at all. But it didn't matter because I loved what I did.

Things born of love, nurtured in love and cared for with love give love in return. And there's meaning to the saying "love conquers all" in this situation, too. I won't say that everyone can make a living do what they love because I don't know that to be true. But I do know that you can always do what you love. And you can always make a living elsewhere. But if you do what you love for any reason other than love, you will lose that love.  

5/10/11—Contemplating Bondage

Today's Draw: The Devil from Wheel of the Year. What ideals are you bound by? What unhealthy behaviors are you nonetheless magnetically drawn to? And are you ready to explore the behaviors that tie you to ego?

There are 78 cards in the tarot. I use a different deck every day. So you KNOW there's a message out there that we/I are not getting when the same card shows up three times in as many weeks. We talked about our shadow sides and The Devil as the gateway to the third cycle of lessons in the major arcana. And today's card shows the draw of uncontrolled urges. This is more the traditional message The Devil brings, that of addiction, irresistible urges and our enslavement to ego.

This particular card depicts the throes of passion and is called "The Diabolical Rose". It's that form of love or attraction that has you chemically attached to another, despite the fact that it may prove unhealthy. As an interesting side note, I sometimes blur out parts of nekkid cards for the Facebook audience, but my software wouldn't allow me to in this case. Very interesting. But back to the card. Although they use passion and a thorny rose to depict this kind of bondage, it's really a metaphor for all unhealthy attachments we have in life.

When you look around in nature, you don't see animals bound to addictions or dangerous behaviors. When animals enter a dangerous realm, it's always for survival, not for "pleasure". You don't see cows jonesing for a particular kind of grass or dogs spending long weekends in bed screwing. You don't see cats trudging through the house each morning in a daze until they get their coffee or parakeets bucking for popularity. The idea of mental, emotional, spiritual and physical bondage is a purely human phenomena. As is the idea of escaping into a fantasy world. 

The difference between us and them is ego. Ego is tells us to don an appearance. It tells us we're not good enough or smart enough. It tells us that we need "more" in order to be right or competitive in the world. And, because we're caught up in comparisons to others, we neglect to see our own divinity...as we are. Here and now. So we escape from the here and now and lose ourselves in addictions and dangerous behaviors, because in those places, if even for a moment, we feel good enough. What does it say that we have to change our brain chemistry through adrenaline, drugs, hormones, etc. to feel good enough? Who is in control when we're out of control? While we're free to do all those things, becoming bound to those things robs us of our freedom. 

Personally, I've always been drawn to escape. I "medicate" myself with food. I zone out to TV and Facebook. And I've also had a tendency to be the chickie babe in this card in the past. All these things put up a barrier between us and our divine selves. All these things hold our true connection to life at arm's length. 

We all joke about how we'll happily cram ourselves into 3" of space on the sofa so our dogs can stretch out, for example. They don't think of being anything but who they are. They don't worry they won't be liked if they accommodate themselves or act wacky or ask for love when they need it or harumph when they feel like harumphing. They don't concern themselves with loss or rejection or judgment. They have no ego that needs to feel "as good as" or "better than". 

So the Devil goes beyond bondage to one thing or another to encompass bondage to the ego...bondage to the need to fit in, be accepted, be loved, be respected and understood. And the longer we live, the more we realize that we will NEVER be universally loved and respected. But too often, that doesn't change our fear-based behaviors. Because, I think, at the root of it all is our fear of being our highest selves. Ironic, no? That we would do certain things to be loved and respected, when if we would just be the light we came from, we might be able to actually achieve those ends? Without bondage to anything? What is so scary about our divinity anyway? That we might actually have to take responsibility for ourselves?

So contemplate this notion today. And please share your musings on the topic. The more I get the Devil card, the more I understand its message to us. If you travel the path of personal evolution, bondage to the ego is a topic you'll need to address at one point or another. Not that having an ego is bad. It's the bondage to it and anything else that should be considered. Because like the illustration shows, it's the bondage to an act or mindset that harms us, not the act itself.