Today's Draw: The Hierophant in the Romance position from the Halloween Tarot and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are you a big fan of romance? Do you hope for a perfect, effortless love? Is it possible that your belief in fairy tales is ruining your every chance at love?
I have been horribly remiss. I probably should have been using Halloween and Vampire themed decks all week. Lord knows I have them. But I've been too lazy. So I ran upstairs and pulled out the mother of all Halloween decks by Kipling West.
If I were doing a love reading for someone, this combo could totally mean marriage. The Hierophant is a religious leader and, thus, can perform weddings. So in a predictive romance reading, this would be a desired outcome.
But I'm not into romance...at least not as it's generally considered in American society. Romance in that context is someone who puts on grand shows of love, accompanied by flowers and gifts. They immediately love every last bit of you and they're destined to be your perfect mate. They ride in on a white horse to save you from doom. They cancel meetings because they've just got to have you one more time. They complete you.
*barf*
All of that is a fairy tale. More than that, it's a smoke screen we put up to keep real intimacy at arm's length. We've done ourselves a particular disservice in believing in that brand of romance, because it sets up expectations that are not only impossible to meet in the long term, but really have nothing to do with true emotional intimacy—love—between two people.
Flowers, cards and dates are easy. What's hard is trusting another to see you, warts and all, and meeting that trust with the courage to love and accept them, warts and all. What's really hard is seeing arguments as opportunities to learn. This is not something that happens in the first three dates. It doesn't happen on sight, either. It's something that grows over time and needs conscious maintenance. Romance is the proverbial lipstick on a pig. It's the smoke and mirrors that makes a fairy tale princess fall in love with a fairy tale prince long enough to put a ring on it so you can go back to being a frog.
I know that sounds really cynical, but it's what I feel. I mean, romance is nice, but it ain't love. Nor is it a reason TO love. And through fairy tales and TV and movies, we've come to believe it's proof of true love when it's not. All these things that send our pulse racing and our hormones dripping—romantic gestures, mindblowing sex, good looks, great dates, unquenchable desire—all of that wanes over time. And if you base a partnership on it, you're going to be very disappointed when life gets in the way of all of that and makes it go poof.
On the basis of physical evolution, we instinctively seek out those who will render healthy offspring. Compatible genes are what send hormones racing, not love. On the basis of spiritual evolution, though, we need to seek those with a mutual desire to learn and grow in a responsible manner. It doesn't sound as sexy as someone who rides in saves you from loneliness, then takes you on a wild rollercoaster ride of orgasms and chocolate, but it's more likely to lead to the kind of intimacy human hearts yearn for. It's a start down the road to helping each other fill that empty pit inside with something other than cotton candy and false expectations.
Most people get married long before they achieve the kind of love that comes from emotional and spiritual intimacy. Of course. It takes years. And sometimes it happens between people who have smokin' hot sex. But it rarely takes with people who think marriage is going to make them happy, change the other person or otherwise be the answer to all their problems. True love is about learning and growing in tandem...supporting the soul evolution of your partner. There's so much divorce in this society because, met with the opportunity to learn, grow and deepen intimacy, most people argue, shut out and run. Love and intimacy come from two people working through their human ugliness together.
Which means you don't want them to worship you, because you want to grow past superficial things. You don't want them to put on a romantic show for you because you don't want it to be about external trappings—you'd rather learn to move past neediness. "Thoughtful" is nice. It says the other person knows you enough to anticipate you. And you don't want them to be perfect and never piss you off, because you need to learn tolerance and they need to learn consideration. "Romance"—at least the way it's portrayed in the media—is an easy way to distract the other person from the fact that you're not being truly intimate with them.
What all this has to do with the Hierophant is that his is the energy that tells you how you should think and be in this world. He's the creator of structures and rules that lead to conformity. We should never stop questioning the Hierophant's wisdom. Because many of his structures are based on outdated—and sometimes completely wrong—visions of the way things should be.
Our love affair with romance is one of those things. On one level or another, we believe the societal image of a perfect mate, a knightly savior and "happily ever after". And as long as we keep yearning for that to be true, we'll never find what we seek—actual love.
Today's Draw: Page of Swords from the Art of Life Tarot. Do you have what it takes to achieve your dreams? Do you have a good grasp on what is needed to achieve what you want to achieve—beyond the hard skills and desire? If the opportunity came today, would you have what you need to just jump right in and start tomorrow...or are you hoping you'll learn after the opportunity comes?
The Buddhist proverb on this card reads, "when the student is ready, the master will appear." And I would like to extend that to be "when the student is ready, the time and opportunity will also appear."
This could really be about anything, because everything is a life lesson. For example, when I was ready to leave "the man" for self employment, there was no specific physical teacher that appeared, though I did pick up wisdom here and there along the way. But the opportunity came for me to stretch myself professionally. The whole thing was a learning experience.
To illustrate the "when the student is ready" part, it's not enough to want something. You have to be prepared to greet the opportunity when it presents. For example, prior to becoming a freelancer, I spent 10 years working in agencies and in-house organizations. So I knew how my job was performed from every angle. I had the kind of work ethic that would have me in the office every day at 9am, whether I had assignments or not. I had a method for coping with the fear and uncertainty of the job. I understood the business behind the business. In fact, I had prepared myself in countless ways....some without even knowing why I was learning that particular skill.
In other ways, however, I had to prepare myself. For example, I am not a natural networker. I'm not someone who feels comfortable putting myself out there. So I had to force myself to learn that. I had to force myself to make cold calls and go to networking events. That was all part of the learning.
Oprah defines luck as "preparation meeting opportunity". It's very similar to "when the student is ready, the master will appear." But her definition points out that luck is made through effort and being ready to receive the challenge when it comes. Success is not built and retained through one-dimensional preparation, meaning it's not enough to be brilliant at what you do. There's a whole package to being successful that encompasses your temperament, personality, work ethic, charm...whatever. You may not need to have all of those things, but you need more than desire and capability to really shine.
This may very well be why your less-than-capable manager is your manager. It's not just about them understanding the area of specialization, it's about rubbing elbows, making desires known, and a host of other skills they prepared themselves with so they'd be ready to meet the opportunity when it arose. That "jerk" isn't "lucky". He more than likely understands something you don't.
So whatever "next level" it is that you want to get to, consider not just the knowledge you need to get there, but the mojo, the intestinal resolve and other skills needed to do the work. You might be able to pick up some as you go, but if you're waiting for the opportunity to come in order to prepare, you're likely to miss the boat.
Today's Draw: Letter, Lilies and Crossroads from the Dutch Lenormand. Are there any groups or kinds of people that you just don't like or trust? Have you ever been the target of some sort of bias? Have you ever practiced trying to look past your judgments of others to see the similarities you share with them?
To me, this trio says "choose messages of peace". That's pretty straightforward. Sometimes we don't always choose the kindest way to say something to another person. Sometimes even the kindest way can hurt a sensitive soul...we can only do what we can do. But if we choose the most peaceful route, we can at least know we did what we could to be kind.
Today I had to bring Magick Moonbeam to the emergency vet. The whole back story is long, but she was having a seasonal allergic reaction and my vet said she could take Claritin and told me the dose to give her. Well, I was an idiot and gave her Claritin-D, thinking it would be the same. And of course it's not the same and it could have killed my dog as result. I've only been to this emergency vet twice and each time it's because something I gave Magick poisoned her. The first time was those chicken jerky treats from China (before it was known they're toxic). If you ever want to feel like a crappy mother, this is how you do it.
So I'm waiting in the emergency room and there's a lady there whose dog is in for being attacked by a pit bull. And she seems quite friendly and she's talking to me and a third lady who was there with her cat. And she's, of course, upset because her dog was attacked. But as she's talking about what happened to her dog, she says "I hate to say this, but I hate [ethnic group] and the way they don't neuter their dogs. That's why the pits are so aggressive."
Now, there are plenty of people working in this vet's office. And no doubt one of them was from the ethnic group she slammed. And me and the other lady were shocked. In my neighborhood, there are a number of families from that ethnic group and many of them are dog owners and I've never noticed anything but responsible pet ownership with them. In fact, all the abused dogs and/or un-neutered dogs in my neighborhood seem to belong to MY ethnic group. Regardless, any one of us in that waiting room or the vet's office could have had that ethnicity in us. And even though I don't, it offended me nonetheless.
This was a woman who was impeccably dressed. From what I could tell, she'd had plastic surgery. She was someone who was clearly concerned about the way she appeared. And yet she didn't see how ugly her prejudice made her. She could have told the story about how her dog got attacked without mentioning the country of origin of its parents. It really was, imo, irrelevant to the story, outside of the fact that, for her, it confirmed her prejudice.
What I'm getting at is that many of us have certain groups or types that we don't like. I'll go ahead and volunteer that I certainly wouldn't seek out company with someone from the Tea Party, for example. But having those biases does nothing to move society forward. I have a friend I respect very much who is likely a Tea Party supporter, so if I color everyone from that group the same, I'm doing him a disservice. And just like many ethnic groups, people from different religious groups or political groups are invisible in this country, in that you can't necessarily tell by looking. You don't know you've offended someone until you've already proven yourself an asshole in their eyes.
Beyond that, I have been a target of prejudice and pre-supposition based on both my weight and my interest in tarot. There isn't a person among us who doesn't yearn to be accepted just as we are. So why would we create "hate karma" by painting someone in a negative light based solely on superficial measure or supposition that isn't even true? And fercryinoutloud, outside of some of those primitive societies that still exist in pockets of the Amazon or in island nations, there's no such thing as anyone with a pure bloodline...a bloodline that isn't mixed with some other ethnicity, most especially if you're an American.
So my message of peace for today is to resist seeing the differences between you and anyone else and try to see them through the lens of how they're the same. This goes for people from other cultures, people who commit heinous crimes, people who believe in a different god than you and even people who have done you wrong. At the root, we all want love and acceptance and understanding. We all have something to teach and learn. It's hard to hate someone you know aches inside the same way you do about the challenges of humanhood. We've focused on the differences long enough to know it just makes us disconnected and adds tension to society. Maybe it's time to start focusing on our similarities and see where that takes us.
Weekend Reading: Person, Cross and Arrow from Tierney's Charms. Let your spirituality be your guide this weekend. If you can't decide between two leaf blowers, for example, ask spirit (or God or angels) to guide you to the right choice and listen to what pops in your mind. If you have to have a difficult conversation with someone, ask spirit to help you do that from your highest self. And if you find yourself poised between judgment and compassion...or anger and forgiveness, ask WWSD (what would spirit do). This weekend you will be called upon to act in some situation or another. Do it with your highest beliefs in your heart.
Today's Draw: Dolphins from Tierney's Charms in the Awaken position from a Carrie Paris casting sheet. When was the last time you did something purely to make you giggle? How long has it been since you've had hella fun? What kind of things are fun for you?
Today I drove seven hours (round trip) to attend a one-hour meeting. I wasn't really looking forward to the drive, but I was surprised that I actually enjoyed it. For one thing, it's a beautiful time of year and the scenery was gorgeous. And, second, the drive has many different chunks to it...small towns you go through, fast highway, flat roadway, hilly roadway...so it's not boring.
Knowing that I might drive myself crazy with so much driving, I planned some little side trips. Well, one was planned. And the other happened because I got lost. But I found a jewelry store filled with my kind of jewelry, which was a happy surprise. And I drove through the Gettysburg Battlefield (that was the lost part), which was kind of cool. Anyway, my trip back home had these two happy accidents.
When I was driving, I was thinking of all the drives we went on as kids. My dad was a very purposeful driver. We were lucky if we got potty breaks. We weren't even allowed to have fun in the car. It was all business. Or else. ;)
So when I pulled off to visit a farmer's stand with a big sign that said, "Pie", I thought of how many stops I'd made on the way home. At the mall, where I checked out the new MacBook Pro and found the jewelry store. At the gas station for gas. At BK for some lunch. And at the pie stand for pie. None of these stops took long...maybe an hour total. But they made my trip more pleasant.
Which brings us to today's reading. Dolphins in the Awaken position are calling us to awaken that spirit of fun and adventure that we often cast aside to be more efficient and purpose driven. And, let's face it, sometimes we just forget that we get to have fun. At least I do. The whole idea of "play"just for the sake of giggles is not at the top of my priority list. Which is exactly the point. I treat play as a time-permitting option. And time never seems to permit.
Which isn't to say I don't have fun. I have a fun job and fun dogs and all of that. But just screwing off for the sake of screwing off? I don't do much of that. I forget it's even an option. And I suspect some of you are the same way.
That said, I've been doing more of this lately. I have two friends...I'll call them my "psychic friends". We're all in our 50s and self employed. They are both mediums/psychics/spiritual healers. And the three of us hit the road once a month or so and just goof off. On a "school day", no less. All of us live, eat and breathe our work. And while we love our work, we need to clear the gunk of it out of our heads.
Synchronistically, between the time I cast today's charm and the time I sat down to write this entry, I confirmed I was all-in for our next adventure. We're going RV shopping. One of us has predicted it may snow. I will most likely suggest that we make up a story, like we're a jug band looking for our touring vehicle. I might put dibs on being the spoons player. It just doesn't get better than shopping for your jug band's RV in the snow! :D
So today's reading is reminding us that fun and play for the sake of fun and play is always an option. And if you can't remember the last time you did something like that, it's been too long. You don't even need a companion to do it. Just point yourself in one direction or another and see what comes!
Today's Draw: Crossroad, Moon and Stork from the Zingdoodle Lenormand by Jera Babylon Rootweaver. Are you at a crossroads in some aspect of your life? Are your choices clear? Is your mind open or closed to other options?
Today I'm reading this three-card combo as "creative choices bring new beginnings." What that made me think of is something I've said here before, but that merits repeating—we always have more choices than we think we do.
If you're like me, you tend to just stick to simple choices, like "stay or leave" and "do or don't". And many times we feel clear on what our options are. For example, I've probably been talking about wanting to move to Maine for about 10 years now...haha. To me, my choices are clear...stay in DC or move to Maine. Along with that choice comes another decision involving my career. The choice there is also cut and dried...quit or continue with what I'm doing. But the reality is that there are many more options available to me that I haven't even thought of (until now).
One thought that just came into my head is that, instead of quitting my job as a copywriter to start a job as an author, is "why can't I write a book about copywriting, collecting tips as I write?" It never occurred to me, but I could. Other options I've considered include writing a book about being self employed, using my spiritual beliefs to guide my decisions. I could easily write a book about that. Or I could become a speaker about marketing, spirituality or the writing life. I could teach. There are many things I'm capable of doing that I would love doing. Things I could do alongside my copywriting or in place of it. And some of them are only now occurring to me.
I tend to think "either, or" and the truth is that there are so many hybrid and alternative options available to me. And I also tend to think I have few pathways to figuring out the money end of being an author, but I'm sure I'm limiting myself there, too. Also, I don't have to move to Maine to do any of this...haha. For a while, I somehow thought I did. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we tend to create traps for ourselves by coming up with a few options or ideas of what we want and how we want it, then carving it in stone, thereby closing our minds to further thought on the topic. We need to be more fluid...consider more options than just "this or that".
I was looking for a conversation I had with the creator of today's deck and I can't find it. So I hope I'm not getting this wrong. But she created a number of decks using found art and graphic design skills...great decks. Creative decks. But it took creating maybe four or five of those before it occurred to her that she should just draw a deck on her own. I own all her decks. I love all her decks. But this is by far now my favorite of hers. And it seems to have been a very empowering and inspirational choice for her. She kept her mind open to other possibilities and, by doing so, opened up a whole new avenue for her to pursue with her art and her decks.
What kind of brilliant solution is laying dormant in you, possibly because you determined your options a while back and haven't reconsidered them? Like anything else, when you put your mind to it, you might just find a few new ideas.
Today's Draw: Flower, Star and Butterfly from Tierney's Charms, thrown on Anderson Cooper's face. How would you respond if I said that sometimes it's better just to pretend than be real? In what areas of your life might you be faking it until you make it? Is there some area of your life where you're smiling so much it hurts?
Today we're trying something new. Inspired by Marcia McCord's junk oracle and Carrie Paris' Magpie Oracle, I invested in a bunch of random charms to toss about and use as I please. For lack of a better name, I'm calling it Tierney's Charms. It makes me sound kind of magical, no?
One of my favorite celebrities is Anderson Cooper. He's a respected journalist, poster child for emo-journalism, former reality TV host, heir to the Vanderbilt fortune and really just a fascinating guy. He's not afraid to be real, whether revealing his neurotic eating habits, giggling uncontrollably on air or admitting to some of the dark thoughts that drove his career as a war correspondent.
Last Saturday one of my clients awarded him the WONK of the Year award. I could have been there and met him. I could have basked in the glow of all that is Andy, Coop and the Silver Fox. I could have become his next Kathy Griffin. But I was uncharacteristically out of town. So, in Anderson's honor, I'm making him my casting sheet for the first throw of my charm oracle. This very well may eclipse the honor of being named WONK of the Year. :D
Since it's my oracle and my rules, I think it's pretty clear that Andy is telling us to proceed with a glint in our eyes, honeydew on our lips and a butterfly on our shoulders. In other words, you catch more flies with honey. Or, alternatively, fake it until you make it.
Nobody likes to be false. But one of the facts of being human is that sometimes donning a facade will get you farther than being real. We do it at work, at home and in social situations. Sometimes we do it because it's efficient (such as answering, "I'm fine" when someone asks how you are and you really feel like crap) and sometimes we do it to just get by (such as when your stinky boss drops a pile of work on you at 5:25 and you just smile and say yes). It's a tactic we all use and, on superficial levels like I've described, it's not as much false as it is a societal coping tactic.
The trouble comes when you smile so much it hurts...when you deny the way you're feeling and get yourself further stuck in a situation or relationship that is killing you slowly from the inside. That's when you're doing damage. And, as with everything, there's a thin line between playing along and smothering your soul.
I have no doubt that, genuine as he is, Anderson Cooper has cheerily gone about tasks he disliked in his career in order to get to the next level. In fact, one of the stories I read about while researching for his WONK of the Year award makes it clear that, at one point in his career, he got so sick of doing mamby pamby assignments for one of his network employers that he quit one of his jobs. Of course, today he's at a place where he really doesn't have to play that game so often anymore. One of the perks of dripping honey in the presence of flies is that, one day, the flies start bringing honey to you.
Anger, "telling it like is" and "being real" have their place. But if that's the only tool you have in your arsenal, you won't be winning any wars. Think of all the times you did "be real" and spoke your mind and told the assholes off. Was it really worth all the stress drama? Did you end up getting your way? Most of the time I have to admit the answer is no. But there have been times that I knew if I didn't speak my mind, I would be betraying myself. Those times it was worth it, even if I lost ground by doing it.
It reminds me of a saying that keeps popping into my head lately, "would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?" For most of my life I've wanted to be right. But I've learned being right isn't all it's cracked up to be. And now I just want to be happy. Sometimes the path of least resistance is the smartest way.
