1/2/14—Letting the Leaves Drop

A matrix of bare branches as cloud faces look on. 

Today is the first post I've written in the New Year and it's the first of a different format without tarot cards and, instead, following topics I find in both nature and the crap that floats around in my head. :) Things may change up still from here. I'm feeling it out. Also, there may be fewer posts each week beginning next week. Still just feeling things out. If you want to make sure you don't miss a post, you sign up to have them delivered by email on my blog at www.tierneysadler.com (and if you're reading this on my blog, the sign up is over there to your left.)

January 1st's new moon is the perfect time for release. When the moon is dark, it offers both a symbolic and energetic opportunity to let go of those things that are no longer needed. If you're reading this on the 2nd, as many will, don't despair. The releasing energy of the new moon is good for a couple of days before and after the new moon itself.

When I think about releasing, it conjures many images. One is of tree limbs in winter. For the most part, deciduous trees just let go and release entirely. When it comes time to shed their leaves, they take no prisoners. In a matter of a couple of weeks, they're fully transformed, releasing both the beauty, shade and drag of the leaves, along with their sun-catching and water-catching abilities.

The quality of their release is total surrender. And, like many of us practice, it's a cyclical ritual. The
trees know in every inch of their cellulose that what they release is being released for their full benefit and will be replaced with new leaves—leaves that are better able to soak up the sun and water...better able to fuel them than the spotty, dried up leaves they let go of. Those leaves served their purpose and performed their duty. But the tree needs to keep moving forward and expanding, so it sheds as part of that process.

Neighbor's stubborn leaves. 

Now this isn't true of all deciduous trees. The one in my neighbor's front yard likes to hold on some of its leaves...not letting entirely go. So while 80% of the tree lets go, 20% holds on to necrotic leaves, presumably until they're forced off by insistent buds. Or until the limb just drops, spent, to the ground. As counter-productive as this is for the tree, it's also a thorn in my side. Because it means that leaves will continue to fall until spring. Which means my leaf cleanup is never complete (all those leaves end up on my lawn, not my neighbor's, to my dismay...haha).

There are a few trees like that in the neighborhood. It's not necessarily a species thing. It happens to both maples and oaks, which are the most prevalent around here. And it doesn't have to mean that the limb is dead. More frequently it means the limb is stubborn, causing difficulty for itself (because the leaves keep that portion of the tree from receiving the limited sun of winter) and difficulty for others, because who knows when those leaves will fall and deface your well-raked lawn? Basically it prolongs the misery for all involved. For outsiders who don't know these particular trees and their issues with letting go, they look and think "WTF is wrong with you? Let go already! Get on with your life and quit clinging to this necrotic stain on your branches!"

Have I worked the metaphor hard enough for you to see what I'm getting at? :D

New Year's Day sunset framed by bare branches.

The ritual death and release of leaves is one of my favorite times of the year. And the sight of winter's bare branches nearly breaks my heart with its beauty. So it would be a mistake—even hypocritical—to view my own releases and lettings-go in any other way.

Oh, to learn to release like a tree! To just be clean and done with it and leave the detritus to the wind...or some fool with a rake. I don't actually rake my leaves anyway. I mulch them, either with a mower or a leaf mulcher. In that way, the leaves are transformed and used where they can do the most good, just as the universe transforms that which we let go of. The energy is put back into the universal soil to fuel new growth.

So here's the deal I'm going to make with myself tonight as I throw all the thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and even relationships that have outlived their welcome on the fire—I will not hold on to even a piece of them. And when I notice one trying to reattach itself to me, I will refuse to become host to its parasitic desires. As long as I hold on, that part of me cannot see the sun. It lowers the potential for transformation in that part of me. And it prolongs the misery for me and everyone else.

I'm sure plenty of new thorns will come along to implant in my side without those old ones taking up space. That is the nature of life and learning and growth. But along with those new thorns will come colorful buds, bursting with life. Then the whirlybirds that dance on the limbs before taking their spectacular, joyous and gentle fall to earth. And the the leaves that open up and receive the universe's nectar, feeding the entire tree. It's amazing the processes that are set in motion simply by letting go.

1/1/14—Clearing The Fields

Today's Draw: Ten of Fire from the Gaian Tarot. Is there a fire raging in your life right now? What are the good things being left exposed in the ash? And what of the bad things are worth starting a whole new fire, in order to consume them once and for all?

Maybe 10 years ago or so, I drove past a farmer's field that was smoking from a recent fire. I had never seen this before, so I thought something tragic had happened. But then a few miles down the road, I saw another burned out field. And another. This was the first time I realized that farmers occasionally burn fields to kill all the old growth and weeds. Then, I suppose, they turn the soil and plant something new. It's like a clean slate. A field that used to grow soybeans can now grow corn. 

The same concept is used by nature. Forest fires, for example, are actually necessary to keeping the forest healthy. Too much vegetation can prevent seeds from germinating, stopping the growth of new trees—and thus endangering the generational growth cycle. Also, the denser the forest, the hotter it burns and the more destructive the fire becomes. So occasional fires in the forest are mother nature's form of self-care and even damage control.

Usually when we see a Ten of Wands, it's depicting someone so overwhelmed, burdened or oppressed that they can't move. They feel trapped in the fire with no way out. Whether it's work or financial matters, family or relationships, we all feel that way at one time or another. Then once the flames subside, whether we wanted it or not, we're left with a fresh slate upon which to write. 

Over the past year, I have been caught a couple of times with fires burning all around me. And the ash they've left behind has exposed some things still left standing that no longer have a place in my life (along with a number of good things I want to keep). Some of them are the things I've written about here...attitudes toward others and the way I handle my own self care. But there are other things I haven't spoken so much about...thoughts about how I spend my time, who I call friend and where my energies have been misguided. 

Sometimes fires happen to you. And sometimes you set them yourself, clearing what no longer serves to make space for new growth and a more evolved life.

As the new year begins, there are a few places in my life I feel a need to douse in gasoline and set ablaze. Anyone else out there need a light?

*Adapted from a post originally written on 5/4/12. 

12/31/13—Ringing Out The Old

Today's Draw: Re Birth from the Healing Energy Cards. Do you do New Year's resolutions? What are you looking forward to in the new year? Will you be using the powers of the new moon to assist your process of ringing out the old and ringing in the new?

The description on the card reads (in part), "Let go of old wounds that hold you back....Awaken your truth." Could there possibly BE a more appropriate draw for New Year's Eve?

In the past year I had three things I would call betrayals happen...friends who either lied to me about something important, told lies about me about something important or dumped me because I wouldn't bend to their will about something important to me. I don't know why I linger over stuff like this. Intellectually I know that this is their issue and not mine and I should be well rid of them. But emotionally it hurts. 

A couple of nights ago, I presided over a year-end ritual. This is something I do every year and, for the past few years, I've done it at a friend's/colleague's house for members of her metaphysical meetup group. When considering what I wanted to release for the coming year, I said I wanted to release the baggage of betrayal...the hurt, lingering thoughts and resentments. In the ritual, we write what we want to release on a piece of paper and burn it. (Then we write down what we want to encourage in the new year on seed paper and plant it and watch it grow over the year.)

But it's not enough to do just that. You have to examine why that betrayal came into your life. For me, I had to look at the ways I lie to myself or refuse myself things that are important to me. I have to understand what these "friends" were mirroring back to me. Stuff like this doesn't happen in a vacuum. I would never do the things they did to me to anyone else. But, upon inspection, it turns out I would do it to myself. 

So those are the old wounds I need to let go of. And that is my truth. :)

New Year's night is a new moon or a dark moon or "no moon". In earth-based religions, new moons hold the ideal energy for releasing things. It's like the last light of the moon draws things out of your life energetically, then the fulling moon draws new things in. So I'll be using that energy to reaffirm my release of the baggage of betrayal that I've been carrying this year. 

I find it quite auspicious and powerful that it occurs on New Year's Day because I believe that you have to release something in order to bring something new in. Like if you want to resolve to lose weight in the new year, there is some sort of behavior that must be released to allow that to happen...the over-eating, the lack of exercise or whatever. 

Every new minute and every new day brings the opportunity to be reborn. But the new year brings a new minute, new day, new month and new year, making it a great time for a fresh start. What do you hope to release this year? And what will you begin anew?

12/30/13—Moving Alone Toward the Light

Today's Draw: Six of Wands from the Light Visions Tarot. Are you feeling lonely on your spiritual path? Do you encounter friends that don't understand the changes you're going through and drift away? Do you have a spiritual buddy, romantic or otherwise, you've managed to share your spiritual path with for, say, 10 or 20 years?

This card immediately produced several thoughts for me. One is that it's very evocative of the traditional image of the Six of Swords. And the second thought I had was that it also conjured thoughts of a Viking funeral before the fire is lit. 

But the woman on this boat is alive and hopeful and dressed in ceremonial robes. Traditionally this card would be about a victory of some sort. So seeing her launched into the rising or setting sun with her head upturned like that, I feel as though there's been a graduation or ascension of sorts, and all her hard work is bringing her to a new place. 

Of the 22 cards in tarot's major arcana (depicting major life lessons), the lion's share feature a human acting alone. All the other cards either have no humans in them or the humans are pictured in some sort of subordinate role to something greater going on. I believe this reflects the solitary path we all take in life, but most notably the solitary path of a spiritual seeker. 

While one's religious path is frequently shared with others in churches or in groups, the spiritual path is largely solitary. Which doesn't mean you won't meet others who share your beliefs. You will. But it means that people grow and evolve at different rates and in different directions and sail off to greet the unique challenges and opportunities that appear as they move along their path. So it can be a more transient gathering of like minds. There is no book to follow. No specific teaching. It's an off-road adventure commandeered only by you. 

But it's also solitary in the choices you make. Say, for example, that you choose to no longer gossip because it's an activity that doesn't come from love and you're on a loving path. So the next time your gossip friends start to gossip and you drop out, they'll think you hoity toity. And whether or not you judge them, they'll feel judged. Possibly even offended. They may even come up with reasons why gossip serves a higher purpose than your non-gossiping complacency does and put the judgment on you. And if gossip formed a good portion of your relationship, you'll no longer be able to be around them. And their gossip will probably turn to you. And you'll have nobody to share that experience with. As someone pointed out to me today, doing the right thing can have wrong consequences. 

Another piece of relevant wisdom that has come to me recently is that people will evolve in groups around certain pain points. So members of AA come together as a group to heal the causes of their addiction, for example. Some will eventually move beyond the program, which could ruffle feathers. But when you learn what you're there to learn, heal what you're there to heal, and choose to no longer be a fully engaged member of the program by attending regular meetings or sponsoring newbies, you are once again alone. Everyone's needs on their paths are unique and individual. And the same is true of every group, from the Hell's Angels to the knitting circle. 

Now, of course, you are never alone on a spiritual path because you always have God. As trite as that sounds, it's true. But just as we can see these partings between friends, family members and groups as sad or painful occurrences, we can also see them as a graduation of sorts. Whatever the woman in the card is moving toward, she's doing it alone. And we can surmise she left others on shore when she took off on this solitary journey. And yet she is at peace with herself because she knows what she is sailing toward is bigger than any resentments, grief, sadness or anger that sprang up with what she left behind. 

Personally, that part is hard for me. We all want everything tied up pretty with a bow and smiling faces all around. But the kind of growth we experience on our path isn't always surrounded by singing bluebirds and dancing deer. Some don't understand why you have to change. Some take it personally. Some consider you a traitor. And because you're moving forward on a new set of wheels and carrying new lessons, your own fears and doubt and future lessons rear up until you can find a balance and focus again on your path. 

It can be painful. And the closer I look at this image, I see bags under eyes as if she'd been crying....or as if she'd died. And a part of her had to in order to book passage to the next stage. She is moving out of the dark and into the light. So it is a death of sorts...a death we experience a million times over on our spiritual paths. Both joyous and sad. And, like any death, something, on some level, we have to experience alone.

12/28/13-12/29/13—Healing Your State of Mind

Weekend Reading: Nine of Swords from the Tarot Roots of Asia. This weekend you may have heavy thoughts on your mind. Whether it's anger, deceit, envy, sadness, fear or a superiority complex that has you thinking poorly of yourself, another person or situation, it's your choice to feel that way. You could just as easily choose love and/or forgiveness and make the swords that stand between you and your own personal Valhalla disappear. Recognizing you have this choice is a first step. And while you may still feel angry—and it's ok to be angry—staying stuck in that state is a toxic choice that nobody but yourself imposes upon you. Once you realize you have other options, then you can use them for your own healing. 

12/27/13—Changing Things Up in 2014

Today's Draw: The Seven of Swords from the Kitty Kahane Tarot. Is it time to walk away from something that no longer serves? Has something in your life reached the point of diminishing returns? Are you fooling yourself about something?

The Seven of Swords is one of those cards that can trip me up in a reading. The meaning I usually use is usually in the area of deception, thievery or trying to get away with something. But lesser known meanings can be about prying into someone's life, hiding from the truth, standing guard over what you value and/or taking a non-confrontational approach to things. The book for this particular deck talks about leaving the scene of a battle because being involved keeps you from progressing. 

Then there's my own personal meaning, which is about recognizing your limitations and working within the boundaries of them. The card after this is also about limitations, but false ones. So I sometimes see these two cards as creating that tension between what's really a limitation and what's all in your mind. In the context of the imagery, I see the two swords left in the ground as being two swords too heavy for his trip. And I see him trying to get out of a spot that was never his to get involved in to begin with. 

So you can see how all the possible meanings are related. In a way. But they're also all over the place. Thus my anxiety about seeing it in a reading. How will I read it and what will it mean? Sometimes, of course, the context of all the other cards makes the meaning really obvious. But a lot of times if someone is really trying to sneak quietly away from something—whether ethically so or not—they're not too eager to admit to it. And the reason is because there is a piece of them still tied to the thing that they're leaving, causing conflicted feelings. Thus, the furtive glance over the shoulder. (A glance, btw, that most would interpret as making sure he's not followed or making sure he's getting away with whatever he's getting away with. But like I said, it's my personal meaning for the card. The nuance is really all in whether the intention behind everything is honorable or not.)

If you're a new reader or are asking the question, "well, then what do you do when you don't know which meaning to use?" My answer is to just start talking and trust whatever flies out of your mouth. :) That is my recommendation for anything having to do with cartomancy and nerves and not knowing where to start. Just open your mouth. The first third of what you say will probably sound ridiculous, but the last 2/3 will be so brilliant it will make them forget what a fool you were in the beginning. :)

So anyway, this is a WAY long way around to what I really wanted to talk about today, which is that things will change at the Daily Draw in 2014. I don't know how or when, but they will change. 

I started this blog 3 1/2 years ago, which amazes even me. (The first six months was entirely on Facebook, which is why you'll only find three years' worth on tierneysadler.com.) And in that time, I've probably missed a total of five days or so, including the three we just missed. I write this blog six days a week, so that's a pretty good record. 

When I first started, I committed myself to just a year of doing it. So I've long since kept that commitment. But because my goals and needs have changed and matured in that time, there are aspects of the blog that no longer serve me. So it's going to have to change. The two most likely changes that will happen have to do with using tarot and/or Lenormand as my inspiration and the six days a week thing. (In other words, the "daily" and "draw" parts of the Daily Draw...haha) Like I said, however, I really haven't worked out how I'd like to use this space yet. One thing is for certain, though—spiritual growth, wisdom and discussion will always be the thrust of this blog. That will never change. 

Tying this all to today's card, in order for me to continue to use this space as a place for my personal and professional growth (as well as yours) in regard to the things I want to achieve, I have to walk away from the way I'm doing it. Simply put, cartomancy is a hobby (obsession?) for me, but was never intended to be part of my career path. That part was an unplanned surprise for me. 

Cartomancy is also not the primary source of spiritual inspiration for me (which I'm sure is surprising, considering I've done 1000 posts using it as my "inspiration".) The fact is, most of the spiritual knowledge and thought I have comes from meditating, observing nature, communing with the universe and just living my life. The cards serve as a trigger to recall or reframe these things and, through the "communion" I experience during writing, put deeper meaning to it all. So tarot is an important tool on my spiritual journey, but it isn't the truth of that journey. My own self reflection and observation is. The two can get very intermingled and confusing at times. There was a time tarot almost felt like my religion, but as it turns out, the RWS is not a fitting God for me. :D 

There's something else I've wanted to say for a really long time and it's that, since I began this, I've never heard one complaint...not about the subject matter of a blog, the number of repeat blogs I've posted...not about anything. It has all been positive feedback. 100%. And that's a beautiful thing. I've never asked for or expected anyone to read, much less like, anything I've ever written. So it's all gravy for me. I like to think out loud and some of you like to listen. So it has all been a blessing and that's another reason why I'll still continue a regular thing here, albeit fewer days a week... perhaps. I might think of a way to keep putting out new content every day without it being a big long essay every day.

So anyway, that's that. I can't begin to express what a sacred space this is to me and the respect everyone has had for it over the years. However things progress, that's what I most want to stay the same.

12/24/13—Being Beautifully Big

Today's Draw: Beautifully Big (Empress) from the Circo di Vision Circus Insight Cards.* Do you love yourself as you are? Do you love your life as it is? How can you be your biggest you this holiday season?

If you have been properly stalking me through this blog, you know the ONE thing that can really piss me off about a deck is card stock. I have only come across two decks in all my collecting that gather dust primarily for reasons of card stock. And this, unfortunately, will be one of them. It's like shuffling tissue paper. The other deck, the Tarot of Transformation, would probably be one of my favorite decks if it weren't for card stock. It may sound like I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face to not use these decks regularly, but tarot is as much a tactile and sensual thing for me as it anything else. Touching flaccid paper is the same to me as trying to be inspired by ugly imagery. 

That said, this IS a cute deck. And I was totally charmed that the first card I chose from the deck was "Beautifully Big". Not "The Fat Lady". Not "The Obese Empress". But Beautifully Big. So this kind of smoothed over the stock issue for me. :D (I chose the Empress from another deck today, so I think the universe is trying to tell me something.)

And the book (which gives two pages of interpretation from different angles for each image) goes on to talk about enjoying life to the fullest. Being open to love. Nurturing others. Being a comfort to others. Being warm. And being a celebration in and of ourselves. These are perfect thoughts for bringing into Christmas day, no matter where you're going or who you're with. 

In fact, one of the meanings attributed to this card is loving yourself as you are. What a holiday gift that would be, huh? Imagine how different the world would be if we all do just that. A little self love and self respect would quickly defuse the Pol Pots of this world.

One of the wishes of the holiday season is peace on earth. You see it on cards and hear it in songs. And many carry the wish in their hearts. But peace is something that has to begin within and radiate out. It's not as if we can achieve world peace through the efforts of people with self hatred in their hearts. There's too much baggage that goes along with self criticism and self hate for it to create anything peaceful. And how do we even know what peace is if we haven't felt it within?

There's a song that is kind of cloying to listen to, but the lyrics are perfect: "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me." Peace, kindness, compassion and forgiveness are choices, just as are anger, cruelty and intolerance. In any given moment, each of us can choose peace over conflict, forgiveness over vindication. We can't blame our reactions on the other person or on the situation. The onus is entirely on us. It's a choice. If peace is going to begin with you, you have to drop the rope in your tug of war and greet anger with kindness somewhere along the line. And if you try it once and it doesn't work, then you have to choose to try it again and again. 

We can go on and on about what's wrong with this world and with other people, but until we exhibit the kindness and compassion that we'd like to see in this world, we're just part of the problem. When you radiate the change you'd like to see in this world (as the Buddha teaches) then you're modeling behavior for others to emulate, just as you are when you choose to fight over choosing to yield. In short, choosing peace is being beautifully big. 

So that's your thought to bring into the holiday (and continue well past the holiday). Since this is the Christmas Eve edition (even if you're reading it the night of the 23rd) I'm going to wish you a Merry, Peaceful and Beautifully Big Christmas. I'm going to take off a couple of days and, depending on my mood, may put up classic posts or may put up nothing at all. :) See you later in the week!

*I got this deck through a Kickstarter campaign and can't find anywhere it's for sale online. But I'll bet if you email the creators through the link I provided above, you can find a way to purchase them.