6/9/14—Decluttering to Make Room for Happiness

Last week's mission statement post was expanded from a post I made last year. And in that same post from last year, I came across some interesting questions to ask yourself. So today I'm going to revive those questions, albeit a bit differently. 

In a way, the questions can be used as a method for decluttering our lives and focusing only those things that fuel passionate, joyful living. When you consider that everything in your life is there because you put it there or choose to keep it there, then you're responsible for anything in your life that drains your energy. Additionally, anything missing that you wish you had is missing because of you, too. So if there's a need for a shake up in your life, put the things you focus on and the things you're considering introducing into your life to these four questions: 

• Does it support my comfortable survival? At the most basic, you need water, shelter, food, general health and wellbeing to survive comfortably. If you're short on any one of those things, your focus on the pursuit of passion in your life will be challenged. And by comfortable, I don't mean material comfort in the sense of living plush. I mean the mental and physical ease that takes the focus off survival and allows you to focus on adding a layer of joy on top of that survival. Whatever those things are, be grateful for them because they make you more fortunate than many in this world.

• Does it support something I'm passionate about? Lots of people have less than fabulous jobs. But if that job is bankrolling top-of-the-line scrapbooking supplies so you can spend time every day or every week scrapbooking your heart out, then it supports something you're passionate about. If you work too many hours to ever enjoy a minute of scrapbooking, however, then you need to question why you continue do it. A lesser paying job may give you the time you need to pursue your passion. 

This isn't just about your job, though. When you consider your relationships, thoughts, commitments and other obligations in life, hold them to this test. People and obligations—and especially thoughts—that drain you take you away from your happiness. And if your thoughts include how much you hate the job that is bankrolling your scrapbooking habit, then you need to change those thoughts, too. Gratitude for what you have is the fastest way to get what you want.

• Do I do it out of love? Sometimes we do things we're not passionate about and don't support our survival, but we do it out of love. Speaking to your daughter's class on career day is one of them. Going to Open Mike Night to watch your husband play the same song you've been hearing all week is another. Picketing a local chicken farmer to promote animal rights is another. And, frankly, doing things like working out and eating tofu is another. There are things you do out of love—for someone dear to you, for a cause close to your heart or for yourself. Those things also fuel your passion for life. If you're doing something just because you have to—or if you act obligated even though it's serving a passion—you're not doing anyone any favors. 

• Is it something that makes me happy? This is probably the best and easiest reason to do something. And it includes things that might look silly or that others might think strange or out of character for you. One thing I do that makes me happy is to howl at full voice with my dogs from time to time. The neighbors think it's weird, but who cares? I also watch a lot of TV and never read books, which many find unusual for a writer and deep thinker. Those opinions mean nothing to me. I only get one opportunity to be me and I'm not going to spend it conforming to make others happy.

So those are the questions. If you can answer yes to any one of them, then it's worth keeping. But if you can't honestly answer yes to any questions—or if something you think you're doing out of love, for example, is really being done out of obligation—kick it to the curb. Someone else will pick up where you left off. Life is too short to clutter it with anything that doesn't support happiness and inspire your soul. 

6/6/14—Defining Your Mission

Can you, in 25 words or less, articulate what your mission in life is? Have you ever put thought into it and boiled it down?

In one of my book ideas, Spiritual Self Employment, one of the things I advise self-employed people to do is to write a mission statement of what they want to get out of their job. For my copywriting job, it would be "to build relationships with appreciative clients in diverse industries and help promote their businesses in a way that challenges my skill, strategic knowledge and creativity."  

There have been a couple of times over the past 15 years when I've needed to revisit that mission statement in order to make tough, but healthy changes in my client list. What sometimes held me back is that the clients I was considering walking away from were my biggest ones. Having the mission statement helped, because it says nothing about money and everything about the things that build esteem, happiness and pride in my work. Therefore, staying in a situation that didn't challenge me or where my work wasn't appreciated would be counter to my mission, regardless of how much they paid me to do it. 

Fortunately, that's not a decision I've had to make in a very long time. All of my clients are long-term clients who show their appreciation for my contributions and who trust my input. I consider myself fortunate, but it's not about luck. It's about knowing what I want to accomplish and how I want to feel and not settling for less, combined with my ability to provide the kind of relationship and deliverables my clients want. The right match is made in the universe, not through chaos, but by design—by people knowing what they want and sticking to it. 

I think the biggest mistake professionals can make is to maybe have a rough idea of what they want to accomplish in their minds, but never write it down. In that scenario, they're only going to get a rough idea of what they want. Writing things down not only makes things official in the universe, it also gives you something to refer to when faced with choices. Keeping it concise forces you to really think about what's most important to you. Then when you're faced with a tough decision, simply pick up your mission statement and, all of a sudden, a tough decision becomes simple. Mission statements keep you focused on your objectives. Best of all, nobody ever has to see yours but you. 

But mission statements are not just a business tool. Recently I realized that while I have a clearly defined mission statement for my copywriting business and while I have a very succinct mission for my life—a "why am I here?" statement (which is "to move/touch people with my words")—I don't really have a defined mission for what I'd like to accomplish otherwise in life. I have a good idea of what my spiritual mission is, but it needs to be written/boiled down and clarified. When it comes to my personal life, I got nuthin'. Which is probably why my personal life is the least successful part of my life. :D

From parenthood to volunteerism and all the other things I've mentioned, we often move through life making decisions and adapting to circumstances without having a clearly defined umbrella under which to do it. And, honestly, there's nothing wrong with that if you don't mind getting wet from time to time. But a lot of the chaos and guessing we do along the way can be eliminated if we just take the time to sit down and define what we're doing it for and how we want to do it. 

I think my spirit self would be disappointed in my human self if I was down here 70-some years and never and never asked the question, "what do I really want from this human experience?" We spend our time here accumulating possessions and experiences, but how much of it really fuels our soul? And how will we ever know to fuel our souls if we never think to just sit down and ask?

6/4/14—Finding Yourself on Facebook

I confess I spend a lot of time on Facebook. Most of the time it's a mindless thing. But more and more lately, I've become very mindful there. 

I'm sure many would laugh at the notion of Facebook being a powerful vehicle for personal and spiritual growth. But that's exactly what it's becoming for me. Sure, a lot of the time I'm just messing around there. But other times I'm testing. Stretching. Growing. 

Perhaps the biggest thing that has spurred spiritual and personal growth for me is something that happened over a year ago. I made a decision to step out of a particular Facebook drama and choose oneness over singling others out...to live by the golden rule, rather than seek an eye for an eye. It was a very unpopular decision within a group of my friends. When I chose not to continue playing at that level, a number of people unfriended me and still more distanced themselves from me. 

I knew my choice was right for me, though. It was all WWJD and stuff...the kind of stuff I preach about and had better live by, in my estimation. But while many people like to talk about "Christ Consciousness" and forgiveness and turning the other cheek, they can't quit bring themselves to live that way. Because living that way is hard. It means letting go of the ego's need to be right or to be a victim. For me, this situation meant letting go of my need to be liked and accepted. And in letting that go, I kind of took a giant leap forward on my path. I won't lie. It wasn't easy to weather the coldness in people who once held warmth for me. And it's not like I'm suddenly a saint. But it has been one of the biggest "wins" for me on my spiritual and personal journeys. It was a giant leap in the direction I want to go...in the direction of love, acceptance and forgiveness. 

That's a big thing. But each day I come across many smaller opportunities to stretch and grow on Facebook. Let's take, for example, Needy Nelly. She's always having a crisis, writing in all caps or using some other device to get you to feel sorry for her and/or give her attention. My normal thing would be to ignore her altogether, rolling my eyes at how needy she is. But she's an opportunity for me to have compassion and patience. When it comes down to brass tacks, everyone just wants to know they're noticed, heard and understood. That they matter. Nelly's going about it the wrong way, yes. But that doesn't mean I can't be gracious and give her some of the attention she seeks by offering, "That's awful. I hope it all works out for you. Let me know when it's resolved!" 

Really, how hard is that? How much skin is it off your back? If they try to continue to engage you, you can always either not reply or reiterate, "gosh, I hope it all works out to everyone's benefit." Of course, the key is not to do anything I'm talking about here in a fake way. The key is to stretch yourself to a place where you mean it...where you can love even Needy Nelly and wish her well. It benefits you. It benefits Nelly. And it creates love where consternation might have otherwise existed. 

Conversely, if you simply can't bear to give her the recognition she's so desperate for, then it's an opportunity to ask yourself why. What does she bring up in you? How are you like her? What is so important for you to hold on to that you can't set it aside long enough to give her what she so desperately needs? If you can't do it genuinely, what is standing in your way?

Another example is Dramatic Dan. He wants to create controversy and will say anything to make that happen. And darned if he doesn't always bait you into an argument that gets you all worked up. Dan is an opportunity to say nothing. Or to say your opinion without having to defend it. What doesn't serve you (unless you like this sort of thing) is to try to out-argue him. Nobody will ever out-argue Dan. And it doesn't serve anyone else in the thread for you to hop in and try to break up the situation, make nice or otherwise mediate. That just keeps the fuel flowing to the fire. 

So practice something that helps you grow, instead. Walk away and let the situation go. If you post your opinion, don't enflame Dan. Just post it and walk away. Or, better, use the "stop notifications" option. Don't get drawn into negativity. The first time it might be hard. I was always someone up for a good debate. But if you've observed enough drama and conflict, then you know the only way to win is to not participate. So don't participate. 

From Gotta Be A Naysayer Ned and Abused Dog Pics Annie to Judgmental Judy and Nancy Knows-It-All, Facebook is the perfect experimental landscape in which to stretch yourself and make different choices in ways that impact both your spiritual and personal growth. And it doesn't have to be about dealing with difficult people (though that's what I've focused on here.) It can also be about practicing kindness by maybe saying "Wow, that's an amazing picture" rather than just "liking" the photo and moving on. Or practicing patience by helping someone find the "stop notifications" option (it's a little carat or "v" in the upper right hand corner of every post that you can click on. You only have the "stop notifications" option if you've responded to a post. Otherwise, just remove the offensive post from your feed by clicking on the same carat.)

Whatever you need to work more on in your journey of personal and spiritual growth, you'll find a situation to help you grow on Facebook. In fact, you can test choices out online, see how they work, then roll the proper behaviors out in real life. Again, I'm not saying to be fake as much as I'm saying to learn to be genuinely kind and compassionate in situations that would normally vex you. 

Growth can be a passive thing. If you live long enough you'll grow. But if you really want to make to make progress, you have to work at it and challenge yourself to be more aligned with the person you want to be...the person you know you're capable of becoming. Facebook can be akin to junk food for the mind. But if you approach it mindfully and in spirit, it could become an endless font of fuel to take your personal journey to the next level. 

6/2/2014—Getting Into The Body

I tend to get all up in my head sometimes...thinking too hard, letting fears creep in, taking things too seriously. That's how I've been lately, in fact. I've been so "in my head" that I have a hard time thinking, if that makes any sense. By Friday of last week I was so depressed that I finally remembered an old way of mine to shake off the doldrums. 

I went for a long walk. 

I don't know why I always forget that if I drop the energy into my body, I can break the cycle. Sometimes it helps to just get good and physically tired....maybe even a little sore. So I followed through by doing some yard work this weekend. My patio was having things growing through the cracks, it still had leaves on it from fall, it was covered in silt...it was a mess. 

Although I could work a year of weekends on my back yard and still not have a showplace, the patio was the last big project on my list for spring. Cleaning the patio had many purposes. The first was clearing out the patio...haha. But then I mulched the leaves and used them to cover the ground under the hammock. It's perpetually muddy under there, so this will give me some traction for getting in and out of the best seat in the house. In addition to that, it tired me out and kept me from slipping back into my head. It's like pushing a reset button. 

Another thing physical thing I do that provides a lot of benefit is mowing. The violent shuddering of a lawn mower really shakes your entire body. And I find that when I mow, I can think about things that make me angry and get them off my chest. Sometimes I don't even know I'm angry about something until I get behind the mower! But the combination of thinking about an issue that frustrates me and the tremors of the mower brings the matter from the head to the body and out the body...to the yard, I guess. :)

I suppose others can reset their crazy heads by reading or maybe crafting or something. But for me, something physical does it. I used to be pretty darned fit. I would power walk six days a week. With my long legs and practiced stride, I could do five miles in less than an hour. I didn't do it as much for mental benefit as I did it for physical benefit back then, but looking back I can remember that I didn't work so hard on being balanced back then. Doing all the physical activity did that for me. 

But when I fell off that wagon, I found other, more passive ways to get in balance—meditation, positive thought, self dialogue. That stuff works at shifting energy, too, but it keeps you in your head. And, as I've recently come to realize, it can actually serve as a detriment because the anger and other negative emotions I get out by tiring myself physically can remain below the surface, unattended to, when everything happens in your head. 

Anyway, the very things I avoid, put off and dread are often the things that give me great benefit. The patio was the last on my list for a reason—it was hard work. I'm always glad once I'm done taking a walk or doing physical labor, but I tend to torture myself with dread in the time leading it up to it...haha. I focus on the hard work instead of the benefit. So having this insight of the positive aspects of physical activity—beyond the physical benefits—is very good for me. It can help me re-language the way I see it. For someone who lives in their head, physical benefits are often not enough to make us want to get up and go. But having this positive, but tiring, experience that reminded me about the mental benefits of being in the body, is just what the doctor ordered. 

5/30/14—Being Guided on Your Journey

I don't know what's wrong with me this week, but I am incredibly uninspired. I have ideas for new posts, but none of them are calling to me. In nearly four years of doing this, I've never been so bereft of insight. So you get a classic post. I will say, though, I think about the story below where I got pulled over often and I still can't figure out why I didn't get a ticket! :) Here's the post...

I've hit a patch of either extra good manifestation energy or luck recently. I can't say which because I'm not sure I manifested all of it consciously. Regardless, I feel like I'm in a groove. More importantly, all this good stuff came to show me something quite Zen...there is no good fortune or bad fortune, there is just fortune. So this "extra good patch" I mention is just a perception.

Distinguishing between dualities puts us on a rollercoaster ride. To explain what I mean, one of my "lucky breaks" happened when I got pulled over by the police on Saturday. I was doing 38 in a 25, I didn't have current registration, my license plate was askew from having only one screw in it, and I didn't come to a proper stop at a light. I never drive that car, but since my "main car" had no AC, I decided to drive the little car out of the blue. I do believe there's a reason for everything, though. 

As the officer was listing out one infraction after another, I (rudely) looked up at him and said, "just give me my ticket." So I didn't deserve any breaks. But in the end, he only cited me for the license plate, informing me that if I showed a picture of it fixed to the judge, that he'd probably throw it out. And he reduced my speeding ticket—a ticket that could have been about $150 all by itself—to "failure to obey a street sign," a minor infraction. He tossed out everything else. So I not only saved about $200, but I didn't get any points against my license. 

So as I drove off, I thought to myself, "ok, was it good fortune that I got off so easily?" "Or is it bad fortune because I got pulled over in the first place?" And the answer that came to me was that there was a flaw in me even thinking in those terms. Because if you speed, you're going to get pulled over...haha. Bad crap is going to happen to all of us. And so will good crap. It's all just...

wait for it....

Life. 

It's not good fortune or bad fortune. It's life. Today I brought my *other* car into the shop and got a SHOCKING estimate for how much it was going to cost to fix the AC. It wasn't "the end to my lucky streak" or "bad luck" or "karma coming to kick me in the ass for all the great stuff that's happened lately". It wasn't any of that. It was just the lifecycle of my car's AC. And I own a car with a really hard to access AC so the labor to fix it is really high. I was able to talk the shop down about 20%. The price was still shocking. But it is what it is. 

What I realized when I was driving away from the police officer is that, while I think there is a reason for everything, this thinking in terms of "good" and "bad" is something that stands between me and higher guidance, as well as manifestation. Buddhists have a simple word for it—judgment. I'm judging one moment against another to see where I stand with spirit and the universe! That's not exactly the unconditional trust that I preach and believe unblocks the channels to manifestation.

And while I intellectually know better, don't we all do this to a degree? Don't we all walk around like a champ on "good luck days" and like a loser on "bad luck days"? Ultimately, we're placing our worth and happiness on something outside of us. Both of those car experiences of mine are things I could either be sullen or happy about. Should I let the experience choose which? Or should I let my spirit choose which? Because my spirit tells me there's never a moment that the universe isn't on my side. And if I choose to see the world in that way, that's how it is. So why wouldn't I choose to see the world through the eyes of an always loving and generous universe? Why wouldn't you?

We get to choose which star we focus on while on our journey through life and whether we choose to be guided by perpetually beneficial forces....or fickle forces that are sometimes beneficial and sometimes seem to abandon us. Really, the only thing that stands between us and a life magically guided and protected from above is us and our need to judge. 

5/28/14—Bringing Deeper Meaning to Life

I now have a Twitter account. If you're on Twitter, please follow me @tierneysadler. Also check out the radio show I share with two other wise ladies at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/3muses. We address a different spiritual topic each time. :) Now on to today's post....

I think we all would like a career and life filled with deeper meaning and value. But many years ago, during a life slump, I learned that you don't need to change jobs or your life in order to get that.

Deeper meaning and value come from service—to your higher power, mankind, your ideals, whatever. And everything we do is service. Or it can be, depending on the way you do it. 

The way society thinks, we think service is about WHAT you do. Being in the military, working as a social worker or volunteering are service, for example, because they directly serve others or some ideal. But being a computer programmer, advertising executive or bus driver are not. Those are just jobs. 

While the idea of service can sometimes be built into your job, service isn't a job. It's an attitude. Take the military for example. It's literally called "the service". But if you sell secrets, avoid assignments, undermine your team, complain all the time, etc....it's not service. The military tends not to admit many people like that, thankfully. They tend to admit people with a deep passion for what they do, a desire to protect our country, a strong work ethic and courageous follow-through. It's not the job that's service. It's the way the job is seen by the people who do it and the way they get it done. 

Many years back when I was still starting on my spiritual journey, it bothered me that, although I really enjoyed my career, it didn't really serve anyone or anything. Like so many other jobs, it was just part of capitalism...part of making money for "the man." But then it hit me that I help smaller businesses succeed. I offer the same (or better) level of thought and creativity that they'd get at an advertising agency at less than half the cost. And if a smaller business can get noticed as well as a large business, that keeps the bigger businesses from getting all the money and building monopolies. Meanwhile, I'm helping consumers find other options to consider—usually more innovative, service-oriented options. 

Let's face it, people and businesses need "stuff". And you can't find the "stuff" if you don't know it exists. Being someone who helps you discover your options is service. Helping smaller businesses succeed is service. Making senior-level thinking available at affordable prices is service. And the more I consider my job service—as a needed part of keeping society healthy, happy and moving forward—the more reverence I tend to put into it. The more passion I have for it. The better my attitude. The more of a "mission" I feel I'm on. The better the energy I can wrap it all up in. 

Everything you do, whether you're an accountant, administrative person or CEO is service. The only differences between a job and service is a) seeing how what you do serves and b) treating what you do with service and reverence. And this extends beyond your job to running errands that keep the household going, planting flowers in your garden to make the neighborhood pretty—even just sitting on your front stoop and smiling at passersby is service. 

We have the potential to make everything we do service, to treat everything we do as sacred and to move through life in reverence. There doesn't have to be a special time or special circumstances. Right now and right here work just fine. You don't have to search for ways to add deeper meaning to your life. You don't even have to change anything you're already doing. You just have to change the way you see what you're doing. Once you see how important everything in your life is to the greater good, you'll just naturally serve. 

5/26/14—Smudging Your Home

I didn't have much to say today, so I dug up a popular post from the past. It's about smudge and smudging your house.

Smudge is, at its most basic, just dried sage that you burn to purify your home or items, such as things you might buy from a second-hand store. You can buy it loose or tied up in a little bundle like in the picture. The kind you use to purify things is not the kind you have in your spice cabinet. Many different kinds can be used, but most prefer white sage, which is what's pictured. You can usually get white sage bundles at Whole Foods or any kind of metaphysical store. Otherwise, there are tons of online sources to use. One thing to know is that many say burning sage smells like marijuana, so you might not want to smudge just before you go out the door to visit the local police station.

Sage is one of four sacred Native American herbs used for ceremony, purification and healing. The others are cedar, sweetgrass and tobacco (or, alternately, lavender). Often you can find bundles with more than one of these herbs included. 

What kinds of things might you "smudge" or "sage" or purify with sacred smoke? You might smudge a house you're trying to sell or a previously owned item you've received to release the energies of the previous owner. If you buy crystals or other metaphysical items, you might want to smudge them to clear any energy that gathered before you bought them. You might smudge yourself as part of a healing ritual. And if you're taking part in a spiritual ceremony, the facilitator might smudge you upon arrival. Most likely, though, you'll probably be smudging your own home to release negative vibes, ease a change or transition, clear out stale energy or as part of a regular energy cleansing of your home. 

How do you smudge? It depends on what you're smudging. If it's an object, just light the sage until it catches fire. Then blow the flame out and let it smoulder. Then just run the object through the smoke, like you're bathing it in the smoke. That's it. The sage will probably go out on its own, but if you have a stick, you can douse it in sand or earth.

Sweetgrass puts out less smoke than sage and needs to be re-lit more often.

The braids are usually a couple of feet long. I keep a sweetgrass braid in my

car as an air freshener. It has a sweet, fresh, vanilla-like scent. 

If you want to get fancier, then it's good to know what each of the herbs does. Sage and cedar remove negativity, heal and purify. Sweetgrass and lavender draw in positive vibes. You'll find a lot of different thoughts on what I've just said and that's OK. Really, any of the herbs can be used to cleanse. Sometimes cedar is used on the heels of sage to purify after negativity is removed. And sometimes lavender is used to call in beneficial spirits. What's most important is the intention you place behind the smudging.

To smudge a home for any of the reasons mentioned above (though for harmful ghosts, you will probably want a professional's help), light the sage stick on fire and blow out the flame. You will probably have to re-light the sage several times during this process, so bring your lighter with you. Start at the North end of your home on the lowest floor and "bathe" the space, following inner perimeter of your home in a counter-clockwise direction (in other words, move from north to west to south to east). By bathing the space, I mean blow the smoke toward your walls and into corners, wave the stick up and down and make sure the smoke gets everywhere, including in the middle of the room and in closets. All the time you're doing this, you can repeat your intention, such as "this sacred smoke cleanses and removes all negativity from this space."

Once you're done with the lowest floor, then move up to the next floor and the next until you've cleansed all levels of your home, moving in a counter-clockwise direction, starting on each floor on the North wall and repeating your intention throughout. Then you can open your windows long enough to air out your home, if you like. Or you can just let the smoke settle in there. It depends on your tolerance and preference for that sort of thing. 

Most won't have to go far to find a some cedar to burn. It's always nice

to use homegrown ingredients when you can.

You can stop there and that's cool. You'll probably notice your home feels more lighter and more open. Your house should now have neutral energy. But if you'd like, you can repeat the process IN REVERSE with sweetgrass to draw positive energies in. So in this case, you start in the North on the top floor moving clockwise (or north to east to south to west.) Then work your way down from the top level of your home, all the while repeating your intention, such as "I fill this space with light and positive energy." As an FYI, sweetgrass has to be lit more often than sage, so don't be discouraged if it's more difficult to work with. 

Now, as I said before, you can buy smudge bundles with multiple herbs in them. If that's the case, then I would just follow the instructions above for sage. Personally I prefer doing the separate thing. And my habit is to add the sweetgrass step maybe every other time I sage. If you google "smudging ceremonies" along with the  specific purpose you want to smudge for, you should find tons of information to help you accomplish your goals. Mine is just one way to do it. Again, the intention behind it is more important than the steps you take. 

Whether you believe the smoke has any "power" or not, sometimes just the ritual of doing something like this can help release emotional things we're holding on to. Even when done symbolically, it could be just thing you need to draw a line in the sand between yesterday and a new tomorrow.