11/9/15—Letting Go

A. Reaves Photography

Spirituality. Personal growth. Oneness. Transcendence. All the stuff we talk about on this blog comes from one thing. Letting go. 

Now, granted, it's far more complex than that. But pretty much everything you want to achieve, can be achieved by letting go.

Say, for example, you want to become a published writer. The list of things you have to let go of could include fear, excuses, limited ideas of what you can be, a relaxed work ethic, some outdated definition of who you are, naysayers, expectations...the list could go on and on. 

If you want to change a thought, you have to let go of the old thought. If you want to open your heart, you have to let go of the fortress you've built around it. If you want to be at one with others, you have to let go of the notion you're in any way different from them. If you want to move closer to god, you have to let go of needing to "know" and just trust. 

If there is something eluding you in your life right now, ask yourself what you have to let go of. There is something you're holding on to—an attitude, dream, goal, outdated notion, belief, emotion, stubbornness, resistance, fear, concern, excuse, knee-jerk reaction, insecurity, thought pattern, paranoia—something. Of course, you have to be self aware enough—and honest enough—to recognize the things you're holding on to in the first place. Ultimately, the only thing that ever stands between us and the things we want out of life is ourselves. 

If you've ever had a massage, meditated, practiced yoga or done any sort of relaxation exercise, then you know that your body holds on to tension in places you didn't realize. And you also know how hard it can be to let go of certain muscles...or to even know if you've let go of them...or to even know those muscles are there. Then, when you're "fully relaxed", you find another level of holding on beneath that. And you loosen that. And then, eventually, you're satisfied you're fully relaxed, even if momentarily.

This is the same process that happens on our personal journeys of growth. The more you let go of the muscle of the ego, the tighter wound you realize it is and the more places you see you're holding on that you never knew existed. And then, if it's even possible to reach a place where you think you've fully let go, you become conscious of a whole other nuance of holding on that you never knew existed.

If you're angry with someone, you're holding on. If you're sad or lonely, you're holding on. If you're stressed, you're holding on. If you're pursuing a goal, you're holding on. Even if you're happy, you're holding on. In fact, if you're alive and conscious, you're holding on...haha. Even monks hold on to their practice and devotion. We get glimpses of letting go, but we can't stay there, partly because trying to stay there would be holding on and partly because our journey on earth counts on us holding on to something. Holding on is our gravity. It's what keeps us tethered to this reality. 

As you begin a practice of self awareness and letting go, you also begin to see what's working for you as far as attachments go. A wise friend once told me "move toward that which makes you feel larger" and that principle applies here. If something is keeping you stuck or making you feel small, it's time to let go. 

For a different perspective, Buddhism believes that attachment is greatest source of suffering amongst humans. They define attachment as seeing the thing you're attaching to as separate from yourself. In their way of seeing things, it's possible to transcend attachments by being united with all things. So, in that way of thinking, letting go is actually the opposite of non-attachment. In non-attachment, there is nothing to let go of because there is unity in all things. In essence, you let go of your resistance to accepting this thing into your being. So that's another perspective on the situation. It doesn't make our journey as spiritual seekers any easier, though. It's just as hard to come to a place of non-attachment with something as it is to let go of it. 

I estimate that some of my letting go is letting go and some of it is non-attachment. I know that the more I understand and embody something, the less impact it has on me. And I also know that I frequently feel like I'm fighting upstream with some struggles and I often visualize letting go and letting the current take me...surrendering to it. Two sides of the same coin, really. 

For the vast majority of us, there's never going to come a day when we'll be here on earth without having countless attachments or things to hold on to. But we can lighten our loads, which is what the spiritual journey is about. It's about being as clear a channel as possible to transcend suffering or to receive and transmit grace, God's light, universal energy, the goddess...whatever speaks to you. Whatever your beliefs, however, the path to God or happiness or whatever you're trying to reach, can never be found by reaching toward something outside of you. It can only be found by clearing a pathway toward it within. 

11/2/15—Getting Comfortable With Loneliness

There is something that keeps coming up as a topic of conversation, but I have never gotten around to writing about it. Today I had some thoughts about it, so I decided it was time. 

It's about feeling lonely. Specifically feeling lonely on the spiritual path. I have a handful of friends that you would call "spiritual leaders"—they teach, coach, write or otherwise have a trusted voice. And all of them/us feel lonely on the path. 

There are a lot of reasons for this. We're mostly solitary seekers, so we don't have a group that we delve into these questions with. Or, if we do, we're the leader of that group and that makes us different in group dynamics. And, also, the further down the path you seek, the fewer people are out there. And, sooner or later, you seek in realms where there are no guidebooks and few road markers to help you on your way. 

Those are the more "flattering" reasons, and all are true. But there are also other possibilities. 

The fact is, being a human, period, is a lonely, uncomfortable row to hoe. The further you travel along your path, the deeper the realization of this may become. You may realize how far, by being a separate individual here on earth, which is the mission you agreed to before you came, you have disconnected from source, despite possibly being more connected than others. And by source, I mean God, the universe or whatever you feel is larger and more vast than any entity here on earth. 

When you boil it down, life is a solitary thing. Sure, there are people who support you through this difficulty and that. But as people come and go from our lives, experiences get cobbled together and nobody else has been exposed to your blend of experiences. Nobody else has your unique way of looking at those experiences. We might have good people and great relationships all around us and yet, in the still, quiet moments we'll all experience loneliness at one time or another. 

For some, those moments will be comforted by faith in a higher power or a connection to the oneness in us all. But life will always intrude and bring us back into our humanness. It's inevitable. 

I'm not going to claim to have all the answers, so maybe I'm wrong. But I see people who feel lonely and think it's because they don't have a mate or they don't have enough friends. And I believe mates and friends are distractions that make you feel less lonely. But they don't cure the loneliness. 

Nothing cures the loneliness. Because the fact is, each of us is alone. We're born alone. We die alone. And in between we distract ourselves from loneliness, but we're still alone. And feeling sorry for ourselves or comparing ourselves to people we perceive to be less lonely doesn't really help. 

What helps, I think is knowing why we feel alone. Much of it is our ego telling us we need to be affirmed by others and if we're not affirmed enough or often enough, we feel alone. But when you move past that level of loneliness, I believe it's because you're "clear" enough to feel the weight of the solitary task you've taken on here on earth. You're clear enough to see how irreparably alone you will remain as long as you have human consciousness. 

The human consciousness is what you came here to experience. It's a totally unique and complex way of learning and growing that you can't find anywhere else. But that part of us that is universal can never quite forget it has to be separated from source in order to make that possible. We have to feel fear. We have to feel loneliness. We have to experience discomfort. We have to have ups and downs. That's what we came to do. We can't do that unless we separate from that which feels no fear, loneliness, discomfort or imbalance. 

Your soul may be part of something larger, but the individual you came here to be is on a solitary journey. Which doesn't mean you can't have companions along the way, but only you can come here to do what your unique individual part of the whole came here to do. Rather than your loneliness and discomfort telling you you're doing something wrong, they're actually indicating you're doing something right.

Because it's such a solitary thing, it's also really hard. And the more you let go of the distractions—social gatherings, alcohol, TV, reading, work, whatever—the harder and lonelier it becomes. Because you're left alone with your inner work. You're left alone with your mission and wherever you might be on that trail. Or, because many people feel they don't know what their mission or purpose is, you're left alone with that. And all of it is painful and/or difficult and/or uncomfortable for a human to face. 

I do believe, though, that there is a way to reframe all of it. First, if you have a cooperative and loving relationship with your soul, you actually are never fully alone. Because the individual you came here to be and your soul are separate, but connected entities, one of which dies and the other which is everlasting. And if you can feel the way your soul is there to comfort you lovingly during those moments of loneliness or exhaustion, you can get a different take on it. Sure, your ego will always tell you that another individual is the answer to the problem, but really, everything you need is inside you. 

I wrote about spiritual adulthood in a previous blog. In that blog, I defined spiritual adulthood as having three core components—awareness of yourself and your own consistencies and inconsistencies; personal responsibility and the ability to fess up to your consistencies and inconsistencies; and the will to break free from the kinds of behaviors and attitudes that keep you from having a deeper relationship with your soul or higher self. 

Spiritual adulthood is a massively hard role to undertake, one only taken on by those souls and individuals who are willing to make the tradeoffs necessary to go exploring off ego-paved paths.  And here's the kicker...there's no confetti flying once you finally reach your destination, because there's no destination to reach. Just more journey. The second you realign one inconsistency, another will become apparent. And then you'll have to come around to addressing that one, too. It takes a lot of staying power. 

And, then once you've crossed over the threshold of spiritual adulthood and become conscious of yourself and your soul and how you're both connect and disconnected from source, there really aren't any good places left to hide. You can try to hide, but once the lights are turned on in your consciousness you're pretty much screwed. So you just become more and more raw in the face of the loneliness and difficulty and have to learn to come to peace with that, too. 

As everything on the spiritual journey, it comes down to trust. You have to trust that the soul that chose your body, personality and path has a higher wisdom and is guiding you correctly. As humans, we tend to gravitate toward that which makes us comfortable and we tend to cling to the ego mindsets we perceive hold value. As seekers, however, we tend to gravitate to that which makes us uncomfortable and that which requires we shed things that once held value, because that's where the higher wisdom is found. And wherever higher wisdom is found, that's where we can meet with our higher selves and our god-selves in the most meaningful ways. 

10/26/15—Enjoying the View

I was giving a reading the other day and said something so wise I surprised even myself! :D I may not be the first to say it, but its worthy of repeating and reconsidering even if you've heard it before. Plus, I've been living it and considering it for a few days and it's a great thought to carry around...

At this very moment, your dream has come true and your future dreams are coming true. Today was a day you dreamed of. 

Think about it. THIS was a moment you dreamed into fruition. And even though it may feel like a "flawed moment"...or not as perfect as the dream you envisioned...it is nonetheless the moment of manifestation for you. A moment to cherish and celebrate. 

Consider that everything that happened today and will happen tomorrow is in response to a prayer you put out. We're always making dreams of the future...always working toward a future dream that continually expands ever further into the future as we meet goals, take unexpected turns and live our daily lives. And because of this, it seems like today is just never good enough. But today is the answer to a dream you had not that long ago. Rejoice in the answer to a dream rather than poo poo it as not as good as the revised vision you have now. You couldn't even have that vision if you didn't once dream the dream you're living today. 

A year ago I dreamed I'd be more mentally clear and more physically capable. And I am. And yet it's not good enough. I want even more now. And a curse of being human is that we don't know how to exist without a dream of something more. So we're never satisfied with what we have. The thirst for more serves a purpose in moving us forward. But with all these mountains we climb, we really should take the time to enjoy the view. Living a life of purpose that doesn't account for appreciating the beauty of the process is missing the point, imo. 

Part of the challenge of taking personal responsibility for having dreamed this and every day of our lives—whether consciously or unconsciously—is realizing that the things we dreamed of, in the reality we actually live in, have upsides and downsides. For example, I dreamed of having dogs. So when I carry three sacks of poo with me for a mile on a walk, that's a day I dreamed of. Because that's part of the reality of dogs. 

Say that, years back, you dreamed of the day you'd be married to the spouse you have now. Or say you dreamed of getting the job you have now. And now you're unhappy with that situation, whatever it is.  Dreams, when translated into reality, have upsides and downsides. So this is a day you dreamed of. 

And so imagine that today you're dreaming of being free of that job or marriage. Then, in reality, things are probably going to get worse before they get better, because most of us need to be pretty miserable to take on changes like that. Therefore, the miserable times are all days you dreamed would happen. And now imagine that you're free of that situation, at last. But you're feeling lonely on Friday night or are unemployed or maybe having trouble settling in to your new job. Those are all days you dreamed of, too. And if you want to change that, it's likely it will all get worse before it gets better, so those are the days you're dreaming of now when you dream of changing the situation. 

And the same goes for all the happy and neutral days we all have, too. I just didn't mention them, because it's easier to imagine the good days being days you dreamed of. We'll readily take credit for having brought those into fruition using our powerful dreaming abilities...haha.

So consider taking your head out of all that you want to accomplish before next month, next year or the end of your life and spend some time appreciating the powerful fact that you created today. It is an answer to a prayer. You are that good. So good, in fact, that all the dreams you have for tomorrow are unfolding effortlessly as we speak, just as today unfolded from yesterday's dreams. 

By the time we fulfill our intentions and reach the places we dreamed of yesterday, it's too late to enjoy the process. And, besides, we already have a new dream in mind that we're focused on instead. The only time to really appreciate and enjoy the striving is not when we've reached our destination, because we never really do. It's day by day as we're experiencing it. 

Today is the day you once dreamed of. You are magic. You are literally living the dream. Celebrate the beauty of this moment. 

10/19/15—Blogging from Between the Layers of an Onion

One of the things about the spiritual journey is that each time you peel off a layer of the onion, and each time you think you've nailed a particular lesson, you just end up discovering new layers and lessons to learn. 

Judgment is something I've been working on for a while. Or perhaps I should say non-judgment of others. Fact is, every time you look at or see another a person, you make a judgment about them. Oh, that's my *good* friend, Ken." "That's a *tall* woman." "Oh, he's got *great* hair." All of those are judgments.  True non-judgment is being of neutral mind about all things good or bad.

I don't think there will be very many of us that will choose to go so far down the path that we stop quantifying others altogether. That's monk-level non-judgment. But what most of us need help with is the everyday judgments of what is right and wrong about the things other people say, believe, want and do. That's where I feel I've made good progress. 

But I still catch myself making those judgments or making judgy comments from time to time. The hard part, really, is not just to stop saying those things, but to also stop thinking those things. Of course, one leads to another, but I do notice judgy thoughts seeping in from time to time. Far less than I used to, but they're still there. And that led me to a realization. 

While I'm far less judgmental, what I'm really far MORE of is accepting. In other words, I still might make that judgment—"what an ass he was for doing that"—but I'm less likely to mete out any "punishment" or take on any stress over it. So if, say, someone screws me over on something, I might judge them as an asshole, but then accept the situation for what it is and move on. What that does for me is it disconnects me from the toxic rehashing of the situation and the desire for karma to visit upon them. I'm far more able to lift things up to the universe and trust, though I admit, from time to time, I do get stuck on something. 

There are two essential truths critical to moving past judgment and toward acceptance. The first is that everyone has their own path to walk and what they do on their path is none of our beeswax. We don't even know what's right for our own path half the time. We have no business sticking our nose into the paths of others. So if they have had multiple affairs, if they own an arsenal or if they've been to jail, it's none of our business. Not ours to judge. It's part of their journey here and we're not in charge of their journey. We have laws that keep order within society and, within those laws, live and let live. Nobody says you have to invite them into your home. I'm just saying tend to your own crap and let others tend to theirs. And if you're judging others, then simply put, you still have your own stuff to work on. Because the person who has healed enough to be in a position to judge wouldn't judge. 

The second truth is that people who create drama, tell lies, cheat or otherwise do things where they knowingly hurt others—as well as those who do crap unconsciously to hurt others—they're doing it because of who they are and not because of anything having anything to do with you. Regardless of what it looks like. Regardless of what they tell you. It's about who they are, not about you. And it usually comes from a place of deep anger and hurt within them. It's because of things they can't face, not things they're trying to make you face. 

Which isn't to say the crappy thing they've done isn't hurtful. But because it's about them and not you, then you get to *choose* how to respond to it. It has no power over you. Only you have power over you. So you can look at it as an opportunity to learn something about yourself, rather than an opportunity to hurt. If you want to. When you feel hurt, it's just the universe showing you where you still need to heal. So again, instead of focusing on the other person, focus on your own stuff. 

If you tell yourself often enough that "it's not my path, so it's not my business", you'll find yourself judging less. And I'm not saying if you see someone about to jump off a bridge, you just leave them to their path. This is about judgment. You wouldn't judge the person for wanting to jump off a bridge. And so you might be able to approach them and start a compassionate conversation, rather than one that starts with, "hey, asshole, don't jump!"

And if you remind yourself often enough that the other person's asshattery comes from a place of pain and anger within themself, then you can have compassion toward them. Because you understand pain and anger. And while you might have the tools to deal with anger and pain without hurting others, this person does not. And that's worthy of compassion and acceptance. You understand them and you accept the situation as it is because you've felt the same way before and, however you dealt with it, you probably haven't dealt with it perfectly every time around. And, besides it's not about you anyway. So all "the asshat" is guilty of is something you've been guilty of in the past. And you can accept it for what it is.

So while non-judgement may be the path, acceptance is one of the nuances of that path and can be a deceptive mile marker along the way. For some time I saw my acceptance of a situation to be the same as not judging it, and it's not. And so the plot thickens. 

The clarity between layers of the onion is fabulous and a great indicator of how far you've come. But it's not the destination. And you can only hang out there for so long before you also see how much further you have to go. And so you enter a new ring of the onion, not knowing for sure where you'll come out. But knowing for sure that, no matter where you come out, you'll never quite reach the end. 

10/12/15—Aging Ironically

It's ironic that, at a time in my life when I'm the most confident, capable and secure, I seem to be having little anxiety attacks more and more. Over nothing or nothing much. And completely out of the blue. 

I don't really have a history with this. I had one full blown panic attack in my 30s and, since I'd never had one before, I called 911 because I thought I might be dying. I couldn't breathe right...like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. Anyway, the paramedics did their checks and I was perfectly normal (albeit very embarrassed.) I remember they told me to drink a glass of milk and go out for a walk. So there was that one, isolated incident and I've never had one since. 

But in the past year or two, I find I've been getting anxiety attacks more and more...like one every couple of months or so. And I don't see that they're triggered by anything in particular, so they must just be part of the joy of getting older. 

Fortunately, another part of getting older is that I'm also wiser. And I know how to stop a thought in my mind and redirect it. Most of the time. It seems like these anxiety attacks feed on thought and attention. If I catch it at the beginning, become conscious of the moment, reset my thoughts and breathe it out of my body, I can stop it before it grows. 

I'm noticing a lot of interesting dichotomies like this with aging. I have lines on my face that are too significant for skincare products to smooth and plump. And I have jiggles no amount of diet and exercise can fix at this point. But I no longer have the insecurity or vanity required to visit a medspa or plastic surgeon to fix these things. Maybe if I were rolling in dough, but even then, I'm not sure I'd sufficiently care. So while my "beauty" may be fading, the importance I place on it has subsided. 

The list could go on and on. I feel more stress, but have better ways to deal with it. I see more pain in the world, but feel less pain within myself. I'm more forgetful, but care about the kinds of memories I forget less and less. My body is limited by aches and pain, but my mind is freed by letting go of a lot of pain and anguish. What it comes down to is a kind of shift in the way I see the world and operate within it. 

It's a lot like the early bird menu for senior citizens...someone changed both life's menu and the prices you have to pay. :D And while all these changes may be striking to me as I'm just now noticing and experiencing them, soon it will just be the way I roll. Which means that so much of what vexed me the first 50 years of my life, won't even be worthy of mention in the second 50. 

The key with all of this aging stuff is the same key to the anxiety—to accept I have no control over it. You'd think that would make things worse, but it makes things better. The older I get, the more I see just how much of life's slings and arrows are out of my control. So I'm quicker to lift stuff up and trust. And that makes life so much easier. It's a trick I've known for a while, but is so much more valuable now. 

When you're young, your superpower is having the spit, fire and energy to swim upstream and fight the tide. But then one day you lose those superpowers and gain another—the power to see the wisdom in the flows and tides of life and let them wash over you, knowing you have the tools to handle whatever comes your way. 

They say youth is wasted on the young. There are so many opportunities wasted by fear, immaturity, the need for control, a lack of preparation/readiness and a somewhat false sense of thinking you know what you want and what's good for you. We always looked at growing older as an unfavorable thing, to be avoided at all costs. And I'll be honest, it's not all rainbows and unicorns, but I'm nowhere near as put upon by life as I was 20 years ago. 

So for my final submission into the notebook of ironies about aging, I offer this. I feel like I'm just getting to all the good stuff and am ready and willing to enjoy it. But first, I need to take a really long nap. :D

10/5/15—Feeling Uncomfortable

Each year I choose a theme for the year. It's kind of like a resolution. This year I chose healing, with a side of "hold yourself to a higher standard."

The healing I was talking about was not only physical, but emotional/social/you.name.it. Since July, I've been practicing my One Better Decision plan and that has been key to making the forward motion in my life needed to heal. What it really comes down to is, if you want to make any sort of change in your life, you have to do something different. You have to stretch past your usual comfort zone. 

If you're like me, you not only like your comfort zones, you cling to them for dear life. In some ways, my year of healing could also be called the Year of Living Dangerously, because I've done a number of things that make me feel nervous and vulnerable by way of trying to heal. But I also feel alive, which is more than I can say about the past few years of my life spent in the "comfort" of my usual, sometimes "toxic", behaviors. 

For example, I can't believe I've flown to Florida four times this year on business. To begin with, it's extremely rare that I even take a professional meeting that isn't conducted over the phone or internet. But to go to Florida means leaving my dogs, which I avoid doing. But I recently made the trip and, for the first time ever, left my dogs to sleep alone at night...and I actually looked forward to the trip and didn't really freak out! Well, I did get choked up when I heard Magick was sad without me, but who wouldn't? So now that barrier is knocked down, I can think of maybe taking a personal trip without them—something I did frequently before I had dogs. 

Not surprisingly, this fresh energy has opened new avenues for me. I've gotten three new clients so far this year, which is three more than I got last year. And they have interesting projects for me to work on, which is even better. I've been planning more social engagements. I had a friend (other than long-time friend, Katie) over to my house to hang out for the first time in years. And I've also agreed to teach a class for the first time in a couple of years. I'm saying yes to a lot of new and "uncomfortable" experiences and I'm also saying "never again" to some of the old ones. Plus, I'm placing more attention and energy on the people who are rooting for me in life, and giving those who either don't care or are rooting against me the proper place in my life. That's big. 

Just a few months ago, I felt down in the dumps and in a rut so deep and abiding that I had no idea how to get out. From there, I could have never imagined the choices I just listed above. And now I'm feeling pretty good. When you think of it logically, a rut is being stuck in a repetitive cycle so long that it dampens your desire and/or mental and physical energy stores needed to get out. So the only way out is to break the cycle. And the only way to break the cycle is to start making different or uncomfortable choices. There's no way around it. You won't get out unless you do something different and uncomfortable. 

And the same goes for things you might not identify as a rut. It can just be an area of life you're unhappy with. Or a goal you want to achieve. 

If you're a spiritual seeker and you want, say, stop gossiping, you're not going to reach that goal without doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. If your usual behavior is to talk about others, it will be very uncomfortable to keep your mouth closed and your nose clean. It will be very uncomfortable to indicate to your friends that you're no longer open for that kind of discourse. And, in a case like this, they may even pull away from you because of it. You could actually lose friends. It could be *that* uncomfortable. But on the other side of it will be advancement along your path, a cleaner feeling in your soul and you'll attract new people who have already been through what you have to get there. 

It sounds weird to say, but the path to greater comfort with yourself and in life in general, is the path of discomfort. Of course, that path is temporary. You're not on it all the time. And it may (or may not) be strewn with destruction and the bodies of those who stand in your way...haha. But it's really the only way. And the more you make it a practice, the more consistently you feel the joy of emergence. 

Since I started following my One Better Decision plan in July, everything is different. I'm not necessarily making new or better or different decisions every day now, but I did it daily long enough to remain conscious of it and do it frequently. And there are times I slip back into the "dark comfort" of the unconstructive behaviors of my rut, but I'm only there for a visit...a rest between surges forward. And the good thing is that those dark places of laziness and napping and avoidance feel less and less like me every time I visit. 

One of the things about gliding through life happy and carefree is that it's never a permanent thing. As humans, we're either in a rut or being called to grow when the happiness turns routine and loses its shimmer. And then it's time to get uncomfortable again. So are you ready to get uncomfortable? What can you say yes to this week that you wouldn't otherwise? How far might you stretch if you knew you'd feel good about yourself afterward, regardless of whether you succeed or fail?

9/28/15—Making Quiche

The perfect quiche? Getting there. 

This is a classic post, but to update it for you, this year is all about making curry—recreating my mother's curry and/or finding a recipe I love. I found a great recipe. It's not my mother's curry, but it's a good recipe. And I was down in FL this past week and had a really good ahi sauce, or Peruvian green sauce. The waitress said it contained mayonnaise, "two different kinds of pepper and black mint. That's all!" So I got a variety of pepper pastes, the black mint and some Hispanic mayo (probably no different than Hellman's, but just in case) and I won't stop until I duplicate it. It tasted an awful lot like there was cilantro and cucumber (or something cooling) in it to me. Many recipes call for lots of Romaine and cilantro, but I'm going to start with the clues I got from the waitress and see where that leads me first. Now on to this week's post....

One of the things I rarely mention in these posts is that I like to cook. I might only cook once, maybe twice, a week. But I do enjoy it. And since I'm all about the cooking from scratch, I put a lot of thought and planning into it so I'm fully prepared come "go time".

I'm probably more of a "good cook" than a fabulous or impressive cook. If I have anything to brag about, it's impeccable timing. Everything is ready to serve at the same time. I never gave myself much credit for this until I found out that others have an issue with it. I'm good at multitasking in the kitchen. I get into a zone. 

Anyway, one of the things I like to do is "perfect" dishes. To my own palate, of course. So for, say, six months, most of what I cook will be risotto. Or garlic mashed potatoes. Or brownies. Or chicken marsala. Basically, I cook something over and over again until I'm using the best ingredients, best proportions and best techniques to satisfy my tastebuds. Then I move on to the next thing. 

If you can't tell by the picture I posted, right now it's quiche. Currently I'm just working on the fillings. As it turns out, you can put too much cheese in quiche. That's what I've learned so far. I'd rather eyeball than measure when I cook, which kind of inhibits the perfection process. But really it's all for fun. When I get the nice custardy filling down, I'll start working on perfecting the crusts. Right now I'm ashamed to admit I use a refrigerated Pillsbury crust. 

A month ago. Ugly overcooked crust and too much cheese. 

Cooking the same thing over and over again is not just a Zen process, it also mirrors our spiritual
pursuits—we'll often cook the same issue over and over again until it's cooked right. Sometimes we put in too much cheese. Sometimes we cheat on the crust until we get the filling just right. Sometimes we can't figure out what we did wrong, so we just do whatever. With cooking I'll generally follow a recipe closely the first time and then start improvising. Same with when I'm working through spiritual lessons. I'll try to do it "the right way" (whatever that is) the first time to get a baseline, then I'll tailor to my individual needs. 

When I first made chicken marsala, it was perfect the first time. I didn't have to work hard on that. Some lessons just come to us and some don't. But then again, sometimes you think you're done exploring a recipe and once you get into the groove with it, you find it's still missing something. Then there are the dishes that give us indigestion or are inedible. If I were to keep following that same recipe over and over again thinking it would eventually taste better, I wouldn't be a very effective cook. And then there's the garlic mashed potatoes. I can't honestly claim I ever quite perfected that (though roasted garlic got me the closest to what I wanted). But I doubt anyone else would complain. Sometimes you just have to accept your limitations and let good enough be good enough. 

Outside of "stretch" and "persist", there really aren't any set ingredients—or even a recipe—for spiritual or personal growth. Pushing past your comfort zone (stretching) and continuing to try different ways (persisting) are like the salt and pepper of the spiritual world. They're good in everything. As long as you remain stocked up on those two, pretty much any dish you want to try will be the better for it.