9/19/11—Kissing the Kiss of Love and Death

Today's Draw: The Two of Grails from the Tarot of the Vampyres. Are you in love? Looking for love? Or do you have enough love without having romance in your life?

The Two of Grails or Cups is the card everyone is looking for in a love reading. It's the one says true love is either here on its way. It's the perfect union of opposites, the blending of the masculine and feminine, which is true on some level, whether it occurs between those of the opposite sex or those of the same. It can also apply to any sort of partnership, but it's usually about love.

The vampire's kiss seals a couple in eternal union. It is a kiss of both love and death. The death part is death of the ego, a requirement for a lasting and loving union to take place. And that's the scary part, isn't it? Sacrificing something of the "I" for the "we".

I recently spoke to a friend who, like me, is single and who, like me, was always cool about staying that way. But she's recently changed her mind about that and it's got me thinking as to where I stand these days. 

And I guess I've decided that I want an insta-love. One you can just add water to and you're there...past all the worries, fears and nerves, right in the pocket of a solid, secure relationship. And I also want us to maintain separate residences. Happily. With a perfectly satisfying sex life. 

Which is to say, I'm not quite ready yet. 

It has been a long time since I've been in love. There have been a number of false starts along the way. I'd like to believe I'll take the kiss of life and death again, but based on past results, the pleasure's not worth the price of the pain for me. I realize it's not always painful. And that when you find an appropriate partner, the pleasure is interspersed more with annoyances than pain. But every time I start thinking of wanting to go down that road, I wince a little. 

And to be honest, I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with me. Everyone else seems to manage it. I know that "managing it" is often an illusion. And so sometimes I also think I'm the smart one and everyone else is just fooling themselves. 

It's not like I'm devoid of love in my life. I really can't imagine a happier, more harmonious family than the Kizzie/Magick/Mommy family. We got a good thing going and all I can think of is that if someone's going to enter my life, they'd better add to that, rather than take me away from it. 

So I'm just not there. I like the balance I've reached as a single person. I love my little family, the life I lead and my friends. And while I sometimes wish for romance and ALWAYS dream of having a little help around the house and in the yard and whatnot...haha...the tradeoffs for being single are still more attractive to me than the tradeoffs of being coupled. 

BUT if you know sexy, funny, handsome, professional, adventurous sextagenarian in the Washington, DC area who is looking for a long-term love, I wouldn't mind playing matchmaker for my friend. He better be something special though. ;)