Wednesday, October 12, 2011

10/13/11—Seeking a Spiritual Love

Today's Draw: Two of Cups from the Sun and Moon Tarot. Do you long for a spiritual love? What would that look like? And do you think people are meant to couple forever?

I did something I almost never do today. I didn't want to write about the first card I chose, the Two of Cups, so I chose another card and got the Ten of Cups. The tarot peeps are probably already chuckling because, while there's a difference between the Two and the Ten in the Cups suit, they may as well be the same. At least in my mind. The Two is about finding a deeply spiritual love and the Ten is about being happily secure and fulfilled in a love relationship. 

I'm not feeling very lovey today so don't expect some dreamy, romantic essay about love. And, beyond that, what can I say about love like that? I don't know how to find it and I don't know how to maintain it. And, frankly, I'm not even sure it exists in the way we envision it in our minds. I think it's an ideal. 

I do believe that people can deeply love each other. I feel like my parents deeply loved each other, or at least that my father deeply loved my mother. But that didn't "just happen" and it wasn't always so deep. It grew over time. It was earned. According to my older siblings, it seemed to happen only after bringing the marriage to the brink. It happened after they got all the fight out of them...all the struggling against just letting go. It happened after they both stopped trying to make the other person someone else...someone who was more amenable to them. And, instead, they became more amenable to the reality of the other. 

This isn't to say they didn't both piss each other off from time to time. And I know there were things about my father that drove my mother up the wall. But they gave up fighting those things inside. They gave up festering over them. And they looked to the strengths of each other, rather than the weaknesses. 

That said, I think love and commitment like that is the exception rather than the rule. Divorce statistics back me up. And in regards to the spiritual relationship of the Two of Cups, I think relationships are NOT meant to be forever. We covet this idea of a spiritual partnership, thinking it would be the deepest, most satisfying, most ever-lasting of all relationships. But when people come together in a spiritual partnership, they do so to learn and grow together and support each other spiritually. And if you're really in a spiritual relationship, you wouldn't want to hold your partner back in their growth or take them down a path that's inappropriate for them, just so they'll be alongside you. You'll love them enough to set them free to travel their path with someone more appropriate.

The good news is that I believe most, if not all, romantic relationships are spiritual partnerships. The bad news is that they're only viable as long as you are learning and growing together. Then it's time to move on. That's not a bad thing. It's complicated when children are involved. But personally I don't think you're doing children many favors by showing them it's OK to sacrifice your happiness, personal evolution and...soul...for everyone else. 

I also think we do ourselves a big disservice by believing in soul mates and happily ever after. I think we have many soul mates, not one perfect person we're meant to be with. And not all soul mates are meant to be romantic partners, though you may try to squeeze that peg into the hole just because you feel drawn to someone. Perfect love and soul mates are the stuff of fairy tales. And believing in fairy tales screws us up. 

Partnership is hard work. Marriage is not guaranteed to be forever. Having children won't make anyone love you more. Nobody can "complete" you. You can care deeply for someone you're not meant to be with. And sometimes, sometimes it works...if you put in a lot of work and respect yourself enough to expect respect from your partner. If we could be more honest about what we can expect from marriage/partnership and take a realistic look at what we're really risking when we commit to just one person, I think we'd all be a lot better off.

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