4/16/12—Checking Out Of Life

Today's Draw Classic*: Four of Cups from the Infinite Visions Tarot. Do you ever feel a need to just check out of life? How do you do it? Why do you do it?

Usually when I pull these cards, I do it with the intention of what is going to help the most people who read these essays. Sometimes they're relevant to my life, sometimes not. And, on rare occasions, they feel like they're totally for me. Which is the case with the Four of Cups.

The Four of Cups is about apathy and boredom. And it can frequently be self-induced. I've been really apathetic the past couple of days. Maybe it's the time of the year. Maybe it's other things, but I've been indulging a bit of apathy. And I say "indulging" because I know I'm letting myself feel this way, as opposed to it being chemical or out of my control. The question is why. So I asked my deck. 

The answer I received was that sometimes there's just too much input coming from too many directions that you feel a need to shut down. And I would say that's the case for me. When I look back over the past month or so, there's just been a lot going on in my head concerning my career and my life. And I just needed to drop out of all the noise and weight of that. 

Sometimes the best way to deal with too many choices and considerations is just to walk away for a day or two and recalibrate your perspective. Maybe you take the day off and work in the garden. Or go fishing. Or, like me, totally check out. I had actually said to myself that I needed a sick day—more than a day off, but a day of no thought or action. And I woke up with really bad vertigo and had no choice but to remain horizontal, immobile and unconscious all day. Though the vertigo was real to the point of being sick to my stomach, I see how I totally manifested it. On some level I knew I had to be knocked out like that to get the "blankness" I needed.

Tomorrow I'll be back to being responsible and engaged in my life. And, having cleared the landscape in my head, I'll hopefully have a better view of my Queendom and can act on some of the decisions I need to make. Do you ever do this? And how do you spend your check-out time?

*This entry is a reprint of one done on 11/16/11. As I read it over again, I realize I've just been through this again. And I had recently done a reading on myself to determine what was at the root of the apathy and hermitness and the answer I got this time around is that it's the sort of discombobulation that comes when you're transitioning to a higher vibration or a new level of yourself. I kind of liken it to exiting the atmosphere. We soar within earth's atmosphere. And we soar in outer space. But to get from here to there, you have go through turbulence to break through the atmosphere. So if you're feeling unfocused and bleh lately, consider that as well.