Monday, August 20, 2012

8/21/12—Brewing Up a Storm

Today's Draw: Storm Fields from the Enchanted Map Oracle from Collette Baron Reed. Is there a storm a'brewin' within? Do you want to go off about something but are waiting to find a gracious way to do it? Are you mad as hell and are not going to take it anymore?

So this week we're talking about energy and I'm DYING to tell you a story that happened between my and dog, Magick Moonbeam. But the cards aren't cooperating....gaaaahhhh!

However, that little outburst of mine is what today's card is about. We gotta release the energy we hold inside. It's not always pretty, the timing is not always opportune, but we gotta do it. Here's what the book says about this card: 

"Things you've left unattended may be the cause of some conflict. Pent-up energy needs release, just as a storm in nature must break. 
Not all storms are destructive. Rather, they serve nature by bringing rain to the ground and wind to the trees, enabling seeds to be widely distributed and continous growth to be ensured."
So while yesterday was talking about managing the energy between ourselves and the outside world, today we're talking about managing our own energies within. We've all been there. Whether we've been in denial or just bucking up like a like a good little soldier, we sometimes hold things in until our emotional body can no longer contain them. Then all hell breaks loose...haha. 

And THEN, if you're like me, you end up feeling bad about it. "I could have handled that better." Well, no. Really the only way you could have handled it better was to not hold it in in the first place. And sometimes we're just not able to express our pain until it reaches that point. Pain and hurt and anger are awfully hard things to express period, much less graciously. And, c'mon, there's really no way to express those things to the source of those feelings without ruffling some feathers or experiencing some push back. There really are no perfect words or perfect time. 

Ten days ago I sent out an inquiry about a dog. I wasn't 100% sure I was ready to adopt, I just wanted to start the conversation and meet the dog. Well the person never responded to me until I complained that she hadn't responded. And when she did respond, she was all superior "we simply don't have the time to answer every inquiry from people with mild interest." 

Well, I got a little piffy in my reply. Over the course of the ten days, a lot had happened inside me. My interest in the baby grew more, then waned, then grew. My faith in this rescue organization, their mission and their customer relations deteriorated. And when the woman finally responded to me unapologetically about how much I inconvenienced her and how I probably shouldn't get a third dog anyway, I called her a bitch.

I'm not proud of it. I'm usually above that kind of thing. But it wasn't until she got all superior to me that I realized how much I had emotionally invested in this process already. You can't know me and not know how much I love dogs and what a good doggy mommy I am. But I've encountered this martyred attitude from rescue organizations before. Years ago when I WAS a serious customer, a local organization made two separate dates with me, 30 miles from my home, to meet a dog. Then they never showed! When I complained, I got a lecture about how busy they are and how thankless the work is and if they forget a few appointments, I should understand. 

My impression from the only two experiences I've had is that they're focused more on getting dogs and feeling like selfless, overworked heroes than they are about actually adopting the dogs out. After all, today's mild interest is tomorrow's strong desire. It's just stupid business to completely ignore someone who has inquired about a dog. I support the theory behind the work they do and I appreciate that they save animals, but now I understand why people seek other means. They don't allow the prospective dog owners to feel like they're part of the mission. Instead, they treat them like a necessary evil. That's what MY experience has been. 

Personally, my money is going to shelters from here on in. I've always had superior experiences with shelters—and not just from their paid employees, but from their volunteers who never seem to complain about the heroic work they do. At a shelter, you're allowed to meet a dog before you're 100% sure you want to adopt them. And the ones around here are nice to you, whether your interest is mild, strong, growing or whatever. 

All of this is, partly, to vent...haha. But also to say that sometimes we don't even know what we're feeling until we get mad. In a small way, I feel like a lost a baby tonight. Just because I wasn't sure I wanted the baby, doesn't mean I didn't imagine it as my own, daydream about how it would be with my other babies and all of that. His name was Wizard, so that means I'd have a Kizzy, Wizzy and a Magick Moonbeam. It doesn't get much more perfect than that. 

Sometimes our storms cause utter destruction in our lives. Sometimes we just embarrass ourselves. And sometimes they just show us where we stand on a particular topic. It's all about releasing energy and rebalancing to create favorable conditions for future growth. So whatever's building up inside you now, consider letting it out. It may hurt in the short term, but it will end up benefitting you in the end

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