Thursday, October 18, 2012

10/19/12—Dying to Know

Today's Draw: Death from the Darkana Tarot by Janden Hale. Does the thought of death scare you? Is the fear of making change greater than the fear of dying without making those changes? What do you think happens when you die?

Way back on New Year's Eve, someone made a suggestion of some questions to ask that would be perfect for the Death card and only now is it coming around to ask them. I think it may have come up earlier, but something else was top of mind at the time. I've been anxiously awaiting it to come for other reasons, too. So here's hoping we get lots of Death in the next month or two. :D

To begin with, Death is represented by a butterfly in the Darkana deck because the meaning of the Death card is transformation, not physical death. Just as the butterfly changes from caterpillar to butterfly, we go through transformations and makeovers and do-overs in our lives. But the topic suggested to me DID have to do with physical death. And it's about what we would do if we only had months to live. 

Thinking of that works into the theme this week seems to have followed...the theme of summing up and analysis of our life. One of the things that happens when someone important dies in our lives is that we tend to ask ourselves questions like....What if this were the last year of my life? What would I change? And why would I wait until I'm dying to make those changes? 

I have to admit that, thinking I was dying, I would quit work, rack up lots of debt, sleep a lot, spend a lot of time in nature and arrange for my dogs. If I were physically able, I would go to the Grand Canyon. That's if we're talking months. 

Faced with the fear, but not inevitability of death, I would probably make some of the changes I want to make...take some of the risks I don't feel comfortable with now. I think I would probably turn off the TV and use my time more wisely. That's a change I can make now...without fear. But a lot of the changes I want to make in my life would be LESS practical if I were would I move to another state and leave my support peeps behind? I don't think so.

In my head, I would think the threat of dying would change a lot for me, but now I've thought of it, I'm not so sure. Just as money keeps me a little tethered at this time, the illness and practicalities of disease would keep me tethered if I were sick. When it comes down to it, the things I most want to change are my career and my home and those things probably wouldn't change if I were sick. I already spend enough time with the critters I love most. I'd probably write more for myself. I'd certainly take better care of my health, which would probably be the biggest—and most ironic— change I would make. I don't know...that's all I got. What about you? What would you eliminate or add to your life if you knew it was limited?

To answer the other questions, I think if I were honest, I'd have to say I'm afraid of the process of death..the unknown. But I'm also afraid of dying short of delivering on whatever promise I made coming down here. I suppose that's either impossible or easily forgiven in the afterlife. I guess I want to find that I've been an overachiever down here, you know? All that said, while the human in me fears the act of death, I do believe that part of me is immortal and will actually be set free upon death. So I shouldn't be afraid. How about you?


  1. I like that Death card but then I love butterflies. Someone recently died who was close to my daughter and her boyfriend. Sad and sudden. It brought back to light some very important issues surrounding the whole death thing. For myself, I am not afraid of dying. I do believe it is a transformation and certainly not the end. The end, perhaps, as I know it now, but not the end. My fear is wanting the time to accomplish more, to learn more, to experience more and not having the time.

    My cousin's husband who is maybe 55 years old is dying. He isn't giving up, they are fighting. My mom passed when she was only 59. I think the loss of her gave me incentive to try and take care of my body the best I could with the thought I would give myself a better shot should I get sick.

    It isn't easy trying to live in the moment and be grateful. Get out of your comfort zone and do things you really want to do but perhaps are fearful of. This is what I am trying to change.

    Death and how to prepare legally for it and what happens when it does happen have been on my mind lately. So quite interesting to read your thoughts.

  2. Thank you, Carol. Good thoughts. I think the fear of wanting to accomplish more and not having the time is pretty common. But then I wonder how often people think to themselves "Well, I did everything I ever wanted to do, so I don't need any more time." I wonder if just accepting that there will be things left on our "to do" list when we die is the answer. I know that my entire life I've always left one thing on my to do list...haha. It got to the point that I'd add something ridiculous to my list to try to "trick" myself into doing everything on the list. I don't know, your post made me think of that and wonder if there's any significance in it for me. :)