Wednesday, February 6, 2013

2/7/13—Living Happily Ever After

Today's Draw Classic*: Knight of Cups from the Infinite Visions. Do you believe in love at first sight? What about "happily ever after"? Is there some part of you that believes fairy tales are possible?

The book for this deck says "you may fall in love at first sight. Relish the feeling. It is probably temporary." Reading that made me laugh, mostly because it's so true. 

We've all "fallen in love" at first sight with the wrong person, right? Or even if it was the right person, we soon learned it wasn't all rainbows and unicorns. There are five words that either literally or figuratively appear at the end of every love story that have totally screwed society because they are simply not true—"they lived happily ever after."

Those five words are the expectation of nearly every mutual attraction that has ever occurred. And they're the same five words that have delivered pretty much every divorce that ever occurred. This is what we've been brainwashed into expecting and when we don't get it, we're disappointed. Some choose to look for it elsewhere. Others just wallow in their bitterness. And still, it rarely occurs to any bride or groom who walks down the aisle that just it ain't gonna happen. There's no such thing as happily ever after, yet everyone believes their love will emulate the fairy tale.

Under no circumstances—married, coupled or single—do any of us live happily ever after. Even the Dalai Lama has bad days. Relationships take work. Just imagine if the fairy tales had told the much better off we'd all be if they had just said "and they struggled forth together, finding happiness in fits and spurts along the way." That's not so bad, is it? Reality isn't so awful. What's awful is placing the burden of "happily ever after" on someone you love. 

Another thing I thought of when I saw the Knight of Cups and the book's description is how I feel sometimes when I buy something. Like I'll be all whipped up in a romantic frenzy with some "treasure" I've found online and when it finally arrives in the mail, it's like "what possessed me to buy this turkey?" (Which I'm sure is what women say about their husbands at times...haha). 

So this leads me to two rules I've set for myself. The first is to be suspect of all "love at first sight" and "soul mate" BS with men. Sure, it turns out successfully sometimes...some rare times. But most of the time you're attracted to someone for reasons you cannot know and when you try to wedge it into a love mold, everyone loses. Either that or you're attracted to the one person who will drive you insane so that you'll learn a certain life lesson from them. That's the reality. So no sense in diving into some fantasy that no man, living or dead or fictional, could possibly live up to. The fastest way to choke out any chance of love—love that deepens and grows over time—is to jump into a relationship too quickly because it's "love at first sight". If it's really love, it can wait for 2nd sight and 10th and 20th sight before you decide he's the one. 

And the same thing goes for online purchases...haha. That's my second rule. If I see something I like, I earmark it and, if it's still calling out desperately to me after 24 hours, I can take a second look, with "sober" eyes, and see if I want to buy it. No more sudden and desperate urges for juicers I have no counter space for or dresses my body can't pull off and I'll never wear anyway because I don't wear dresses. Sure, it's fun to go with the thrill every now and then. But if it's happiness you're looking for, it will wait until you can see the path more clearly.

*Repeat of a post made on 2/22/12

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