What if, before you were even born, you chose who you would be, the challenges you'd deal with, the challenges you wouldn't deal with, who your parents and siblings would be, even how you'd die? I'm pretty sure I believe this happens. I say "pretty sure" because, fact is, none of us really knows. We can *think* we know down to the very bottom of our soul who/what God is, what life's all about, etc., but we'd be one of 8 billion people, all with differing beliefs and all of whom believe it to the bottom of their very soul. What makes any of us think we have all the answers?
So even if you don't believe we choose the big things in our lives, read on. Because imagining it's true can help you learn a lot about yourself, I think.
As I was saying, I think we choose the major stuff before we're even born. We sort of dispassionately make certain decisions based not on how it would affect others, but how it would effect us. To our eternal soul, dying of cancer or of suicide is not a big thing. It's just an option on a menu. And if killing yourself is traumatic for someone you leave behind, that's none of your business. They chose to be in your life before they were even born so they could have the trauma. See?
This is different from the notion of fate, because fate seems to leave "you" out of the picture, as if some outside force is making the decisions. In this theory, you make all decisions. So it's something a higher you...a wiser you...a more holy you chose, knowing the whole picture. Thinking about that, right there, changes a lot of stuff for me. That means I wanted to be this person I sometimes don't want to be!
The other day, I came across a group of stories about kids who told their parents when and why they chose them. By this, I mean kids from age 3-6 who have memories of choosing their parents before they came here. A couple of the kids said they were brought into a room, like a store, and prospective parents would be lined up and they (their souls) would choose which set of parents to have as their own. Presumably all the parents would help with the lesson the soul came to learn, but each different set would come with their own different flavor.
So, for example, I chose to come here to have weight issues and esteem issues connected to weight, because that's one of the big things my soul wanted to learn about. So, theoretically, there would be a room full of parents—single parents, married parents, adoptive parents, rich parents, poor parents, etc.—and I chose Bob and Kathleen because they could suitably shame me for being fat. But I didn't choose Sam and Pat, because they would not only shame, they would abuse me. And I didn't choose single mom, Laura, because she's homeless and that's not a lesson I came here to learn or wanted to learn.
The interesting thing is that Bob and Kathleen, in addition to shaming me for being fat, would also offer up some abandonment issues to me that weren't on the menu when my five siblings chose them. And they would also give me certain freedoms and perks that also weren't on the menu for my older siblings. So, weighing it all out, I chose Bob and Kathleen, knowing what would become of them and what lessons I would learn from that. And knowing that I'd have to share my entire life with five siblings who, at times, would be either be like strangers or best friends. I chose to live a largely solitary life. I chose not to have children. I chose to have dogs (who would become some of my greatest teachers.) And, however/whenever I die, I chose that, too. All the rest—all the details along the way—get filled in through the hand of God or the infinite organizing power of the universe.
I chose it all. And when I consider this belief, it changes things when you believe you CHOSE your challenges, rather than feeling a victim of them or, at the very least, saddled with them by some unseen force. There feels like there's more of a mission to this whole thing we call life, too.
So, consider....if you chose the big challenges you have in your life, why? And how did the parents you chose impact that? What degree of difficulty do you think you aimed for in this lifetime? What lessons might you have come here to start on, but not finish? What different lessons did your siblings come to learn from the same parents? And if you're a parent yourself, for better or worse, why did each of your kids choose you? Even if you don't quite believe in this stuff, contemplating these questions can provide valuable insights as to your mission here on earth.