Sometimes I worry that I'll die talking about being an author, rather than actually being one.
Sure, I've already been published by a major publisher. And in a few weeks, I will have written my 1000th blog post. But what I have in mind when I say I want to be an author is inspiring people or making them think on a MUCH larger scale. Think Rick Warren. Deepak Chopra. Or even a spiritual novelist like Dan Brown.
As I've mentioned before, I had a premonition of sorts when I was three or four that I would be an author living in Maine. At the time it didn't appeal to me. Nor did it appeal to me at any point in my life until about 40 years later. This "vision" or whatever you want to call it, along with something deep inside me, makes me believe that everything up to this date was about preparing me for that moment. When I look back on my life and all the writing I've done, there is a clear path that's been paved to "author".
And yet, I don't seem especially moved toward making that happen. With the Deck of 1000 Spreads, there was a NEED to get that out and into the marketplace. There was no hesitation. I was sufficiently moved to write it. And while I really feel like I've got some great ideas in the hopper for my next book, I'm not yet sufficiently moved.
I suppose there are some fears behind that, but not the ones you might think. I'm not afraid I'm not good enough. I'm not really afraid I lack anything of value to say. What I'm more afraid of is being more public...having those critical eyes upon me in my private time. And I'm a bit intimidated by the responsibility of guiding people in spiritual ways. But more than anything, I think I'm just not sufficiently moved. I feel like I have things to say that need to be heard, but as far as a book goes right now, there's nothing I MUST say.
Today on my Facebook feed, this video came up (link below). This 80 year old woman loved dancing as a child. As she grew older, life got in the way. She became a wife and a mother. Then in her empty nest years, she and her husband moved to Spain, where he died a year and half later. Looking for something to occupy her time, she took a dancing class. And she had moves women half her age couldn't muster.
I don't, for a moment, think any part of it was coincidence. I think this moment was as much a part of why that woman is here as her marriage and children. Same for Nico, her partner. You don't move that many people by mistake. It took her 80 years and a series of odd synchronicities to get there, but she got there. And she didn't just get there in a half assed way, she got there as a full-on badass. She didn't wait too long. In fact, the fact she was 80 punctuated the message.
To me, her message is that it's never too late to start what you came here to do. And if you're meant to do it, no obstacle will be large enough to stand in your way. What's most important is that, win or lose, it comes from the heart.
As I push myself to do more before it's too late, yet find myself less than motivated to do so, I think maybe my "Spain" or my "Nico"—the fuel for my fire—just hasn't come into my life yet. I don't want to spend a lifetime waiting, but as I see the way my life has unfolded, I can't help but feel that things happen when they need to happen and there's never a moment where we're not being guided forward.
So what might you feel it's too late to start? What do you feel drawn to accomplish while you can? And if those two things are the same, how do you plan to proceed?