Sunday, July 23, 2017

7/24/17—Spending Time With Spirit

I may not see dead people, but I've seen a few mediums this summer.

Only one of my experiences was a personal reading. It really wasn't all that fabulous. She hit on a couple of really interesting things, but about half of what she said didn't resonate. This was really disappointing, because I've been looking for a really good medium, preferably one with talents in criminal investigations. Regular readers know my father was murdered and, while I know who murdered him, I still have questions. 

The other two experiences were those mass types of performances where the medium is in a room with 1000-2500 people (depending on the medium) and reads just a handful in front of an audience. The first was Monica The Medium, a young girl with amazing talent. The second was just the other night with Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium. 

First, let me dish. Both have amazing talent, and while not all of my friends agree, Monica was more talented. To be fair, her crowd was maybe less than or around 1000 people, so it was more "intimate". But Monica seemed to hone in on the messages and who the message was for better than Theresa. She just seemed more accurate to me. And Theresa tended to speak more about her symbols, as in "Did your deceased husband used to leave the toilet seat up? Because I'm seeing a bear hugging a poodle, which is my symbol for someone who leaves the toilet seat up!" Monica skipped that "inside baseball" type of message-giving for the most part, and just seemed to go straight to the point. 

That said, Theresa Caputo is FAR more fun and entertaining in person than she is on TV. For one thing, she curses like a sailor, calling some of the skeptics in the audience "motherfuckers" (in jest) and leaving many conservative DC ladies clutching their pearls over the salty language. (In contrast, Monica, although she said a curse word or two herself, was far more refined and low key.) Theresa is a little manic, which actually helps serves to keep you engaged while she's doing all her thinking and symbol vetting. And instead of standing on stage, she did all her work down among the audience, two cameras in tow while her reading was multicast across multiple screens in the 2500 seat, sold-out-for-two-nights auditorium. Both mediums read people further back into the audience than you'd expect, with Theresa even reading someone in the balcony. In fact, Theresa read at least as many people outside the VIP seats as in (and those VIP seats cost upwards of $500!!!) And, not for nothing, her dress and shoes were FABULOUS.

But also, something interesting happened after Theresa that didn't happen after Monica. Maybe it was due to Theresa, maybe it was a function of the room's high energy, and maybe it was just circumstance. First, we almost got in an accident on the way home, but my car stopped maybe a foot from the car in front of me, from a good speed (not highway, but local driving) and in quite a short distance. And the braking was so smooth that it didn't even jostle us. In retrospect, the whole non-incident was unnaturally safe and smooth. As I was driving home, I mentioned that when I feel vulnerable when I'm driving, I often call on my deceased cousin, Mike Sadler, who died in a car crash. 

And that is interesting, because I bought a football jersey (my cousin was a well-known college football player at the time of his death) with his name on it a year ago, and just happened to put it on for the first time to wear between the shower and my Theresa Caputo clothes. I put it back on when I got home, then the next day I get an email reminding me the anniversary of his death is coming up. So a cousin whom I met once when he was a boy and who died tragically at a young age last year, has been coming up repeatedly right around the time of his death anniversary. I don't know why, but since he died, I feel connected to him.

But that's kind of an aside. Because when I got home, my three puppybabies were waiting for me at the door and I was just unusually overwhelmed by their love and my gratitude for the love we share. In a profound way, I felt how they love me regardless of how fat I am or how much of a bitch I am or how many days I've been without a shower. There is no failing they don't love me despite. In fact, they don't even see failings. They just see that their perfect mommy who gives perfect snuggles is back with the pack. That's all that matters. That and the water and kibble and treats. That's all that matters.

I'm a loner by nature, and have come to a point in my life that I no longer expose myself to those who undervalue or disrespect me, family or not. I've come a long way in defeating my habit of ingratiating myself to those who treat me with disdain in hopes that they will come to like me. I'm largely cured of that shizzle. But when you clear those people out, and you live and work alone, and tend to isolate yourself on top of that, it would be natural to get lonely. 

Yet, I rarely manage to feel lonely. I do something involving others once or twice a week, but otherwise I have very little human interaction and that suits me. So it hit me how blessed I am to have such a loving home life, despite my hermit ways. And that homelife is consistently "safe" and stable because, with no other humans present, there is a complete lack of tension and drama in my home...unless I cause it. Really, I've got all the good feels in my life with a bare bones minimum of the bad. And a lot of that is because of my dogs. Humans tend to focus on our complaints in life or take things for granted or seek newer or better—all without truly basking in the amazing things we already have. And I felt compelled to really feel the beauty of what I have created in my life when I got home.

Then the next morning, when I got my coffee and sat on the deck to commune with nature to start the day, I became overwhelmed by the connection with all things past and present. Like I just felt so much a part of the human world, the spirit world, the natural world and whatever other worlds there may be, all at once. It just washed over me, but even though momentary, it had a ring of definiteness and truth to me and I felt "the ancestors" around me. (This morning, I felt it less, but just as I was thinking that to myself, a cardinal flew by and that is my symbol for spirit.) Something that may or may not be connected to all of this is, when I came back inside after that first morning, I learned my sister's father-in-law had just died. He was a colorful, all around pleasant guy, so it was sad for me.  But I wondered if maybe his passing (and the anniversary of my cousin's passing) made that connection just that much stronger.

So basically, in the space of about 12 hours, I had numerous spirit-based and spiritual experiences following Theresa Caputo. She didn't say it might happen to people, but I remember Monica saying it's not uncommon to at least have dreams or visitations, the latter of which is what I would consider the cousin story to be. But I guess I'm surprised and grateful, because I feel there was a healing in me, as gratitude and spiritual connection are both healing acts. Certainly now, two days later, I'm still seeing life from a higher plane in that regard. 

And that's the real gift of this. It had been a while since my mind felt unfettered and just at peace for a couple of days. I'm sure I've been unconsciously self-critical of my life in the past few days, because it just seems to be part of my DNA...haha. But I haven't caught myself in the act. Even when I slept 12 hours straight this weekend and woke up with the day nearly gone, I acknowledged that I needed the rest, and have been needing all the rest I've been getting for a while now. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!? 

So the real gift is acceptance of who and where I am, right here and now. I don't have to obsess on everything wrong, because I am where I'm supposed to be. And I'm conscious of that. Not only that, but I'm also conscious of the fact that all of this is just thought—thought I can access whenever I want. And even if the magic spell breaks and I go back to my self-criticism and misery, as I very well may, knowing all of this, at least for now, is not just a medium. It's HUGE. :D

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