4/12/12—Figuring Out Who the Bad Guy Is

Today's Draw: Seven of Wands from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot by Karen Mahony and Alex Ukolov. Do you know someone who enjoys raising a big stink? When this happens, do you tune them out or do you put them in their place? And if you put them in their place, what payoff do you get from engaging in the drama?

Sometimes I'm not sure if I make the card I draw each day fit something relevant in my life, or if the tarot is really as magic as it seems. But the last couple of days it seems the card I've chosen has mirrored a conversation I've JUST had with someone. And today, I'm pulling the meaning right out of the book, so I don't know how it could be anything other than magic! :)

This is the Seven of Wands from the Bohemian Gothic, one of the most treasured decks in all the land. And, though it's not pictured that way here, I drew it from my silver deck, which puts a metallic sheen everywhere the light hits, drawing you deeper into the shadowy depths of each card. The silver ink makes it seem like the only two colors in the card are silver and a blackish blueish black. You have to look really closely to see the slight red inside the monster's mouth. I go on about this because, even though this is a "dark" deck meant to explore the shadow side, it is probably one of the most breathtaking and hauntingly beautiful decks you'll ever see in its silver incarnation—a true testament to the artistry of Karen Mahony and Alex Ukolov.

Anyway, now that I'm done salivating over these cards, the Seven of Wands is about those battles that you take on knowing you'll win. So if you get this card, you're likely to have a favorable outcome in a fight. But because this is a shadow deck, there's something darker lurking behind the eyes of the monster in the window—he's fighting for sport. For fun. Because he gets a kick out of stirring the pot. Because he enjoys seeing everyone get their panties in a wad. That's why he knows he'll win. The battle's not about principle or anything that really matters to him. It's about creating chaos and luring others into the dark.

This wins my vote for the most brilliant 

card ever created. The addict collapses

into the Devil's arms while the Devil shoots
 her up with morphine. It captures both the

essence of addiction and the Devil card meaning.

We all know people like that, right? Maybe they don't even do it consciously. But they're so married to conflict and drama that it follows them wherever they go. Many times they're the cause of it, making issues where there are none. But while their "victims" like to stand around and point and call them out on it, they don't usually see that, by doing so, they're becoming equal partners in the game. It's easy to blame it all on the troublemaker, but the fact is, it takes two parties to have a fight. 

Anytime there is a conflict between two sides, one side always entrains to the vibration of the other. The "attacked" could take the high road and act with love and peace, causing the belligerent one to limp away wondering what went wrong. But what usually happens is that the "attacked" side engages in the fight, eventually ending up as the very monster they're fighting. 

In one area of my life, I am gratefully on the sidelines of such a battle. As we discussed earlier this week with the universe testing you to define your boundaries, I have fought these battles enough in my life to know what happens and the role I play in perpetuating them. And staying out of this is one of the tests I've passed to show the universe how serious I am about disengaging from this kind of drama. And, being an observer this time around, the dynamic is so clear. 

There's one side that, whether consciously or not, enjoys stirring the pot. And there's another side that, while claiming to be morally superior, has dived in, fangs drawn. They feel justified in this behavior and I don't don't think they realize how they have now become the one stirring the pot...the attacker...the monster...the very thing they are fighting against. Nobody's morally superior anymore. Everybody's the bad guy. No doubt you've seen this kind of thing before in your life and, if you're like me, you've also been the "morally superior" one who has eventually embarrassed yourself by how low you've stooped.

One side always entrains to the other side's vibration. And when we participate in battles such as this, no matter how justified we are, we only succeed in devolving. There is no evolution in places where you allow yourself to be pulled down into a lower energy. Even if you have every right to be bitchy right back to the other person. The only evolution—the only way to actually BE the better person you claim to be—lies in compassion, forgiveness and rising above. It's not easy, especially when the other side is so good at pushing your buttons. But until you rise above, you're nothing more than their puppet. 

So if you're currently being drained by and drawn into this type of thing, stop. Just stop. You're not fighting the battle you think you're fighting. You're just being toxic right alongside your attacker and you're better than this. So not another word or action about it, whether in public or behind the scenes. Lead the charge of love, instead of revenge. Open your heart to others and use this as an opportunity to evolve.

2/21/12—Honoring Struggle and Strife

Today's Draw: Five of Wands from the Rosetta Tarot. Do you see struggle and strife as necessary things? What gifts have these moments given you? What have they taken away?

This card depicts Sekhmet, an Egyptian warrior goddess and goddess of healing, standing with hands clenched. Behind her are a scythe and a phoenix headed wand, then two lotus wands. The phoenix symbolizes renewal through fire and the lotus wands speak of healing through destabilization. 

What it comes down to is that sometimes you've just got to go through unpleasantness in order for change and healing to happen. Sucks, but it's true. When I look back through my life and look at the worst stuff that's happened to me, all those moments of conflict, struggle and discord have given me the biggest opportunity for growth and evolution. And—this is the important part—the amount to which I've clenched my fists against the strife or opened myself to experiencing the fullness of it was key to what kind of a net impact those circumstances would have in my life.

From those moments I've become less needy in my relationships. I've become more able to stand in my own sense of accomplishment and capability. I define myself more by what I feel to be true of myself than what others project upon me. I've become less gullible. More honest with myself. Stronger. More forgiving. More compassionate. And, through struggle, I found a set of beliefs that define my character and spirituality, regardless of circumstance. 

On the flip side, I would say those same instances have made me less trusting, more jaded, less "available" in the romantic sense, less likely to trust in the American justice system and, while these times may not have built any new walls within me, they certainly didn't do anything to chip away at the ones that were there. And I also have to admit to losing years of progress in one case in particular, due my inability to just let the experience flow. I clenched my fists. I got stuck.

For me, the thing I mourn the most from my own most difficult moments, though, is the loss of innocence. And I mean that in the sense that "ignorance is bliss". Struggle and conflict often begin with the lifting of eyelids...and often end with eyes wide open. You gain a new vision of the world that is less Utopian—and more realistic—than the one you had before. The reality makes you more capable of dealing with the slings and arrows of the world. But the loss of innocence leaves callouses where there was softness before. I'm glad to be who I am today as the result of the struggles in my life. But I'm also sad for the bits of fairy dust that were shed in its wake. 

A new chapter of struggle and strife has begun for my family over the past couple of months, as one of my siblings is seriously ill. I have a good idea of what I'm losing in terms of innocence and human loss, but not quite sure of what gifts will come in its wake. My greatest wish is that, once the focus moves from the pain of our loss, the opportunity for healing and growth that this phase brings will be used to its fullest...that everyone involved will approach this new phase of our lives not with clenched fists, but with open arms.