7/24/13—Setting Priorities

Today's Draw Classic*: Three of Cups from the Infinite Visions. Do you feel like your priorities are in order? Do you give proper attention to all the areas of your life that feed you? Or do you find yourself placing priority on things that don't fuel your heart?

The Three of Cups is about friendship, dancing, joyfulness, friendships and frivolity. It's a valuable reminder that life isn't always about work.

It's kind of sad that we'd need that kind of reminder, but I know I do. Too often I tend to put everything at a lower priority than work. So whatever leftover energy I have at the end of the day, I dole out to the other areas of life...family, friends, ourselves. Kind of screwed up when you think of it in those terms, huh?

Every once in a while, we need to assess our priorities and see where we stand, making changes along the way. And we need to do this consciously, because we get into "normal" routines. While those routines may be normal, though, are they sane? Do they make sense in the context of the life you WANT to live? And, if not, when will you set routines that make sense in that context?

Tonight I met a couple of ladies in their 70s. They have their set lives doing whatever they do, but every once in a while they leave the husbands and other responsibilities behind for what they call their "Thelma and Louise" trips. They hang out together all the time. They're best friends and live close to each other. They don't have to take trips together. But they take these weekends to nurture and honor this side of their lives that much more.  

How many of us "simply can't" do a trip like that in order to make time for something that, when you really think about it, holds less value in your heart...or monopolizes your heart as though it's the only thing that matters? It's time to see how you portion up your energy. Work isn't a bad thing. But it's not the only thing. And every so often it doesn't hurt to check in and ask yourself why you really think you're here.

*Adapted from 10/20/11

7/23/13—Knowing Yourself and Others

Today's Draw: Fox in the Strength position from the Magpie Oracle. What kinds of things do you judge others for? When you judge or criticize others, do you take the extra step to see what it reflects within yourself? What is it time for you to face up to?

For those not up on the latest Magpie news, this is Carrie's second casting sheet for her charms. It mixes her oracle with tarot's Major Arcana. Her Strength position bears the word "Face" as in "face up to who you are." And tonight, Fox is telling us that we need to face our sly, manipulative, untrustworthy side...our con artist side. 

We could all gang up on Fox and beat the crap out of him for calling us names. Or we could listen to the wisdom he brings. Because here's the truth—we've all got it in us. There isn't a single person in my earshot who has never intentionally wrangled something in their own favor...or who hasn't been totally honest about something. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about the things people do to hide or deny their shadow sides. There are the people who always talk about how perfect their life and relationships are, when nobody's life is that perfect. There are people who get deeply involved in religion so they'll be forgiven their shadow sides and not have to take responsibility for them. And then there's what a lot of us tend to do...judge others, both for stuff we do ourselves and stuff we don't do. All of that is denial in my book. And I'm guilty of the last one. 

Each time we point at someone else and call them manipulative, for example, we're being manipulative. We're manipulating a situation where we're saying "unlike me, that person is manipulative and a bad person." When we point the finger away from ourselves, we're pretending we're not guilty. And we're labeling someone as "manipulative" for random acts of manipulation, as if that's who they are at their very essence. Were we ourselves judged in such a manner, we certainly wouldn't appreciate it because we know where our intentions are. But when we say about someone else, we're only assuming things about their intentions. We can't possibly know what's in their heart, yet we're labeling them an absolute. Which means we're manipulating the thoughts of others to consider that possibility about the other person, too. 

There are also plenty of things we judge others for that we don't do. Let's say you judge someone for having an affair on their husband when you would never do anything like that. That's fair enough, but what about the times you've made choices that consider yourself over others around you...like when you took the promotion your co-worker wanted? What about the time you went out to lunch with Patty, whom your best friend Lola hates and you didn't tell Lola about it? Or, on my part, what about the time you went to another person's house, left your dogs at home alone, and rolled on the floor with your friend's dog and told them THEY were most handsome? 

Whatever it is we're judging others for, we've all got it ourselves to some degree. When I look at the things I judge others for, they're things I'm in denial about myself...to some degree. I may not have robbed the grocery store at gunpoint, but I did steal a vial of glue once from the Base Exchange (BX) when I was a kid. For the thrill of it, I guess. To test my boundaries, I suppose. To see if I would still feel bad enough about it to write about it 40-some years later in search of some form of absolution...possibly. 

But the things I don't judge people for are things like smoking. You won't see me criticize a smoker, because I know what it's like. I was one too. And I'm usually pretty compassionate about all addictions, because I have my overeating issues, too. When you've faced your own guilt in a particular area, you're more likely to be compassionate than judgmental. And when I do make a remark about someone else's addictions, I immediately see it as something I'm criticizing myself over. I'm at a decent place of self awareness on that one. But there are other "judgments" I'm sure I'm in denial on. My quickness to judge others on things is both my measuring stick of denial and my reflection of what's lurking beneath my own surface. 

So the fox is asking us to face this side of us that places ourselves above others or separate from others in any way. We're all false to ourselves in some ways. And we're all false to others in some ways. It's not something we like to embrace about ourselves. But, as they say, monsters thrive in the dark. If we push these things into the dark, they will hold us back. They will eventually come out. And, I hate to say it, they will be seen. People know when something's up. They may never mention it or even know any details, but people know. 

We think we're protecting ourselves by hiding away our dark parts, but the truth is the only way to protect ourselves is to drag them out in the light and hack away at them—not so much to eliminate them to learn how to integrate them into a more authentic version of you and use them to their best advantage. Until we understand and accept the seedy underbelly of who we are, we can never truly know ourselves or others. 

7/22/13—Offering True Friendship

Today's Draw: Child in the position of "A True Friend Offers This To You" from the Magpie Oracle from Carrie Paris. How good have you been at sustaining friendships over the years? What do you think the secret to sustaining long-term relationships is? What is it inside of you that stands between you and more successful relationships?

I started to write a whole thing about me and relationships not working very well, then I realized it was one of those tapes we play over in our mind...things that might have once been true and that we continue to believe out of force of habit. So instead of saying I suck at relationships, I'll say I haven't mastered them yet. 

I have a friend who's done a pretty good job with relationships. She's married to her HS sweetheart and they're both in their 50s. So that's a long time and a lot of compromise. And her best friend from third grade is still someone she considers a best friend today. Certainly if either of them needed each other, they'd be there for each other. She's always been a really good friend to me, too. And while I've never been a BAD friend to her, I can see where I haven't always risen up to meet the hand she extends. And I feel bad about it. I think I don't know how to accept a hand like that for reasons we'll get to later. 

Her secret is that she's really good at letting "conditions" fall to the wayside. I hesitate to say "unconditional" because I do think there ARE conditions that would cause her to leave a friendship in the dust. But I've known her more than 20 years. Her small, strong circle of friends has been the same the entire time and the couple of us newbies that have known her for less than 25 years have been offered the same kind of friendship. 

It's important to note that she doesn't let go of transgressions only to let them fester. I mean, in a couple of situations I've seen her hold on to something. But the difference between her and me is that she still holds on to the relationship, despite being hurt. She doesn't see things as so "disposable". And, as her friend, you don't feel threatened by losing the friendship over some transgression or another. And she attracts people worthy of that in her life. Ultimately the difference between us is trust and sincerity. And that's what today's draw is about. 

In twenty-some years she has never given me reason not to trust her. The one time we had an issue about something, she chose the friendship over being right. That one simple gesture of saying "you're right, I shouldn't have done it" rather than arguing her point was big for me. It was a powerful lesson from her. She's someone who has told me many times, "I'm just not as deep as you, Tierney." And by saying that, she means that she just doesn't hold on to crap, inspect it, revisit it, resent it and embody it the way I do. She's built simpler than that. So when she trusts, she trusts. And when trust is broken, she forgives. AND, probably key to this whole thing, she trusts herself enough to navigate interpersonal BS in a way that won't leave her in tatters. She trusts herself enough to trust others to respect that trust. So instead of responding from a place of fear, she responds from a place of sincerity. 

Honestly, I haven't met a whole lot of people like her. There's a whole range of expressed emotion and neuroses she doesn't have. In some ways it's good. In other ways, there's an emotional distance that doesn't get breached with her. But emotion is more like an unfamiliar tool for her than something to armor against. Her simple way of viewing relationships is met with a simple way of viewing others. She's just not as petty as most of us are. And I'm not saying she's perfect...she has plenty of flaws. It's just that in this one thing, she's very successful. And I think she attracts people worthy of her trust because she trusts herself. 

So this trust and sincerity is what a true friend offers. And while I might think I extend that in the beginning, truth is that I don't trust myself to be as generous with it as she has been. I think that self trust is key. Because I'm not firmly footed in that, I tend to react more quickly to situations. And because I tend to analyze others, I also tend to be suspicious of them and their sincerity. The more you analyze people, the more untrustworthy we ALL appear. So ultimately, we have to trust ourselves and the system enough to know that, even if the friendship doesn't work out, there are no losers here. Only winners. And if we get taken advantage of, we'll brush it off and be fine. 

See, these tapes I was talking about at the beginning of the post tell me that people will try to use you. Or that there are ulterior motives. Or any of a number of other labels that doom most relationships before they ever get off the ground. This protection of the self...this lack of trust in the self's ability to effectively and efficiently manage disappointment...keeps a lot of opportunities at bay and actually attracts people who will test my assumptions. And I don't think I'm alone in that at all.

In the past couple of years I've discovered that disappointments don't hit so deeply within me anymore, however. I think it's because I'm looking for less from the other person. I'm not looking for them to fill any chinks in my cracked and knotted self perception. I'm more looking for kindred companions to walk forward with. And that's what I'm now finding. I still don't have it all figured out. But I do know that the more I trust myself, the less of an issue trust seems to be in my relationships. 

Why do you think The Child landed in the position of "What A True Friend Offers You" for you? Here are some keywords for Child: Trust, Beginnings, Baby Steps, Innocence, Sincerity, Fragility, New Starts, Student. 

7/20/13-7/21/13—Strutting Through The Weekend

Weekend Reading: Knight of Pentacles from the Gypsy Palace Tarot. Go forth and conquer this weekend. The Knight is strutting out in style and taking care of business. More importantly, he's keeping the gloom at his back. Pentacles cover everything from work and money to home and health—all the practical matters that keep our lives running. For many of us, the weekend means "time off", but we usually end up spending the bulk of it attending to practical matters around the home anyway. But hey, why not embrace it with enthusiasm? Nobody said you had to trudge solemnly through things like errands and chores. Put on some music and dance your way through. Make a game of it where you earn points toward evening cocktails or sweets. Or speak to everyone you meet using a funny accent...just for fun. All work and no play makes life miserable. So take your time off and make feel more like fun than just a less painful extension of the work week. 

7/19/13—Letting Things Pass On Their Own

Today's Draw: The Wheel from the Gypsy Palace Tarot by Nora Huzska in the Attitudes and Thoughts position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are things not going so great right now? Are you caught up in some sort of drama that feels like it will never pass? Or are you riding high on life and feeling untouchable?

So I'm finally "back" after a few days of classic draws. I was traveling on business and too busy and/or tired to do the full blogging thang. I had been awaiting this deck for sometime now and was glad to have it greet me upon my return to my normal routine. It's a very colorful deck. This photo does not do it justice. 

Anyway, the Wheel card is all about cycles and continual change. Many times I read this card as a change for the better. But today it has a bit of a different meaning for me landing in the Attitudes and Thoughts position. Today it seems to be talking about how fleeting and changeable things are in our lives. 

I'm a person who tends to get caught up in the moment, letting it color my world. Say, for example, I get a cup of coffee and then drop it, splashing java all over my outfit. I'm likely to decide, based on that one bit of input alone, that I'm going to have to muddle through "one of those days". Or say I get some excellent news about something. I'll walk through life like my feet were feathers and I'm surrounded by an impenetrable dome of luck. Stuff like that. I define my life by the moment I'm living now. 

It's not really the same as living IN the moment. For example, when I'm all sad sacked over the coffee incident I'm so preoccupied by my bad fortune that I miss a whole lot of good and neutral stuff that I could have used to color a better attitude. 

Truth is that our "luck", whether good or bad, is constantly changing. In fact, it's not luck at all, it's just the course of life. All "realities", good and bad, tend to change, so becoming attached to any way of being—wallowing in your depression or hanging on to your happiness—is just a waste of energy. We don't have control over all the factors that impact our attitudes. But if you don't like where you're at right now, just wait. The tide will eventually wash in a new hue to brighten your blue. 

Right now my house must have a dozen flies in it. This happens every year about this time. I don't know what it's all about, but it's an annual event. I don't think they come in through the door, otherwise they'd always be in here. It's just a phenomenon that lasts about a week. I remember it really bothered me the first year. I went around killing them, but could never get them all. What I know now about this situation is a) it gets worse before it gets better and b) flies die on their own in a couple of days. My dog Mystic is trying to hunt them down one by one. But me and Magick and Kizzie? We're just waiting them out. 

The same is true about life. Things get worse. Then things get better. So if you're stuck in the "worse", it's a whole lot less stressful to wait it out than to go around trying to exert control over it. Control is an illusion. Things happen with or without you. Best to just let them pass on their own. 

7/18/13—Dying to Know

Today's Draw Classic*: Death from the Darkana Tarot by Janden Hale. Does the thought of death scare you? Is the fear of making change greater than the fear of dying without making those changes? What do you think happens when you die?

Way back on New Year's Eve, someone made a suggestion of some questions to ask that would be perfect for the Death card and only now is it coming around to ask them. I think it may have come up earlier, but something else was top of mind at the time. I've been anxiously awaiting it to come for other reasons, too. So here's hoping we get lots of Death in the next month or two. :D

To begin with, Death is represented by a butterfly in the Darkana deck because the meaning of the Death card is transformation, not physical death. Just as the butterfly changes from caterpillar to butterfly, we go through transformations and makeovers and do-overs in our lives. But the topic suggested to me DID have to do with physical death. And it's about what we would do if we only had months to live. 

One of the things that happens when someone important dies in our lives is that we tend to ask ourselves questions like....What if this were the last year of my life? What would I change? And why would I wait until I'm dying to make those changes? 

I have to admit that, thinking I was dying, I would quit work, rack up lots of debt, sleep a lot, spend a lot of time in nature and arrange for my dogs. If I were physically able, I would go to the Grand Canyon. That's if we're talking months. 

Faced with the fear, but not inevitability of death, I would probably make some of the changes I want to make...take some of the risks I don't feel comfortable with now. I think I would probably turn off the TV and use my time more wisely. That's a change I can make now...without fear. But a lot of the changes I want to make in my life would be LESS practical if I were sick...like would I move to another state and leave my support peeps behind? I don't think so.

In my head, I would think the threat of dying would change a lot for me, but now I've thought of it, I'm not so sure. Just as money keeps me a little tethered at this time, the illness and practicalities of disease would keep me tethered if I were sick. When it comes down to it, the things I most want to change are my career and my home and those things probably wouldn't change if I were sick. I already spend enough time with the critters I love most. I'd probably write more for myself. I'd certainly take better care of my health, which would probably be the biggest—and most ironic— change I would make. I don't know...that's all I got. What about you? What would you eliminate or add to your life if you knew it was limited?

To answer the other questions, I think if I were honest, I'd have to say I'm afraid of the process of death..the unknown. But I'm also afraid of dying short of delivering on whatever promise I made coming down here. I suppose that's either impossible or easily forgiven in the afterlife. I guess I want to find that I've been an overachiever down here, you know? All that said, while the human in me fears the act of death, I do believe that part of me is immortal and will actually be set free like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon upon death. So I shouldn't be afraid. How about you?

*From 10/19/12

7/17/13—Seeking Your Personal Holy Grail

Today's Draw Classic*: Ace of Water from the Gaian Tarot. What is your holy grail in life? If your soul came to this earth to seek one thing, what would it be? Have you found it? Do you think you CAN find it?

The Aces in the tarot are all about new beginnings and new opportunities. The Ace of Water or Cups is about new opportunities in matters of the heart. Or it could be about following your heart's desire. Joanna Powell Colbert brought up an interesting thought in the book that accompanies this deck—the thought of pursuing your personal holy grail. 

So what is that one thing you came here to seek? Love? Understanding? Learning? Money? Power? Success? What? Or maybe it's something quite specific. I have a brother whose answer might that his personal holy grail is to solve/discover the unified field theory—a physics thing.

Maybe we can't boil it down to having just one thing to seek. So what would be the biggest thing? The main thing? The umbrella thing? 

My first instinct was to say "understanding". That covers spiritual understanding and other types of knowledge. It's about understanding how the universe works and how people work. I'm fascinated by that. And the more of it I understand, the more I'm able to help others understand. 

I think one of the things I like most about reading people professionally is hearing their stories and offering them some sort of insight or guidance. With each new situation or question I explore with the tarot, the more I learn about what goes on underneath the surface of people and the more I see of how humanity works. Amongst the "strangers" that people let into that layer are maybe therapists, priests, hair dressers, bartenders and tarot readers. It's a privileged position and, of those professionals, tarot readers are up there with therapists as to the kind of information that's revealed. Getting a peek inside so many different people is a privilege. It aids with understanding tremendously. And the understanding gained helps with other people down the road.

So that's my story. Understanding. And I think it's a lifelong quest that I'll never fully attain. What's the grail you seek?

*From 9/5/11