7/6/11—Seeing Glimmers of Justice

Today's Draw: The Moon from the William Blake Tarot. Do you have an experience in your life when justice seemed unjust? Is there a question in your mind about someone else that you'll never know the answer to? How do you deal with stories that seem to have no ending?

I'm asking general questions this week that are things we can all relate to. So in the light of the Casey Anthony trial, I asked why guilty people sometimes walk free.

Every time a murderer is tried and found not guilty, it brings up a lot of memories and emotions for me. As I've shared before, my father was murdered by a sociopathic stepmother for the insurance money. And while there were only two people in the room when he died, and he couldn't have shot himself (because he was shot from behind), the jury wasn't able to find her guilty. You'd think the math would be simple. But trials don't involve simple arguments that take only five minutes to convey. You try sitting in one of those courtrooms for weeks, like in the Casey Anthony trial. All the facts will have been put in a blender with trivia and opinions and proof that doesn't seem like proof alongside non-proof that seems to prove something. There are things the media knows and reports that aren't admissible in court. And there are things about the jury members we'll never know. Having lived this, it doesn't surprise me at all that someone that looks SO guilty...someone like Casey Anthony and OJ Simpson...walks free.

So what's the Moon got to do with it? Well the Moon tells us that there are mysteries out there we'll never know the answers to. And it also tells us that things are not always as they appear. If you look in the lower right of the card, you'll see two armed predators crouching in the darkness. One of the things about being a narcissistic sociopath is that you're charming, manipulative and care only about yourself. You have no compassion for others, but plenty for yourself. And therein lies the rub. 

When you're Casey Anthony, there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. She's got a good 40-50 years ahead of her and the first thing that will come up on a google search of her name is this story. I imagine it's not too fun to be a narcissist and know everyone hates you. Or, like my stepmother, to know that you're just one google search away from being found out. 

Speaking of which, I googled her today. Keeping in mind she's a pathological liar, she is now a PhD in Film and Video. She writes Jesus songs. She sits on the board of her local Rotary Club. And she dresses like a polygamist's wife...the kind with the big hair and gingham dresses. And, at 75, she looks healthy as a horse. While there's plenty of stuff on her webpage about making food for the poor, there's nothing about the five husbands, three of which died while she was married to them. Oddly there's also no mention of her sons, one of whom testified for the prosecution and gave us his word she'd never marry again. 

But no disease of the mind can keep her from knowing who she is. She can lie to herself during the daytime, but like the Moon card, what lurks in the shadows of the night? Not guilt, certainly. They don't feel guilt. But they DO know what they've done and that they live in a house of cards, where just one word can reveal them for who they are and subject themselves to the hateful glare of others. While they may feel their murders were justified in a twisted way, people like this know society has no sympathy for them. They're free to roam. They have no legality holding them back. But their lies suffocate them daily...limit their potential. They can never call too much attention to themselves. And while my stepmother, for example, tries very hard to play the role of the sweet, godfearing granny, she's nonetheless just a google search away from being found out. I'd like to believe that at least one of the moves she's made to other states over the years was facilitated by one of those google searches. It must be horrible to crave attention like a vampire craves blood, but then when you get it, it's nothing but evil glares.

So the Moon card tells us there's plenty we don't know about what it's like to live as a sociopath. Don't you think it was hard for OJ, who was once America's hero, to live the rest of his days as America's monster? Do you think ANY man will choose Casey Anthony as the mother of his children...and if one does, what kind of man would he be? And I look at my stepmother, who is always running a scam and whose own family doesn't even want to associate with her. I'd rather deal with the pieces me and my family were left to pick up than be her any day. 

And speaking of those pieces, Casey Anthony is free now to admit to what she's done. She's been found not-guilty. They can't try her again. But she'll probably take her secrets to her grave. She will feed on knowing that she knows something everyone wants to know. Likewise there are a lot of questions I want to know about my father's death. And I'd like to hear my stepmother admit to killing him. But I and my family have had to accept we'll never know the answers. The Moon card speaks to that, as well...the mysteries we carry through our lifetimes. Sooner or later you just accept that the details aren't important anyway. Sure, they'd be nice to know, but the one thing that matters is that he's gone...that little girl is gone.

Ultimately, we just have to trust that there is justice for this somewhere. Maybe it's in the societal prison they live in after the not-guilty verdict. Maybe it's in the mental prison they live in all their lives—the lunacy, which is a word derived from luna or the Moon. Or maybe there is some sort of other karma that bites them in the arse. We just have to trust that it's so. In the Moon's light we may catch glimmers of justice being served, but we will never see it as clearly as we'd like.