Tuesday, September 27, 2011

9/28/11—Pushing Forward, Regardless

Today's Draw: Warrior Prince from Tarot of the Sidhe. Are you passionately pursuing something right now? Or are you passionately NOT pursuing something right now? Why do we sometimes make it so hard on ourselves to walk the path of our dreams?

Well, there's definitely a pattern between yesterday's card and today's. The Warrior Prince or Knight of Wands is a bold, cavalier crusader, driven by a passion for his cause. Fiery. Caustic. Driven.

Gosh, I could use some of his energy now! And I could have used some of yesterday's energy, too. But instead I'm limp. Flailing. Distracted.


Thing is, I know I won't miss my book deadline. I can't anyway, because I'm so busy otherwise that I have to finish on time just to have time to do all the other stuff on my plate. And, interestingly, progress keeps getting made. So I trust it will all work out in the end. It always does. And when I procrastinate, it always comes down to yesterday's card and today's in the end—putting my nose to the grindstone and lighting a fire under my butt to complete the task at hand.

I think everyone thinks they'd like to write a book until they write one. I won't know until all is said and done if it will be worth the internal struggle to put words on paper, but I suspect it will. There's this phenomenon where mothers forget the pain of childbirth, otherwise they'd never have another baby again. I'm guessing it's like that. I mean, you write something and it's not published for a year...there's plenty of time to forget.

But what stumps me is why I'm avoiding this so much. It's not like I'm not used to writing. I've written every day for 25 years as part of my career. And many times I'm writing stuff I don't want to, yet I push on. But this thing is even more difficult for me than that. I wonder if I want to be an author, but don't want to write...haha. I wonder if all authors feel that way. 

I suppose if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. Some days I just have to remind myself that I have things I'm really driven to share with the world. That's what's behind this, whether I'm trodding through molasses or being blown forward in a fiery vacuum, I won't stop walking toward that goal. And that is the gift of the Warrior Prince...the gift of Spirit. It doesn't always feel exciting or wonderful. It's not always something you want to acknowledge or greet in the morning. But it is always there. Pushing you forward.

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