Monday, October 3, 2011

10/4/11—Setting Yourself Up for Heartbreak

Today's Draw: Three of Swords from the Rohrig. Have you lost your objectivity about something? Have you set yourself up for a heartbreak? Instead of running toward something better, is it possible to set up your life in such a way that something better runs to you?

No matter what deck you choose, chances are good the Three of Swords will be interpreted as heartbreak, sorrow and doubt. Another phrase that appears on this card is "not clear". So getting this card can be off-putting, at the very least. 

Not five minutes before I chose this card, I emailed my manuscript for my book to the publisher. Heartbreak isn't the word I'd use. Nor is elation. Relief maybe. Trepidation, perhaps. But, oddly I don't feel any differently about it than I felt emailing a document to a client earlier in the day. 

I know my subject matter. I feel confident about that. And I've been writing professionally for 25 years. But I've never written a book before. And this thing I've created is so FREAKING cool on so many levels and I worry that I haven't fully demonstrated its coolness. I also worry that my writing style is too sales-y, because that's what I'm used to. But that's what editors are for, I suppose. I don't know. I've never had one of those before. But again, I feel that way pretty much every day when I deliver stuff to my clients.

Even as I sit here trying to make this card somehow relate to my situation, it really doesn't. At least not in the sense of heartbreak or any other disturbing thought. Sure, things are not clear right now in my life. I'm not clear how my book/product will be received. I'm not clear on how going down this path will change my future, if at all. And, after the insanity of all I've accomplished this summer in addition to my regular job, I'm not clear if I'll get my normal sense of peace and balance back. But I am in no way sad or filled with doubt. I could choose to be. But I'm not. In the past, I might have hung all my hopes on something like that. But I haven't. If it's successful, hooray! If it's not, I really haven't lost anything but my time. What else was I going to do this summer anyway? It was either this or cleaning. Or more sitting on my butt...haha.

Wouldn't it be great if we could face other potential heartbreaks that way? Certainly we could. We could maintain objectivity while we're falling in love. We could remember our strength as a single. But we tend to hand our objectivity over almost immediately after we meet someone. Or we go on a job interview and get our hearts set on the job. 

Many years ago a woman introduced me to the difference between "running away from" a situation and "running away to" a situation. But in both of those situations, you're leaving something less desirable behind. Instead of replacing a less-than-happy situation with a happy one, why not think in terms of adding a happy situation to another happy one...or of having something more desirable run to you? Why not work our options so that's what we do? So, in the case of love, why not be happy before you meet someone to add more happiness to your life? Or in the case of a job, why not investigate your possibilities before you become unhappy somewhere? Why not set up your life so you'll be OK either way? It can be done. Can't it?

Certainly, there are some heartbreaks you can't avoid. But for as many of those in your life, there are as many that you set yourself up for by running away not being good with yourself before you move forward. That's not how I feel or have felt with this project. And that's unlike me. I usually hang more import on things. And it's not just this project, but a few other things that have happened this year. Could it be that I'm actually ok with who I am and where I am right now? If nothing else, this year has been a journey. And if it turns out I end up right back where I started, I'm good with that.

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