Today's Draw: Nine of Swords from the Art Postcard Tarot by Marcia McCord. Has some thought gotten hold of you to the point that it's haunting you? Do you feel vulnerable right now? Have you used the resources at your command to return yourself to center?
Although this card can be about disillusionment and denial, I more frequently connect it to those thoughts that keep you up at night. Maybe they're worries. Or some obsessive drama that plays over in your mind. Or maybe you're telling someone off in your mind.
I've been doing this a lot lately. And when I get like this, it's a good signal that I'm feeling vulnerable. Things that would normally bounce right off me, penetrate instead. I don't always realize it right off, but it's also a signal that I've left something open energetically, so negative thinking that was looking for a way in, found its way in.
There was a time in my life that I would stay up obsessing over stuff every night. Stuff like "did I remember to lock the door when I left the office?" "Why did I say XYZ to So-And-So?" And spontaneously remembering things that I should probably write down, but would have to turn the light on in order to do so.
Right now it's about a job I'm working on with clients I can't seem to do anything right for. And it has brought me right back to times when I was younger that I was afraid of getting in trouble...or got in trouble for something I didn't do. It's a fear-based, diminishing mindset that I'm no longer used to living in. And I feel like the last couple months of stress, overloaded calendars and decisions I've made for my future have sort of weakened my emotional immune system. I'm not in my comfort zone, so I'm feeling all discombobulated. And I hate that I'm doing this to myself, because I've had some really good "wins" in the last couple of months, too, and have chosen to focus on the ooky stuff instead.
Yesterday we talked about how hope is always available to us, and my Facebook friend, P.C., commented that gratitude was the path to hope. That's so true, isn't it? Gratitude is a sure path back to hope, grace, faith and all the beacons of light within our higher selves. As much as some of us practice this stuff, sometimes we nonetheless have to be reminded. In the past week, I've gotten two such reminders. One was to protect myself energetically...something I'm usually cognizant of. (And by this, I just mean to imagine the protective white light of God surrounding you.) And earlier today, gratitude.
So if any of you are out there and feeling a little off your game...or worried...or obsessive about something that happened in your life, remember those two techniques to guide you back to your faith and strength. Feelings need to be felt. There is nothing wrong with being sad or whatever. But when you feel it so much you it starts seeming like you're captive in its clutches, it's time to find a way back to center. And one good place to start is gratitude.
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