Monday, August 13, 2012

8/14/12—Connecting With Someone You Trust

Today's Draw: The Rose Key from the Incidental Tarot by Holly DeFount. Do you have someone with whom you connect on a deep level? How often do you get a chance to see them? Is it something you find to be a healing relationship?

Day two of Self Care Week is greeted with the Rose Key, this deck's equivalent to the Ace of Cups. It's about connection... connecting to others. This isn't about superficial connections...chatting with the people next door or at the office. Not that those are always superficial relationships. But what today's card is talking about is the people you can be honest with. The ones you hold nothing back from. 

As it turns out, this is Tuesday's entry, but I'm writing it early Monday morning. I'm doing that because I won't have time to write it Monday night. I have a friend I see once a month. Diane. Our visits are part professional, part personal and entirely sacred. Once a month I get a healing session from her at her house. In exchange, I write stuff for her. Or I give her readings. That's the professional part. But that professional part is highly personal, as we each, by way of consulting each other, reveal things that few others know about us. 

I'm not ashamed to say Diane is older than me...haha. I know she'll be reading this, so I thought I'd make the point. And the point I'm making is that I've admired her for the entire 15 years I've known her. I've always seen her as a "spiritual elder". She won't take the credit for it, but a lot of people see her that way. She's a beautiful soul and a loyal servant to her beliefs.  

Anyway, like I said, we see each other once a month for the healing session, which also includes gabbing, but rarely outside of that. One reason is that she's wildly popular and it's hard to get on her social calendar. Another is that we live about an hour apart. And a third reason is that we're both pretty busy on weekends, me with my teaching and her with the regular ceremonies she hosts. But once a year Diane and I get together, sit by the river, eat crabs and just enjoy each others' company. And that's tonight. 

I don't know if I'm typical or not. People generally move in and out of my life and I have a lot of different friends that meet different needs. It's like each has a certain piece of me. But we only hand the most vulnerable pieces over to special people. That's the kind of connection today's card is talking about. It may be your spouse or a sibling or a special friend. And having someone you're relieved to see—someone who is always a soft place to fall or who carefully guides you back into line—is an important part of self care. It's not something you can seek. It's something that grows over time in a relationship between two people equally willing to participate.

Anyway, if you don't have someone like that in your life, look around and see who you can trust. Then slowly open up and start to build that kind of dynamic. Someone has got to trust first, which may as well be you. I say start slowly and see, because for every one person who is right to form this kind of relationship with, there are a hundred that aren't ready to go there. And you don't want to go so far as to tell them about your dreams of nude bubble dancing in the midst of a pygmy tribe while tripping on acid (not that there's anything wrong with that), only to find out they're not worthy of your trust. 

When you share your stuff with someone who's trustworthy and doesn't judge, it lifts a burden off your shoulders. It helps you feel understood. You develop an emotional vocabulary you may not have had before. It makes you feel less alone. Enables growth. And creates a sacred bond. It's important to break out of the mundane and just really have a good conversation with someone who gives as good as they get in terms of sharing and emotional accessibility and depth. 

By the time you read this, I will probably be just emerging from my crab coma of the night before. Diane and I will have helped each other explore our psyches in our regular healing exchange. And we will have hung like homeys on the edge of some river near Annapolis on a perfect summer's evening, indulging in a rare drink of alcohol, laughing our heads off and wondering why we don't do this more often. And it will be just the self care each of us needed. 

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