1/4/13—Taking Inventory

Today's Draw: Judgement from the Nigel Jackson Tarot. Have you ever really taken a good, honest inventory of your life....your good side as well as the things you may not even admit to yourself? If the two sides were judged against each other, would you be well into the light or just kinda into the light? If you really looked, what would you change and what would you do more of?

The Judgement card is traditionally about resurrection and rebirth and all that jazz. To me, the way his wings are drawn, the Archangel Michael seems to be floating in the midst of a bright orange (the color of the sexual chakra), NSFW, flaming vagina, which would support that rebirth thing. The dead have risen and they'll be purified by the fire and allowed into God's kingdom. 

I don't read the Judgement card that way. I have my own cool way of interpreting it that I wrote about on 11/29/12. But tonight as I was looking at this one in particular, I thought to myself, "what if we were judged on the sum total of what we did in life?" It makes you think. I'm pretty sure we'd all end up on the positive side of the equation, but still....

What if your secret shames and behaviors were held up against your public ones? What if your most honest thoughts about others were held up against the genuine words of praise you offered? What if your dark side were held up against your light? Your angry moments measured against your happiest? Your times of engagement held up against your times of avoidance?

If you really took the time to look at things you'd rather not focus on or see, what might you change? If you looked at all the good you do, where might you find time to do more? There isn't a human among us who doesn't have both sides operating within us every day. And there's nothing wrong with it. But if you thought about it, you'd probably see areas you'd admit could use a change. 

Looking at my own life, most of it is lived in a more or less neutral state. I'm just living and doing the stuff we all need to do to get by. I imagine the same is true for all of us...a big chunk of neutral surrounded by bands of dark and light. And while I figure the good I do and the smiles I spread more than make up for my darker corners, I do see places where I could be kinder of thought and more evolved of action. These things, like much of the good we do, as a matter of fact, are things we brush to the side as we focus on that day-to-day stuff. But these things, good and bad, are critical to what sets us apart in life. 

I'm going to be turning 50 this year. It's not something that weighs on me from a "getting older" standpoint, but it *is* something that weighs on me from a "getting serious about life" standpoint. It seems like kind of a fulcrum to me. Say we live 80 years on average. The first 20 or so are spent preparing to live our life. So 50 is a midpoint in the remaining 60 years....the second half of your adult life. And I'm pretty sure it's the best part, because of your maturity level and self knowledge. So maybe that's why I feel a need to assess, clear and rebirth at this time. I have some pretty big designs on the next 30 years, but I can't achieve all I want without clearing out certain areas of my life. 

What is or has been your experience with an assessment like this? For me, I'm not sure if it's the age thing or just because I'm naturally coming to a turning point. What has inspired this kind of inventory in your life?