12/13/12—Letting Go Of The Shore

Today's Draw: Ace of Wands from the Wild Unknown Tarot. Do you feel a change happening in the world? Are you prepared to demand more from yourself? Are you ready to let go of your safety nets?

The Ace of Wands is a card of insight and inspiration. And, on my way back from a meeting tonight, I was listening to a CD that was talking about the Hopi Elder Prophecy. I'd heard the words before, but considered them differently tonight. 

This message was created in our generation, for our generation by elders from the Hopi tribe. And it dovetails with the idea that our personal and spiritual evolutions are quickening. This whole 12/21/12 Mayan Prophecy thing is considered by many to really just indicate a time where enter into a new phase of being in the world. It's a process, not a specific happening...a tipping point if you will. And this Hopi message complements it nicely:

You have been telling the people that this is the eleventh hour. Now you must go back and tell the people that this is THE hour.  And there are things to be considered : 

Where are you living? What are you doing? What are your relationships? Are you in right relation? Where is your water?

Know your garden. It is time to speak your truth. Create your community. Be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for the leader. 

There is a river flowing now very fast.  It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.  They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly. 

Know the river has its destination.  The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water.   And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate.  At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves.  For the moment that we do,  our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt. 

The time for the lone wolf is over.  Gather yourselves!  Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.  All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.  

We are the ones we've been waiting for.

There is so much in this message to contemplate. And so much of it depends on our personal perspective on the questions it asks and the challenges it poses. It asks us to take a personal inventory of where we are in our lives. To say the things we hold back from saying. To let go of our safety nets. To conquer our fears. 

I can't speak for other countries, but I feel like we've lost sight of our priorities in the US. Those who criticize us for our capitalism and wanton ways are right. We place far too much emphasis on the material things that feed our ego—the things that feed our desires. And we place far too little emphasis on the things that feed our soul. We look everywhere but within for the answer to our happiness. 

For me, one key idea from this message is that of letting go of the things we hold on to...material accomplishments and items, mindsets, personal stories, the concept of right and wrong. Another is that taking life and ourselves personally is a block to our spiritual evolution—that's a big one. And, of course, the last one....that we are the answer. We are the solution. We are the only heroes who will ride in on their white horses to save us. 

What does all of this inspire in you?

12/12/12—Righting a Past Wrong

Today's Draw: The Daughter of Swords from the Wild Unknown Tarot. Have you ever gotten a second chance to right some bad karma you created for yourself with a partner? Do you ever look back on ways you've treated yourself and others with sorrow or regret? Whatever happened to your most passionate lover?

It's interesting that the "classic" post I chose for yesterday was one about gathering all the little bits of "stardust" or clues that present in your life to point you toward where you need to go. Because little did I know at the time...less than 24 hours ago...that a bunch of dust was accumulating to lead me to a shocking revelation—one that I'm sure I'll be processing for some time. 

Twenty years ago I had a "fated" relationship with a guy named Jack. We were absolutely meant to be in each others' lives, but that didn't mean our relationship would be a good or healthy one. It was one of those "can't live with him, can't live without him" relationships—passionate, intimate, hungering. It lasted for the better part of two years and, ultimately, it wrote upon the soul of who I was in ways both good and bad.

Jack was a talented artist. And there was a pastel he had done as a teenager of a tiger that was really beautiful. It was a focal piece in his apartment and it meant a lot to him. To me, it had become symbolic of him. 

Jack wasn't a good financial steward. And when our relationship was deteriorating, he needed money. I gave it to him for the tiger. It wasn't a kind move on my part as much as it was opportune. I knew, somewhere inside me, I wanted that tiger simply because it meant so much to him. He had taken so much of me in that relationship, now I was taking something of him. I hate admitting that, but that's where I was at the time. 

The tiger has always had a place on a wall in my home, not unlike a stuffed head from some trophy kill. And, over time, as I "evolved" as a human, the tiger became more of just a piece of art. Then it became something of lesser significance. Then I moved it to a wall in a room I never enter. Then I decided I no longer wanted it. But I couldn't destroy it or shove it in a closet to collect dust. So I decided, one day, I would find a way to get it to his son, the little boy (now a nearly 30 year old man) we cared for on alternate weekends. But my desire to avoid interaction with anyone in that family has, thus far, outweighed my desire to do right by the tiger (and my personal karma). 

For some, this would be an insignificant issue. I've known women who have done awful things in vengeance and in spite. Many, I'm sure, would have gotten rid of the darned thing by now, not in a mean way, but just to be rid of it. Regardless of how damaged this relationship left me, though, that Tiger was loved by someone I had once loved. And it should remain in his family. I wouldn't feel right mindlessly tossing away someone's heirloom. I had that done to me when my father died and I know what "things" that have no measurable material value mean to the bereaved. 

Anyway, in the last four or five days, things have repeatedly happened to remind me of Jack. I saw something that reminded me of him in a drug store. I drew a Tiger card for this past weekend's reading. I had a dream where he was trying to tell me something and I wouldn't listen. And, finally, last night I saw a man who reminded me of him. Especially after the dream, it began to eat at me. All these years without really thinking of him and here I am unable to shake him. 

So, hopped up on iced tea, not able to sleep and with all this "stardust" floating around in my brain, I googled him. About a month ago, he was riding his motorcycle at a high rate of speed, crossed the yellow line and careened head on into an SUV. The accident was so violent it broke his bike in half and sent his body all the way into the cabin of the SUV. He died instantly. 

All of this leads to the Daughter of Swords. She is insightful. She is wise. And she wields her weapon judiciously. Twenty years ago when I, effectively, used his treasured possession as a pawn in our relationship, I did not wield my weapon judiciously. And now I have another chance. I may legally own that Tiger, but, in my heart, it's not rightfully mine. It belongs to his son. And it's time to figure out a way to get it to him. I think that's what all the stardust was coming to tell me. It's time let go entirely. In more ways than one. 

11/30/12—Being the Quintessential Mother

Today's Draw: The Empress from the Wild Unknown Tarot. Do you see a lot of similarities between your parent's parenting and your own? What do you do well as a parent? What could you use a little work on?

As it turns out, I am my mother. I was sitting outside tonight, the dogs left inside against their desires, thinking about what a pain in the ass it can be to care for others and how much it sucks when that care comes at a cost to your own self care. 

I know my mom felt that way sometimes. Don't get me wrong, she was an amazing mother to six human children, held a full-time job and cared for my father. All of that came before anything she might do for herself. And sometimes she did things for us that just sucked the life out of her. But she did them anyway. 

Along with all of that, though, came a lot of drama. She'd cry out things about we were "getting on her last nerve" when we hadn't really done anything terribly wrong. She'd have the adult equivalent of tantrums. She'd even faint sometimes. Just for effect. And sometimes I would just stare at her wide-eyed, not understanding at all what could have driven her to these extremes of drama. 

But now I get it. And, mothers of human children out there, I don't know how you do it. Except that it's probably easier to communicate to a child about what is proper behavior.  Of course, my dogs don't talk back to me. So it's a trade-off. And I know I've got the much easier end of the stick. 

But this new dog has been sent to me as the ultimate challenge. It's rare that I can walk across a room without being accosted by a manic dog these days. I've tried every "positive" means of trying to teach her how not to flail and jump and nip. And none of them work. 

Yes, we're taking training classes. Are they helping? Yes. But only to a degree. See, Mystic gets scared at clickers and runs into a corner when she hears one. And the teacher keeps forgetting not to click in her face. There's only so much you can learn when you're hiding, traumatized in a broom closet and not in the classroom with the rest of the dogs. 

So yesterday after a long day of meetings followed by heavy traffic, I come home and put my carryout bag on the stove. Then I go upstairs to let Mystic out of her crate. And in the gap between how quickly a manic, freaked out dog gets down the stairs and how slowly an exhausted mommy does, Mystic manages to jump up on the stove and light my dinner—and almost the house—on fire. Yes, we are now getting child-proof knob covers. You live and you learn. 

What this is all leading to is that right now I feel like I'm on my "last nerve". And I think of how many times my mom was there. And even though she'd be on her last nerve, she'd still let me snuggle up to her and she'd stroke my hair and do her nurturing thing...just like I'm doing with Magick Moonbeam right now. Because that's what's mommies do. And, imperfections, complaints, drama and all, I'm glad to nurture in the same mold as my mother. 

The Empress is the quintessential mother and nurturer. But I think it's important to acknowledge that quintessential does not mean perfect. We do what we can do. And if we have a few emotional breakdowns along the way, so be it. The most important thing is that, at the end of the day, we love our babies and try to do our best for them. 



For my tarot friends who may be considering this deck. It's beautiful. LOVE the card stock. It's very smooth and silky and substantial. And the artwork is very nice. As an FYI, many pips are non- or just partially illustrated. But if you're on the fence and wondering about quality, I say get it. http://www.thewildunknown.com/