1/24/12—Stepping Into the Void

Today's Draw: Two of Wands from the Tarot of the Crone. Do you feel like you're in a little bit of limbo right now, or are you walking solidly toward your future? Have you ever had a premonition about something....anything? And where do you stand on the whole 2012 thing?

This Two of Wands depicts the passageway between this reality and another. It's a passageway you created—a passageway to your future. But beyond that, you can't know exactly where it leads.

I saw a quote from Sue Monk Kidd today that said: 

"When you can't go forward and you can't go backward and you can't stay where you are without killing off what is deep and vital in yourself, you are on the edge of creation."

It's interesting that a number of people said they felt that way right now. Like there's a mass limbo out there that has caught us in its grasp. So we stand poised in this passageway for a moment, getting up the energy and courage to meet our destinies. 

There are perfectly normal, non-woo-woo, non-conspiracy-theorist everyday folk out there who feel that way about 2012. This is probably the biggest "anticipated question mark" in many of our lives. Y2K was up there. The Cuban Missile Crisis. Maybe the moments after 9/11. I can't really remember a whole lot of times when so many were questioning the future—curious, anticipatory, powerless. 

A priest, a St. Bernard and an Octopalian walk into a bar...

I'm pretty curious myself. Like the feeling in this card, I don't know for sure what to make of it—a year like any other? Some sort of something that changes our worlds forever? I could totally go either way. I believe in ETs and I believe the Mayans had contact with them, so my best guess goes to "something extraterrestrial". IF anything happens, that is.

I could swear I've told the story before about how, when I was between 3 and 5 years old, I lived in my sister's closet? I couldn't find the story through search, so I'll tell it again. It was a walk-in closet just off my sister's bedroom, in a dormer. My sisters were 7 and 8 years older than me. So this was how I got my own room and they got their privacy. 

Anywho, this room—this house—was creepy. It was old. And I had to sleep in a closet just big enough for a single bed and a small dresser. And my sisters used to make me ask permission to leave my room so I didn't interrupt their private big-girl business. So I was like a little prisoner in this space that I was pretty convinced was haunted. Because the room was in a dormer, it just ripe for capturing whatever energies might be floating around, too. *shiver*

Many believe we'll attain higher levels of enlightenment in 2012.

Well, while I lived in this room I had a number of "experiences" and a few very clear "premonitions" that were beyond my years. One was that I'd be a writer who lived in Maine. One was about a past life. And another was that something would happen in my lifetime that would cause many people to disappear and I would survive it. It didn't occur to me until many years later how people would "disappear"...would they die or just "poof!" And it also didn't occur to me that maybe surviving it might not be a good thing. Who knows?

Anyway, that's the baggage I bring into 2012, yet I'm still open minded, because who's to say the premonition was about 2012? I didn't fear this thing as a child, and I don't fear it now. I err on the side of "positive outcome" regarding it, if there's any notable outcome at all. Certainly I'm making earthly plans for 2013 and beyond. 

All of life, whether it's in anticipation of some new dimension of our life or Armageddon, is like this red hallway to the mystery beyond. It takes incredible courage to be a human being and stand at this threshold repeatedly throughout our lives and take those steps forward. Because not even the best psychics and mediums know what lies beyond. (Most of them, by the way, believe it's a huge shift in consciousness that's going to happen. No harm. No foul.) 

I get the sense with this card that the further I go down this hallway, the more I'm going to see into the dark. I don't know if that's logical. But that's the feeling I get. We get this amazing opportunity at adventure every day we're alive. And since some may be concerned they only have about 300 of those days left, it makes sense to make the most of every one of them.

1/23/12—Becoming an Expert

Today's Draw: Eight of Pentacles from the Crystal Visions. What are you an expert at? Who decides whether you're an expert or not? And is it possible you're selling yourself short in some area of expertise?

The Eight of Pentacles is about the apprentice...and often the late-in-life apprentice or second-time-around apprentice. Hard work, perseverance and attention to detail are required to master a new skill, so our weaver woman focuses on her work, regardless of what else may call to her. 

I don't feel like writing this blog today. And I don't have to. But for some yet-to-be-revealed-to-me reason, I've made a commitment to doing it. Until I'm done. Whenever that is. In the meantime, this exercise helps me practice my craft and refine my voice. It helps me build an audience. It helps me practice my tarot and intuitive skills. And it delivers a seemingly unlimited supply of encouragement from people like you. :)

This past weekend, my "new Saturday entry" debuted and I got such wonderful feedback. As I said before, I want to make a book full of those and will be using some of the ones I post here to send to publishers in a proposal.

I've been writing professionally for 25 years, but the kind of writing I do here is different from the "Sale! $59.99 Sansabelt Pants!" kind of writing I'm used to. For one thing, I use a lot less exclamation marks. For another, in more than a year of writing these entries, not a one of you has tried to edit my work. (Though "Sansabelt Pants Sale! $59.99!" certainly would be an inspired suggestion on your part.)

Awesome Woolen  iPod Pouch—Closed

There are times we tend to discount our skill or expertise. An engineer who's been honing their artistic skills for years might say their art "is just a hobby." An accountant who can fix anything mechanical might claim "awww, it's just something I picked up as a kid." A nurse who knits caps for patients might feel "I'm just trying to help out."

There are a few different ways to measure whether or not you're an expert at something. One is the 10,000 hour (or 10-years at about 20 hours a week of focused practice) rule made famous by Malcolm Gladwell. If you've been doing something that long, you can consider yourself an expert. Why? Because everyone else does.

Another way to define expertise is "continual, focused practice over time." No year limits. You just do it for a long time and declare yourself an expert. And this last part is key...there is no special dinner held when you become an expert...no cake in your office's kitchen...no speech or crown, no passing of the baton. It happens without fanfare or notice. It's a role you step into of your own accord.

Why is this important? Because you're probably selling yourself short on your skills and abilities. I've been reading tarot for 25 years, but a year ago I did not classify myself as an expert. I did not consider myself worthy of, say, writing a book on it. Or teaching classes. Or doing it professionally. The difference in the amount of actual, hands-on tarot experience I had last year and what I have this year is insignificant. The difference in the amount of confidence I have now, however, is paramount. The confidence is what made me take those steps to write and teach, not some outside source telling me it was time.

Awesome Woolen  iPod Pouch—Open

People are so afraid they'll be labeled "conceited" if they consider themselves an expert at anything. And really that just means less competition for those of us who are willing to step into our expert underpants...haha. Those of us who plan to get rich off our expertise NEED people like you to buy our stuff and look up to us. So it's cool if you'd rather stay humble. :D

My personal definition of being an expert is when you start realizing that the experts aren't saying anything you don't already know...and that they're not saying stuff you DO know. That's when you know it's time to share your voice with the world. Or at least claim your expert badge. Even if you've just got the first part of the equation, you're "expert enough". I mean, if they're expert enough and they've got nothing on you, then what else could you be?

Today I can say I'm an expert writer. I'm an expert in advertising, marketing and copywriting. I'm an expert in tarot. In dog rearing. And I'm an expert in the area of spiritual thought and personal growth. The last one was a little hard for me to claim because of my own insecurities. But I'm claiming it. I certainly meet the 10,000 hour quota in all areas mentioned. Soon I'll get my badge in making hand-sewn woolen pouches, too. Once that happens, expect to see me on Oprah.

So what are your areas of expertise? And what areas are you developing now?

The Week of 1/22/12—Walking Your Talk

A while back, one of my artist friends, Joanna Powell Colbert, wrote something that forever changed the way I looked at my backyard.  

She urged her readers to notice the other animal families that live alongside ours on our properties. And not just to notice them, but to dial into them the way we do our human neighbors—recognizing their patterns and quirks.

Certainly I was aware of much of what lived in my backyard before. There are the birds that live in the honeysuckle tangle. The rabbits that nest under the shed. The mice that live beneath my deck and occasionally invade my house. Then there are the passers by—the mourning doves, the cardinal, the bluejay, the possums, the owl and Harvey, the neighbor's cat who likes to torment my dogs.

I knew all this, but had never seen it as a community before. Nor did I recognize my role as the steward of this community. For example, I take precautions so my dogs can't get at the bunnies under the shed. If I see Harvey in our yard, I warn him before I release the hounds. And, essentially, I don't do anything to discourage these families from thriving on my property (though when the mice enter the house, all bets are off.)

So it was in this mind last year when I really took a good look at the squirrels that raise their young in my tree. It started out with birds nesting in this one hollowed out limb. But about eight or nine years ago I saw the birds being unceremoniously evicted by the squirrels. Since then I've watched generations of baby squirrels peek their heads out that hollow hole looking for their mama. Then, when they get big enough, everyone moves elsewhere, vacating the hole until the following spring.

Anyway, all that changed when, late last summer, a storm brought down that hollow limb. The squirrels were long gone, so nobody got injured. But their home was totaled. I kept the hollow part and leaned it up against my tree, intending to fill it with soil this spring and make it into a planter or other yard feature.

Well, we've had a warm winter so far. And I think someone might have gotten pregnant early, because I've been seeing a squirrel poking around my planter-in-waiting a lot lately. It's like s/he's assessing its worthiness for another scurry of squirrels expected in the spring. Every time I see him sizing it up, I want to warn him not to risk it. But I don't speak squirrel. All I know is one push and my dogs will have those babies. It's no longer fit for squirrels.

In our spiritual lives, we will all come across a challenge like this—when something that has served us for quite some time now no longer suits us. It might come upon us suddenly like it did for the evicted birds. Or it might take time and repeated reminders to realize, like with the squirrels.

As we move forward on our paths, we need to periodically check to see if the way we're living is in integrity with our beliefs. A vegetarian may realize they cannot, in all good conscience, continue to wear leather goods, for example. A yogi might realize the hypocrisy of their cigarette or alcohol habit. Or a spiritual seeker may find that holding grudges brings nothing but pain for them anymore. In short, the spiritual home we've built can no longer abide certain ways of being.

As you walk through the coming week, think about the squirrel and the choice he needs to make in order to do what's best for himself and his family. Consider whether the ways you're acting and being continue to honor the spiritual beliefs you've built. Observe your actions and interactions and ask yourself questions:

·      Are you approaching conflicts from a place of compassion and understanding?

·      Do you follow the advice you give to others?

·      Can you see where the judgment you placed on someone else might also be true about you?

·      While you may not be saying unkind things, do you find yourself thinking them?

·      Are you really listening when people speak or are you thinking of all the stuff you have to do later on?

·      Would Jesus/Buddha/God be proud of the way you handled that last interaction?

The questions you ask yourself may be different based upon your beliefs and where you are along your path. But you owe it to yourself to be as honest and as impartial in your self-assessment as possible. To make progress on our spiritual paths, it becomes necessary to shed parts of ourselves that no longer serve.

We may not always like what we see when we look inward. We may find it's not always convenient to act in integrity with our beliefs. We may even discover it's harder to find a new way of approaching things than it is to stay the same. But if you're one of those people who hates it when others don't walk their talk, then you've got to decide whether you're going to be one of those people you hate or not.

The look on my dog's face tells me that once that squirrel's eyes are opened to the way things really are, he will seek higher ground. And you will too.

1/20/12-1/22/12—Integrating Opposites

Weekend Reading*: Integration from the Osho Zen. This is a weekend for honoring, accepting and integrating the opposites within you. Masculine/feminine, light/dark, intuitive/rational...we are all of these things to one degree or another. It's what makes us interesting. Denying any one part of ourselves puts us in a self-made prison and causes disruption within. Because that part of you is always there, trying to come out, whether you acknowledge it or not. So this weekend take an honest assessment of yourself—especially those parts of you that you tend to dislike or deny. See where you are that and where you are also its opposite. See where that part of yourself serves you. And let yourself be...yourself. Your people love you anyway. Isn't it time you started loving yourself the same way?

*As part of the change with my daily draws (see yesterday's post for details) I'm moving the "weekend reading" to Friday.

1/19/12—Changing Things Up at The Daily Draw

Today's Draw: From Soul Cards 2 by Deborah Koff-Chapin. What do you see in this card? Does it hold a message for you? And are you ready for a taste of something new at The Daily Draw?

Soul Cards aren't tarot and they're not oracle cards. They're a thing unto themselves. It's just a deck of cards with art on them. There's no prescribed meaning to any of the cards. There's not even a name for each card. 

When I first set out to learn tarot, I memorized the 78 meanings of my favorite deck and thought I was pretty fancy. Every time I would choose a certain card, my inner librarian would retrieve the meaning and I'd regurgitate it to the sitter. And while there's nothing wrong with this—you can give an amazing reading just doing that—it started to bother me that MY readings were so mechanical. But by this time, I was ruined. I couldn't pull a Three of Swords without thinking "heartbreak". And by the time that came out, my opportunity for any intuitive hits off the card had passed. 

That's when I found Soul Cards. I read these instead of tarot for a couple of years to sort of reprogram all the brainwashing I had done by memorizing meanings. And the cool thing about Soul Cards is that you can't be wrong. Because there are no meanings to measure your reading against. You just got to go with what you get.

What I get from this card is a signal that it's time to shake things up at the Daily Draw. :) I see a woman who has become so "at one" with this tree, that it's hard to see where she stops and the tree begins. In fact she's become such a part of the landscape that the skittish deer came within touching distance before he saw her. 

She is a part of nature and a part of the winter landscape. Her feet have turned to root. And she is so deep in her meditation or sleep that she's not giving off energy, while the deer is sending out ripples. She has gone so deep that she has embodied the slow, regenerative energy of a bare tree. So the deer didn't hear her, didn't sense her—didn't know she was there until he saw her. Or maybe she's part of his tribe and he came to find her and wake her up.

A few years ago, I devoted two years to watching sunrises at my favorite park by the river. I went a minimum of once a week and sometimes went for sunsets, too. I was pretty much a regular there. I like to think, if asked by a passing otter or bluejay, the critters who lived there would say, "oh, her? She's cool. She won't bother you."

While there, I would journal every morning, asking nature what it wanted to teach me. And, for me, listening meant "becoming part of the wind"...dissolving away my human nature and leaving just my "nature" to sense the scene. Sometimes I would find my lesson immediately. Sometimes I would have to sit a while before it came to me. It was never something I thought of in the car on the way over. It had to happen there. Spontaneously. It had to be the one teaching the earth prepared for me that day.

Why I started doing it and why I stopped are like the stardust we were talking about yesterday. In a way, the journal entries were very much like these Daily Draw posts, but using nature as my oracle. Probably one of the biggest lessons I learned is that nature holds an abundance of spiritual secrets. It's like its own Sunday School and you can go every day and learn something different. 

A collection of Soul Card images.

I always meant to do something with those journal posts...something that would make them into a book. But I never did. Until now. Recently a friend suggested that I devote one post a week to these messages from nature. Then, in a couple of month's time, I would have a few good ones to send off to a publisher. So that's what I'm going to do. 

For the next couple of months or so, we're going to do the Weekend Reading on Friday instead of Saturday. And the Saturday post will be devoted to what I consider "sermons from the church of nature". I truly believe there's a need out there for spiritual messages that aren't delivered from the pulpit. But I also believe my normal thing of using tarot gets in the way of the message for many who think tarot is either a) an abomination to God or b) woo woo or c) both. 

So you'll get four days of what you're used to, an early weekend reading, and something to wake up to on Saturday to carry into your weekend. And, in doing so, you'll be helping me find my voice for the book my soul has been begging me to write for years. :)

That said, what does today's card say to you?

1/18/12—Peering Into Our Trail of Stardust

Today's Draw: Ace of Wands from the Science Tarot—Nebula. Is there something you're doing right now based solely on gut instinct? When you look back on your life, do you see a lot of "clues" that haven't yet materialized into anything? What do you see in your trail of stardust?

The book for this deck says, "apparently from nothing, the star stuff comes together and begins to take shape. But what will become of this gathering of dust, this mass of potential, this nebulous form just beginning to emerge?"

The Ace of Wands signals a beginning of some creative effort...the first steps into a sea of possibilities. Maybe you're just now thinking of pursuing a new hobby. That thought is a speck of stardust. The class you're taking? That hunch your following? Another speck. And another speck. 

Sometimes we don't know what we're building until it's half built. After ten years of working in advertising agencies, I stunned myself by making a split-second decision to become a freelancer. In the very moment I made my decision, I realized it was the trajectory I'd been on my entire career. A minute before, I was clueless. A minute afterward, I had a calling. True story. And when I looked back on the previous ten years, all the specks of stardust leading me there became visible in ways I hadn't seen before. 

That was 15 years ago. And now I'm seeing another trail of stardust gathering with these blogs and other work I'm doing. It hasn't quite formed into anything tangible yet. I'm not sure what I'm doing or why. But I'm following my instinct. 

I think we all have times in our lives that we wonder what the heck we're doing it all for. Our path may seem fruitless, thankless or unforgiving. But we're throwing out specks of stardust and, somewhere out of our view, something is, nonetheless, in the process of forming. 

We may have no idea what we're doing, but we can still maintain control over the energy those specks are wrapped up in. Are they wrapped in bitterness? Exhaustion? Hopelessness? Or are they wrapped like the gift they are?

This is the second time this week that stardust has been a part of this reading. I have no idea why. But maybe it's a clue that there's magic afoot for us. Even if it's not, we can still proceed like there is, though.

I often think back to that day 15 years ago when I made a life-changing decision, seemingly out of the blue. Calling the days and weeks after it blessed or freeing or magic just doesn't seem to do it justice. Everything suddenly made sense and I had complete trust and faith I wasn't being led down this path to fail. Over the past five years I've done a number of things just from my gut without needing to know why. This blog, a series of meditations by the river and all this poking around into tarot teaching and book writing are among them. All specks of stardust gathering into a form I can't quite make out, but sense this year will bring into greater clarity.

What might your own stardust be telling you?

1/17/12—Remembering Gratitude

Today's Draw: Nine of Swords from the Art Postcard Tarot by Marcia McCord. Has some thought gotten hold of you to the point that it's haunting you? Do you feel vulnerable right now? Have you used the resources at your command to return yourself to center?

Although this card can be about disillusionment and denial, I more frequently connect it to those thoughts that keep you up at night. Maybe they're worries. Or some obsessive drama that plays over in your mind. Or maybe you're telling someone off in your mind. 

I've been doing this a lot lately. And when I get like this, it's a good signal that I'm feeling vulnerable. Things that would normally bounce right off me, penetrate instead. I don't always realize it right off, but it's also a signal that I've left something open energetically, so negative thinking that was looking for a way in, found its way in. 

There was a time in my life that I would stay up obsessing over stuff every night. Stuff like "did I remember to lock the door when I left the office?" "Why did I say XYZ to So-And-So?" And spontaneously remembering things that I should probably write down, but would have to turn the light on in order to do so. 

Right now it's about a job I'm working on with clients I can't seem to do anything right for. And it has brought me right back to times when I was younger that I was afraid of getting in trouble...or got in trouble for something I didn't do. It's a fear-based, diminishing mindset that I'm no longer used to living in. And I feel like the last couple months of stress, overloaded calendars and decisions I've made for my future have sort of weakened my emotional immune system. I'm not in my comfort zone, so I'm feeling all discombobulated. And I hate that I'm doing this to myself, because I've had some really good "wins" in the last couple of months, too, and have chosen to focus on the ooky stuff instead.

Yesterday we talked about how hope is always available to us, and my Facebook friend, P.C.,  commented that gratitude was the path to hope. That's so true, isn't it? Gratitude is a sure path back to hope, grace, faith and all the beacons of light within our higher selves. As much as some of us practice this stuff, sometimes we nonetheless have to be reminded. In the past week, I've gotten two such reminders. One was to protect myself energetically...something I'm usually cognizant of. (And by this, I just mean to imagine the protective white light of God surrounding you.) And earlier today, gratitude. 

So if any of you are out there and feeling a little off your game...or worried...or obsessive about something that happened in your life, remember those two techniques to guide you back to your faith and strength. Feelings need to be felt. There is nothing wrong with being sad or whatever. But when you feel it so much you it starts seeming like you're captive in its clutches, it's time to find a way back to center. And one good place to start is gratitude.