2/13/13—Making a Decision

Today's Draw: The Seeker (Fool) in the House of the Ring from the Gaian Tarot and the Deck of Lenormand Houses. Can't get started on a change you want to make? Or you start over and over again, only to fail? Want to know the secret of a new beginning?

This may be the first time I've ever used tarot just with my Deck of Lenormand Houses. If you don't know about my Deck of Lenormand Houses, you can purchase it on my blog. It's like the Deck of 1000 Spreads, but for Lenormand.

Anyway, yesterday we were talking about new starts and the advice was to know that it's ok to just start in a new direction because the universe is always guiding you. And today is about new beginnings, too.

For the better part of 26 years, I smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. I was cool with that for the first 15 years or so, but during the last decade of smoking I tried to quit on a regular basis. I don't think I ever lasted more than three weeks. For all the people out there who advise others to "just quit", I promise you, it's not that easy.

Consider that the average smoker introduces the drug into their system every 15-30 minutes for YEARS. In about ten minutes after you quit, your brain wants the drug. And it pesters you until you get it. You are chemically, emotionally and physically addicted. That's why they say it's one of the hardest drugs to quit. It took me 10 years of trying, many of which were honest efforts borne of genuine desire to quit. It took me all those 10 years to finally learn the one secret that would save me.

Making a decision. A commitment. A promise to never smoke again.

All the other times I had it in my head that, if something really bad happened, I could have a cigarette. Or after a few years, I might be in the clear. Or if I found out I was dying. There was always an "if" that I would use to comfort myself with. And it was absolutely the wrong way to go because the second you leave a door even cracked to your addiction, it will come busting through.

When I finally made a decision to never smoke again—under no circumstance—you know what happened? Quitting was easy. I had every option open to me when I had a craving, except one. I could never smoke again. It was the decision...the commitment that made the difference.

In the past, I had made decisions to "try to quit" or "to quit". But I had never made an absolute decision to never smoke again. Consider the difference. I made a decision to quit. Which I did. Then I started back up again. It wasn't absolute. I said I'd quit and I did. But I never said "forever". Or "never again".

So what does that have to do with the Fool in the House of the Ring? Well, Ring is all about commitment. And the Fool is about new beginnings. So making a commitment to one option and not allowing other options to muddy the waters is a great way to make a new beginning. Want to leave your miserable man, but keep going back for more? Make a commitment to never go back again. Want to start in a new career direction? Make a commitment to never consider any other option again...or make a commitment to never let a Sunday pass without sending out a resume. Want to lose weight? Make a commitment to never overeat again. Or to never spend a week on your sofa without exercising. Whatever change you're trying to make, there is something you can commit to that will begin to chip away at the old behavior.

I know people don't like "never", but once the offending behavior is no longer an option, it won't call to you. That's what I learned from quitting smoking 10 years ago. It's not the quitting that's the hard part. It's the making the decision. It took me 10 years of quitting to finally make the decision to never smoke again. And it seems to be taking me as long with overeating.

The reason the decision or commitment is powerful is because we tend to honor those things. For me, once I make a decision, it's made. Other decisions can be made in the future as you hone your focus, but the original decision usually still stands.

So somewhere in our lives, there's a place where we can make a decision to "never" (fill in the blank). And maybe it's a baby step, like I will never watch HoneyBooBoo ever again just because I'm bored. A decision like that is a gateway decision for dealing with TV addiction...haha.

So think about it. What new way of being do you want to bring into your life? Yesterday asked us to take that leap, knowing we'll be guided (which is also what the Fool tells us, coinkadinkally). And today asks us to make a commitment to this new direction and never looking back. What will you decide?

9/13/12—Finding Truth in the Gray Areas

Today's Draw: Two of Swords from the Victorian Romantic. Do you believe one presidential candidate is whacked out and the other is reasonable? Do you find yourself using the word "evil" to describe people in your life? What can BJ and Fifty Shades of Gray tell you about how to be in this world?

Day Four of the One Card Challenge and I'm rarin' to go! Since part of my intent for this week was to teach a little about different ways you can read cards, I'm going to do some teachy teachy stuff today, too. 

One of the ways I teach card meanings is to teach all the twos at once, for example. It actually works. There are common lines you can draw and keywords you can reference through each number of the minor arcana which can make remembering card meanings a little easier. And each number 1-10 of the minor arcana (the "pips" as we call them in tarot) corresponds to two, sometimes three major arcana cards. These cards also embody the same basic keywords. 

The majors that correspond to the number 2 are the High Priestess (major arcana 2), Justice (major arcana 11) and Judgment (major arcana 20). The reason these are all twos is because if you reduce their numerical assignations to a single digit, you get two. For example, Justice is card 11 and 1+1=2. 

So yesterday we talked about balance and choice being keywords for the twos. That is clearly seen in the Justice card with the scales of justice and fair reasoning. And it can be seen in Judgment, because the angel is calling your soul to judgment so a choice can be made based on your past experiences. Those are simplistic definitions of those cards, but they work. 

But now to the mother of all twos, the High Priestess. For me, she demonstrates another aspect of the twos...dualism. She is positioned between the dark and light pillars of Solomon's temple, Boaz and Jachin (bet you thought the BJ stood for something else, huh?). All this points to balance. And the High Priestess is the embodiment of the intuitive powers we discussed in yesterday's card. But, to me it also says she stands in that place between black and white. Which is the meaning I want to address in today's entry. 

In both of the Two of Swords cards you've seen, the woman's head is centered between two equal and opposing things...the hands on the Victorian Romantic version and the Swords on the Rider Waite Smith. Somewhere in that intersection between the two extremes is where truth lies. All three of the major arcana cards I've discussed today are focused around truth in different ways...the practical facts of Justice, the spiritual truths of judgement and the intuitive truths of the High Priestess. What all these cards are telling us is that truth lies within shades of gray (cue the jokes about 50 Shades of Gray). 

You see it all the time. Someone is surly and antisocial. So they're a monster, a psychopath, evil incarnate. Or a restaurant has really good pasta, so you've got to go there, everything on the menu is fabulous! We tend to place judgments on people, situations and things based on black and white views of the world. The truth is rarely black or white. The surly person might give of themselves in other ways. And the restaurant might have a really bad cheesesteak. I would like to say "nothing is all good or all bad", but even that statement is an absolute! 

Though I sometimes find myself placing people at things at extremes, it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine. I really don't like the way we demonize some people and deify others. We not only do them a disservice, but we do ourselves one, too. Because we never see the truth. More importantly, though, we put greater distance between ourselves and our god.

A couple of days ago the US commemorated the day when "the evil doers came and attacked our innocent country." That is how many Americans feel. But the thing is, every interaction and every drama we have with someone else reflects something back on us. And when we demonize our opposition and deify ourselves, we hold that reflection away from us, as though it has nothing to do with us. 

Denied in all the violence of that day was a message about the way we're seen in the world. Certainly it was an extreme message and an extreme expression. And I, in no way, excuse what they did or accuse the victims. This isn't about that. It's about how, when we demonize others, we miss the reflection. We say, "that is not me, I am good, they are bad, I am reasonable, they're fanatics." 

The truth is America's not all good. Some of the things the terrorists had to say about our ego focused, money driven society were true. A few blocks away and a few years later, another unfriendly plot was being hatched against our citizens by Wall Street. We may have been taken by surprise by the crash of our economy, but do you think the jihadists were? Of course not. They've been trying to tell us who we are for years. But we didn't listen. Because they're crazy evil doers and we're doers of good. Just ask all the families we've given mosquito nets to in third world countries.

When we say, "all those criticisms are outside of me, they have nothing to do with me, I have no control over their opinions"—when we refuse to listen and see what's being reflected back—we keep the door open for more aggression to happen. When we demonize our detractors, we, in that one simple act, absolve ourselves of responsibility in the dynamic. If god is everywhere and everything, we can't disconnect from others by placing them separate from us. They're not. We are all part of, and a product of, god. We are all of the same stuff, just in slightly different shades of gray with no pure black or white among us.

I don't mean this to be about 9/11 or good and evil, but more to illustrate what we do when we ignore shades of gray. Those men who flew into the towers had families that they loved. They were doing this as part of a holy war in their minds. They were doing this out of devotion to their beliefs.We can debate all day about how screwed up that is, just as we can debate how screwed up America was to enslave men and women based on our beliefs. The fact remains, they were not all bad. And we're not all good. Black and white are only reference points to enable all the gray in between. 

So, in all my story above, we see how the Two of Swords can indicate a mind split into dualistic thinking and show us that our head should rest somewhere in the area between. We can see how the truth lies between those extremes and the role intuition and divine fairness play throughout the twos. And we can also see how black and white thinking is another way of holding others and our god at arm's length. If we're going to evolve and if we're ever going to change the way this crappy world operates, we need to ditch the dualistic thinking that holds our growth at bay and begin to understand ourselves and others in a more divinely intimate way. 

9/12/12—Seeing Within

Today's Draw: Two of Swords from the Victorian Romantic Tarot. Are you on the fence about a decision? Is your indecision driving you batty all throughout the noggin? Is it possible that there's something in the big picture you're failing to see?

For today's look at the Two of Swords, I'm going to use the traditional meaning for the card. Or perhaps I should say one of the traditional meanings for the card. Which means I'm also going to include the traditional image so you can see what I'm talking about. 

Quite different from the one we've looked at the last couple of days, huh? She's blindfolded. And while you would think that would make her more vulnerable, she doesn't seem nearly as vulnerable as she does in the Victorian Romantic's version. For one thing, she's sitting, so she's quite stable. For another, the turbulent skies behind her are gone. And, let's get down to brass tacks. The real reason she looks less vulnerable is because that chick is totally armed to the hilt with those ten-foot-long mammajammas she's holding! :D

Twos in tarot are all about balance and choice. So whatever suit you're in, the twos bring a second thing into the picture that brings balance and a choice. In the cups, it's about meeting your "other half" and choosing love. In pentacles, it's about choosing to balance resources. In wands, it's weighing your options so you can make a balanced decision. And in the swords, it signals two thoughts or ideas, each of which have equal, and sometimes opposing, appeal. 

This is our REAL image of the week.

Somewhere inside you, there's a tie that needs to be broken...a split decision that needs to be resolved. Some consider the blindfold to indicate something you're not seeing. Some consider it an aid in objectivity. Either way, my thought about this version of the card is that all your focus and energy is going into the debate in your head. But there is another factor plastered all over the card that you may be missing—your intuition, represented by both the moon and water. Perhaps that's why she wears the blindfold. To see within. 

Swords is one of the most difficult suits of the tarot because it deals with all that noise inside our heads. Sometimes we get so caught up in strategy and thought and fairness and weighing things that we forget to consult our inner muse. Where does your intuition want you to go? Where are the tides you pulling you personally? Forget about what you *think*. What do you KNOW?

The Two of Swords comes along to reassure us that we have what we need to make the right decision. We just need to make it. But it also tells us that, try as we might to make a decision where everyone wins, swords cut both ways. So if you're holding out for a decision without consequences, you'll be suffering at the edge of life's vast saltwater pond for quite some time. Capice?

5/7/12—Taking Emotion Out Of Decisions

Today's Draw: Woman of Science from the William Blake Tarot. Do you tend to make emotional or knee-jerk decisions? Or do you tend to collect relevant evidence first, then wait until you can make an objective decision? Has your approach to decision making changed anytime recently?

Today's card is about seeking out pertinent data and taking a methodical approach to solving a problem. The ladies in the card are all being very precise and scientific. They have put their emotions aside. And rather than making assessments of the situation, they are simply collecting information at this time. Later they can view all the information as a whole and draw more informed conclusions.

Too often, we make decisions in the moment that don't have to be made in the moment. And, if you're like me, you often let emotions drive those decisions. I honestly feel like I've never made a decision I regret. I have no use for regrets in my life. Things are what they are. But even though I don't regret any of the decisions I've made, I can see where I could have made better decisions if I had just slowed down enough to take emotion out of it. And not just made better decisions, but also exited situations more gracefully and calmly.

One of the things I've done in the past is walk away from things too quickly. But over the last year or so, I've taken my time and thought things through more. Back in February I wrote about a meetup group that I quit going to. It was something I thought about for a long time...weighed options and everything. I didn't let emotions rule my decision. And by giving myself the opportunity to be more objective, I was able to see the "truth" of the situation...my role, the role of others, the motivations beneath actions....what I would be losing, what I would be gaining.

In the end, I think it was a good decision. I didn't make a fool out of myself upon leaving. I didn't walk away in anger or take a final parting shot. I just walked away. And while making the decision itself was a bit emotional, once it was made I was able to let go. I really haven't missed those meetups at all and I thought I would.

Turns out I would have made the same decision if I had made a flip emotional decision, though. The difference is, if I had relied entirely on emotions, in retrospect I would have questioned the intentions behind the decision and wondered if I had walked away in a huff. Not out of regret, really. But it would have been part of a pattern I had followed before...one that would always make me question if I walked away out of fear or hurt or whatever. It's one thing to have hurt initiate a departure and another thing to have it drive one. And my objective is to not have emotions drive my decisions in ways it has in the past.

When we take the time to step outside of an initial drama, we have the wits about us to make a more measured decision. We can look back at the pattern of a dynamic. We can see the "truth" of the relationship or situation. Maybe it's one-time thing and we're being silly and emotional. Or maybe it's part of a pattern that we're tired of repeating. Of course, this goes for happy decisions and bad, yesses and nos, joining and quitting, blah, blah, blah. 

On Friday we talked about clearing the fields. This is kind of related to that. It's saying that if you're going to clear the fields, at least give yourself the benefit of a measured and objective take on the situation. Well, as measured and objective as you can be. And also make a commitment that, once you're done burning the soybean field, you don't just go and plan soybeans again.

So what about you? Are you on the verge of a rash decision?