4/2/13—Clearing The Fields

Today's Draw Classic*: Ten of Fire from the Gaian Tarot. Is there a fire raging in your life right now? What are the good things being left exposed in the ash? And what of the bad things are worth starting a whole new fire, in order to consume them once and for all?

Maybe 10 years ago or so, I drove past a farmer's field that was smoking from a recent fire. I had never seen this before, so I thought something tragic had happened. But then a few miles down the road, I saw another burned out field. And another. This was the first time I realized that farmers occasionally burn fields to kill all the old growth and weeds. Then, I suppose, they turn the soil and plant something new. It's like a clean slate. A field that used to grow soybeans can now grow corn. 

The same concept is used by nature. Forest fires, for example, are actually necessary to keeping the forest healthy. Too much vegetation can prevent seeds from germinating, stopping the growth of new trees—and thus endangering the generational growth cycle. Also, the denser the forest, the hotter it burns and the more destructive the fire becomes. So occasional fires in the forest are mother nature's form of self-care and even damage control.

Usually when we see a Ten of Wands, it's depicting someone so overwhelmed, burdened or oppressed that they can't move. They feel trapped in the fire with no way out. Whether it's work or financial matters, family or relationships, we all feel that way at one time or another. Then once the flames subside, whether we wanted it or not, we're left with a fresh slate upon which to write. 

It sometimes seems like there is a fire burning in some area of our lives at any given time....something turning to ash so new things can grow. Some of them are easy to contain, while others may rage out of control.  Sometimes fires happen to you. And sometimes you set them yourself, clearing what no longer serves to make space for new growth and more evolved life. However they manifest in your life, try to remember through all the smoke and heat, that these fires are necessary to keep us turning the soil and experiencing new things. 

*Adapted from the entry on 5/4/12

2/13/13—Making a Decision

Today's Draw: The Seeker (Fool) in the House of the Ring from the Gaian Tarot and the Deck of Lenormand Houses. Can't get started on a change you want to make? Or you start over and over again, only to fail? Want to know the secret of a new beginning?

This may be the first time I've ever used tarot just with my Deck of Lenormand Houses. If you don't know about my Deck of Lenormand Houses, you can purchase it on my blog. It's like the Deck of 1000 Spreads, but for Lenormand.

Anyway, yesterday we were talking about new starts and the advice was to know that it's ok to just start in a new direction because the universe is always guiding you. And today is about new beginnings, too.

For the better part of 26 years, I smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. I was cool with that for the first 15 years or so, but during the last decade of smoking I tried to quit on a regular basis. I don't think I ever lasted more than three weeks. For all the people out there who advise others to "just quit", I promise you, it's not that easy.

Consider that the average smoker introduces the drug into their system every 15-30 minutes for YEARS. In about ten minutes after you quit, your brain wants the drug. And it pesters you until you get it. You are chemically, emotionally and physically addicted. That's why they say it's one of the hardest drugs to quit. It took me 10 years of trying, many of which were honest efforts borne of genuine desire to quit. It took me all those 10 years to finally learn the one secret that would save me.

Making a decision. A commitment. A promise to never smoke again.

All the other times I had it in my head that, if something really bad happened, I could have a cigarette. Or after a few years, I might be in the clear. Or if I found out I was dying. There was always an "if" that I would use to comfort myself with. And it was absolutely the wrong way to go because the second you leave a door even cracked to your addiction, it will come busting through.

When I finally made a decision to never smoke again—under no circumstance—you know what happened? Quitting was easy. I had every option open to me when I had a craving, except one. I could never smoke again. It was the decision...the commitment that made the difference.

In the past, I had made decisions to "try to quit" or "to quit". But I had never made an absolute decision to never smoke again. Consider the difference. I made a decision to quit. Which I did. Then I started back up again. It wasn't absolute. I said I'd quit and I did. But I never said "forever". Or "never again".

So what does that have to do with the Fool in the House of the Ring? Well, Ring is all about commitment. And the Fool is about new beginnings. So making a commitment to one option and not allowing other options to muddy the waters is a great way to make a new beginning. Want to leave your miserable man, but keep going back for more? Make a commitment to never go back again. Want to start in a new career direction? Make a commitment to never consider any other option again...or make a commitment to never let a Sunday pass without sending out a resume. Want to lose weight? Make a commitment to never overeat again. Or to never spend a week on your sofa without exercising. Whatever change you're trying to make, there is something you can commit to that will begin to chip away at the old behavior.

I know people don't like "never", but once the offending behavior is no longer an option, it won't call to you. That's what I learned from quitting smoking 10 years ago. It's not the quitting that's the hard part. It's the making the decision. It took me 10 years of quitting to finally make the decision to never smoke again. And it seems to be taking me as long with overeating.

The reason the decision or commitment is powerful is because we tend to honor those things. For me, once I make a decision, it's made. Other decisions can be made in the future as you hone your focus, but the original decision usually still stands.

So somewhere in our lives, there's a place where we can make a decision to "never" (fill in the blank). And maybe it's a baby step, like I will never watch HoneyBooBoo ever again just because I'm bored. A decision like that is a gateway decision for dealing with TV addiction...haha.

So think about it. What new way of being do you want to bring into your life? Yesterday asked us to take that leap, knowing we'll be guided (which is also what the Fool tells us, coinkadinkally). And today asks us to make a commitment to this new direction and never looking back. What will you decide?

1/14/13—Getting Creative

Today's Draw: The Gardener from the Gaian Tarot. What kind of a creator are you? What do you create? And which do you value most—the destination or the ride?

Most call her the Empress, but Joanna Powell Colbert calls her the gardener. She is the earth mother...the creator...the nurturer. 

All of us have some garden we tend in our lives. Some of us grow things from seed. Some of us plant seedlings. Some of get fully grown plants and hope we don't kill them. And some of us like to cross-pollinate and create new strains. 

When it comes to actual greenery and plants, I'm a seedling girl. I have a pretty extensive herb garden that stays in containers. I'm not good at tending at beds, so I let them go wild. But elsewhere in my life I'm all about creating new strains and growing from seed.

This year I'm hoping to get a publishing contract for a spiritual book. That was a goal last year, but I just lost my grasp on it with all the other stuff going on in my life. Meanwhile, my spreadcrafting product, The Deck of 1000 Spreads, will be coming out in March (now available for pre-order on Amazon and everywhere else). And I've just self-published the Deck of Lenormand Houses, which is pretty much the same thing, but with Lenormand (a popular fortune-telling oracle). I'm also hoping to unearth the glass from the junk room this year so I can go back to making stained glass. 

I don't know what I would do or who I would be if original thought and the expression of it were not allowed in our society. It's such a big part of my world, touching nearly every waking hour. My job in advertising pretty much depends on it. And after hours I work on things like those decks and this blog. They say there are no original ideas, but I don't agree. Nor do I think it matters, as long as it's original to me. 

I'm not really sure what all this musing is about, except that I know for every person like me, there's at least one other person intimidated by creativity. Either they feel it has to be perfect or they have to have a big idea or even have to be good at it. But like I said up above, there are many ways to tend a garden. If you're not confident with growing from seed, then buy a seedling (like a craft kit) or fully grown plant (like something nearly complete that you can easily embellish.) Nothing compares to a gift or possession that you have put your heart and soul into creating, imo. 

We're all so different and I'm sure there are people out there who dislike being creative with the same passion as I like it. But I think there are a lot of people out there who shy away from creative projects because they think they won't do it well. For example, I can't draw, but it doesn't keep me from making my own stained glass patterns or creating card decks or anything else. 

The goal isn't to display your art publicly or get compliments from others or to even like it yourself. After all, all the actual creation happens in the process. If you only get joy out of the finished product, you may as well just buy something on etsy. The real joy is in the doing, whether you do it well or not. You just have to give yourself the permission to enjoy the ride, even if it ultimately leads you to Uglyville. 

12/22/12-12/23/12—Making a Different Choice

Weekend Reading: Five of Fire from the Gaian Tarot. This weekend, something may be tempting you to act like a hothead or maybe even play with fire. When you feel yourself "going there", take a moment and consider what it is you might be afraid of. Anger and rage are often a mask for fear. And keep in mind the words of Ghandi..."We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid. Or we can let them soften us and make us kinder. We always have the choice." Your anger is not someone else's fault. It's a choice you make. Stop and think before you blow a gasket this weekend and challenge yourself to make a different choice. 

12/21/12—Seeing The Other Side

Today's Draw: Temperance from the Gaian. What views or beliefs are "extreme" about? On what topics do you fall more toward the center? Are you able to see the other side of the topics you're on the far right or left of?

I don't have a lot of time tonight, so I just chose a quick card asking what, if anything, 12/21/12 is about. Because if you haven't noticed, it's already Armageddon somewhere in the world. :D

Temperance is about balance. It's about finding the middle way. So I think what it's saying is that it's time for us to move closer to center in the way we move through this world. To see more of the "other side". To not be so extreme in our opinions and views. 

You may be very balanced in certain areas of your life and thinking, but there other places where you've taken a definitive stand somewhere to the right or left of center and dug a hole. This card just asks you to consider a more balanced view. It's not asking us all to think and be alike. It's asking us to soften our grip and allow more possibilities in. 

Wars and fights and hatred all break out between the folks at either side of extremes. Compromise is hard to come by at extremes. The closer people are to center, the less there is to have conflict over...the more opportunity for compromise. 

Temperance is a card of alchemy, of blending opposites. We have opposites within ourselves, too. Now is the time for us to begin to see all sides as having merit. We can still have our opinions and our stand, but when we can really listen to the other guy and understand where he's coming from—when we put our passion and need to be right aside—we can begin to see that point at which their side and our side meets. And from there we may be able to build more peace, cooperation and understanding within ourselves and within the world. 

12/17/12—Being The Change

Today's Draw: The Elder of Water from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert. Do you talk to strangers when you're out and about? Or do you just stand quietly in the grocery store line, possibly even checking your phone? How often in your daily life do you find opportunities to serve?

There's a special brand of stillness that comes at dawn and dusk. At dusk, the water will calm and all the day's noisy little critters will quieten and settle in their nests. At dawn, you find the world in the depths of its repose, just about to slowly awaken and get about the day's business. There exists a similar place inside of you that you can access anytime through meditation and practice. Sitting in silence at those liminal times of the day and attuning yourself to the vibe of nature can help you build that muscle. 

So many of us forget the importance of injecting peace and stillness into our days. Some may not even know how. It doesn't happen when you're watching TV or knitting, though you can enter a trance-like state doing anything. But true peace and stillness goes beyond a trance-like state. It comes from stilling our body, mind and emotions and just...being. There in the midst of all the nothing is where peace is found. 

I've talked about meditation here a million times. I'm not going to talk about it today. But I mention it because if we manage to find a way to reset ourselves every day...to clear the galleys and go to that holy place inside us...we're in a better position to do what we've come here to do—serve. 

I think we've forgotten that. We have so much on our minds just trying to serve the demands of daily life...job, family, logistics. Of course, we're serving others when we do our work or take care of our family. But that's not just what I'm talking about. Nor am I talking about putting a check into an envelope, though that is service, too. 

What I'm talking about is more of a lifestyle of realizing that common kindnesses and thoughtful discourse can make a huge impression on someone. Of course, so can something more active like volunteering at a local charity. But what I'm really getting at is making a concerted effort to realize that any moment in our lives can change the life of another in some positive way. And I believe we're in a better position to do that if we're able to return back to source at some time each day and remember the special beings we are and have come here to be. 

We have no way of knowing when a smile or a kind word of ours will hit someone at a critical moment. I was recently talking to someone about the experiences we had in our lives that made a huge impact on us, but the other person didn't even remember saying it. You've all experienced something like that. Just the act of engaging another person holds so much potential for service. 

It's not like I'm thinking we all walk around like sad sacks all the time. But I do believe we all walk around "unconscious" much of the time. Distracted by thoughts of what needs to be done. Or with our head buried in an electronic device. Or too shy to tell the woman in front of you that you like her scarf. These are the moments I'm talking about...the moments that are ripe for potential for service. 

They don't take any extra time out your day. You were going to open the door anyway, why not hold it open for someone? You're standing in line anyway, why not compliment the person in front of you? You were walking down the street anyway, why not make eye contact with someone and smile?

Sometimes you'll be awkward. Sometimes the person will look at you like you're interrupting them from something. And sometimes you'll be the only other human contact that person has had all day. Or you'll help them turn their day around just by making them smile. Or you'll say something offhand that is actually quite profound to them in the moment. Over time you'll get the hang of it. 

Really all I'm talking about is engaging total strangers...or chatting with acquaintances that seem to need to talk...or just making eye contact and smiling at someone, ferchrissakes. You'll never know if or how you made an impression. And it doesn't matter. Because I promise you, this practice will make you feel more alive and connected. And over time it will turn you into a more accepting, compassionate and kind person who does stuff like this automatically all of the time. This is what is meant by "be the change you want to see in this world." Let the change start with you. 

11/10/12-11/11/12—Breaking Routine

Weekend Reading: Guardian of Air from the Gaian Tarot. This is one of my favorite cards from the deck, because it has all the stuff I love—owls and crystal singing bowls and snow. This card calls you to remove yourself from your everyday life this weekend and spend some time in silence. You can do that by spending time in a special natural setting, taking a long bubble bath, meditating, challenging yourself in some way, trying something new...anything to break out of the routines that lead to habitual thought patterns and losing sight of the "now". By breaking routine, you'll make space for insight and clarity to flow into your head. You'll transcend your normal definition of "self". And you may even just find some of the answers you've been looking for. At the very least, you'll gain a much needed break from the hamster wheel of life. 

9/4/12—Losing Yourself in Something Larger

Today's Draw: The Six of Fire from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert, Part 2. Do you tend to get so caught up in daily life that you lose touch with anything beyond bills, work and caring for family? What kind of activities are guaranteed to make you transcend everyday life and go into that larger place of spirit? How often do find yourself going there...often enough?

I have a tendency to become very single-minded sometimes. For example, when work is busy, I'll go into "work mode" and that's all I'll focus on until the busy patch passes. Somewhere inside my head a switch goes off and says, "you must stand your post until all work is done." So during those periods, it's a miracle if I get out and go grocery shopping, let alone do anything else. 

Really, it's the same thing as saying I get so involved in life that I forget to take care of myself. I'm sure you can relate. And it's not always that I don't have time to do something for myself. Most of the time I do have time. But for one reason or another, I just don't take it. 

So today's idea for Five Healing Thoughts and Practices week is to take the time. And don't just take the time, take it doing something you get lost in. See the way the woman in this card is lost in her ecstatic dance? And the others are lost in drumming? It's about going to a place in our head where clients, kids, bills, schedules, husbands and the other crap we think about the other 24x7x365 doesn't exist. 

For me, this is something I simply cannot do in the home. I work here, do everything here. So I have to get away. Sometimes it works to hang out with a friend, but that doesn't always work. Sometimes that's just getting away in the body, but the mind still churns with work stuff. Really, the best place for me is in nature. I get so lost in the scents and scenery that I lose awareness of all else. 

The other day I arranged my schedule so that I could take the afternoon off. And I scooped up my dogs and took them to the park. This doesn't happen that often when the weather is hot, but it was a nice day with low humidity. And it just so happened that we hit one of our favorite spots at a time when nobody else was there. The path was lined with sweet smelling white flowers. Butterflies were flitting here and there. Birds were chirping. Crickets were singing. A breeze was blowing. And since there was no one else around, I was able to let the dogs off the leash, so I didn't even have to worry about them pulling me through the woods. 

Not too far down the path is a nice little sandy beach on the river with huge driftwood logs you can sit on. This is near a marina and there are a number of boats anchored off shore, so you could hear metal clanking against the sail posts and someone had windchimes on their boat. And I got lost in all that for really just a few moments, but enough to deliver healing. Enough to remind me that the stuff I get bogged down in every day is trivial compared to the larger force that was alive in me that very minute. 

A neat little side story is that, at one point, one of my dogs was sniffing at a shell along the shoreline. So I thought I'd go over and check the shell out. As I got up off the log, I remember thinking "I wonder if there's any beach glass here?" I'm constantly surprised at the things you find along the shore of the river, like the rather large snail shell (or whatever critter was inside) that my dog found. Anyway, as I returned to the log, sitting right next to where my arse was just minutes before, there was a piece of beach glass! I hadn't noticed it before. It was like it appeared out of nowhere, a spontaneous manifestation from the universe!

Anyway, back to the larger force within. Life can confuse us into believing that what happens in the brief phase of time that we're here on earth is real...is what truly is. But when we lose ourselves in that part of us that transcends this existence, we discover what TRULY, truly is. Where our everyday lives can make us feel small and leave us to wonder what it's really about, losing ourselves in that higher place shows us how infinite and integral we are. 

I believe we came here to live the very life we get bogged down in, rather than trying to find a way to always live in the larger place. We have all of eternity to live in that larger place. But taking these respites serves to remind us that this is not all there is. And sometimes we desperately need to know that. We don't even know how desperately until we're there...until we're truly home.   

9/3/12—Being a Force for Healing

Today's Draw: Six of Fire from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert, Part 1. Do you consider yourself a healer? Would you like to be someone who spreads more healing throughout your world (and, in the process, receives more healing in return)? How often do use the words "I love you" to let someone know you love them, rather than just assuming that they know?

Sometimes I feel like I focus too much on the things we do wrong on our paths, rather than the things we do right or CAN do right. That's not really the case, but it is how I feel after the past couple of weeks, which have been kind of rough. So I declare this week to be Five Healing Thoughts or Practices week. 

The Six of Fire talks about generating healing energy with others and being the inspiration of healing and transformation for both yourself and others. Anytime we gather in a group, the energy rises exponentially...to more than the sum of all the individual energies in the group. So if you really want to generate some healing energy, do it in a group. (That's part of the intended meaning for this card, but I see something else in the card. So we'll work with the same card tomorrow, too.)

First let me talk about what "healing" is. It's not just physical, "get well soon" kind of stuff. It's emotional and psychic and social and every which way. So when you spend time with family and friends and feel better when you leave than you did when you arrived, that was a healing. Really, anytime you choose love over some other emotion or act—anger, judgment, gossip, indifference, frustration, convenience ;)—you're putting out healing energies and distributing healing chemicals throughout your body. 

So really just getting friends together for drinks and a gabfest can be a healing. Or you could go farther, by having a group over to celebrate the beauty inside each person in the group. We don't always take the time to tell the people in our lives what makes them so important to us. We actually tend to be more critical of the people we care about than purposely making them aware of their gifts. We assume they know we love them, rather than telling them. 

I remember, when I was a little girl, telling my mother that I didn't think my father loved me. And she said to me "he loves you. He doesn't always show it or say it in ways that make it obvious, but you see it in other ways." So I looked for those other ways. But it was hard, because little girls don't understand things like how hard dads work to support their families and that that's a way they show love. I would have preferred he told me and showed me in ways I could understand. And I'm still like that today. 

I'm not yet 50 and I've been without parents most of my life. I've also already lost a sibling. So me and my brothers and sisters have understood loss for a long time. More than 25 years ago, we began a practice of always saying we love each other at the end of every conversation. I credit my brother Robert for starting it, but who knows who started it. Anyway, it doesn't matter if we butt dial the wrong number, if the conversation goes poorly or what—we always say we love each other before we hang up. 

That's a healing practice we do in our family. We do it because we understand that you can blink and the other person can be gone. And we want our last words to be words of love. But, for me at least, I also do it because I don't want anyone wondering just because I don't say it. I learned a lesson this past spring when my brother died. He and I had issues. But those issues meant nothing when placed beside the reality of death. We healed that before he died, but had he died suddenly, neither of us may have ever realized just how much stronger that bond is than the BS we let stand between us.

Anyway, I'm guessing that most of the people reading this have become a greater force of healing for themselves and those around them over the years. It's valuable to take a moment and reflect on that to see how we've softened our edges and amplified our appreciation of those in our lives. Some of it comes with age, some with spiritual awareness. It doesn't take much more than smiling at someone who looks like they could use a smile, really. That's a very healing act. For both parties. 

So we're all doing it already anyway...spreading our healing energy. And we may even be doing it without realizing it. Just imagine how much more we could do if we became more conscious of it and did it on purpose. Anytime you choose to project love over some other emotion, you're spreading your healing energy. How much love can you spread today?

8/25/12-8/26/12—Sparking Something New

Weekend Reading: Ace of Fire from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert. 

Well, look at you! All bursting with energy and ready to get 'er done! Whether it's something in the air or something in your synapses, something is going spark you this weekend. Maybe that will express itself as a desire to start new projects. Maybe you'll suddenly be curious enough to try something new with your partner in bed. Or maybe you'll start down an exciting new road that leads to transformation and healing. The snake in this card is used to shedding his skin and revealing a the fresh, new guy underneath from time to time. So welcome these new sparks because they bring renewed energy into our lives and teach things about ourselves that we never knew before. 

7/18/12—Finding Your Purpose

Today's Draw: Ace of Water from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert. Do you know your purpose in life? Do you suspect that, at this moment, you're living out of alignment with your purpose? And how can ego concerns help you find your true north?

Here we are midway through All About The Ego week and I'm worried I'll run out of things to say before week's end. Fortunately, this Ace of Water has come to us before and what I said about it then has applications to the ego. The entry was all about seeking your personal holy grail. There's a link to it at the end of this entry for Facebook users. 

What often happens when we get too caught up in things like money and reputation and appearances is that we make choices that detour us from what we really came here to do. And few, if any of us, escape getting caught up in ego matters. It's part of being human.

One way this might look is that someone who's really talented at art might choose to be an architect instead of an illustrator. They do this because the perception is that architects make money and artists don't. Architects are also mainstream in society and artists exist on the fringe. 

So we make the practical, acceptable, "smart" choice, rather than the one that calls to us. And we subordinate our artistic side, when that's probably the side that better drives purpose we came here to express. By the time we get to the point in life that we question how our life aligns with our purpose, we've convinced ourselves that art isn't part of it, so we struggle to find our holy grail.

For most of us, finding our purpose—our holy grail—follows a process similar to the salmon's. They swim hundreds of miles to live most of their lives in the ocean, but return back upstream again to spawn in the freshwater spot they were born in.

Like the salmon spawn swimming in the fresh waters of the river, I believe we were all born with a clear compass pointing to our purpose. As we moved toward adulthood, we swam closer to the ocean and our lives adjusted to the saltwater of "real life", which includes ego concerns. We swim around in that for much of our lives, then move away from our "saltwater ways", making our way back to the clarity we held before the ego concerns of adulthood overtook our lives.

Obviously this doesn't speak for everyone. But the majority of us work and live a certain way for many years before we begin to realize that there's got to be something more...a higher purpose. So how you do you begin to find *your* purpose? Well, I think the clues are scattered throughout your life. So think back on your life and explore the common denominators in questions like:

•  What did you want to do when you were a kid?

•  What are your favorite hobbies? And why?

•  If money were no object, what would you do?

•  How have you chosen to volunteer in the past?

•  What is effortless for you that is hard for other people?

•  What energizes you?

•  What was your proudest day? And what about it made you proud?

•  What do you "get" that you think others don't get in life? 

•  What do yearn to have the time and/or resources to do?

•  If you knew your unique talent, what would it be?

When I looked back on my own life in this manner, writing was always a talent of mine, as was my ability to envision things through the eyes of others. And as I grew older, I saw my desire to help or heal others emerge, along with a desire to teach. My proudest moments as a writer have not been the awards I've won, but rather when a client reports back that they got results. I cry at shows where people have emotional/spiritual breakthroughs or they achieve their best moments. I've also become a very spiritual person and someone with a wide body of knowledge in spiritual matters in my adulthood.

So when I look at all of that, I see my purpose as healing and teaching others with my words. And, quite frankly, the times I've been most engaged in my writing career are those times my writing has taken a spiritual, healing, educational bent. This blog is one of the things that is bringing my entire life into alignment with that purpose. But it's a process that's taking years to complete. It's about way more than my career. It's about who I am as a person. Like the salmon, I have to readjust to fresh waters again.

It's important to note that some of the things that go into making my life's purpose aren't things I feel like I was born with. They were lessons that emerged from my immersion in the saltwater of the ego. Just as the salmon lives much of its life in the ocean, so do we. That experience is what matures the salmon and brings it to full adulthood. And leaving that experience leads them back to the legacy they were meant to create.

So seeing what I came up with for my life's purpose, what clues can you excavate about your own? Or do you already know it? And where are you in the salmon's journey of life? Once you uncover your purpose and become energized by it, you'll see the ego concerns that have dogged you will begin to float away.

6/14/12—Letting Yourself Just Be

Today's Draw: The Wheel from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert. How many times today would you say you were fully engaged in the moment? How much of your day is spent in a fog of to-do lists, distractions and thought? Are you ready for a challenge?

Today was an unusually spectacular day for summer in Washington, DC. High of 80. Breezy. No humidity. The same weather will take us out the week. Usually by this time of year, I'm just about to pack it in and not exit the house for the summer. But our unusually warm spring has given way to a pleasant summer so far. So how I could choose any other deck than the one named after Gaia herself today?

The Wheel comes to remind us that everything has a season. Everything is part of a cycle. The weather I'm enjoying? It will change. The feelings you're feeling today? They will change. The people and relationships around you? They will change, too. In fact your only chance at having all the same variables in place just as they are now is in this present moment. 

This morning I went to my favorite park to sit after I visited the farmer's market. As I was sitting there enjoying the view, a lady came to the table next to me, opened up her phone and proceeded to have a 15 minute conversation about nothing of consequence. I eventually moved to another table where I couldn't hear her. By that time, however, her conversation was ending and she sat down with her back to the river...so that she was facing the parking lot...and read a book. Haha. 

Really, it's not my place to judge her visit to the park and it's none of my business what her purpose there was. But as long as she wasn't even going to LOOK at the park, I wonder why she even left home. See, I struggle with people who go to the park just to talk on the phone. There's another park I go to where, in the center of the park, you can't hear anything but nature. That's so rare in this highly populated area. No traffic sounds. No sirens. Just the occasional airplane. Otherwise, it's profoundly silent. And I will hike deep into that park on an isolated trail and, invariably, someone will walk by on their phone complaining about the cell coverage....haha. 

The view from my "office" around noon today.

The ironic thing about the woman this morning is that one of the things I heard her say to the person she was talking to was about how she needed to take better care of herself. And there she was in an incredibly healing environment...talking on the phone! Then putting her back to the river so all she saw was the traffic on the parkway! Again, her reasons for going to the park and her way of enjoying herself don't have to be mine. So it's none of my business. Which is why I struggle with this. It's a control issue on my part to a certain degree. And it's also a frustration because it just so happens I don't go to the park to her her phone conversations.

But one of the things The Wheel comes to tell us is about being in the moment. And you can be in the moment on the phone. Or reading a book. Or sitting in silence in front of the river. You can be in the moment during all those activities. But often, we're not. We're thinking about yesterday and tomorrow and what to say to so-and-so... and what people shouldn't do and where they shouldn't do it....haha. 

The thing is, the only chance either she or I had at that specific time of magic when the sun was glinting off the water just so, the fish were jumping for insects, the breeze was blowing cool, the vista was crystal clear, the coffee was warm in my hand and the clouds were still shifting from yesterday's gray to today's white and fluffy, was in that one moment. I got to be there to experience that moment...and then I got to be there to be distracted by her phone call and my cell-phone-at-the-park issues....and then I got to experience the peace and healing of the river again. I don't know what Chatty Cathy experienced, but from her restless distraction, I doubt she was in the same moment I was. 

Each day we're faced with countless moments and opportunities to just be happy in what is. Again, just today I got home from the park, gave each dog the bite of scone I'd saved them from the farmer's market, then sat down and checked my emails. I probably didn't look up for 15 minutes and my dogs were just staring at me in a way that said "OK, we got the scone, but we didn't get you." So I put my laptop down and loved them. But I missed the moment they REALLY wanted to love me. I do that all the time.

A secret path leading to places quiet and beautiful.

I would think it would take great discipline...or great surrender....to live in the moment all the time. So I'm not suggesting that. But I know all of us can live in the moment more. Honestly, there are entire days in each of our lives where our head is everywhere but here, in this moment, right? Yet, if we subscribe to Buddhist thought, and I do, then that's the only place we can find true bliss. So then the question becomes "why do I choose to place bliss aside in favor of the neurotic ramblings of my mind?" 

I've spoken a lot about forming a daily practice of meditation. I've had one for close to 30 years now. Its intent is usually to put me in the now. But being in the now doesn't need a special place or a special time or a special ritual. All it needs is for us to start forming a habit of stopping the madness in our head and observing where we are, how our body feels, what we smell, what we see, etc....getting into the moment and noticing all the stuff we don't when we life moves by at a million miles per hour. For most of us, none of the crap we worry about all the time is relevant and/or imminent in THIS second. 

In this very second I'm writing a blog, yes. But I'm also stopping frequently to feel the breeze on my cheek, smell the flowers so sweet at this liminal time of day and take a peek at my dogs who are 10 feet away watching me because that's their favorite thing to do. And there's this one tree that's across the street from the house behind me. Right at this moment, it's catching the full dose of a slowly setting sun while all the other trees behind and around it are already in shadow. It's just a freak of light and shade that exists only in this moment. In the time it took me to write about it, half the tree is now swallowed in the shade. Soon the whole tree will blend with the ones behind it and it will be as if it never was. 

As I see the first of the lightning bugs blink on this GORGEOUS evening, I challenge you—how many times can you stop and Just. Be. Here. In the next 24 hours? You don't have to go outside. Heck, you could be watching TV. But how many times can you remember to stop and be fully engaged in the moment? And if you did that, how might it change the way you perceive your life? How might it, over time, change your physical health? How might it prove to be just the answer you've been looking for in your life?

The view Chatty Cathy dissed today. She's the white dot at the far right...nearly out of view/earshot. Where she belongs. :D

5/4/12—Clearing The Fields

Today's Draw: Ten of Fire from the Gaian Tarot. Is there a fire raging in your life right now? What are the good things being left exposed in the ash? And what of the bad things are worth starting a whole new fire, in order to consume them once and for all?

Maybe 10 years ago or so, I drove past a farmer's field that was smoking from a recent fire. I had never seen this before, so I thought something tragic had happened. But then a few miles down the road, I saw another burned out field. And another. This was the first time I realized that farmers occasionally burn fields to kill all the old growth and weeds. Then, I suppose, they turn the soil and plant something new. It's like a clean slate. A field that used to grow soybeans can now grow corn. 

The same concept is used by nature. Forest fires, for example, are actually necessary to keeping the forest healthy. Too much vegetation can prevent seeds from germinating, stopping the growth of new trees—and thus endangering the generational growth cycle. Also, the denser the forest, the hotter it burns and the more destructive the fire becomes. So occasional fires in the forest are mother nature's form of self-care and even damage control.

Usually when we see a Ten of Wands, it's depicting someone so overwhelmed, burdened or oppressed that they can't move. They feel trapped in the fire with no way out. Whether it's work or financial matters, family or relationships, we all feel that way at one time or another. Then once the flames subside, whether we wanted it or not, we're left with a fresh slate upon which to write. 

Over the past few months I have had a bunch of fires burning around me. And the ash they've left behind has exposed some things still left standing that no longer have a place in my life (along with a number of good things I want to keep). Some of them are the things I've written about here...attitudes toward family and the way I handle my own self care. But there are other things I haven't spoken so much about...thoughts about how I spend my time, who I call friend and where my energies have been misguided. 

Sometimes fires happen to you. And sometimes you set them yourself, clearing what no longer serves to make space for new growth and more evolved life. 

Anyone else out there need a light?

4/26/12—Knowing vs. Thinking

Today's Draw: The Priestess from the Gaian Tarot. Do you give more weight to what you "think" or to what you "know"? What is an example of something you've just "known" that turned out to be true? Where do you stand on the topic of "coincidences" like I've written about below.

The High Priestess in the tarot draws a distinction between "thinking" and "knowing". Thinking is about rationally processing the things you see, hear, touch, taste and smell. Knowing doesn't have to be rational at all. It's the inner processing of things see, hear, touch, taste and smell...along with things you don't see, hear, touch, taste and smell. In a way, though, the High Priestess isn't about the five senses at all. It's about the six sense of intuition that we all have...that sense of knowing in the absence of proof. 

Until I drew this card, I hadn't realized that, in the last 24 hours, I had been carrying on conversations with two of my real-life friends and colleagues. Both of them are mediums. And both of them, in one way or another, gave me the same message. 

One received her message from beyond. It wasn't even meant for me. She sent it in a newsletter to all her peeps. A spirit person came to her and said that he worried about the people he left behind because they still grieved him. And not so much because he was gone, but more because of the pain he endured, the length of time he suffered and all they went through when he was alive. He wanted them to know he was free of that now and that he didn't want them to think of him that way. He wanted them to think of him at peace and the way he was before his illness. 

The other sent me the following poem: 

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
—Mary Frye (1932)

Over the next couple of days, my family is going to say their final goodbyes to my brother and bury his body. But that's all they'll be burying—a vessel that has ceased to serve. Even without any mystical mumbo jumbo, his spirit will never leave the hearts and minds of those who loved him. But WITH the mystical mumbo jumbo, he's still here. I know it.

I'm a late to bed, late to rise person, so I almost never see any time in the 6AMs. But three times in the past week, I have awakened at exactly 6:50 am. Even though each time I felt oddly refreshed upon awakening, I managed to go back to sleep two of those times. But this morning was different. 

I think most people who knew my brother wouldn't blink at the notion that, if he were to return in spirit, he would, at least, be a little mischievous and, more likely, a full-on pain in the arse as he tested the limits of this new-found "power" of his. He was never really a practical joker, so much as he was a joker. And a poker. 

So, anyway, this morning at 6:50 am, my smoke detector buzzed. Then it buzzed again a minute later. Then it buzzed again. Figuring this would continue at intervals throughout the day, I just got up and changed the darned batteries. Then I started my day, got all my deadlines done and had time to take a nap before writing this and going out to do family obligations. 

The rational "thinking" mind says the batteries were dying because I'm a bad homeowner and the batteries died and it was just a coincidence that it happened on this day at 6:50am. Truth is, I was supposed to change them at "spring forward" and didn't. I won't deny that.

The High Priestess tells me that it's no coincidence at all, however. Just as it's no coincidence that there were 6 of us and now there are 5 and I've woken up at 6:50 three times in the past week. I smoked cigarettes for 26 years and even now, nine years quit, I'm still extra careful around candles and incense and whatnot, based on the paranoia I developed from the threat of poorly extinguished butts. My brother was a smoker who died of lung cancer. And it was the smoke detector that went off. 

One of my medium friends said she has many clients who wake up at the same time every night. And spirits have told her that it's them and that the person is awakened by the changing energy in the room. Of course there are more rational explanations for this, I'm sure. But I "know" different. And I'm pretty sure I can hear my brother laughing his ass off about the smoke detector in heaven as we speak.

4/4/12—Gathering Acorns

Today's Draw: Four of Earth from the Gaian Tarot. Do you put out more energy than you receive in return? Do you feel more and more tired as months and years go by? Do you take better care of your pets—and everyone else—than you do of yourself?

The Four of Earth shows a squirrel gathering acorns in fall to help sustain him through an acornless winter. The card also shows an inukshuk nearby, a stack of stones each representing a prayer. In that way, the stone stack is also symbolic of a gathering of the things we need to be happy and survive.

Someone recently said something to me about saving energy for themselves—not just leftover energy, but some of the creamy good energy they're always giving to others. Doing this may (and should) require you to serve yourself first. I hear moms around the world gasping at that suggestion, but it's the same thing as putting the life support mask on yourself first. In order to help others, you have to take care of yourself first. 

Such a simple thought, but often so hard to remember. Society scorns us for thinking of ourselves, rewarding only the image of the individual hooked up to a plow until their feet bleed from all the service, then collapsing in a pool until the next day when they get up and do it again. The poster child for this is the mother who tirelessly caters to all her children's needs, prepares dinner for her husband, totes that barge, lifts that bail, then is allowed three or four hours to recoup before it all starts again. 

She may be on the poster, but most of do this every day. Between work, my dogs, my garden, friends, blogs, etc., I manage to tend to myself last every day...after I'm too tired to care. I have unlimited time, for example, to take my dog to doctor's appointments, unlimited funds to get him fixed up, unlimited resources to make sure he heals properly—hell, I've been sleeping in the living room for weeks now and will continue to do so for the next couple of months so he doesn't have to be lonely at night—but I don't seem to gather up the energy to take that kind of care of myself. And I need to. 

In reality, I'm someone who could squeeze out the time and make the space for myself easier than some others, but I don't. I find myself giving my energy away, sometimes to people who mete their energy out toward me like a miser, but readily suck up every drop I put out toward them. Even as I write about this, I'm thinking "why are you complaining? You've got it so much better than most people. Stop whining and suck it up." Which is another way of putting myself last. As if I don't rate receiving. As if I don't matter as much as those of you who have REAL demands on your time. What does this type of behavior say about how I value myself? What does yours say about you?

So this card is a reminder to us all that we can only go so far on limited resources. We need to fuel up. We need to surround ourselves with people who give as good as they take. We need to stop worrying so much about what the neighbors will think about the dandelions in our front yard. We need to leave work at work. And, for me especially, even if it makes the dogs sad, I need to take time away from them to take care of myself. It's not because I don't love them, but because I love them enough to want to give from a healthier place. 

I don't suggest neglecting anything important. But there is so much we do on a daily basis for others that doesn't return itself back to us in some way. What those things are are for you to figure out and that can sometimes be hard to do. For example, when I do anything in my front yard...weed, mow, whatever...it's not for me. It's for my neighbors. I never see my front yard. So now I pay someone else to care. But it took me a long time to figure out who I was doing all that for. 

These things we HAVE to do, often don't really have to be done. And any relationships in which we've established dynamics of "I give, you take", we can change. If you think it's selfish to meet a friend for coffee instead of making snacks for your teen to eat after school, consider what you're teaching your teen about where food comes from, how things get done and what the role of a parent is...servant or teacher?

It's time to start amassing our stack of things that feed us...to build up some fuel for times when we need it...to find who we are outside of the roles we play...and to move away from things that only deplete. We all came here with purposes to fulfill and dreams to catch. We can't put that off any longer and we're going to need our entire stash of acorns to make it happen.

1/14/12-1/15/12—Securing Your Future

Weekend Reading: Guardian of Earth from the Gaian Tarot. The Guardian of Earth is a tender and a nurturer. He makes choices in alignment with his continued good health and prosperity, and to the benefit of his home and the earth. He does this not just for himself but for his family and the future. This weekend think about what steps you can take to strengthen your health, job, prosperity and the earth. These are the structures that support your happiness and lifestyle. We assume these things will always be there to support us. But that is an illusion. Nothing is guaranteed. So don't take anything for granted this weekend. Start formulating a plan to bring you greater security from this point forward.