10/18/11—Holding on too Tightly

Today's Draw: Three of Swords from Twilight Realm, A Tarot of Faery. Are you holding on too tightly to something right now? Do you think holding on tightly is helping the situation? How might you better manage the situation to your advantage?

The Three of Swords is about quarreling and heartbreak and separation. It's one of those cards you don't want to see come up in a reading. Usually you see three swords puncturing a heart. But here we see a dragon so ferociously and selfishly guarding it's possessions that it drives its dragon partner away. 

At one time or another, I think most of us have been guilty of holding on to someone or some idea so tightly that we end up pushing others away. Maybe we're afraid of losing our mate, so we become overly vigilant. We limit their freedom. We hold on too tightly....even become irrational. Which makes our mate want to flee. Or we treat a child that way. Or maybe we're afraid of losing money, so we become miserly and make everything about money. 

Whenever we hold on too tightly, we close ourselves off to others and to opportunity. Worse, we create the very thing we're afraid of happening. I know many years back I did that with a boyfriend. I was so afraid of losing him that I behaved in a manner that pushed him away. Now, in this particular case, it was a blessing...haha...but too often we hold on tightly to things that aren't even ours. Another person does not "belong" to you, regardless of how long you've been married. A child doesn't "belong" to you just because you're its parent. And money needs to circulate. The more you hold on to it, the less new money will come into your grasp, primarily because you're focused on keeping, rather than making. 

I once heard a metaphor that I found very helpful. Whatever it is that you want to hold on to, pretend it's a wet bar of soap. Hold too tightly and it will pop out of your hands. Hold too loosely and it will slip off your hand. But hold with just the right pressure and the soap is stable. Then, of course, there's the whole "if you love something set it free" thing. 

Fear of loss is something we all have from time to time. And it is never attractive to others. And it never feels good to you. It feels manic and desperate. We all recognize when we're doing it. And the best thing to do at that time is to step back, take a breath and remember that there are some things you just can't control. Like other people and the decisions they make. And that God always brings us what we need in the moment. That may include losing something you want to hold on to. But God only empties your hands in order to fill it with other joys. 

The ironic thing about fear of loss is that it blocks us from ever having anything better. And if you think the thing you're holding on to so tightly is "better", think again. Because the dynamic is flawed if your knuckles are white from holding on. In that situation, the fear of loss owns you. And you can't be happy when the fear of loss owns you. You can only truly be happy when you're free of fear...and that includes fear of what is to come. 

Let the universe do it's work. If something is slipping through your fingers, it's probably because the universe has a really cool miracle planned for you. Turn away from the fear and turn toward trust...in God, in life and in yourself.

Just as a side note, the crappy photo of the dragon card above makes a good time for me to apologize to the tarot artists of the world for the crappy photos I take of their artwork. Sorry. No scanner. On the upside, nobody's going to make a bootleg copy of your deck off my pics. So that's good. ;)

10/17/11—Changing Your Mind

Today's Draw: Seven of Pentacles from the Prairie Tarot. Have you reviewed and reevaluated lately? What areas of your life are working and what areas aren't? What would you change?

The Seven of Pentacles represents that moment when your work is done. You've planted, hoed, weeded, watered and now there's nothing left to do but just wait for harvest time. It's a time of reward, focus and of nurturing your dream. This is a good time. The hard work is over. You can think back on everything with pride.

The Seven of Pentacles can also represent a time of reflection, where you survey what you've done and evaluate and/or reevaluate. What have you done right? What could you do differently next time? Maybe we've done everything right and don't need to change a thing. But we can check in and see. This isn't a time to be critical. You should recognize and enjoy the rewards of what you've accomplished. But if you see room for improvement or see something you could have done differently, note it.

I recently looked over the past year of my life. I wrote my first book proposal and got a publisher. Then I wrote a book. I continue to do this blog (which started on Facebook more than a year ago) and added pictures to the entries and consolidated everything on a blogspot site. I became a professional tarot reader and started reading at a local metaphysical store. And I also had a pretty solid year in my REAL job as an advertising copywriter.

Looking over all of this, I was pretty satisfied with my year, seeing as how if you looked at any previous year of my life, I would have spent most of my time sitting on my butt doing nothing. So I've been pretty productive.

Maybe a little too productive. I miss weekends. So in my reevaluation I decided to give up reading at the metaphysical/witchy store. I need my Sundays back. I'll still read professionally when people email me and ask for readings and I intend to pursue a new direction with that soon anyway. But I'll be spending my Sundays at home. Moving forward, I'll continue on at the shop once a month by leading their tarot meetups and teaching classes. 

In the more personal areas of my life, I like the way my friends and doggie family situation is going, so no changes there. But I could use some changes in my love life. I was recently shown how some of my thoughts about romance have blocked me from receiving it. So I'll make some changes there, too. 

I guess what it all comes down to is that, even if you're doing fine, you might find some things to change. Conversely, even if you could use some changes, you may choose to stay the same. Just take the time to review now and again, because when you pull back to see the big picture, you might see some opportunities for more happiness and joy. And that can't be so bad.

(Sorry for this one being so much later than usual. I went to bed early last night and slept like a rock. Sleep is good!)

10/15/11—10/16/11—Seeing the Journey

Weekend Reading: The Six of Swords from the Fire Tarot. This weekend consider looking at life a little differently than usual. Consider that there are no endings and no beginnings. That everything is a journey and that we're all somewhere in the midst of that journey. Whether we're excited or anxious over a new "beginning" or happy or sad over an "ending", knowing its all part of a larger journey can give us a more powerful and balanced perspective. In a way, what I'm saying is, good or bad, "this, too, shall pass." Just as we cannot hold on to victory forever, nor can we hold on to defeat. Happy times are happy and sad times are sad, but none of these things is the end. In fact all of these things can be a catalyst to keep us reaching higher. One day all these episodes will string together and make a really good story. And this moment will be just that—a moment.

10/14/11—Exploring the Akashic Records

Today's Draw: The Ancestor (Hierophant) from the Wildwood Tarot. Do you believe it's possible that all the answers to all the questions you could ever ask are accessible in one way or another? Do you think you might hold those answers within? Are you curious enough to try and find out?

Traditionally known as the Hierophant, this card represents the bearer of spiritual knowledge. This is someone who often preaches dogma or traditional ways of believing. But in the Wildwood, he's known as the Ancestor and speaks of the ancient knowledge carried within our souls. The Ancestor stands at the entrance of the woods, inviting us on a unknown path, through a gateway to a new cycle in our journey. He advises to us to listen to the knowledge within to help guide us forward. It might seem scary to set off on this new path of discovery, but it is actually an honor. The Ancestor will accompany you along the path. 

In the New Age world there is a concept or place called the Akashic Records. It's like the Library of Congress of your soul. Everything that's ever been written on your soul...and everything that ever will be written on your soul...is on file at the Akashic Records. Some visualize this as a mystical cavern somewhere outside of us, but I like to think of it as something that resides within. According to Wikipedia, it has no fixed address...haha. It's just out there in the ether, defying space and time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akashic_records

And the Akashic Records doesn't just have all the information about MY soul in it, it has all the information about yours and about everyone and everything that has ever existed in the universe. So you can visit the Akashic Records, pull a file and look at previous lives and future lives and this life. Regardless whether it exists within or outside of us, it's accessible by us all.

I've been to the Akashic Records a couple of times and have seen some interesting things there. The last time I led some friends on a journey to the Akashic Records I learned a valuable lesson and haven't taken anyone there since, nor have I been there myself, though really more out of a lack of interest than fear. Anyway, I had each person pull a file from a past life, this life and a future life. And a few of the people ended up a little traumatized by what they saw in their future lives. My future life was fine and dandy...haha. But some had more difficult visions and it was a little unsettling to them in the moment. 

In the New Age world, not everybody knows about the Akashic Records and, frankly, probably more people believe in fairies. The fun thing about being metaphysical or New Age is that you can take what you need and leave the rest. As far what I believe, my mind's open to the Akashic Records. I mean, I believe we're all connected. I believe the sum total of everything that exists is God and each of us is a part of that. And, in a manner not unlike the synapses and cells in our body, each individual being is in communion with all others...and with the whole. So if I believe that, then it seems logical that there might be a "brain" of the collective, a storage house of knowledge.

But the nice thing about past lives and the Akashic Records and all forms of psychic stuff is that it doesn't really matter whether they're real or not. You can take the information you get from them and see how it applies to your life and it's still useful. Even if you believe it's just random BS. If you keep your mind open to it, and allow the wisdom to flow, who cares where it came from or even if you made it up? If it turns on a lightbulb in your brain, it turns on a lightbulb in your brain.

So I've never decided for myself whether my friends actually saw future lives or whether they saw their fears about their future lives. But really, does it matter? If the insights from that journey didn't come from the Akashic Records, they came from the subconscious. Either way, it's worth taking a look at because both sources carry wisdom. And it won't be Tierney living that future life anyway. It will be the soul within me...the eternal soul. And that lifetime will be a speck in time compared to the lifetime of that soul. So if it's a crappy life, it won't affect the part of me that worries or has fears...the ego. My ego will die with me. And my soul will choose the crappy life on purpose because of the lessons it holds. 

Anyway, I could go on and on about this. But what I really want to get to is this—whether you believe in the Akashic Records or ancestral knowledge or soul memories or whatever, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter where the information comes from because it still has worth. So the next time you have a situation in your life that you want insight on, try asking yourself one of the following questions:

• If I had all the wisdom of the universe readily accessible inside me, what advice would I give myself?
• If my highest and wisest being answered this question, what would their answer be?
• If I already knew the solution, what would it be?
• If I had a feeling about how Situation X was going to turn out, what would I be feeling?
• If I could see the outcome of Situation X, what would I see?

You don't have to follow the advice you get. But consider that something other than your conscious mind might be talking to you and take the advice under consideration. That's all. You don't even have to ask about anything of any significance. You can ask about how a ballgame you're watching will turn out or which way the car in front of you will turn when they leave the roadway. This can be an excellent way to build intuition if you give it a chance and observe how things turn out. 

10/13/11—Seeking a Spiritual Love

Today's Draw: Two of Cups from the Sun and Moon Tarot. Do you long for a spiritual love? What would that look like? And do you think people are meant to couple forever?

I did something I almost never do today. I didn't want to write about the first card I chose, the Two of Cups, so I chose another card and got the Ten of Cups. The tarot peeps are probably already chuckling because, while there's a difference between the Two and the Ten in the Cups suit, they may as well be the same. At least in my mind. The Two is about finding a deeply spiritual love and the Ten is about being happily secure and fulfilled in a love relationship. 

I'm not feeling very lovey today so don't expect some dreamy, romantic essay about love. And, beyond that, what can I say about love like that? I don't know how to find it and I don't know how to maintain it. And, frankly, I'm not even sure it exists in the way we envision it in our minds. I think it's an ideal. 

I do believe that people can deeply love each other. I feel like my parents deeply loved each other, or at least that my father deeply loved my mother. But that didn't "just happen" and it wasn't always so deep. It grew over time. It was earned. According to my older siblings, it seemed to happen only after bringing the marriage to the brink. It happened after they got all the fight out of them...all the struggling against just letting go. It happened after they both stopped trying to make the other person someone else...someone who was more amenable to them. And, instead, they became more amenable to the reality of the other. 

This isn't to say they didn't both piss each other off from time to time. And I know there were things about my father that drove my mother up the wall. But they gave up fighting those things inside. They gave up festering over them. And they looked to the strengths of each other, rather than the weaknesses. 

That said, I think love and commitment like that is the exception rather than the rule. Divorce statistics back me up. And in regards to the spiritual relationship of the Two of Cups, I think relationships are NOT meant to be forever. We covet this idea of a spiritual partnership, thinking it would be the deepest, most satisfying, most ever-lasting of all relationships. But when people come together in a spiritual partnership, they do so to learn and grow together and support each other spiritually. And if you're really in a spiritual relationship, you wouldn't want to hold your partner back in their growth or take them down a path that's inappropriate for them, just so they'll be alongside you. You'll love them enough to set them free to travel their path with someone more appropriate.

The good news is that I believe most, if not all, romantic relationships are spiritual partnerships. The bad news is that they're only viable as long as you are learning and growing together. Then it's time to move on. That's not a bad thing. It's complicated when children are involved. But personally I don't think you're doing children many favors by showing them it's OK to sacrifice your happiness, personal evolution and...soul...for everyone else. 

I also think we do ourselves a big disservice by believing in soul mates and happily ever after. I think we have many soul mates, not one perfect person we're meant to be with. And not all soul mates are meant to be romantic partners, though you may try to squeeze that peg into the hole just because you feel drawn to someone. Perfect love and soul mates are the stuff of fairy tales. And believing in fairy tales screws us up. 

Partnership is hard work. Marriage is not guaranteed to be forever. Having children won't make anyone love you more. Nobody can "complete" you. You can care deeply for someone you're not meant to be with. And sometimes, sometimes it works...if you put in a lot of work and respect yourself enough to expect respect from your partner. If we could be more honest about what we can expect from marriage/partnership and take a realistic look at what we're really risking when we commit to just one person, I think we'd all be a lot better off.

10/12/11—Finding Your Ultimate Guru

Today's Draw: The Hall of God, 05 Your Spiritual Master from AboraMana. Do you have guru or are you in search of one? Do you think the kinds of people who become spiritual teachers are special in some way? Where can you find your greatest source of spiritual wisdom?

ArboraMana is more of an oracle deck than a tarot deck. I could read the book to find out what it's all about, but in lieu of that I decided to just choose a card and wing it...haha. The Spiritual Master card talks about finding a spiritual teacher and listening to their wisdom. It also talks about how you can have as many spiritual teachers as you like over time. You don't have to tie yourself to just one. 

One of the many books I mean to write one day is called "Ten Things The Spiritual Gurus Never Tell You". One of the things you'll learn in my non-existent book is that gurus are people just like you. Which means they're human just like you. One of the biggest disappointments on your spiritual path may be when you come face-to-face with your guru's humanity. Maybe they're a skirt chaser. Or they partake in drugs. Or they act nasty to a sales clerk. 

It's a let-down, but it's a let-down you have to take personal responsibility for. After all, you're the one that placed them on the pedestal. The side of the guru that you see is reflects the lessons of their spiritual side and, while they, like most people, hide their less than savory bits, you were the one that decided you knew who and what they were based entirely on your limited exposure to them. You're the one that saw them as something better than you, simply because they knew one part of life better than you. 

So one thing the spiritual gurus never tell you is that they're just as screwed up as you in some regards. Another thing they don't tell you is that you don't really need them. You think you do, but you don't. The best guru you'll ever meet is yourself. And the reason? Because God, and the notion of God, resides within you. And the best person to know what's within you is you. 

Gurus can guide us. Gurus can teach us. But the minute you think they're more qualified than you are to see what's within you...and the minute you think of them as somehow more special than you are...you do yourself and your discovery a disservice. Certainly gurus are people who have been where you are right now and they are probably further along on their path and are a treasure trove of answers to your questions. But you'll save yourself a lot of disappointment and confusion if you put all that in perspective. What feels right inside of you should always take precedence. And if any guru tries to convince you otherwise or tells you their knowledge is the one truth, I would consider looking elsewhere.

And, in fairness to the gurus, the gurus are in the guru business. They need to be certain. They need to have answers. They need to stand strong. That's all part of being a guru. Just don't mistake it for infallibility or a reason to question your own wisdom.

10/11/11—Grounding Yourself

Today's Draw: One of Earth (Ace of Pentacles) from Today's Journey Tarot. Is it hard for you to concentrate? Do you find yourself worrying excessively about things? Do you have trouble staying in the "now"?

The Ace of Pentacles usually indicates a new phase of growth or abundance. But it can also indicate a need for grounding. Since we've never talked about grounding before, that's what we're going to deal with today. And if you can answer yes to any of the questions above, then you could benefit from some grounding.

It still surprises me that people always tell me I'm grounded. When I first started hearing this from people, I didn't really know what they meant. Try finding a good definition for "grounded". It's not so easy. But I finally came to realize that it means having your feet planted in reality, in the now and in the body. As a career daydreamer, I was surprised people thought that about me. I've never felt I was any more grounded than anyone else and I assumed the mere fact I believed in and practiced psychic arts meant I *wasn't* grounded. At least that's what mainstream peeps would have us think. 

Finally I realized that what people were saying about me was that, as much as I pursue floofy things, I'm very realistic, practical and straightforward about them and life in general. I manage my life well. There are a lot of people in my "community" that don't live here on earth. They don't combine their sixth sense with common sense, and they don't temper their spiritual theory with reality. In that sense, I agree. I'm grounded. 

But still, I have my moments. From time to time, I'll be in the car and all of a sudden realize that I don't remember the last five miles because I was somewhere else in my mind. I'll daydream or lose touch with the now while doing things around the house. I'll become distracted by something that happened in the past that I can't let go of. And, on a daily basis, when I'm writing, I'll get lost in hyper focus and hours will go past, then I'll "wake up" and see pages and pages of writing. In that sense, I feel like I'm channeling when I write and I'm *not* here. 

On the flip side, though, I'm terribly meticulous about reality-based things such as paying bills, conducting business, scheduling things, managing deadlines and meeting my earthly responsibilities. I also maintain an open mind and healthy skepticism about my beliefs. While there are people who might call my beliefs "flaky", no one who actually knows anything about me would ever call *me* a flake.

So being grounded is about being firmly planted reality and connected to life here on earth. And I feel blessed to have a balance with that and my more airy concerns.

Everyone speaks of grounding like it's some holy grail to protect and serve, but I disagree. I believe it's a valuable thing to be. But instead of having your feet firmly planted in the earth, I believe in keeping enough friction with the earth to stay grounded, while staying loose enough and nimble enough to flow in rhythm with life and the universe. You block out so much of life's magic by being compulsively attached to the earth at all times. I know a couple of people like that...people connected to the earth not only by roots growing out of their feet, but also by a stick coming out of their butts. ;)

All that said, there's a good exercise you can do if you ever feel yourself distracted or floating too high in the ether. Inhale, imagining the air coming in through the top of your head and flowing down to about hip level. Then exhale, imagining the breath then pushing down through your legs and down, down into the earth. Repeat a few times until you feel more "grounded". For extra grounding, picture roots growing from the bottoms of your feet into the earth and then repeat the exercise above. This can help occasional episodes, but can also be a valuable meditation for those with ADD and other overcrowding issues in the mind.