8/1/13—Snapping Out of It

Today's Draw: Queen of Wands from the Art of Life Tarot. Who should the world revolve around? Yourself? Your family? Mankind in general?

The quote on today's card reads, "The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own." It's from Benjamin Disraeli.

At some point or another I think we all slip into the notion that the world revolves around us. It's a pretty natural state. I mean, babies don't censor themselves in any way for the sake of others. They cry when they have need. Loudly. They poop without even trying to hold it in until they get to a toilet. And they fart without any regards as to the proximity of others. Moreover, crying, pooping or whatever, their every utterance is met by someone running in and making everything right again. This goes on throughout all of our most impressionable developmental years.

So it's really no surprise that we all tend to think the world is all about us from time to time. Today's card seems to be reminding us not to hang out there too long.

Often you hear people talk about how so-and-so thinks the world revolves around him, and it's said like it's the worst kind of person you can be. But it's what we're programmed to be. Somewhere in childhood (hopefully) something happens to show us that the world revolving around us is not an absolute. And our bubble is burst. We learn how to live in a world that revolves around everyone. At some point we may have a family and live in a world that revolves around someone or everyone else. But I think there's no one right place to be. We need to live in a multi-revolvable world. It can't always be about us, nor can it always be for mankind and others. The thing is, all those places can swallow you up and make you forget to mingle with the other places.

According to society, another state as abhorrent as thinking the world revolves around you is being "selfish". Someone I know responds to accusations of selfishness by saying, "oh, so I suppose you'd rather I be you-ish?" That about sums up my feeling, too. There is nothing wrong with being selfish. Nor is there anything wrong with being selfless. If anything is wrong, it's not balancing the two some way in your life.

So that's that. No matter what world or state you're currently lost in, snap out of it.

7/31/13—Being Bigger Than That

Today's Draw: Chirping Crickets at Night from My Backyard Deck. ;) How big are the things you allow to occupy your mind on a daily basis? Are they big enough to be recorded for eternity on your soul? Are they bigger than you?

Back in early 2012, I did a series of posts that were inspired by nature, rather than tarot or other oracles.  I used to have a practice of going to a special spot twice a week at sunrise and just listening to nature. Each time I visited, I would get a message. And, now and again, I would have a mystical experience involving visions of others who might have visited the same historic spot. So I have, I think, three journals full of these messages. I meant to write a book, but have been distracted. :D

This favorite spot was on the Potomac River near Mount Vernon. And, long before George Washington owned the land I sat upon, it was stewarded by Native Americans. In fact, the river was named after the Patowmack (Patawomeke) Indians who lived along it. I'm certain their spirits still inhabit the area and one day maybe I'll have reason to tell you a story about some "Indian spirits" that came to me as a girl when we lived in a house high on a hill overlooking the river. It seems to me, looking back, that with all the flooding that goes on, the Indians probably would have made camp on the higher elevations, possibly right where we lived.

But this is about the crickets. And last night.

As I said two days ago, I had quite a stressful and humbling and annoying and insecure and crazy-making week last week. And over the weekend, I feel like I integrated a lot of what I had learned and experienced. So last night I sat on my little storage bench on my back deck to meditate, as I do many nights. And as I was going into that state, I had the lingerings of last week and the insecurities it dredged up on my mind. So just as my head was going blank, I heard a very clear voice say, "you're so much bigger than that".

This wasn't about being superior or "too wise" or "too good" to concern myself with the people and situations at the center of my stress. Rather it was about how the essence of me...my soul...was bigger than the things that occupy my human mind here on this earth.

The thought was profound to me. I mean, obviously I know I'm a soul in a human body and all of that. And I've even got messages about how pedestrian some of our issues are from the vantage point of the soul. But this was the first time I'd considered it in THIS way....that I truly am bigger than the concerns I focus on day in and day out. I have dominion over them. So why let them have dominion over me?

So as I sat listening to the crickets, it occurred to me that some things are truly important here. Some of the lessons we learn and people we connect with. But the lingerings of our angst, the pettiness of things we turn over and over in our minds, the confrontations and the soup of insignificance we steep in...we're bigger than that. 

Some of it is attendant with the lessons we learn. My stresses of the past week ushered in an important lesson for me. But most of the angst and thought around it is stuff that matters not to the soul. The soul will carry the lessons you've learned throughout eternity. But all the other baggage that goes with it? The soul is bigger than that. Which means YOU are/can be/should be bigger than that. 

My friend K will read this and remember when I told her to measure her anger and worries and angst on the scale of "will this matter in my life five years from now?". You can brush off a lot of annoyances and set aside a lot of mundane worries using that scale to eyeball the importance of things and whether or not they're worth wasting your time over. 

But now here's another yardstick—is this thing that's occupying your mind...this thing you're not letting go of...is it bigger than you? Is it, in the form you're thinking of it now, something to carry through the ages? Or are you bigger than it? Have you taken the lesson that's relevant to your soul and moved forward knowing that no amount of whining and marinating is going to add to what you've already learned? 

It's amazing how easily you can let go of something, snap back into perspective and rise above when you remember how big you truly are. 

7/30/13—Creating an Adventure

Today's Draw Classic*: 34—Fish from the Dust Bunny Lenormand by Marcia McCord. When was the last time you had a little adventure? How long has it been since you've done something just to make yourself laugh? Is it about time for you to step into a silly story of your own making?

In a moment of fevered excitement, I went out to my mailbox today to discover not one, but two wonderful decks of cards that I had all but forgotten I'd ordered. As I peeled open each carefully sealed and taped bubble envelope, I found that each deck came in a wonderful handmade pouch. I wanted to use both of them today, but I could not. So I chose the one that came in the orange and pink pouch. Now I know why the deck's creator asked me for my favorite color!

A Lenormand deck is an oracle deck with 36 cards. It is named after an 18th century psychic, Mlle. Lenormand, who created her own divination system. There are certainly scores, if not hundreds, of reinterpretations of her original deck, none varying significantly from her design. Artistic style and details might be different, but all #1s will depict a rider on horseback, signifying news or a visitor. All #18s will depict a dog and signify faith or loyalty. And so on. I don't really know a lot about these decks, but I know they're hot right now. So Marcia's Deck comes out at the right time.

So, anyway I didn't like the card I chose for tonight from the deck. So in a rare break in protocol, I decided to choose the card that amused me the most. And it's definitely these two smartly dressed fish. These dapper companions are all dressed up for an adventure. And that's what the card means...adventure, independence, luxury and good fortune. 

I've gone through phases in my life where I can turn anything into an adventure. Certainly I've managed to turn my boring-ass life into two year's worth of stories on this blog...haha. But adventures...adventures are beyond stories! They require transforming the most mundane actions—brushing your teeth, for example—into an epic experience that draws upon the whole range of human emotion and leaves you and everything within your sphere forever changed.

Yeah, OK. An adventure's a lot like a story. Or like injecting a little extra drama into something boring and rather ordinary. And I consider it one of my finest hobbies. :D

So without knowing what these two fish meant, I consciously chose them from the deck because they embody that very spirit. I mean, this is no ordinary picture of two fish out for a walk on a sunny day. Any fish can do that! These guys are doing it wearing hats! To keep their scalps from being burned! One of them dons his finest vest, accompanied by a cane and fanny pack. Clearly these two have many miles to cover and will need cash along the way. He might even have a tissue or a breath mint in there. One must always be prepared.

I imagine they're going out for an afternoon meal. Perhaps some Indian food...a nice mango chutney deftly spread on a papadum, washed back with a spot of tea. They'll speak of the weather and politics and of dreams yet to come. And, for a brief afternoon, they'll forget about worm clad hooks, sharks and the recent shortage of insects and krill. 

That's what stories and adventure can do for us—take us out of ourselves for the moment and sort of reset our buttons. You could pretend that no one at the grocery store knows you're an alien on a mission to appear human. You could sit at the park and watch the critters like you're watching a soap opera, making up the storyline as you go. You could ride your bicycle pretending you're that Toto hating lady in the Wizard of Oz. Ride the elevator backward. Fart on your way out of the subway. Whistle at a man on the street. At the very least it will leave you laughing for hours.

I feel like it's been a long time since I've just had immature, frivolous, silly, spontaneous fun with myself. Because I'm a dramatic person to begin with, that's saying a lot. It's not about doing it with or for anyone. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It's just about making me laugh and turning something mundane into something I'll savor. It's about breaking out of the track we roll on the other 364 days, 23 hours and 45 minutes of the year.

So are you game? If you move forward with the intent, I'll bet an opportunity and idea will present itself. You just have to break out of yourself and not worry how you'll look or what others will think, if they even notice. You ready for some fun?

*From 5/30/12

7/29/13—Coming to a Tough Realization

Today's Draw: The Sun from the Tierney's Gift Lenormand in the house of The Heart from the Renaissance Lenormand, both by Bridgett Bassett Trejo. Have you been pretty successful in love in your life? How about in friendship? What do you think is the secret for keeping relationships alive and happy?

First I'd like to say that the Tierney's Gift Lenormand is now the fourth deck named after me or one of my babies (Magick Moonbeam has two decks). I'd also like to say that none of these decks were created by me. The other three were created by Beth Seilonen. I believe this is a record in the world of cartomancy (outside of all the decks named after Mlle Lenormand). It's certainly an honor. None of these decks are available for purchase. They're either all sold out or, like the Tierney's Gift, only one copy exists in the entire world.

So, whatever. Just sayin'.

So it's little coincidence that we get Sun in the House of Heart because I'm feeling the love...haha. Sun is success, illumination, optimism. And Heart is love, affection, romance. So in a reading, I'd actually read this pair as "success in matters of the heart". I don't really know what to write about that, however, as I've never been terribly successful in matters of the heart. 

Last week was epic for me. Actually the last two. They've been difficult both emotionally and physically for so many more reasons than whatever would have been apparent on the surface. A lot of inner issues came to the fore as stress and circumstance intensified. 

The result was that I saw something I had been blind to in the past—something that limited how close I allow others to get to me. And it was rooted in fear and a lack of self trust and, to a degree, an insecurity about my own self worth. 

I know I sound like a mess, but I'll bet most self aware people know where I'm coming from and can empathize. It's partly that I don't trust myself to handle relationships effectively. But it's also a bunch of inner fears and insecurities that make me distrustful of others. With all that going on, any animal would be ultra vigilant, seeing and responding to things that aren't even real...creating things that aren't there. 

A few weeks ago I was on the receiving end of just such a thing...someone creating something about me that just wasn't true. And I gratefully escorted them out of my life. Because they were batshit crazy. Turns out, I'm a little batshit crazy too. And now I know why all of that happened. Because tension has been building between me and another person recently, all based on my fears and distrust and not on objective reality. How can you even see objective reality when you're in that state?

In the tarot, the Sun illuminates all the corners of your life, including things normally hidden in shadows. It's always a good card, but it does have that dark side to it...the side of revealing the monsters that hide in the dark. Which is why Judgment is the next card...now that you've seen the monsters you create, what are you going to do about them?

So in this pair the Sun is illuminating the shadows of my heart. It came just in time. The person I'm tense about is someone who has been very good to me for a very long time. And had I allowed my fears and paranoias to overcome me, I would have basically spat in the face of someone I owe a whole lot to. And the karma and guilt that would create would weigh heavily on me. 

So it's been an intense week struggling with the realization of this and fighting the demons in my head. It's also been a bit of a shock to me because I think most would consider me pretty self aware. I'm by no means perfect, but I do cop to my flaws—at the very least I do so within myself, if I don't do it publicly. I'm even aware of things I'm in denial about...haha. But this wasn't even on my radar. Which goes to show that no matter where you think you are on your journey, you're probably actually a number of steps back. 

7/27/13-7/28/13—Enjoying Time Off

Weekend Reading: Seven of Pentacles from the Victorian Romantic. It seems like we've been getting this message a lot on the weekends—enjoy yourself. Traditionally this card speaks of the hard work being done and waiting to see what comes of it. But this version shows a woman lost in the moment as she gathers blooms and tends to the abundance she's created. So really just enjoy your weekend. You earned it.

7/26/13—Distrusting Yourself

Today's Draw Classic*: Island of the Giant Cattle from the Celtic Book of the Dead oracle. Is there a situation in your life right now that you feel a need to exert control over? Is there one where you really just don't trust another person to do their job? Can you look beyond those issues to see where they are generated by your own fears and lack of self trust?

Also known as Island of the Beefy Nekkid Dude, the Island of the Giant Cattle is a card that talks about a couple of different concepts that are intertwined. The first is that, no matter how hard you try, there will always be some things that defeat you. And the second is that an inability to trust those who may know better, could be one of those things defeating you right now. And a third that I'm adding from my own head is that an inability to trust yourself could be what's really at the root of all that. 

As a nicely compensated consultant, I'm always surprised at the clients who don't trust your recommendations and/or actually stand in the way of doing your best work because they don't trust you to know your business. What it really comes down to is a fear...that if they don't exert control over every phase, that the project will most surely fail. Ultimately it's not me they don't trust, it's themselves, in one way or another. 

So they will hire me to write a website, for example, then they'll change so much of what I write that the content ends up sounding just like the last website they had...the one they wanted to change...the one they wanted to sound different from. And the reason it sounds like the last one, is because they did the same thing last time to some other copywriter who now won't take their calls. They don't trust themselves to make the right hiring and management decisions to set the stage for success, perhaps because they've never managed a project like this before or maybe they've been unsuccessful in the past. So they end up carefully shaping the very thing they fear—defeat—into reality. 

Just for the record, the people I maintain as clients aren't like that. I've said before and I'll say it again, I have the world's best clients...people who see my value and truly appreciate the work I do for them. Many of them have been working with me for 10-15 years. They put their trust in me and that's how I like to work. It makes me want to aspire to my best. 

So, when I'm so "strict" about letting the professionals do what they know how to do, how come I find myself ignoring advice I get from professionals who know better than me? I certainly don't do this all the time. Most of the time I trust. But I can see in two places of my life where I'm feeling "defeat", that I'm also not doing what the professionals I've hired are telling me to do. 

What could appear like overconfidence, an inflated sense of self importance or control issues to the professional whose advice is being ignored, is, in my case, my own self-trust issues. In one case I have so little trust in myself based on choices I've made in the past, that I'm just plain afraid to do what it takes to change. It's a very complex bundle of emotions with that particular issue. But in the end, I'm both afraid of failure and untrusting of myself. And the end result is a cycle of failure, the very thing I'm afraid of. 

In the other case, it appears more like I just don't trust life to take its own natural course. Because it's something that just needs time to work itself out. But underneath the difficulty in just surrendering to time and the process, is a lack of trust in my own ability to happily adapt to any eventuality. It isn't until I remind myself that I'm really good at doing that, that the stress and worry that causes the mistrust melts away. 

So you see how it works? Sometimes it's hard to see how your mistrust of others is actually mistrust of self. But it's there. What does all of this evoke in you?

*From 11/12/12

7/25/13—Creating Prosperity

Today's Draw: Maker Ten from Tarot of the Sidhe in the Immediate Future position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do some have to be poor in order for others to prosper? Are there a limited number of spots on the prosperity train? And if not, what do you think keeps you from riding on it?

As you'll see on the card, it says "Kingdom Prospers" and that's what the Maker Ten is about. It's about having more than enough resources. But you'll notice the card says "kingdom", not "king". There's more than enough for everyone to share. 

There is a sense that there are limited resources in the universe. In order for one person to be rich, two or three people, perhaps, have to be poor. This is a notion that haunts the minds of the self employed. If Sue got a new client, there is less available work out there for me. In a universe of limited resources, that's how it works. There are haves and have nots. 

But what if the only reason there are haves and have nots is because some people apply themselves and some don't? Because some people believe in themselves and some don't? Because some people believe in a limited universe and some people believe in a limitless one?

We tend to have the notion that the more education you have, the better off you'll be financially. But Bill Gates was a college dropout. Or that where you come from defines where you'll go in life. Talk to Oprah about that one. Or that your level of intelligence determines your wealth. Consult your manager on that...haha. There are some things that may limit the prosperity of one's kingdom—mental illness, for one. But physical illness didn't stop the Crazy Sexy Cancer woman from making a buck. The stress of poverty didn't stop the Harry Potter woman. And while the checker at Safeway may not make as much money as a rap star, if she manages her money right she could end up in a better financial position. 

Sure, you could say "those are all exceptions to the rule". But do you really believe there are a limited number of "success spots" open to the exceptions to the rule...kind of like a cosmic equal opportunity quota? And I've just been talking about money here, because the word "prosperity" conjures up images of money. But it's really about more than that. It's about a richly lived life. 

What do you think might change if we began to think, "when I prosper, the kingdom prospers," rather than "when I prosper, someone loses?" What might change if we started to believe that things like riches and prosperity don't have anything to do with money? And what might change if we, as a society, stopped measuring worth based on what we have?" Is it possible our minds and our mindsets create more poverty than the universe does?