3/15/13—Asking Yourself Three Questions

Today's Draw: Knight of Masts from Beth Seilonen's Fishy Tarot in the Resolution position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you have a passion for life? What is your life's mission statement? And are you in alignment with it?

The Knight of Masts is a crusader for passion and that which lights a fire in your belly. He may not always get there quickly....he's riding a snail, after all. But he knows he will get there eventually because he is very goal oriented and never loses sight of what's important. 

Would that we could all say the same. 

In one of the books/ebooks I plan to write, Spiritual Self Employment, one of the things I advise self employed people to do is to write a mission statement of what they want to get out of their job. For copywriting, mine includes the idea of writing on a variety of topics that challenge my skill, strategic knowledge and creativity. And also to do it for people who appreciate my effort. 

There have been a couple of times over the past 15 years when I've needed to revisit that mission statement in order to make tough, but healthy changes in my client list. What held me back is that, at times, the clients I was considering walking away from were my biggest ones. Having that mission statement helped, because it says nothing about money and everything about the things that make me happy. All of a sudden, a tough decision becomes simple. Mission statements keep you focused. 

So the Knight of Masts in the position of Resolution is telling us that one of the questions we should ask ourselves when we're struggling over a decision is, "Does this support my passion for life?" The way to resolve any problem is really to hold it up to that question. And because "resolution" has a double meaning, we should resolve to pursue only that which fuels our happiness and passion for life. 

That's sort of a mission statement for life, isn't it? "My mission is to seek and support my passion for life." The way I see it, "passion for life" has three sub-questions to consider: 

• Does it support my comfortable survival? You need water, shelter, food, general health and wellbeing to survive comfortably. If you're short on any one of those things, your focus on the pursuit of passion in your life will be challenged. So by comfortable, I don't mean material comfort in the sense of living plush. I mean the mental and physical ease that comes from having enough to survive. 

• Does is support something I'm passionate about? Lots of people have less than fabulous jobs. But if that job is bankrolling top-of-the-line scrapbooking supplies so you can spend time every day or every week scrapbooking your heart out, then it supports something you're passionate about. If you work too many hours to ever enjoy a minute of scrapbooking, then you need to question why you continue do it. A lesser paying job may give you the time you need to pursue your passion. 

This isn't just about your job, though. When you consider your relationships, commitments and other obligations in life, hold them to this test. And if you hate your career but it supports your passion, stop looking it from the angle of how much you hate it. Look at it from the position of how much it allows you to do. Your thoughts are also subject to this question. If your thoughts don't support your passion for life, then they need to change. 

• Do I do it out of love? Sometimes we do things we're not passionate about and don't support our survival. Speaking to your daughter's class on career day is one of them. Going to Open Mike Night to watch your husband play the same song you've been hearing all week is another. Picketing a local chicken farmer to promote animal rights is another. And, frankly, doing things like working out and eating tofu is another. There are things you do out of love—for someone dear to you, for a cause close to your heart or for yourself. Those things also fuel your passion for life. If you're doing something just because you have to—or if you act obligated even though it's serving a passion—you're not doing anyone any favors. 

One of my passions is something I talk about a lot on this blog. It's about living consciously and responsibly. And what I mean by that is, ask yourself questions. Don't just keep doing something because you did it yesterday. Ask yourself if it's still relevant. Ask yourself if it serves you. Things that are on the way out of relevance in your life will show their face because they will become painful to continue doing. And many of us will continue to do them anyway. If it doesn't fill the three criteria outlined above, it's time for a change. 

And the second part is to live responsibly. Say you've agreed to a career in accounting. And it's not a passion of yours, but it keeps you in kibble and after-hours pursuits, don't whine about it. Refocus and see how it IS serving your passion. And if you choose not to use the financial and time resources it offers you, that's your fault. Not the career's.  

Everything in your life is there because either a) you put it there or b) you choose to keep it there. Everything that's missing in your life is missing because of you, too. So if you're missing something in your life, put the energy that you spend bemoaning its absence into making it real. If you're not happy with something you do have your life, put it to the three questions. If you answer yes to any of them, then take responsibility for the purpose it serves and give it the energy and appreciation it deserves. If you answer no to all three, then take responsibility for that and make a change. If you're not doing it for survival, passion or love, why continue to waste your time?

4/18/12—Scoring the Cherry Lifesaver

Today's Draw: The Nine of Pentacles from the Fishy Tarot. Are you proud of what you've built in your life? If you could change something, what would it be? What if you found out the secret to success, fulfillment and happiness was as simple as changing your vision of what they are?

The Nine of Pentacles is, first and foremost, a card about prosperity and expansion. But I often like to see it also as a card representing all you've built in the world. All YOU have built. When you move to the Ten, you can consider it more of what you've built along with your family or tribe. But this is all about you. 

And, when you think of it, it's all about you anyway. After all, you built the tribe or family that brings stability and security in the Ten, just as you brought the growth and abundance in the Nine. I think we never truly own our power and responsibility in the world until we realize that every choice we make—and don't make—goes into building what we have in this very moment. 

At this point people tend to ask, "what about the things that happen to you that you can't control? The layoffs, car accidents and muggings of life?" These aren't things you asked for, but they are things you have to answer for. And the choice comes in how you end up doing that. Whether or not you allow it to hold you back, spur you on or utterly defeat you. We've all seen stories of people who've suffered fates far greater than we'll ever know...disfiguring accidents, death camps, unspeakable abuse...and they still find purpose, passion, joy and love in their lives.

The thing that usually trips people up is thinking everything is black and white. Remember Five Flavor Lifesavers? If you were like me, you hoped beyond hope that the next one would be cherry. Because yummy Lifesavers were red and all the others colors were second-class flavors. 

Reality was that all the flavors were good except the HORRIFIC pineapple (have you EVER tasted a pineapple remotely flavored like that?). But there I was merely tolerating lemon, lime and orange in hopes that the next one would be cherry. My vision of what the best "next flavor" was was so unyielding and absolute that I cheated myself out of enjoying the other flavors. I CHOSE to disappoint myself 4 out of 5 times in every roll. In fact, had I been in advertising back then, that's the headline I would have written—"Disappointment in Every Roll." 

Ironically, I could have chosen to win the "Five Flavor challenge" every single time by buying a roll of Cherry Lifesavers. Or I could have had variety AND a surplus of cherry at the same time by getting two rolls. But it never occurred to me that I had way more options than I thought.

We do this more often than we realize in our lives. Our vision of what success, achievement, abundance, prosperity and happiness look like is so narrow and absolute that we cheat ourselves out of experiencing the multi-flavored goodness that life puts in front of us every day. If there is something you want to achieve and you hit up against a wall, I guarantee you there is another way. The road there and the final destination may not look the way you imagined, but if you want what you want, achievement can be as easy as changing the picture in your mind. 

You either choose to achieve the things you want in life or you don't. It's like that saying, "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" If you'd rather receive your happiness the "right" way—the way it appears in movies and books and other dramas that dance in your brain—then you choose the disappointments that come when it arrives in a different package. But if you choose to be happy regardless of how you get that way, chances are you'll get there faster, revisit more often and reside there longer.

4/13/12—Canceling the Pity Party

Today's Draw: The Five of Pearls (Pentacles) from the Fishy Tarot by Beth Seilonen. Is there something—love, money, appreciation, etc.—you seem to be in short supply of these days? Do you feel cheated by life because of it? Where is the flow of abundance being blocked in your life?

You all probably know Beth Seilonen as the big-time, fancy tarot artist that released Tarot Leaves a few months back and is now in great demand to produce ever more elaborate and complex decks. But it wasn't that long ago that she was chained up in a New England basement, slaving over her color printer, laminater and corner rounder, producing small-run, limited-edition, "boutique" decks to feed the insatiable tarot-making beast inside her. She's incredibly prolific. She never runs out of ideas for new decks. I have no idea how many decks (mostly majors-only) she has created over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if it were 100. It's gotta be at least 50. All of them are sold in limited edition releases of maybe 10 to 150 decks, so if you have one of her decks, you're one of the very few in the world that does.

The Fishy Tarot is one of those decks, offered in a limited run of 125. It's one of just a few 78-card decks she's made. It comes wrapped in silk in a hand-illustrated box. I remember the first time I looked at the deck I thought the cards were pretty simple. But it isn't until you sit down and really look at what she's done that you see how deceptive that thought is. This Five of Pearls is the perfect illustration of that.

Just look at this pathetic little fish. There he is all glum at the bottom of the ocean, hanging out all by himself, while above him there's practically a conga line of joy and action, not to mention a fresh stash of pearls. But he's convinced himself that the high life upon the rock is not for him. For some reason, he doesn't deserve...isn't worthy of...or has somehow been cast aside by....the world of happiness and plenty. While everyone else is dining on plentiful seaweed tonight, he's doomed to eat sand. And like it. 

This is the card of what I like to call "the poverty mentality". It's a mindset that, at its core, is based on the belief that there is a limited amount of resources in the universe. The resources in question might be money, love, friendship, ideas...anything of personal or social value. It's a sort of mini story that runs through the Pentacles in the tarot. Basically you work hard to build something in the Ace through Three of Pentacles. Then in the Four, you start thinking, "what if I lose it?" So you hold on too tight. 

Then the fear overtakes you in the Five. Whether real or imagined, you feel left out of the abundance of the universe. And, quite frankly, you're no fun to be around. So you and society become separated, deepening your doldrums. At this point, you no longer believe the universe holds infinite abundance and there is plenty for everyone to be taken care of. You are one of the "have nots". And, because you believe this, you pinch off the outflow of resources, thereby disconnecting the flow of abundance in your life. The universe, seeing you've closed off the flow of abundance, tries its best to supply you with what you need, but it's like a clogged artery...the flow can't go through. You feel even less abundant. You become less abundant. And even though you might still have everything you need, you certainly don't see it that way. All you see is that you've been handed the short end of the stick. And it smells like butt. 

This is the poverty mentality. It has nothing to do with reality. And it's not even about money. The fish in this card looks like he feels like he has no friends. But they're up there, happy to welcome him in. In fact, it seems to me like one fish is looking for him and the other two fish are talking about how they haven't seen him around lately. The poverty mentality is all in the mind. And the longer it stays in the mind, the more you focus on lack. And the more you focus on lack, the more the universe thinks you're into receiving lack. And the more lack you get. 

The way out is in the Six of Pentacles. It's to re-open the flow of abundance by allowing resources to flow out of you. To give to others the very thing you think you lack. When you realize you have enough to give to others, you see you're not really lacking like you thought. Then you begin to see how infinitely the universe funds you...how infinitely the universe funds everyone. When you have that mindset, the flow increases in your life. You begin to see how rich you are. And by the time you reach the 10 of Pentacles, lack is a distant memory and you have the stability and security you've always wanted. 

It really is all in your head. There is no lack of resources in the universe. Did Beth Seilonen say, after creating her 37th deck, "I've run out of ideas and ways to interpret the tarot?" No! She keeps creating and finding layer after layer of nuance, because THERE IS NO LACK. The only lack is in your ability to believe you're worthy of receiving what you want or need. The only lack is in your connection to the cosmic flow of abundance—a connection entirely within your power to create. The universe doesn't even ask you to work hard to get what you want. It just asks that you stop believing and acting as if there's a lack. Regardless of what you're lacking. And we're all lacking something. 

So take a look at where the flow is working in your life and see if it isn't true...you have what you need because you give and are open to receiving and have healthy beliefs around the cycle of abundance in that particular area. Now take a look at where abundance isn't flowing and see where the flow of abundance is breaking down. Then fix it, fercryinoutloud! Yeesh!

2/6/12—Unbagging Our Baggage

Today's Draw: The World from Beth Seilonen's Awaken deck. Were you ever told to leave things from the past in the past? Have you packed all your baggage away and said good riddance to it once and for all? Or are you proud of surviving the stupid and the horrible and don't care who knows about it?

Beth Seilonen is probably the most prolific deck artist out there. She creates mostly small-quantity, limited edition, majors only decks. This Awaken deck is only 1 of 13. It is a companion to her Awareness deck, that I also have. If you visit her etsy shop, you can snag a copy of her Fishy Tarot, which is a full 78-card deck. I have that one and love it. She has also recently published a mass-market 78-card deck called Tarot Leaves.

The World card is about a successful completion of a cycle. But something Beth said in her interpretation of this card makes me think about how each of us is the sum total of everything we've ever done. So you are not your most recent failure or success. You're not your career. Or your state of parenthood. Or that jail term you served back in the '80s. Nor are you merely the "saved" person you've become. You're all of it, good and bad, shameful and triumphant.

Sometimes we tend to look at ourselves—or present ourselves—through a particular lens. Some of us still carry the characterizations that were placed on us as children when we've completely changed that part of ourselves. Some may re-write history, preferring not to own the mistakes we've made in the past. Some dwell on a mistake they made 20 years ago as if it's all they are. 

We talk about our "baggage" like it's something unmentionable when, in fact, it's our personal history and every bit a part of who we are today as anything else that's happened in our lives. It shouldn't define us. Nor should it be shoved aside.

Most, if not all of us, have experienced some sort of trauma in our lives. At the time of our trauma, it became who we were at that time. Then people got tired of us being that way and we were sent off to deal with any lingering issues by ourselves. Over time, that became part of our baggage and we were told not to bring it up if we wanted to keep a lover, for example. So we bury these little bundles of shame further and further back in our psyche in an effort to forget it ever happened, because that's what makes the people around us feel more comfortable. And when we think about that stuff today, we feel bad, like we should be over it already.

But here's the thing, as long as we view these events as something "bad" or to be kept in silence, we allow them to hold power over us...to hold us hostage. When we deny something in our shadow, we deny the lessons, the experience, the influence and the gift it offered to our lives. As long as we hold it at arm's length—whether our excuse is that we should be over it or we don't want to give it power—we allow it to hold us down. We're fighting against it instead of accepting it. Healing and integration happen in cycles and layers just like everything else. So it's normal it would come up for review now and again. It's normal that things we see or do would trigger its memories within us. 

And if we never share our baggage with a lover or a friend, for example, then we're really holding intimacy at bay. We're saying, "love me for what I choose to show you", rather than "love me for who really I am". We never get the kind of understanding and acceptance we're really looking for in life. 

So consider what you may be denying in your life. What fears are you running away from? 

What gifts have you refused to accept? If you're always looking at your life through a lens of your shortcomings, how can you expect to find self love? And if you're always looking at your life through a lens of your triumphs, then you'll always be chased by the demons of your shortcomings. Only when we integrate all that we are, without shame or denial, can we truly shed the things that hold us back and move forward in the confidence of our true selves.